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why such a dark experience?

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kmurph231

Rising Star
whats up guys im new here but have been reading the forums for years. today i decided to share an experience i had that was like none other. iv done dmt many time before but only maybe 10 breakthroughs. never have any been this frightening. its always been amazing and colorful, enlightening and always great.Today i wanted a breakthrough so i packed the bong with 60mg and got comfortable in the upstairs of my garage. i felt the first wave letting out the second hit and took a third that was much bigger of a hit somehow and i this point i forgot i was still holding in the hit and on releasing the hit i dont recall seeing anything(maybe since it was cloudy outside). i just was lost in my head not being able to grasp anything. i feared time had stopped and i was lost in it with no way out. everything i ever knew was stripped from me. i would try to find something familiar like my hand or the table only to find nothing was there like it had never been there in the first place.

when i finally could grasp myself and felt so destroyed and yet to happy to still be here. all in all i think i grew stronger from it but left me wondering what happened to the beautiful trip iv had every time before? because i really felt like i was lost somewhere forever but really cant remember much of anything from the trip.
 
At first thought, it sounds like you got too much in that last hit and weren't quite prepared for the trip.

I've had a couple of times where I knew I went somewhere, but couldn't recall anything afterwards.

60mg is quite a hefty dose if you got the majority of it. Maybe try cutting back your dosage a bit?
 
kmurph231 said:
whats up guys im new here but have been reading the forums for years. today i decided to share an experience i had that was like none other. iv done dmt many time before but only maybe 10 breakthroughs. never have any been this frightening. its always been amazing and colorful, enlightening and always great.Today i wanted a breakthrough so i packed the bong with 60mg and got comfortable in the upstairs of my garage. i felt the first wave letting out the second hit and took a third that was much bigger of a hit somehow and i this point i forgot i was still holding in the hit and on releasing the hit i dont recall seeing anything(maybe since it was cloudy outside). i just was lost in my head not being able to grasp anything. i feared time had stopped and i was lost in it with no way out. everything i ever knew was stripped from me. i would try to find something familiar like my hand or the table only to find nothing was there like it had never been there in the first place.

when i finally could grasp myself and felt so destroyed and yet to happy to still be here. all in all i think i grew stronger from it but left me wondering what happened to the beautiful trip iv had every time before? because i really felt like i was lost somewhere forever but really cant remember much of anything from the trip.
Click to expand...


Hard to say honestly. Most likely just a down day for you at least subconsciously. Sometimes we have some strange shit going on in the back of our heads. The more I practice mindfullness meditation like methods the more aware I become of just how deranged my subconscious mind can be at times. It appears that our subconscious minds soul purpose is to continuously serve up thoughts about things that have either happened in the past or could happen in the future. For all you know your subconscious mind could have briefly switched over to some random though about time and then puff DMT just ran with it and expanded upon it 1000 fold. Or perhaps you got taken off guard on how large you thought your third hit was and had a slight internal panic that biased the trip negatively? I'm just speculating here as you are the only one that can be aware of your thoughts at launch time.

I almost alway's meditate before a journey to slow my respiratory rate and heart rate down which has the effect of lowering the stress effect in the brain....I try to maintain a focus on one thought, one object, or nothingness as I launch.

DMT is strange medicine to say the least and for me personally 60 mgs is a heroic dose. I can usually break through with 20mgs vaporized in 1 hit.
 
i guess so. iv done that dose of few times and love just being blown away into the unknown. but ya i would agree i pobably must have hit it more efficiently usual. it took 20 minutes afterwards just to regroup
 
joedirt said:
kmurph231 said:
whats up guys im new here but have been reading the forums for years. today i decided to share an experience i had that was like none other. iv done dmt many time before but only maybe 10 breakthroughs. never have any been this frightening. its always been amazing and colorful, enlightening and always great.Today i wanted a breakthrough so i packed the bong with 60mg and got comfortable in the upstairs of my garage. i felt the first wave letting out the second hit and took a third that was much bigger of a hit somehow and i this point i forgot i was still holding in the hit and on releasing the hit i dont recall seeing anything(maybe since it was cloudy outside). i just was lost in my head not being able to grasp anything. i feared time had stopped and i was lost in it with no way out. everything i ever knew was stripped from me. i would try to find something familiar like my hand or the table only to find nothing was there like it had never been there in the first place.

when i finally could grasp myself and felt so destroyed and yet to happy to still be here. all in all i think i grew stronger from it but left me wondering what happened to the beautiful trip iv had every time before? because i really felt like i was lost somewhere forever but really cant remember much of anything from the trip.
Click to expand...


Hard to say honestly. Most likely just a down day for you at least subconsciously. Sometimes we have some strange shit going on in the back of our heads. The more I practice mindfullness meditation like methods the more aware I become of just how deranged my subconscious mind can be at times. It appears that our subconscious minds soul purpose is to continuously serve up thoughts about things that have either happened in the past or could happen in the future. For all you know your subconscious mind could have briefly switched over to some random though about time and then puff DMT just ran with it and expanded upon it 1000 fold. Or perhaps you got taken off guard on how large you thought your third hit was and had a slight internal panic that biased the trip negatively? I'm just speculating here as you are the only one that can be aware of your thoughts at launch time.

I almost alway's meditate before a journey to slow my respiratory rate and heart rate down which has the effect of lowering the stress effect in the brain....I try to maintain a focus on one thought, one object, or nothingness as I launch.

DMT is strange medicine to say the least and for me personally 60 mgs is a heroic dose. I can usually break through with 20mgs vaporized in 1 hit.
Click to expand...


on most occasions i like to prepare my mind for the trip by making sure time weather are right because i love doing it with sunlight. i also load it and then do some deep breathing exercises before to relax. but today i just decided to sit down and rip it while still anxious and i think thats where i went wrong. i hadn't broke through in a while i rushed it the the dmt disciplined me for it.
 
