What awaits on the other side of a panic attack

[Ice House]

I have had many bad trips in my day. Most of them since I started exploring the realms of DMT Hyperspace. All of my bad trips have been occuring since Nov 09. I used to, almost, never have bad trips on LSD or Shrooms. Now its kinda like..... Roll the dice and see what happens. With shrooms, I have what would be considered a bad trip about 40% of the time.

I have recently started to have extremely bad voyages with Changa and vaped Spice also. With DMT what happens is I have a great breakthrough voyage and then in the last minute or so of the experience when I am coming down yet basking in the afterglow, I get a sense of impending doom. The come on is instant, Like..... I'm going to die right now! My time has come now! to expire! Normally when this happens a sense of panic sets in. I feel light headed and I feel like I am going to black out. I usually get outside into the cool air fast as possible, take a few deep breaths and talk myself through it.

But it sucks sooooo bad. It scares me to death! I come out of it thinking, FUCK!!!, I almost died. LOL Wich make the next time difficult, but I still go.

sometimes I think I should just say, OK, let go, go with the black out, bring it on.... Death take me.

Now, my better sense of judgement says this is just a panic attack and panic attacks acan cause a person to pass out.... sooo if I just go with it, I'll pass out and wake up a few minutes later, all is well? Right?

I am positive that I have experienced ego death before, a few times during long an difficult Shroom and Pharma voyages where against my better sense I ingested more spice or shrooms than I should have. What I experience now is not ego death, IMHO.

I always say I need to take a long break. Long never goes past an entire month. I know there are some underlying reasons as to why I have these troubles. I just cant seem to get it right as of late.

I feel like I have a ton of unfinished work to do.

I do need a few months of integration I know. I'm a month into that with no relief.

Anyone out there get what I'm saying? Feel free to chime in. Sugestions?

Thank you

 

[gibran2]

I think you can be fairly certain that, in spite of what you feel during these periods, you’re not actually going to die, at least not physically. As I’m sure you know, DMT is actually very safe.

You say you think about letting go, but have you ever tried this? What do you think would happen?

If you’re telling yourself that you need a long break, then maybe you need a long break. Only you can know what’s best.

 

[shishigami]

The last time I smoked DMT I had the scariest trip of my life (not the worst, that was reserved to a time when I smoked marijuana with a headache, I thought my head was being ripped apart). I had been smoking or doing some sort of psych every day for the past week and my mind told me to take a break. I also decided that before every trip I would state or write down the intentions of the trip to give it some direction. Perhaps you could try that.

 

[ubu]

One thing which helped me alleviate such symptons was stopping high dosages for a while and smoking small, very small quantities, below my breakthrough point. Low dosage can be fun and enjoyable as well.

But giving a break to take care to yourself is the most effective way to get rid of these bad feelings.

 

[ms_manic_minxx]

I hit this phase shortly after the summer solstice. I quit drinking oral DMT because it got that way, I had to quit smoking spice because it got that way. It took me to some very deep and dark places in my mind that were just painful... linked to a failure to thrive as a child.

Some of what triggered the episodes seems physiological: I STILL can't smoke spice if I have any kind of caffeine in me (I took one hit last night after some green tea and I was on the fringe of entering rough space).

The other part has to do with setting: I can't smoke alone. Now that I have someone to smoke with that I can trust, I've actually had some deeply HEALING experiences with changa that I would put on par with Ayahuasca. I always think of those studies done with the monkeys, where one had a real mother and the other had a wire frame dressed as a mother. The ones without real physical contact did not develop as fully as those who did. There is some extremely primal part of my psyche that was bruised that way, and DMT brought it up in a way that was so unbearable and made me panic.

While I was on my own, I found high doses of Caapi only extremely beneficial. Caapi is slower, gentler, so loving... I was able to continue working with Caapi regularly, just without spice.

It also all started, over the summer, when I bit off more than I could chew, took some melatonin-rich grasses and ended up tripping unintentionally for three days. Those three days were full of panic attacks (the grasses were full of stimulants, too), as well as lots of psychological content... I had just never bitten off a chunk of my mind that big before. It felt like all this time I had been digging, and then I finally struck a nerve, and this raw, throbbing, painful part of my inner being was exposed.

