Dose #1:
The first trip was lots of spinning colors. I was scared, but kept telling myself, "Relax, surrender, embrace." Then I saw what I can only describe as a Las Vegas-casino type of scene, all flashing and whirling lights. I was rather disappointed. Here I'm expecting this profound spiritual experience and I get Las Vegas! But then, before I had much time to be disappointed, I "flew" on and saw clowns performing. They were like toys, or animated clowns. I had the overwhelming urge to laugh. I was kind of self-conscious about it at first, but I couldn't contain myself and I laughed out loud watching those clowns.
Rick told me the clowns are a common experience. In fact, he said, "Oh, you saw the clowns?" as if they were old friends or something. Then he said, "Yes, they're hilarious." I felt more confident and not as scared.
Dose #2:
This time the aggressive spinning colors were almost familiar. Suddenly, a pulsating "entity" appeared in the patterns. It sounds weird to describe it as "Tinkerbell-like." It was trying to coax me to go with it. At first I was reluctant, because I didn't know about finding my way back. By the time I made up my mind that I did want to go with it, I could tell the drug was starting to wear off, and I wasn't "high" enough to follow it. I told it, "I can't go with you know. See, they want me back." It didn't seem to be offended and, in fact, "followed" me back until I sensed it had reached its boundary. I felt like it was saying good-bye. Reentry was slow, and I was reluctant to take off the eyeshades.
Everyone's eyes were so sparkling when I took off my eyeshades!
I knew Sara was on the verge of some breakthrough, but that her strong reaction to the colorful hallucinations were somehow holding her back.
"Can you stop short of contact with the colors? You can't help seeing them, but you can stop yourself from responding to them."
She asked, "Is it best to hope and intend for something, like to see that little pulsating shining creature again?"
"The best is to have no intention. If you intend something and it doesn't happen, you'll bump against it. You'll react against it. Just feel your body lying in bed and try and empty your mind."
She nodded, and we all paused to look out the window, remarking on how the beauty of the thunderheads building in the spring sky.
Sara looked exhausted.
Dose #3:
I realized that what Rick said was true, that the most intense part of each trip was spent tangled up in these colors. This time, I quickly blasted through to the "other side." I was in a void of darkness. Suddenly, being appeared. They were cloaked, like silhouettes. They were glad to see me. They indicated that they had had contact with me as an individual before. They seemed pleased that we had discovered this technology. I felt like a spiritual seeker who had gotten too far off course and, instead of encountering the spirit world, overshot my destination and ended up on another planet.
They wanted to learn more about our physical bodies. They told me humans exist on many levels. I needed to reconnect with my body in time for the blood pressure check and blood sampling. It was as if they, rather than Laura, were collecting the information, and they appreciated my doing it for them. Somehow we had something in common. They told me to "embrace peace."
I could feel myself begin to slip away from them as the drug wore off. As I started to come down, I saw these things from their world that I really can't describe. I thought of how the South Pacific natives could see only Captain Cook's small boats, and not his big ships, until they actually climbed on board and touched them.
The reentry was very difficult. I felt sort of lost, but I sensed a tractor beam of Kevin's love and followed it in.
My notes state that Sara got up to use the bathroom. Upon returning she said, "I'm tired, but I'm ready for the fourth dose."
"This is the last dose. You can really go for it."
Kevin added, "Make sure you return."
At 5 minutes, her blood pressure and heart rate went up higher than they had all morning, even compared to her 2-minute reading, when people's responses are usually greatest. She obviously was exerting herself, but at what, we would find out only later. At 10 minutes, my records indicate that she murmured, We have things we can offer you too. Spirituality.... Okay, hurry up. Right there, right there. I did it for you. There, you can go out.
Sara's notes from dose #4:
I went directly into deep space. They knew I was coming back and they were ready for me. They told me there were many things they could share with us when we learn how to make more extended contact. Again, they wanted something from me, not just physical information. They were interested in emotions and feelings. I told them, "We have something we can give you: spirituality." I guess what I really meant was Love. I tried to figure out how to do this. I felt a tremendous energy, brilliant pink light with white edges, building on my left side. I knew it was spiritual energy and Love. They were on my right, so I reached out my hands across the universe and prepared to be a bridge. I let this energy pass through me to them. I said something like, "See, there I did it for you. You have it." They were grateful. I was coming down off the DMT, losing altitude. I would have to go back.
I was a little disappointed that experience was spent "giving" when what I wanted was spiritual enlightenment. Should I have asked for something to take back first? I guess I don't feel comfortable in my role as an earthly spiritual emissary. But I did my best. I always knew we weren't alone in the universe. I thought that the only way to encounter them is with bright lights and flying saucers in outer space. It never occurred to me to actually encounter them in our inner space. I thought the only things we could encounter were things in our own personal sphere of archetypes and mythology. I expected spirit guides and angels, not alien life-forms.
My own notes add this little exchange toward the end of her session:
I saw some equipment or something, sticks with teardrops coming out of them. It looked like machinery.
"It may have been machinery."
