Space
Rising Star
It's hard to clearly remember what was happening last night, I don't know the chronological order to this, because it was that distorted. I was in the dark, sat down on my bed thinking, gazing silently, but my room was jumbled, furniture everywhere, my bed was raised even though I sleep on an airbed on the floor, I tranced at some point, and this strong enveloping space was taking over, a space I normally get coming over me when I have outer body experiences with conscious starts, and also like I get on heavy ayahuasca sessions, a transition kinda space that takes over everything, probably best described as a forceful death.
I'd be trying hard to keep my eyes open but the will power was been sucked from me like usual, I wasn't ready for letting go, especially seen as I didn't know what the fuck was going on, I was caught off guard. "what the fucks up with this room?" "what the fucks going on..?" What's now amusing is that it didn't even occur to me that I was awake in yet another dream, but I didn't know this, and I always switch on pretty quick, especially when my room doesn't look right. I think because it was all happening so fast, that I didn't have space for any contemplation.
I was fully awake with all this happening, but stuck in that space, normally when I'm awake in dreams I recognise that I'm awake, and that my body is asleep, and if ought kicks off or it gets boring I can just snap myself out of it, but because that didn't register, I was just trying to get out of this dark fucked up room. I remember trying to crawl to the door, but I'd lose energy and get taken into the dark, but then I'd try to snap out of it to get my energy back (as I normally do with this type of space when I'm not ready, which normally sends it away) but it kept coming.
I remember a few times where I'd go in and out of it, but like I was relooping trying to get up and get to the door, I remember that the more it took me, the more fucked up it kinda got, like I'd see my hands in an abstract type way crawling but the direction was twisting all directions but a direction towards the door didn't exist. The space felt sludgey like. I got to the door, and then awoke in my room (actual room) but this space was still with me and because I had low energy from burning it in a conscious way in this state, I could barely move, plus I wasn't quite connected into my body, so I couldn't properly wake myself up, so it came over me again, but I didn't give a fuck at that point because I was now normal me, fearless not give a fuck me haha and knowing what was going on I just gave into it again, but then in this other state, I kept trying to stop it, then it enveloped me again, then I'd stop it, kept doing this, and think I've built an automatic program to it now. Because I was automatically doing this, without fear or anything, like in a thoughtless trance. (Which isn't something I want, because I won't be able to break-through in it anymore).
So anyway, I came back round in my room again, by which time this gravity pulling was fading. I was paying attention to how I was perceiving. And it was quite interesting how sharp my sight was, and how still everything looked. More frames to everything which gives it a cool look.
Was going to mention something the other day about my dreams after my last session with the caapi, rue and mimosa, because my dreams have been more clearer, like all my senses in those states are more dimensional. Also first 2 nights of dreaming after the experience something outside of the normal happened in my dreams, but thats harder to remember because the state was more deeper.
Oh, another thing whilst I'm writing this, the other day as I was preparing for bed, I could feel the presence of my last session, like as if the dose was coming on, but yet it was as if it just showed up outside me, like paying me a visit:roll: haha I could even see the light black and white visuals I get after a session.
Even though I had a wonderful trip last time, theres still a part of me that slightly fears a part of my trips, and I think it's a part thats alien like, but has no heart or understanding whatsoever. Which makes a part of me a little anxious. Which then makes me want to go head on with it, because I really hate fear.
Thanks for reading, and if anyone has any awesome dream like stories please share them!
I'd be trying hard to keep my eyes open but the will power was been sucked from me like usual, I wasn't ready for letting go, especially seen as I didn't know what the fuck was going on, I was caught off guard. "what the fucks up with this room?" "what the fucks going on..?" What's now amusing is that it didn't even occur to me that I was awake in yet another dream, but I didn't know this, and I always switch on pretty quick, especially when my room doesn't look right. I think because it was all happening so fast, that I didn't have space for any contemplation.
I was fully awake with all this happening, but stuck in that space, normally when I'm awake in dreams I recognise that I'm awake, and that my body is asleep, and if ought kicks off or it gets boring I can just snap myself out of it, but because that didn't register, I was just trying to get out of this dark fucked up room. I remember trying to crawl to the door, but I'd lose energy and get taken into the dark, but then I'd try to snap out of it to get my energy back (as I normally do with this type of space when I'm not ready, which normally sends it away) but it kept coming.
I remember a few times where I'd go in and out of it, but like I was relooping trying to get up and get to the door, I remember that the more it took me, the more fucked up it kinda got, like I'd see my hands in an abstract type way crawling but the direction was twisting all directions but a direction towards the door didn't exist. The space felt sludgey like. I got to the door, and then awoke in my room (actual room) but this space was still with me and because I had low energy from burning it in a conscious way in this state, I could barely move, plus I wasn't quite connected into my body, so I couldn't properly wake myself up, so it came over me again, but I didn't give a fuck at that point because I was now normal me, fearless not give a fuck me haha and knowing what was going on I just gave into it again, but then in this other state, I kept trying to stop it, then it enveloped me again, then I'd stop it, kept doing this, and think I've built an automatic program to it now. Because I was automatically doing this, without fear or anything, like in a thoughtless trance. (Which isn't something I want, because I won't be able to break-through in it anymore).
So anyway, I came back round in my room again, by which time this gravity pulling was fading. I was paying attention to how I was perceiving. And it was quite interesting how sharp my sight was, and how still everything looked. More frames to everything which gives it a cool look.
Was going to mention something the other day about my dreams after my last session with the caapi, rue and mimosa, because my dreams have been more clearer, like all my senses in those states are more dimensional. Also first 2 nights of dreaming after the experience something outside of the normal happened in my dreams, but thats harder to remember because the state was more deeper.
Oh, another thing whilst I'm writing this, the other day as I was preparing for bed, I could feel the presence of my last session, like as if the dose was coming on, but yet it was as if it just showed up outside me, like paying me a visit:roll: haha I could even see the light black and white visuals I get after a session.
Even though I had a wonderful trip last time, theres still a part of me that slightly fears a part of my trips, and I think it's a part thats alien like, but has no heart or understanding whatsoever. Which makes a part of me a little anxious. Which then makes me want to go head on with it, because I really hate fear.
Thanks for reading, and if anyone has any awesome dream like stories please share them!
