Welcome, Red Cat.  Happy to have you here. 

You actually sound like a prime candidate for entheogens to me, and at what I believe is their highest and best use - that of mature and measured exploration of our place in the grand design.  They can be also be a lot of fun (though this isn't always the case), and there is no shame in enjoying them for this purpose as well.

If this is indeed the road you want to travel at this point in your life, you have certainly come to the right place.  Everything you'll need to know to get started can be found right here in this forum, and it's a community full of like minded travelers who will eagerly support you.

I hope to see you stick around, and to hear more of your journey as it unfolds.