Hello, I have found lots and lots of answers and trip reports on your forum. I couldn't believe that almost every imaginable topic about DMT and not only it is covered here. Thank you all very much for sharing your knowledge and experiences.
Everything what I post below are only SWIM's dreams that he told me a few years ago over a cup of tea in the middle of nowhere. I will try to remember what he told me and re-tell you his fairy tales in the present tense just for convenience. I don't believe him but I think his stories may be a bit interesting. Also, English is not my first language, so sorry for any spelling, grammar or any other mistakes.
Below is what he wanted to say (i made up parts which I couldn't accurately remember):
--
So, after long hours and days of various extraction trials and errors yesterday I finally made an amount of DMT for at least a few good doses (~0.1g) for the first time. It was a little pile of yellowish crystals (more like powder). They were made from MHRB STB extraction by freeze precipitating naphtha which had bright yellow colour. I made The machine about a month ago already and I have been waiting ever since to start experimenting with the Spirit molecule.
I have read a few more trip reports that day but as I found out later that was completely unnecessary and brought only doubts during my very first DMT experience. I loaded ~0.07g of spice into the machine and started preparing my mind for the upcoming experience. I was a bit nervous, my heart rate was astronomical and I could barely hold my vaporising device in the hands. After a few moments I lit up my lighter and started vaporising the DMT that had safely melted onto the brillo beforehand.
I slowly took one hit. The vapour had very mild and almost pleasant smell. I started feeling dizziness while I was still taking that first hit. Anyway, as I had never smoked DMT before I was unprepared for its taste although it wasn't harsh nor unpleasant at all. I started to cough a little bit, so the first hit was wasted. I immediately took another one and this time held it for some more time in my lungs. The colours of surroundings started to melt, so I didn't bother to take any more hits and just lay back, closed my eyes and relaxed.
I started to see geometrical patterns of triangular shapes all across my inner viewing field. The picture was highly symmetrical and it seemed perfect. I started to see some shape like face emerging from the centre of it but that could just be my imagination playing tricks interpreting these geometric figures. All this 'video' (the patterns were constantly moving) stopped not long after and all I could see was dark void.
It was when my visions stopped I started to feel warm feeling of love. I could almost sense some kind of presence nearby caring after me and welcoming. I felt unconditional love too and without much thinking said 'I love you, mother'. It wasn't my mother, it was just this beautiful sense of unconditional love and care that I was referring to by saying this word. Nevertheless, this trick seemed to work as I then received even more love and started to smile.
I felt like a little baby and this caring power seemed huge and all around me. I felt the need to snuggle down like a cat. Then came the not so pleasant part. I believe that is what you call 'ego death'. I felt the urge to let my body go completely. Although I was saying to myself 'let it go' this didn't work. I still was strongly tied to my body. I felt that my breathing had stopped. Logically I started to take a lot of effort to make it breathe again. I knew that it should be ok without me making that effort but I felt a lot more secure when I could actually feel myself breathing. I struggled for quite some time trying to surrender and dive into the experience. The DMT effects started to fade and I still couldn't feel anything else but this mixed feeling of love and urge to 'let it go'.
I opened my eyes. The view seemed to be made of 'pixels' - coloured (red, blue, green) dots. After a few seconds almost everything came back to normal. Then I realised that it was only sub-breakthrough experience and that I should 'let it go' to experience something a lot more intense. I then took a few more hits to finish leftovers. I immediately felt the same urge to let my ego go and caring love. I struggled again for a few more minutes and the experience was over.
Although this first trip was only sub-breakthrough, I was very contented with my first experience. I have never felt such a strange and difficult to experience urge to release my ego and the sense of love was overwhelming, too. I would call this trip a complete success. I finally waded into the DMT waters and was more than happy to do so.
--
The same day I decided to go deeper and experience a lot more. I felt something special is waiting me there in the deep DMT waters. I felt that the warm welcome I had experienced in the morning was a good sign to continue exploring the power of the Spirit molecule.
So in the late evening I charged my empty machine with 30mg of the sacred spice. Carefully melted it and my heart started to beat like crazy again. Although I already had a DMT experience that morning, I felt no less nervous about going to the DMT world again. Trying to calm down I drew the curtains and switched my weak table light on.
