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Virgin. (Not so much of a virgin now...)

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Jooolia192

Rising Star
Ok so bare with me as im not sure how to explain this, i'm just hopefully looking for a bit of insight from others to try help me work out what happened and why maybe...

Im 28 years old and a psychology student so fair to say that im in touch with the brain/mind etc and im rather headstrong. Anyways i have never done anything like DMT before, no psychadelics or anything but i had been looking into DMT and have been interested in it for a while, i did my research and my boyfriend has himself done it a handfull of times over the years, with different outcomes each time so i knew what to expect.... so i thought.

Today me and my boyfriend found a nice secluded spot near to a cornfield (a place that i love to go so i felt comfortable)... I was relaxed and he explained to me how to breathe in the smoke etc...

First time - As soon as i exhaled i saw a mass variation of colours and shapes all swirling around and whatnot... i felt like i couldnt breathe, like i as actually being choked (felt something like hands around my neck) and i was being dragged somewhere... there were no sounds or voices. I was starting to freak out a bit as i thought i wasnt breathing so my boyfriend began talking to me which made it ease off... then through the colours i saw black and white images of myself laid on the floor half clothed and all slashed up covered in blood... again with the hands dragging me by the neck toards this ball of light that was changing bigger and smaller... i remember saying "no no" but it carried on... Strangely though i didnt feel in danger as such, i didnt feel that what was dragging me was some sort of evil being, i just didnt want to go. Then my boyfriend held my hand and began talking to me and whatever it was that had been dragging me began to sort of push me back towards this amazing surreal peach coloured light and to the direction of my boyfriends voice. When i fully come around i was full on shaking and crying, mainly due to the fact that i was freaked over the whole breathing thing. My boyfriend and i talked and he said maybe i didnt break through and me being a stubborn little moo, i said right im doing it again...

Second time - The second time i did about ten minutes after the first, i was more confident in the fact that i knew how fast it would hit me and that even though it felt like i wasnt, i was infact still breathing.
This time was entirely different... i was like zooming through this tunnel of colours that were flashing and weird shapes and lines were all over me and around me, and then i was in a place that i can only describe as some sort of alternate Egypt... It was all golden and shiney, the sky was made of diamons sparkles and there were these pyramid things but built more advanced, hard to explain but it was utterly beautiful... my boyfriend was holding me the whole time and talking to me... as i was taking in the colours and shapes and the visions of these pyramids i noticed what looked like giant lotus/human things climbing the pyramids... Unreal isnt the word tbh... as i was looking at them though a woman appeared... i say woman but i dont have a clue what she was... only way i can describe her is that she looked Egyptian but her mouth was too big for her face and her hair was like hands and tentacles and like snakes with no heads! She was circling me and laughing, it didnt make me feel uncomfortable or frightened, it wasnt like that, it was as though she was trying to wind me up so to speak and stand in my way of going any further towards these golden pyramids and lotus looking things... she was laughing in a way that changed from sweet bird sounds to cackling.... now here's the odd thing, i began to get sick... like projectile vomit everywhere! Totally grim. My boyfriend said i spewed everywhere three times and as i was doing so this woman was laughing at me and still circling me. My boyfriend then thought i was freaking so began telling me he loved me and hugging me and things, i then opened my eyes and looked at him and he was surrounded by that weird intense peach light from the first experience i had... he looked like him but had this peach aura around him... in that moment i felt safe, secure and more content than i have ever felt before in my life... i closed my eyes again and the woman was back, it felt like she was pulling me but without touching me and trying to stand in the way of me and the warmth that was coming from the peach glow/my boyfriend that was holding me... fair to say i got a bit confrontational and began saying no and things and clinging to the warmth even harder to which she laughed even more... I can recall her actually touching me only once on my face and when she did i opened my eyes again.... the corn field looked like it was electricity and the sky was this deep violet colour and again i was surrounded by this peach light....

When i come back around i felt exhilarated and full of adrenaline that time, i couldnt believe what i had just experienced, it was nothing like i thought it would be, at all.

So yeah, i know that there is alot more that i seen and what happened but i cant remember no matter how i try, all that i remember is what i have just typed. I took DMT not to get high, but because i heard that it could maybe help my mind slightly as im quite a complex person in many ways and although i am great interms of other peoples minds, my own i struggle with from time to time and thought it would maybe give me some sort of insight as to wether im on the right path etc...
Now im extremely curious as to wether anyone else has experienced this woman before, the feeling of being choked and this amazing each light that was coming from my boyfriend.... what does it mean?! I know it's a long shot as each persons experience will be and is different but it's worth a shot right?

Thank you for reading and any feedback, opinions or insight would be greatly appreciated :)
 
That sounds like quite the experience. I always consider it a rare treat for myself when I wind up in that alternate Egypt. That Egyptian aesthetic is so beautiful, and even more so because at least in my visions, all the "art" is much more highly detailed than what you see from the Egyptians in the consensual reality. First time I smoked DMT, I also felt like I couldn't breathe. I thought it would be a regular occurrence, but I've smoked DMT well over 100x since and its never happened again, although when it did happen the first time, I remember thinking in the back of my head "well no one's ever died from this," so I just kinda ignored it and moved on and the feeling eventually passed too. I've never seen or experienced anything as gruesome as in your initial experience and haven't even heard many (if any at all) stories with such a "theme". I'm glad to hear you didn't let it discourage you though.
 