So, I don't know if that helps or not. Psychoanalysis is not all that spice is good for, or intended for, but I think phases like this can come up and are necessary to go through for some people.

Do you have a real-life spice support group or smoking buddy?

Much love.

 

[Entheojen]

How you described this impending doom, light headedness and feel like you are going to die in a few seconds (or when you look back on it you think you would probably black out) is EXACTLY how I felt when I suffered from panic attacks in my teens. It is the worst state of mind I have ever experienced. I hate when people say... "Oh my god, I've so much work on, I've deadlines to meet, I'm having a panic attack" and you know rightly they are just stressed, but a panic attack is a very different thing.

I always did the same as you, rush for fresh air, but there was nothign really that worked other than going through it. You have no control over it. The only thing that ever rescued me from one coming on full way, was as soon as the feelings came on I would try and start a conversation or read something to distract my mind. I always tried resisting it too, and I feel like if I had ever just let the panic attack consume me, I would have died (or blacked out in retrospect), but at the time you really feel like you are going to die.

This by the way was all from stress of my parent's breaking up, which I didn't realise at the time and have only come to realise in recent years. There were no substances or anything that triggered these.

I don't have them anymore, and I don't know why. I never went to the doctor about it either. I just grew out of them and/or came to terms with my parent's separation. This is actually something that I have slight concerns about with psychedelics. There is a risk they will trigger my panic attacks again.

 

[Ice House]

You say you think about letting go, but have you ever tried this? What do you think would happen?

If you’re telling yourself that you need a long break, then maybe you need a long break. Only you can know what’s best.

I do think about letting go, I have never tried it because in my mind I must fight it because the sensation I am experiencing is near death.

What do I think will happen if I let go? I think I will become overwhelmed with fear and pass out for a moment, until the spice wears off, then I'll just awake and....... Life goes on. I know Im not going to die from DMT. It's just that........ All of you know and understand how real it is. There is no build up. It happens in a nano second, bam! YOU ARE GOING TO EXPIRE MOMENTARILY. It really fucks with my mind.

I think that the only way I am going to get through this and put it behind me is to just face it and take it.
Just say OK and lay down and die.

I have been voyaging into hyperspace for a good 5 years? I have many hundreds of voyages now. This just started happening.

ms_manic_minxx- No I dont have a partner to voyage with. I wish I did.

 

[zubidlo]

Hello,

I have no experience with panic attacks, just with uncomfortable (bad?) trips on spice. I had to learn to avoid them ,otherwise I would quit doing spice for good. It's all about setting in my opinion. After each bad trip I tried to figure out what went wrong, where I made mistake. What I learned is this.

- darkness or dim light is essential for me. OEV are so intense and beautiful, that breakthrough comes naturally. Never had uncomfortable body load in darkness. Only gentle heat wave. Worst trips I had were during a daylight. I quited spice for 6 weeks after one of those. Actually I don't smoke spice during the day anymore.

- music - tribal, ritual ambient seems to have the deepness which psychill lack. I love that moment during carrier wave when music froze on one tone (time stops:shock: ) and hyperspace with entities show up. Last thought I have is 'I'm back here at this timeless place'. With good music on, experience is quite different. Sometimes my consciousness is taken away by music and I experience very profound synesthesia of a kind. All I see and hear melts together. I would swear I actually became the music once. Or we melt together. Or...whatever. Strongest breakthroughs this way so far...

- I need to desire to do spice. Once I smoked spice during a day before an exam to kill some time. Not a good idea. What I experienced could be described as horror. DMT turned my pre-exam nervosity into panic and further and further. Worst thing was that I could not remember how hope feels. I was stuck there in my room, no OEV, just mental rollecoaster.

Anyway...



Regards.

