halcyon
Rising Star
Full disclosure: This is all fiction. Don't believe a word of it.
Last night was the first time I decided to give spice a try when I clearly knew things weren't all aligned. In fact, things are quite misaligned, but they are misaligned only because I have taken notice of many loose ends. The details aren't interesting - but the space is certainly familiar to you. A heavy emotional drag, feeling at sea; knowing that there was absolutely no way that the complexity (emotional and otherwise) would be gone in weeks time. I had been thinking I needed a meeting with it - I just wasn't sure when that would be. So, last night, after quite a grueling day, I gave it a go.
I don't have a certain set of things I do on each journey. Last night, it was simple. I understood where I was, and I clearly saw where I was headed. I asked the world for safety and insight. Lit the candles. Turned everything electric off. The cat was already on the top of the couch waiting to go with me.
It was a single hit, and not a massive one at that. I took in the vapor with patience and awareness.
WAAAAAHHH WAAAAHHHH WAAAAAHHH WAAAAHHH (pulse.....pulse...pulse..pulse.pulsepulsepulse)
If I didn't immediately recognize all of this - well, I wouldn't know what I would have done. I'm generally of the belief that most mature and balanced people can and should experience psychedelics. That said, I have only introduced one other person to this strange bedfellow. And he didn't like it much at all. Just wasn't his ally. He is still the only one I would sit with again.
WAAAAHHH WAAAAHHHH WAAAAHHHH WAHHHHH WAAAAAAH WAHHHHHHH
It was as if the spice amplified and sped up my emotional tenor. I was in a "fun house" of sorts. I was the joke. I've felt this before - and it is not pleasant. I wonder how many hours have been collectively spent, here at the Nexus, trying to somehow put words next to these experiences - we want to - at some level we need to - but the chance of saying anything remotely intelligent about this world is near zero - unless you have the talent of William Blake. DMT is particularly hard to describe. I don't even discuss it with people who have not tried it. It is useless. It sounds like so much bullshit.
WAAAAHHH WAAAAHHHH WAAAAHHHH WAHHHHH WAAAAAAH WAHHHHHHH
The pulsing was incredible. I generally feel quite a bit of pulsing but it usually ruptures and shatters into our well-known DMT ringing (Terrence describes it as crinkling cellophane - but that doesn't describe it too well for me).
Side Note: I am not very comfortable talking about entities. I have had many experiences where things that appeared sentient were the dominant force of the experience. They have jumped into me. One right after another, at a quick pace, and a I could feel the ripple in myself as they landed. They have taught me and most certainly helped me. That said, by the next week I feel it only honest to say that what I had experienced could very likely be: 1) my projection of what I have read about spice 2) the result of my dmt-saturated neurons going into a symphonic chorus 3) no different than the 'entities' I experience in dreams. I have had an experience (MANY years ago) where reality switched phases - the experience on psychedelics transcended the reality of my very life. The next day I had no doubt that what I had experienced was more real than all of my life. The next decade it held true. I use that experience as the tuning fork - are these entities more real than my own mother? No. So, I'll use the 'entity' language because I haven't found a better way of describing the experience.
So, back to the funhouse where I was the joke. For a few moments, it really hit me hard. I didn't have the chance to become lost - I didn't have the chance to even begin to internalize the negativity which engulfed me. It was as if a few hundred entities were all fighting for screen-space to make faces, do back-flips, and point fingers (again, metaphor, my friends). Most of these entities were cartoon-like and relatively easy to ignore; however, a few were quite ominous. Eyes formed out of nowhere and forced me to avert 'my gaze'. Within a few moments, I had pulled myself together. It was quite a struggle, really, to go back and find myself. But it happened, and everything about the experience changed dramatically. The intense love emerged. And so did my awareness. Yes, this is it. The pulsing noise died down. The emotionally nasty horizon just evaporated and I was left with what we all here seek. There were no entities. There was only sunshine. Illuminating everything in that world with baroque patterns that would have made Bach himself surrender.
WAAAAHHH WAAAAHHHH WAAAAHHHH WAHHHHH WAAAAAAH WAHHHHHHH
But it didn't stay. In a relatively short time I had passed back and forth between the these two worlds - which couldn't contrast more under any circumstances. There were intermediate spaces but they passed by so quickly.
Of course, the spice wore off, and everything faded, slowly. More slowly then I remember in any past experience. I was left with the awe. I put everything away. I wasn't going back again tonight. I blew out the candles, walked up to the bedroom, opened up some windows, turned off the lights, and got in bed. I contemplated what had happened. I fell asleep. I still don't know what it means. If the simplest explanation is the best -then, if you think you are going in for a hard look... expect to reach deeply to maintain. Whether it is 'worth it' or not - that is for you to decide. If you can. I can't.
