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applebaum

applebaum

Rising Star
I guess an introduction is requested so here's something about me.

I'd never used any drugs, aside from beer. I was a good grades, straight laced kid. Didn't get in trouble, did well in college, got married, got a good job, started a nice family, then by luck I just missed getting killed.

I was working underneath a piece of equipment, trying to cut some zip ties that were hard to get a hold of. I got frustrated where I was and moved up closer to the front of the machine to start working there. A few minutes later the jack holding the machine up snapped. I opened my eyes and I was pinned under the machine. Where I had been working a few minutes earlier the implement crashed to the floor digging into the cement. Where I was working currently the machine came to rest with only just enough room for me to not get crushed. I then saw myself standing by an angel (no wings, just a protector type person) I had been crushed because I hadn't moved up to the front of the machine. He said he'd allow me to go on with my life by moving me to a world where I'd moved to the front of the machine before it collapsed. Then I was back to normal and I wiggled my way out. After that I had a strong feeling of this world not being real, or not being the "right" world for me. I was almost 30 years old when that happened and had had no similar type of feeling before hand. I was never crazy, I never had any mental problems, seeing that was not in character for me. I began to look for clues to see if things weren't right, and I found them all over.

I found out about Salvia a year ago. I read all the experience reports on erowid and hoped that it could take me to a place I could find answers to the question of what and who I am in addition to a number of other things. I put off buying it out of fear brought about by a complete lack of experience in the way of drugs. Then I heard Salvia was possibly going to be made illegal where I live so I ordered some thinking it'd be now or never. I tried it and started really slow, also I think the extract I got is not really much stronger than plain leaf, so I haven't gone too far. I haven't gotten any answers that I was looking for, but it has been very interesting. I've experienced things and understand things I would have never been able to understand any other way. I bought a plant this spring and have been smoking my own leaves now. I've got 5 cuttings started now and I hope to produce my own extract by next year.
 
Greetings Applebaum,

It's utterly amazing the way things work out in our lives. You could have been gone already...but no...you are still here with us.

I'm glad you found the DMT-Nexus because as "other worldly" as salvia is, I think you may benefit much more from exploring DMT, the wonderfully mysterious endogenous neurotransmitter.

Welcome to our forum. It pleases me to see you alive and experimenting. Let us know if you have any questions. Ride this spiral as far as it goes...and then keep going...
 
Hi applebaum,

Welcome to the Nexus. What an amazing life story you have to date. Impressive how sobering and clarifying and life changing it can be to come face to face with one's own mortality. "Put your affairs into order," just begins to sum it up imo.

I am impressed by how you are approaching your path. I appreciate your slow approach and various concerns. I sincerely hope that the Nexus can be a helpful resource to you. We have a dedicated subforum on Salvia Divinorum that I suspect you will find very interesting.

Though the heavy focus is on DMT, there are a number of subfora here at Nexus that have nothing to do with DMT. I encourage you to take a thorough look around.

Please don't hesitate to ask any questions if they come up.

If in the future, you decide DMT is something you might like to investigate, the wiki link in the upper right hand corner can get you started with some extraction teks.

Again, a hearty welcome to you. :D
 
Sometimes the difference between life and death is just seconds and inches. I'm glad that you made it out of that scrape alive. Welcome to the Nexus.
 
Thanks for the welcomes. I'm glad I'm here too, but I'd be ok if things had gone differently and I wasn't also. I'm not scared of death, though I'm not searching after it either. If it had come I would have been fine accepting it. It having come so close didn't upset me. What altered my way of thinking was how I felt displaced afterward, like I was supposed to be dead but wasn't. A hard feeling to describe.

I would be interested in trying DMT, though a little apprehensive. I've got little kids at home and currently salvia is legal where I live so as long as I keep my salvia use discrete I don't think it's an issue. If I'd start breaking laws however it wouldn't bother me as much as it might bother social services was someone to ever stick there nose where it didn't belong. For now I still feel Salvia has a lot to teach me and won't cause any legal problems if someone were to find out.