I felt comfortable and safe in my dim room. A lot more comfortable than in the morning. I took my lighter and the loaded machine and sat down on my bed. My heart was still beating fast and my hands shaking a little bit. I somehow managed to light up my lighter and started vaporising the spice.
I inhaled the vapours very slowly and deeply. I emptied the loaded 0.03g in one big hit and put the machine and the lighter on my side. I lay down immediately. The vapour had no taste at all. I didn't see any colours, any shapes, figures, pictures. I started to black out and I only remember exhaling after a few moments.
After maybe about 10 minutes of complete black out (don't remember anything) I started to regain the sense of self. I am actually very thankful that I don't remember everything because now I understand that I couldn't handle anything more than what I experienced at the end of my journey.
What I have experienced has no rational explanation. I could NEVER ever ever imagine what happened that night. Although I believe that my memories start at the end of the whole experience, it was really worth it. This was definitely a breakthrough but I couldn't care less about it. You'll see why.
The first sense I have felt is total emptiness of my mind. I didn't know who I am, where I am, what am I doing, what the hell is happening. I had completely no memories of my life. I just felt myself. I felt that whoever I am, I really am. I remember one quote of Deskartes: "I think, therefore I am". The feeling was just like that. I was thinking, so I was. Nothing more and nothing less.
Then I began to panic. I was not actually afraid of anything. It would be like being afraid of snake biting after it has already bitten you. It was sheer panic. I remember the feeling of floating on the water or being flushed by water from my sides. I even think I could hear water splashing like waves in the sea. The confusion was so immense that I could not relate it to any experience in the earthly world.
Then some memories started to appear. I remembered being a human and that I took some DMT. I said to myself: 'I will NEVER ever do this again. Never ever.' But this thought was only because of the panic that I was in at the time. After a while I just forgot this thought and started to feel the experience fully. And the realisation what was happening was no less strange (in the strongest sense of this word).
After some of my panic passed away I began to feel being examined. I think it would be like waking in the middle of some major surgery. I felt like there was some kind of examination of my internal body going on. Thick strings like long long worms or snakes which appeared to be flat and made of coloured bricks/squares were passing through me. They entered my mouth, went through my body and emerged somewhere from my bowel. And vice versa. And in different variations of starting/ending body parts.
I felt like being torn in pieces by this(these) being(s). I don't know how many of them there were or how did it/they look like. I believed that all these examining coloured snake/line-like energy 'things' were just some kind of limbs or machine extensions. I can't tell if that was a living energy or machine-like energy that was examining me.
I started to feel very uncomfortable because of these examinations (who wouldn't...). I felt a bit afraid because I didn't know what was being done to me. Although I don't think I would understand even if being told that. Then this/these beings started communicating(???) to me. I heard sounds like 'grr gur gur'. I can't reproduce this sound or write it down, so that's a rough estimation only.
I then felt that this/these being(s) is/are playful. I felt like not just being examined but more like they were playing with me like with a little baby. I forgot my panic altogether and started smiling. I tuned into that 'playing' mode and although I couldn't reproduce the sounds they were making I started to mumble something like 'gugu' and even laughing like a little baby.
After everything was over I felt very very thankful for this experience. I said 'thank you' and 'I love you' multiple times to this energy/being/whatever. This feeling of love was the strongest in my life. It was some kind of unreal cosmic love, not the feeling anyone would normally feel on the Earth. It also seemed to me at the moment that I recognise that examination feeling and surroundings somehow. It's like I already knew long time ago that this 'meeting' was going to happen. I can't know that now because the feeling is post factum.
I stood up, switched the light off and went to sleep right after the experience. Although I fell asleep almost immediately, I didn't sleep very well. I woke up three or four times that night just to experience the similar feeling of panic that I had experienced in the beginning of the end of my DMT trip. I don't know why, maybe it's just that my mind had very hard time integrating all these DMT experiences.
Even though the major part of my trip was forgotten or terrifying I wouldn't call any part of my first breakthrough experience 'bad'. I was and still am very curious about what had really happened. I still need some time to recover from this trip but I already feel the unexplainable and unimaginable power of used substance. I believe that even more is waiting me and my relationship with the spice/hyperspace/beings is going to be even stronger and more meaningful.