Safe travels..
-h
Last night was the first time I decided to give spice a try when I clearly knew things weren't all aligned. In fact, things are quite misaligned, but they are misaligned only because I have taken notice of many loose ends. The details aren't interesting - but the space is certainly familiar to you. A heavy emotional drag, feeling at sea; knowing that there was absolutely no way that the complexity (emotional and otherwise) would be gone in weeks time. I had been thinking I needed a meeting with it - I just wasn't sure when that would be. So, last night, after quite a grueling day, I gave it a go.
I don't have a certain set of things I do on each journey. Last night, it was simple. I understood where I was, and I clearly saw where I was headed. I asked the world for safety and insight. Lit the candles. Turned everything electric off. The cat was already on the top of the couch waiting to go with me.
It was a single hit, and not a massive one at that. I took in the vapor with patience and awareness.
WAAAAAHHH WAAAAHHHH WAAAAAHHH WAAAAHHH (pulse.....pulse...pulse..pulse.pulsepulsepulse)
If I didn't immediately recognize all of this - well, I wouldn't know what I would have done. I'm generally of the belief that most mature and balanced people can and should experience psychedelics. That said, I have only introduced one other person to this strange bedfellow. And he didn't like it much at all. Just wasn't his ally. He is still the only one I would sit with again.
WAAAAHHH WAAAAHHHH WAAAAHHHH WAHHHHH WAAAAAAH WAHHHHHHH
It was as if the spice amplified and sped up my emotional tenor. I was in a "fun house" of sorts. I was the joke. I've felt this before - and it is not pleasant. I wonder how many hours have been collectively spent, here at the Nexus, trying to somehow put words next to these experiences - we want to - at some level we need to - but the chance of saying anything remotely intelligent about this world is near zero - unless you have the talent of William Blake. DMT is particularly hard to describe. I don't even discuss it with people who have not tried it. It is useless. It sounds like so much bullshit.
WAAAAHHH WAAAAHHHH WAAAAHHHH WAHHHHH WAAAAAAH WAHHHHHHH
The pulsing was incredible. I generally feel quite a bit of pulsing but it usually ruptures and shatters into our well-known DMT ringing (Terrence describes it as crinkling cellophane - but that doesn't describe it too well for me).
Side Note: I am not very comfortable talking about entities. I have had many experiences where things that appeared sentient were the dominant force of the experience. They have jumped into me. One right after another, at a quick pace, and a I could feel the ripple in myself as they landed. They have taught me and most certainly helped me. That said, by the next week I feel it only honest to say that what I had experienced could very likely be: 1) my projection of what I have read about spice 2) the result of my dmt-saturated neurons going into a symphonic chorus 3) no different than the 'entities' I experience in dreams. I have had an experience (MANY years ago) where reality switched phases - the experience on psychedelics transcended the reality of my very life. The next day I had no doubt that what I had experienced was more real than all of my life. The next decade it held true. I use that experience as the tuning fork - are these entities more real than my own mother? No. So, I'll use the 'entity' language because I haven't found a better way of describing the experience.
So, back to the funhouse where I was the joke. For a few moments, it really hit me hard. I didn't have the chance to become lost - I didn't have the chance to even begin to internalize the negativity which engulfed me. It was as if a few hundred entities were all fighting for screen-space to make faces, do back-flips, and point fingers (again, metaphor, my friends). Most of these entities were cartoon-like and relatively easy to ignore; however, a few were quite ominous. Eyes formed out of nowhere and forced me to avert 'my gaze'. Within a few moments, I had pulled myself together. It was quite a struggle, really, to go back and find myself. But it happened, and everything about the experience changed dramatically. The intense love emerged. And so did my awareness. Yes, this is it. The pulsing noise died down. The emotionally nasty horizon just evaporated and I was left with what we all here seek. There were no entities. There was only sunshine. Illuminating everything in that world with baroque patterns that would have made Bach himself surrender.
WAAAAHHH WAAAAHHHH WAAAAHHHH WAHHHHH WAAAAAAH WAHHHHHHH
But it didn't stay. In a relatively short time I had passed back and forth between the these two worlds - which couldn't contrast more under any circumstances. There were intermediate spaces but they passed by so quickly.
Of course, the spice wore off, and everything faded, slowly. More slowly then I remember in any past experience. I was left with the awe. I put everything away. I wasn't going back again tonight. I blew out the candles, walked up to the bedroom, opened up some windows, turned off the lights, and got in bed. I contemplated what had happened. I fell asleep. I still don't know what it means. If the simplest explanation is the best -then, if you think you are going in for a hard look... expect to reach deeply to maintain. Whether it is 'worth it' or not - that is for you to decide. If you can. I can't.
Safe travels..
-h