I'm glad you found the DMT-Nexus because as "other worldly" as salvia is, I think you may benefit much more from exploring DMT, the wonderfully mysterious endogenous neurotransmitter.
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How do you feel you can benefit from DMT in ways that you can't from Salvia? What goals are you able to achieve using DMT? The goals that started me on Salvia were in order of importance to me.
1.) To find a way to heal my daughter from a mystery disease if possible.
2.) To learn about who I am, where we are, what all this is.
3.) To come up with new and interesting things to think about.

So far I think I've only accomplished #3.
 
welcome to the nexus applebaum,

your intro made my hair stand; what a story!
DMT is often associated with near-death-experiences and so I think it would be very interesting if you could compare the two. That being said I understand your apprehension and definitely don't advise doing it if you don't feel like it is right 100%.

as for your goals 3) seems the most easy one to answer. 2) will certainly be involved in any dmt trip, but I assume a definitive objective answer that you can put into a scientific paper will not come out of it. As for 1) I hope you find what you are looking for! Some people have suggested that ancient tribes got all their info about healing and medicinal plants by using ayahuasca and communicating with the plant spirits. Personally I find this unlikely to yield useable results, but it wouldn't keep me from trying. Ayahuasca/dmt is amazing in so many ways and truly touching. Even if questions are not answered in a conventional way, I feel every experience has taught, or tried to to teach me so very much, mainly related to your point 2).

I never heard of anyone being so moved by salvia as I have by dmt; but that's why we're the dmt nexus and not the salvia one. That beign said, I don't mean to imply salvia isn't a great tool itself.

Reading your intro made me think of PKD's book Ubik... ever read it?
 
applebaum said:
Thanks for the welcomes. I'm glad I'm here too, but I'd be ok if things had gone differently and I wasn't also. I'm not scared of death, though I'm not searching after it either. If it had come I would have been fine accepting it. It having come so close didn't upset me. What altered my way of thinking was how I felt displaced afterward, like I was supposed to be dead but wasn't. A hard feeling to describe.
Click to expand...

It already marches at me fast enough that I have no inclination to march towards it....
 
Reading your intro made me think of PKD's book Ubik... ever read it?
Click to expand...

No I'd never read it. I looked up the synopsis on wikipedia and I see the similarities, especially the strange reality shifts. I'll have to see if I could get a hold of a copy. Getting almost killed happened over 3 years ago now and I don't really talk about the changes I see since then to anyone anymore because it only makes you seem crazy. When I notice one I just add it to the list and keep quiet about it.

1) I hope you find what you are looking for! Some people have suggested that ancient tribes got all their info about healing and medicinal plants by using ayahuasca and communicating with the plant spirits.
Click to expand...

I hope I can find it too. From birth my daughter seems like her soul is off somewhere else. She had that daydream look in her eyes. Not the dead look...very much alive in the eyes but alive somewhere else seeing things no one else can see. I got shivers when I read old stories about changling children because of how well it fit her. So you can see my attraction to plants that bring you in contact with the elves and why I had hopes it would help in bringing her to us.
 
You can also just order some caapi/rue with mimosa or chaliponga or both, without intending to extract. Storing them just as is wouldn't be that sketchy, as opposed to having to hunt for hydroxides and petroleum solvents. Especially if the herbs don't come pre-powdered. Both are legal, a small amount of whole ayahuasca herbs are even less sketchy than salvia(among with the devices needed to smoke it) imo, I'd be surprised if a whole twig of a B.Caapi would raise an eyebrow of a social worker even if you keep it in the open.

Then make tea, when time is right :) Even a very low, beginner friendly dose of Tea with sufficient MAO inhibition is more useful when delving into this stuff with intent that you have. Salvia is one of the hardest plants to work with from my experience.
 
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