Hi giver of will,
He he. Welcome to the Nexus! You found the better forum here. Chat is orders of magnitude better too - a whole other world . . .
Please do check out the FAQ, wiki and Health & Safety links - the more you look the deeper it goes. Nice to see something really well written by those who have already treaded over similar territory.
The culture here is a bit different from other forums. We have been called elitist at Nexus and in a way we are - the standards and culture strongly promote respectful use, no selling, mutual support, extraordinary documentation/references for extraordinary (scientific) claims, high standards for our unauthorized researches and even trip reports. Most of these are guidelines, but cultures can enforce those very effectively. Thus, I encourage you to really look around. Folks don't even like calling DMT deemsters here. It's not a big deal and yet . . . .
Interesting that BeastofBurden put a link to one of good old joebono's threads. Mr. joebono is a bit infamous here for going off the deep end and never really coming back, sadly. Many believe that this was a direct result of his abuse and disrespectful attitude towards this amazingly powerful medicine that we use.
These are friendly warnings. In my opinion, you're nowhere near any of these points.
But, you clearly had a very strong, intense, surprising experience and have many questions. DMT does this to people. Some like this (myself because I was middle aged, burned out and thought I'd seen it all). Some find this obsessively disturbing. Again, these are just one (more than a bit "crazy" ) woman's observations.
One of the members I really love and respect here at Nexus, ۩, talks about DMT being nothing but reflection and us. I think he is on to something very profound here. You said you got locked in your own brain/mind. Locked in, or shown around rather roughly? Shown some deeper, sub or preconscious (resistance/controlling?) levels you aren't used to having on the surface. . . . this is sheer speculation . . . but this is how I try to "interpret" the personal symbology of DMT trips. . .
I think part of your difficulty last night and hesitation today was your lack of complete and utter surrender. DMT demands this. Resistance really is futile. You had that nicely illustrated . . . tell yourself to calm and you're trapped forever. You were close, in my opinion when you said your only option was to free your mind . . . but again I use the word surrender. . . it is THE option with DMT. Let it all go, . . . any desire for control of the trip, to figure it out, to see how long it's lasting, worry about breath and heart, . . . trust this beautiful molecule (safe - endogenous neurotransmitter, though incredibly intense at these doses), desire to hang on to your body or sense of embodiment or self or ego or feeling that you're alive or dead or can end the trip or induce a breakthrough or . . . . . . . whatever your personal list is, . . . . just try to let it all go.
Try to really make an effort to relax and meditate before going in.
I sincerely refer you to this most amazing and valuable resource created by, . . .you guessed it, . . ۩:
Good journies to you. Please keep us posted. And again, welcome!
Peace & Love