HyperQuill
Rising Star
A friend recently had an experience that was very confusing, leaving him utterly frightened until it had run its full course, and I was hoping you all could offer some insight:
I’ve tried to break through about 10 times now without success (at least half due to botched extraction technique where I foolishly used heat to evap). My previous attempts have all been similar in their characteristics: The buzzing/ringing/digital-sounding carrier wave (no cellophane crackling) is there, patterns and glyphs with an overall green-colored theme pass by and around me and they have a morphing, angular, almost soundproofing material look to them. The visual/audio takes over my vision whether or not my eyes are closed and I feel totally immersed in the experience. I feel relatively clear, and as I come down I feel a vague but loving, universal presence, along with a bit of short-lived disappointment toward not having broken through.
This time however was VERY different. The dosage was undoubtably the largest yet. The visuals were multicolored (that is, without one being dominant over the others) and not at all similar in texture and pattern as before. They were also darker and black was fairly prominent, which is different from its very minor role the other times. They were more circular, concentric, and maybe tunnel-like, though I did not feel as if they were moving by me as before. They were VERY active in their morphing and shifting, but stagnant in a way too. I should mention that the “tunnel” theme is metaphorical, and I did not in any way feel like I was going anywhere and there were many of them, mostly fragmented (as in semi-circles or something). It was quite confusing and a little frightening.
I also could feel parts of my body, particularly my throat, jaw, and lungs, dissolving and reappearing in my perception. I think I was trying to swallow and breathe. In my previous attempts I did notice difficulty in letting go of my breathing, but I attributed this to them being low doses. Maybe I was trying too hard to let go or something, or maybe I was fighting it, I don’t really know at this point. I found this distracting and unnerving to say the least though. They also felt a little like physical thought loops. There were no entities, no presence or sense of traveling or anything like that. No re-living the past, no insights, or anything coherent for that matter. Just me, in this kind of intense purgatory. Previous experiences I would also describe as a pre-breakthrough purgatory, but not at all like this. None of the often reported breakthrough archetypes were perceived (cellophane crackling, etc...), not even the sounds I have become accustomed to. There was audio input, but nothing I can remember.
While I was smoking there was this odd sense of acceleration (for lack of a better word) but I kept going in my determination to break through. The first hit felt “normal”, such as it is in my very limited experience, but the second and third definitely felt different and I was a bit excited at first because it was finally something different (I didn’t have too much difficulty putting down the pipe or lying down for the journey btw). Maybe halfway through I began to think this is NOT how it was supposed to be. As I came out of it I said “what the fuck was THAT??!!” and I was intentionally breathing heavy and fast, in an attempt to release this energy and get it out of me as quickly as possible. This threw me into a bad trip for the comedown, but I eventually was able to ground myself and come through it.
The come-down visuals were also very different from any other psychedelic for me: Rather than the typical morphing and breathing of specific objects/pictures within a relatively coherent reality (which also were typical of my other breakthrough attempts), it was like I was at sea during a rough storm. Everything (eyes open and closed) was sort of fuzzy and pixelated with sort of a double-vision quality, and dominated my entire field. It was so intense that I couldn’t really focus on anything. The whole experience lasted about an hour, and I felt a little 'off' for the next few hours until I went to bed. Upon waking, I felt back to normal and a lot less freaked out, and now realize that much of my confusion and anxiety was probably due to trying too hard to reintegrate too quickly.
Dosage: Well I just don’t know. I don’t have a good mg scale and this was the sticky limonene/vinegar goo, but I had titrated and really wasn’t sure if I had enough left (this was the last of it) to break through, going from my previous experiences. Post-trip however, I don’t know if I had too much or not enough, but what I’ve read has led me to believe that too much results in blackout or no memory of the experience. In the future I will definitely dose accurately, however I have to do it!
Set and setting were carefully observed, and I repeated my usual mantra of “feel the love” beforehand to prepare myself. I had a relatively tense day at work, and my cat had annoyingly puked on my favorite chair in my absence, but overall I still felt good and prepared for my journey. I’m always very careful about S&S, and leave as little to chance as possible, and I don’t feel as if my experience was brought on by lack of preparedness or respect for the substance (I’ve researched the hell out of this for 2 years before trying it).
I’m thinking maybe I put too many expectations on the experience, having researched and absorbed all the info and others’ experiences I could. In my pre-dosing meditation I became aware that I was focusing specifically on entity contact, something that hadn’t occurred to me before. Maybe there’s something to this, maybe not. I told myself in light of this to be prepared for anything and everything, but obviously I wasn’t! I may have unconsciously imposed too much of my will on what the experience would be like, despite my conscious attempts to remain open and willing to experience anything.
Can anyone offer some insights to this? Does anyone else return to the same place (more or less) on non-breakthrough doses? Did he do something wrong? Is this maybe not the right substance for him (I really hope that’s not the case)? What happened??? He hasn't been turned off by this, and feels grateful for having had this experience and come through it no worse for wear, but he's a bit apprehensive about trying again. He knows he's dealing with a substance of supreme power and is but a newborn in his journey with it. He tends to over-analyze everything, so I was hoping someone with more experience could offer some objective opinions. Thanks!