Everything what I post below are only SWIM's dreams that he told me a few years ago over a cup of tea in the middle of nowhere. I will try to remember what he told me and re-tell you his fairy tales in the present tense just for convenience. I don't believe him but I think his stories may be a bit interesting. Also, English is not my first language, so sorry for any spelling, grammar or any other mistakes.
Below is what he wanted to say (i made up parts which I couldn't accurately remember):
--
So, after long hours and days of various extraction trials and errors yesterday I finally made an amount of DMT for at least a few good doses (~0.1g) for the first time. It was a little pile of yellowish crystals (more like powder). They were made from MHRB STB extraction by freeze precipitating naphtha which had bright yellow colour. I made The machine about a month ago already and I have been waiting ever since to start experimenting with the Spirit molecule.
I have read a few more trip reports that day but as I found out later that was completely unnecessary and brought only doubts during my very first DMT experience. I loaded ~0.07g of spice into the machine and started preparing my mind for the upcoming experience. I was a bit nervous, my heart rate was astronomical and I could barely hold my vaporising device in the hands. After a few moments I lit up my lighter and started vaporising the DMT that had safely melted onto the brillo beforehand.
I slowly took one hit. The vapour had very mild and almost pleasant smell. I started feeling dizziness while I was still taking that first hit. Anyway, as I had never smoked DMT before I was unprepared for its taste although it wasn't harsh nor unpleasant at all. I started to cough a little bit, so the first hit was wasted. I immediately took another one and this time held it for some more time in my lungs. The colours of surroundings started to melt, so I didn't bother to take any more hits and just lay back, closed my eyes and relaxed.
I started to see geometrical patterns of triangular shapes all across my inner viewing field. The picture was highly symmetrical and it seemed perfect. I started to see some shape like face emerging from the centre of it but that could just be my imagination playing tricks interpreting these geometric figures. All this 'video' (the patterns were constantly moving) stopped not long after and all I could see was dark void.
It was when my visions stopped I started to feel warm feeling of love. I could almost sense some kind of presence nearby caring after me and welcoming. I felt unconditional love too and without much thinking said 'I love you, mother'. It wasn't my mother, it was just this beautiful sense of unconditional love and care that I was referring to by saying this word. Nevertheless, this trick seemed to work as I then received even more love and started to smile.
I felt like a little baby and this caring power seemed huge and all around me. I felt the need to snuggle down like a cat. Then came the not so pleasant part. I believe that is what you call 'ego death'. I felt the urge to let my body go completely. Although I was saying to myself 'let it go' this didn't work. I still was strongly tied to my body. I felt that my breathing had stopped. Logically I started to take a lot of effort to make it breathe again. I knew that it should be ok without me making that effort but I felt a lot more secure when I could actually feel myself breathing. I struggled for quite some time trying to surrender and dive into the experience. The DMT effects started to fade and I still couldn't feel anything else but this mixed feeling of love and urge to 'let it go'.
I opened my eyes. The view seemed to be made of 'pixels' - coloured (red, blue, green) dots. After a few seconds almost everything came back to normal. Then I realised that it was only sub-breakthrough experience and that I should 'let it go' to experience something a lot more intense. I then took a few more hits to finish leftovers. I immediately felt the same urge to let my ego go and caring love. I struggled again for a few more minutes and the experience was over.
Although this first trip was only sub-breakthrough, I was very contented with my first experience. I have never felt such a strange and difficult to experience urge to release my ego and the sense of love was overwhelming, too. I would call this trip a complete success. I finally waded into the DMT waters and was more than happy to do so.
--
The same day I decided to go deeper and experience a lot more. I felt something special is waiting me there in the deep DMT waters. I felt that the warm welcome I had experienced in the morning was a good sign to continue exploring the power of the Spirit molecule.
So in the late evening I charged my empty machine with 30mg of the sacred spice. Carefully melted it and my heart started to beat like crazy again. Although I already had a DMT experience that morning, I felt no less nervous about going to the DMT world again. Trying to calm down I drew the curtains and switched my weak table light on.