 

[olympus mon]

icehouse my brother i can relate on many levels to your current situation. it seems the older i get the harder thet rips are becoming. i wonder if this isnt a common thing. i came across a Mckenna interviews from just before he died and he was asked how often he trips in the recent years. i dont recall his exact wording but his answer was that he only uses mushrooms 1-2 times a year. there was something in his wording that made me think things had changed for even the God father of tryptamines. this at least made me feel less abnormal but doesn't necessarily help our situation.

i know for me that the more i feel like i should be taking these substances the more they go south. the more i listen to myself and timing and try to feel when the right time is the more enjoyable they are. ive pretty much written off vaping dmt unless im already tripping on mushrooms.

after hundreds of journeys over the past 3-4 years straight dmt is a very uncomfortable feeling and i no longer enjoy being ripped out of my body and thrust into a mad world like i use to. i think some of this is age but i also think a specific difficult journey i had plays a huge roll. sadly we dont always bounce back. many do but i havent and i doubt i will. its been a long time well over a year now.

i use to smoke dmt 2-3 times a night, multiple days a week for years with not a single incident. that seems like a different life now that i shake and sweat as soon as the effects begin. i feel for you icehouse....shit man...i feel for me too.

even mushrooms which ive never had a problem with started turning ugly on me if i am alone this winter. i use to trip alone all the time and now i just end up freaking out and need to talk myself down. im looking into a fellow tripper to share these trips with. i think id feel much safer if i wasnt alone. i do wish to try smoking dmt with a psychedelic partner and see if the terror doesnt come as bad or at all. the only good dmt exp ive had in the past year was coming down off of a great mushroom trip with some friends and i decided to smoke 20mg and see what happened. it was pretty nice. nowhere near breakthrough level but at least i didnt have a panic attack. i was able to relax into it which for me was big progress!

it is what it is brother. it is what it is...

 

[DMTripper]

You say you think about letting go, but have you ever tried this? What do you think would happen?

If you’re telling yourself that you need a long break, then maybe you need a long break. Only you can know what’s best.

I do think about letting go, I have never tried it because in my mind I must fight it because the sensation I am experiencing is near death.

What do I think will happen if I let go? I think I will become overwhelmed with fear and pass out for a moment, until the spice wears off, then I'll just awake and....... Life goes on. I know Im not going to die from DMT. It's just that........ All of you know and understand how real it is. There is no build up. It happens in a nano second, bam! YOU ARE GOING TO EXPIRE MOMENTARILY. It really fucks with my mind.

I think that the only way I am going to get through this and put it behind me is to just face it and take it.
Just say OK and lay down and die.

I have been voyaging into hyperspace for a good 5 years? I have many hundreds of voyages now. This just started happening.

ms_manic_minxx- No I dont have a partner to voyage with. I wish I did.

I really hope you get through this soon. Too bad you don't have anyone to be your sitter.

Maybe you need to feel death. I've experienced dying and when I let go and accepted it, it became soooo beautiful that I got very sad and kind of pissed off when I realized I was still alive.
There's one thing for sure about this life. you're not getting out of it alive. I'm actually quite fascinated of death.

Maybe you should try to die

Well good luck mate.

 

[mindash]

in answer to the subject of this post i would say what comes following is relief lol appreciation for living and a stronger sense of what your levels of endurance are and can be. passion of the heart above all else and remember it was probably all worth it. the journey not the destination and then maybe even so

 

[Shayku]

Having had a few sober panic attacks, one of which led to passing out in the street, I can certainly confirm that yes, you may pass out, but you will not die. I think you know this, but it's worth repeating - panic attacks are not a danger to your life. They're just very, very scary and uncomfortable. It's your body freaking out and going into a feedback loop of wanting to survive. Passing out is like an emergency exit from that state.

If you do decide to launch again, I think you should go in with the intention of accepting the panic. It might not work for everyone, but I've been panic-free for over a year, and one of the main things that has worked for me is to be accepting of it when I feel the first symptoms. Calmly telling whoever I'm with that I may have a panic attack tends to take down the drama and the refusal, and knowing I have someone else in on it who can help if I lose control helps bring me back down to earth. Of course, your situation doesn't allow for that, but if you can provide for yourself a context, physical or mental, where a panic attack is allowed to happen without the need to resist it, then the attack itself may very well be less scary, less intense, and you may be able to find your way back to yourself with more ease, eventually learning to demystify it altogether.

Good luck with this, I'd love to hear more about the issue as it evolves, because I don't think I'll ever be completely free of panic, but openness and understanding do help.