Bad/unenjoyable/dark trips have a purpose, especially with this chemical. You are right when you say you have learned from it for sure, you have seen another side to an infinite-sided psychedelic. You will still have beautiful trips in the future, just don't ALWAYS expect that breath-taking (literally) experience. It seems like you had a black out breakthrough - too much information coming to you too fast...explained by the fact you couldnt grasp anything. Take a small break as always and keep exploring, PLEASE do not let this throw you off of your path.
 
Hi, I have 2 theories.

-The first one is simple: You have just lost your new ego, your eagerness to breakthrough might have summoned a very complex illusion for you to breakthrough, something unknown to you, something you had never faced and were unprepared to face. It is just like sports, psychedeliks are like snowboard for the mind, sometimes you crash, you don't really know how it happened and all you can do is be thankful to be alive. You simply bounced off the outer surface of hyperspace :p

-The second one is a bit tricky and it is the one I would suggest you to consider the most: Keep an open mind to omens and symbols... it was full moon over turtle island (the name natives give to the spirit of their homeland of north america) , it is the time when crops are seeded, this week- it was on the night of the 17-18th in Quebec (and there is actually a bad thing that happened in my personal life also... heh)I'm guessing colorado had full moon on the 16th. Usually it is a good thing but the natives have been exterminated, their land stolen and bled dry.

Turtle island is hurt, bleeding and desperate, that is how the various forgotten tribes of NA picture it, during rainbow gatherings, the schedule of the camp is based on native traditions... 1 month before and after the full moon. The day of the full moon is a celebration, it is the connexion between The spirit and the ones that understand her love... and love her and they are granted her love, and it is... believe me a celebration of unconditional love between all present, hippie or not, it is magical and is hard to be spoken of with words.

I have 2 ways of seeing this:
--It might simply be that your subconscious mind is aware of these circumstances and the overwhelming of information that would usually be hidden for the purpose of being able to function in society, was the principal focus of your visions and just amplified by the influence of a very meaningful full moon... too hard to take in so you forgot how to let go and you were trapped inside your ego.

--The human psyche really is able, through intense love, such as the love the natives have for the earth they live on, to create powerful entities capable of manifesting themselves on matter, this particular full moon period combined with the hit of DMT with intense resolve to breakthrough...
well you have broken through and you have connected with the spirit of Turtle Island, you have felt what she feels after 450 years of indiscriminate plundering from our ancestors.

It also important to remember that the Arapaho, Cheyenne, Comanche, Shoshone, Ute and Apache tribes of Colorado have sworn unity in vengeance to their opressors by sacrificing themselves in hopeless fights (lynching, or mostly murdered), In other words, their mythology cursed the descendants of the people who killed them, the descendants of the people who live under their wings to feel their despair, to feel what it feel to be broken through by eager white colonists... As a metaphore to you being eager to breakthrough


theories aside and back on topic :lol: ...
*My suggestion is: Take your time to recover from that trip, reconnect with the good entities you met during your good trips, summon them while you sleep and ask them guidance in your dreams. Try not to focus on the confusing experiences of this one and build yourself a comfortable setting for your next trip, don't rush for the breakthrough... it'll come to you as an unfolding process, as a Revelation and your subconscious usually creates the perfect timing.

*If it happens again, don't try to fight it, just like the rest of the bizarre phenomenons occuring during DMT sessions... let it go, trust the molecules, Time might stop in hyperspace but you WILL be back in Euclidian space in around 30 minutes... no matter what, eternity can be a very recreative thing you know :D
 
De_Loused,
where are you comming up with this idea of the connection with the land? In the report I saw nothing about any kind of connecting or empathising.

kmurph231, I think you just had a breakthrough. Some of them are like that. I usually have intense fear in the beginning but at some point I'm able to let it go. Try to work on that, use your breath, when you exhale try to relax into this exhalation, relax your muscles, allow your self and everything that you are connected to to leave your body through your breath. There is nothing to grasp.
reality is intangible. your experience does not sound dark when I read it but rather normal for me, except for the fact that you were afraid of the state of utter dissolution. You held on to your fear, when you could have given that too to the process of dissipation which you were subjected to. Next time let it all go. Let the universe fill you with its immensity.
 
Trips have a way of showing us things... perhaps this was simply an experience that helps you to appreciate the coherency and comfort of reality, and to understand its where you will be residing for the duration of your life?
 
Enoon said:
De_Loused,
where are you comming up with this idea of the connection with the land? In the report I saw nothing about any kind of connecting or empathising.
Click to expand...

I just meant to say that a lot of weird stuff happens during full moons, and to explain the circumstances of the one that occured the night of kmurph231's trip, people often see symbols and tribal stuff... got carried away in the story I guess.
 
i just have not had a breakthrough like that before, it seamed like more of a black out bacause i dont recall any cev's or oev's. and could not let go of the fear as i trull thought thats how my reality was stuck in my head. XT i think your right about "appreciating the coherency and comfort of reality, and to understand its where you will be residing for the duration of your life?". Because im a recovering addict and had relapsed the day before. so since then ive thought about it every day and just makes me more comfortable with everything around me.
 
Definitely sounds like too big of a dose. If you've got a good smoking technique, you should only need half of that for a solid breakthrough
 
Embrace and open to fear when you have the opportunity. You can learn a lot on a bad day. You can learn how to be brave; simply by truly experiencing the fear. You can learn to let go of the fabrications that you are holding on to. You can learn to be open to experiences so when love comes, you will embrace it maximally as you did with the fear.

Go into your experiences welcoming anything and everything that may revealed to you.
 
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