I’ve tried to break through about 10 times now without success (at least half due to botched extraction technique where I foolishly used heat to evap). My previous attempts have all been similar in their characteristics: The buzzing/ringing/digital-sounding carrier wave (no cellophane crackling) is there, patterns and glyphs with an overall green-colored theme pass by and around me and they have a morphing, angular, almost soundproofing material look to them. The visual/audio takes over my vision whether or not my eyes are closed and I feel totally immersed in the experience. I feel relatively clear, and as I come down I feel a vague but loving, universal presence, along with a bit of short-lived disappointment toward not having broken through.
This time however was VERY different. The dosage was undoubtably the largest yet. The visuals were multicolored (that is, without one being dominant over the others) and not at all similar in texture and pattern as before. They were also darker and black was fairly prominent, which is different from its very minor role the other times. They were more circular, concentric, and maybe tunnel-like, though I did not feel as if they were moving by me as before. They were VERY active in their morphing and shifting, but stagnant in a way too. I should mention that the “tunnel” theme is metaphorical, and I did not in any way feel like I was going anywhere and there were many of them, mostly fragmented (as in semi-circles or something). It was quite confusing and a little frightening.
I also could feel parts of my body, particularly my throat, jaw, and lungs, dissolving and reappearing in my perception. I think I was trying to swallow and breathe. In my previous attempts I did notice difficulty in letting go of my breathing, but I attributed this to them being low doses. Maybe I was trying too hard to let go or something, or maybe I was fighting it, I don’t really know at this point. I found this distracting and unnerving to say the least though. They also felt a little like physical thought loops. There were no entities, no presence or sense of traveling or anything like that. No re-living the past, no insights, or anything coherent for that matter. Just me, in this kind of intense purgatory. Previous experiences I would also describe as a pre-breakthrough purgatory, but not at all like this. None of the often reported breakthrough archetypes were perceived (cellophane crackling, etc...), not even the sounds I have become accustomed to. There was audio input, but nothing I can remember.
While I was smoking there was this odd sense of acceleration (for lack of a better word) but I kept going in my determination to break through. The first hit felt “normal”, such as it is in my very limited experience, but the second and third definitely felt different and I was a bit excited at first because it was finally something different (I didn’t have too much difficulty putting down the pipe or lying down for the journey btw). Maybe halfway through I began to think this is NOT how it was supposed to be. As I came out of it I said “what the fuck was THAT??!!” and I was intentionally breathing heavy and fast, in an attempt to release this energy and get it out of me as quickly as possible. This threw me into a bad trip for the comedown, but I eventually was able to ground myself and come through it.
The come-down visuals were also very different from any other psychedelic for me: Rather than the typical morphing and breathing of specific objects/pictures within a relatively coherent reality (which also were typical of my other breakthrough attempts), it was like I was at sea during a rough storm. Everything (eyes open and closed) was sort of fuzzy and pixelated with sort of a double-vision quality, and dominated my entire field. It was so intense that I couldn’t really focus on anything. The whole experience lasted about an hour, and I felt a little 'off' for the next few hours until I went to bed. Upon waking, I felt back to normal and a lot less freaked out, and now realize that much of my confusion and anxiety was probably due to trying too hard to reintegrate too quickly.
Dosage: Well I just don’t know. I don’t have a good mg scale and this was the sticky limonene/vinegar goo, but I had titrated and really wasn’t sure if I had enough left (this was the last of it) to break through, going from my previous experiences. Post-trip however, I don’t know if I had too much or not enough, but what I’ve read has led me to believe that too much results in blackout or no memory of the experience. In the future I will definitely dose accurately, however I have to do it!
Set and setting were carefully observed, and I repeated my usual mantra of “feel the love” beforehand to prepare myself. I had a relatively tense day at work, and my cat had annoyingly puked on my favorite chair in my absence, but overall I still felt good and prepared for my journey. I’m always very careful about S&S, and leave as little to chance as possible, and I don’t feel as if my experience was brought on by lack of preparedness or respect for the substance (I’ve researched the hell out of this for 2 years before trying it).
I’m thinking maybe I put too many expectations on the experience, having researched and absorbed all the info and others’ experiences I could. In my pre-dosing meditation I became aware that I was focusing specifically on entity contact, something that hadn’t occurred to me before. Maybe there’s something to this, maybe not. I told myself in light of this to be prepared for anything and everything, but obviously I wasn’t! I may have unconsciously imposed too much of my will on what the experience would be like, despite my conscious attempts to remain open and willing to experience anything.
Can anyone offer some insights to this? Does anyone else return to the same place (more or less) on non-breakthrough doses? Did he do something wrong? Is this maybe not the right substance for him (I really hope that’s not the case)? What happened??? He hasn't been turned off by this, and feels grateful for having had this experience and come through it no worse for wear, but he's a bit apprehensive about trying again. He knows he's dealing with a substance of supreme power and is but a newborn in his journey with it. He tends to over-analyze everything, so I was hoping someone with more experience could offer some objective opinions. Thanks!