Thank you for your reply.... It's comforted me in a way that the egyptian place is somewhere that you consider a treat.. It was utterly surreal and very unexlainable as you yourself will know.
I have been looking into the whole aura thing a bit as im extremely curious as to why it appeared to me both times and wether it's my boyfriends aura or something else.
The whole gruesome vision part from my first experience has shook me slightly if im completely honest, i dont quite understand it, though i have a pretty sketchy past where it may have stemmed from and i have spoken to someone who has experienced DMT a few times and they said it could have been a sort of rebirth... the fact that i was pulled away from the me laying all broken on the floor. There is that and also the fact of what i study, i study forensic psychology and have done criminology so images from various crime scenes and suchforth are obviously planted into my subconcious.... It was the breathing/choking feeling that un-nerved me the most though, however i am extremely glad that after the first experience i yanked up my big girl pants and said i was doing it again right then, as i think that if i had have waited i possibly would have been a bit too apprehensive to try it again.

I am definitely going to have another experience now, it has opened my eyes to the fact that there is something else there and that my brain can see such things that i never knew existed. Im not one to abuse something like it though and i have no intentions of wanting to get high, i just think that next time i do try it... if i see anything like what i saw, i.e the egyptian lady or some other being i feel like i want to communicate with them. I have been kicking myself that i didnt ask her any questions or anything, hah.
Im so utterly curious to everything to do with it now.
 
Jooolia192 said:
... if i see anything like what i saw, i.e the egyptian lady or some other being i feel like i want to communicate with them. I have been kicking myself that i didnt ask her any questions or anything, hah.
Im so utterly curious to everything to do with it now.
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I wouldn't get too broken up about it. Often times I'll ask them something and they just kinda stare at me :lol:
 
Hah knowing my luck that's what will happen with me! I'll give it a go though, im all for trying :)

Have you ever had any experience doing it with someone else? Like my bf and i were talking about maybe going to that same secluded pretty place we found and both doing it at the same time.... Maybe we would experience something similar or together?
 
A Friend of mine, who got introduced to Spice by me told me the same thing, someone who was trying to grab him like reaching out to you. He got really scared because he did know but didn´t believe that theres a very short time frame when vaporizing. After talking about this Experience and assuring him that he will not die, what was one thing he feared most at this moment, he tried again. He said he let go and ended up in Paradise. When he described this Place to me, Tears formed in his Eyes and he began to cry. He said he´s shure, the loved ones who are gone still exist in a Place like this. This was consistend with one of my first Experiences, like knowing theres more than just this reality. Integrating this is pretty nice ;)

But, to see if you´re right on the Choices you made in your Life, DMT may not be the proper Tool of Reflection. This is something else, like a Gateway. To see where you stand in your life, you have to look to your right and your left. And check if what you see matches with the Person you want to be :)
 
Jooolia192 said:
Hah knowing my luck that's what will happen with me! I'll give it a go though, im all for trying :)

Have you ever had any experience doing it with someone else? Like my bf and i were talking about maybe going to that same secluded pretty place we found and both doing it at the same time.... Maybe we would experience something similar or together?
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I've done it with others on many occasions, although I would have to say that the majority of the time I do it alone, but I never had what you'd call a "shared experience". Even if one were to have a shared experience, it's kind of difficult to corroborate what you both would have seen. I've heard of many people having them, and I hope to have one some day, but in so far, no luck.
 
Right so I'm going to just carry this thread on as i need some feedback and opinions if anyone is interested...

So i first experienced DMT as up above and I'm not going to lie, the whole experience from it stuck in my mind, it intrigued me and i still had unanswered questions, not about myself as such but about what i was seeing and why i was seeing it. I experienced it again the day before my boyfriend went to Glasto, just me and him in my house in a comfortable surrounding etc...
I immediately felt the pull and the zooming down this tunnel of lights and whatnot, similar to before only more intense.. i had taken more than i had previously and the whole experience felt a lot stronger... The only way i can describe what i experienced is being in a field of electricity, like purple/violet electricity and all around me where like moving clips, sorta like tv screens and a lot of still images. I felt like i was been somewhat pushed by something behind me and the more it happened the more i got the sense that it was that same egyptian looking lady from my first experiences, the pushing became more extreme and i was being forcefully led towards certain clips... a lot of them showed bad things, horrible visuals of loved ones and pain and generally my worst fears and nightmares. There were some nice visuals in the field that i tried to go towards although i couldn't because i wasn't being allowed to. Even so though, im a strong minded girl and although i was completely relaxed there is always a part of me that thinks "screw you, I'll do what i want" and i was trying to fight the presence of this woman behind me and stop her from pushing me towards the bad things. She seemed to give up somewhat and then when i came back i laid there for quite a while processing the things i had just seen.
I decided then that i wasn't going to do anymore for a while and that whatever/wherever i was and this egyptian lady, it was trying to strip me bare.. make me face every fear i have in the worst possible way. The images i saw were rather horrific, some of them and some things that I'm very insecure about... so yeah i think that it wanted to strip me bare of my issues and whatnot.