I felt comfortable and safe in my dim room. A lot more comfortable than in the morning. I took my lighter and the loaded machine and sat down on my bed. My heart was still beating fast and my hands shaking a little bit. I somehow managed to light up my lighter and started vaporising the spice.
I inhaled the vapours very slowly and deeply. I emptied the loaded 0.03g in one big hit and put the machine and the lighter on my side. I lay down immediately. The vapour had no taste at all. I didn't see any colours, any shapes, figures, pictures. I started to black out and I only remember exhaling after a few moments.
After maybe about 10 minutes of complete black out (don't remember anything) I started to regain the sense of self. I am actually very thankful that I don't remember everything because now I understand that I couldn't handle anything more than what I experienced at the end of my journey.
What I have experienced has no rational explanation. I could NEVER ever ever imagine what happened that night. Although I believe that my memories start at the end of the whole experience, it was really worth it. This was definitely a breakthrough but I couldn't care less about it. You'll see why.
The first sense I have felt is total emptiness of my mind. I didn't know who I am, where I am, what am I doing, what the hell is happening. I had completely no memories of my life. I just felt myself. I felt that whoever I am, I really am. I remember one quote of Deskartes: "I think, therefore I am". The feeling was just like that. I was thinking, so I was. Nothing more and nothing less.
Then I began to panic. I was not actually afraid of anything. It would be like being afraid of snake biting after it has already bitten you. It was sheer panic. I remember the feeling of floating on the water or being flushed by water from my sides. I even think I could hear water splashing like waves in the sea. The confusion was so immense that I could not relate it to any experience in the earthly world.
Then some memories started to appear. I remembered being a human and that I took some DMT. I said to myself: 'I will NEVER ever do this again. Never ever.' But this thought was only because of the panic that I was in at the time. After a while I just forgot this thought and started to feel the experience fully. And the realisation what was happening was no less strange (in the strongest sense of this word).
After some of my panic passed away I began to feel being examined. I think it would be like waking in the middle of some major surgery. I felt like there was some kind of examination of my internal body going on. Thick strings like long long worms or snakes which appeared to be flat and made of coloured bricks/squares were passing through me. They entered my mouth, went through my body and emerged somewhere from my bowel. And vice versa. And in different variations of starting/ending body parts.
I felt like being torn in pieces by this(these) being(s). I don't know how many of them there were or how did it/they look like. I believed that all these examining coloured snake/line-like energy 'things' were just some kind of limbs or machine extensions. I can't tell if that was a living energy or machine-like energy that was examining me.
I started to feel very uncomfortable because of these examinations (who wouldn't...). I felt a bit afraid because I didn't know what was being done to me. Although I don't think I would understand even if being told that. Then this/these beings started communicating(???) to me. I heard sounds like 'grr gur gur'. I can't reproduce this sound or write it down, so that's a rough estimation only.
I then felt that this/these being(s) is/are playful. I felt like not just being examined but more like they were playing with me like with a little baby. I forgot my panic altogether and started smiling. I tuned into that 'playing' mode and although I couldn't reproduce the sounds they were making I started to mumble something like 'gugu' and even laughing like a little baby.
After everything was over I felt very very thankful for this experience. I said 'thank you' and 'I love you' multiple times to this energy/being/whatever. This feeling of love was the strongest in my life. It was some kind of unreal cosmic love, not the feeling anyone would normally feel on the Earth. It also seemed to me at the moment that I recognise that examination feeling and surroundings somehow. It's like I already knew long time ago that this 'meeting' was going to happen. I can't know that now because the feeling is post factum.
I stood up, switched the light off and went to sleep right after the experience. Although I fell asleep almost immediately, I didn't sleep very well. I woke up three or four times that night just to experience the similar feeling of panic that I had experienced in the beginning of the end of my DMT trip. I don't know why, maybe it's just that my mind had very hard time integrating all these DMT experiences.
Even though the major part of my trip was forgotten or terrifying I wouldn't call any part of my first breakthrough experience 'bad'. I was and still am very curious about what had really happened. I still need some time to recover from this trip but I already feel the unexplainable and unimaginable power of used substance. I believe that even more is waiting me and my relationship with the spice/hyperspace/beings is going to be even stronger and more meaningful.