About three weeks later i lost somebody, a close friend of mine, it was very unexpected and hit me hard. It was about 2am and i was in bed with my boyfriend asleep and i got thinking about the experiences i had with DMT and something inside of me just thought RIGHT THAT'S IT! I'm one of those people where i cant settle if i don't understand, i needed to see if i was in anyway right about my theory about being stripped bare and made vulnerable... Anyways right at that moment in time i was laid there feeling extremely vulnerable, i was grieving and wasn't feeling strong at all.. i thought to myself, right it wants me stripped bare and to not fight it, well here i am right now laid here feeling weak and have no fight in me, lets see what it will make of me now... I woke up my boyfriend and explained to him that i needed to do it right then to see if it would make a difference to my experience, the time before i went into it in warrior mode... "you cant show me laid there dead, i am stronger than you blah blah" whereas this time i was going into what i saw as a battle, completely unarmed. Anyways he set it up for me and i did it, more than my previous times.... absolutely nothing. Nothing happened, no colours no feeling, nothing. The only thing i had was the taste in my mouth. I became a bit frustrated then and said again... took more and again absolutely nothing at all. It wouldn't even remotely let me in... see now my mind and how it works was like SAY WHAT?! I felt like i had been practicing for say a game of chess for months and then when the day of the game came, my opponent said "I'm not playing her" and backs out. I was frustrated and confused as to why it didn't work those two times... I still am to be completely honest. I haven't tried it again since, i think maybe it wont ever let me break through again... I'm not sure, but for the time being i think I'm going to leave it be. I WILL try again in the future, although like i said i strongly believe that whatever it is over there doesn't want to fight me/let me in etc...

Now the other part of what I'm looking for opinions on... since i first experienced DMT things have been different, more so since the electric field time i have had a long line of EXTREMELY bad luck hit me all at once, seriously near enough everything that could go wrong for me has... all one thing after another. It's quote surreal how much bad fortune i have been and still having since that time, more so since the time it wouldn't let me in as well... Maybe I'm just paranoid but does anybody think that there is any connection?

I'm sorry for the random way i word things and if people need a more descriptive detail of certain aspects, i will be more than happy to explain, i just wanted to get the main jist of things out of my head and down on here so it might be a bit of a nightmare to read hah!

But seriously any feedback will be greatly appreciated :)
 
Jooolia192 said:
... well here i am right now laid here feeling weak and have no fight in me, lets see what it will make of me now...

... this time i was going into what i saw as a battle, completely unarmed. Anyways he set it up for me and i did it, more than my previous times...
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I don’t think it’s helpful to view entering into a DMT experience as “going into battle”, regardless of whether you’re armed or not. Thinking that way puts you in opposition to the experience – it becomes a fight, with DMT as the enemy.

If you view the experience as a battle or a fight, then it may become a battle or a fight.
If you view DMT as your enemy in battle, then it may become your enemy.

If you were to view a DMT experience as “participation in a mystery” with DMT as your trusted guide, your experiences might turn out very differently. It seems to me that you don’t trust DMT and you don’t trust yourself on DMT.
 
Yeah i completely understand where you are coming from and when i first did it, i did just that, looked to it as some sort of mystery.. i had a completely open mind... however my experiences were somewhat of a battle, with all of my fears and issues thrown into my face and some woman pushing me around, therefore it is human nature to be guarded and in some people, see it as a sort of "fight/battle"

As for the trust, i completely trust myself, i know my own mind and who I am... do i trust DMT? Hmmm i trust that what it showed me is maybe in some way meant to be shown to me for whatever reason although do i trust that what i was shown is true? No, i don't. I think that whatever/whoever that woman is, is a trixy little miss and tried more that once to push me into a corner with nothing but fears and paranoia, fears for myself.. my family and loved ones.

I completely value your opinions though gibran and thank you for reading and replying to me, i will definitely take what you have said on board :)
 
Maybe that "trixy little miss" will turn out to be an ally? Maybe you need that firm push? I agree, fighting it will make it harder. I don't seem to ever pick up where I lift off on my journeys. Some I would love to go back, others are fine just as a memory.
 
You think things would be maybe different if i did it alone? How so?

If I'm completely honest i hope that i don't see her again, the third time when i was in the film filled field, she was extremely forceful and stuff, pushing me around and whatnot. I didn't like it, at all.

Like i have a lot of underlying issues from my past, i aren't going to go into it all into details but i have had some problems with my mental health, self harm and things and i have spent alot of time and effort getting better and becoming who i am now, so that first time i did it, for it to show me laid there presently dead (i was looking at my own suicide) i raged if I'm honest, i thought EFF YOU I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!! Y'know?

Anyways does anybody have any insight or opinions into the whole "bad luck" i have had since taking DMT? I have just lost another very close person to me today, my grandad. Everything is all happening to me at once and i cant help but try connect them with the timing of all of this, maybe I'm just paranoid, right? People die when it's their time, i know that... it's just everything seems to be happening over such a short period of time...
 
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