25mg Gvg experience- waking emotions

[Twofaced26]

Jees responded to my last post, asking me about my emotions and feelings during the trip.
I hadn't felt anything.
On further thought I realised I'm quite emotionally numb.
I don't often feel much during daily life.
One of the things that had always prevented me progressing to higher doses was concern I may experience
emotions I'm not familiar with. In many of the trip reports I've read, people describe feelings and emotions I couldn't relate to.

Yesterday maybe I pushed a little too hard. I don't know.
In the afternoon I did 2 back to back 20mg trips, each about 1 1/2hrs apart.
I didn't go half as deep as I did on the trip I wrote about.
A little frustrated and perhaps a little arrogant, I loaded the pipe with 25mg and sat it down for later.

When the house was quiet and everyone was in bed later I felt the calling.
I went through my usual ritual.
I got myself comfortable on the couch, calmed myself, brought the pipe to my lips and inhaled long and deep.
I cleared the dose in one toke, holding it for a count of 30 seconds and exhaled.

The usual patterns and colours emerged. Suddenly everything went dark.
I felt a male presence along with an intense feeling of impending doom.
I didn't see enough of him to describe him but I knew he was bearded. An elder.
He pushed me hard to the ground by my chest and held me down hard, as if saying "your going nowhere."
I felt my head burst with an eruption of negative emotions. A strong feeling of having had a severe telling off.

I felt myself being dragged through what I can only describe as a swap. The likes seen in horror movies.
Dark, dirty, damp, muddy, cold.
It smothered my face. I could feel it all over my body.
I kept telling myself it's ok, I needed this. But it just went on forever.
I could hear my music in the distance and clung on to it, knowing by the time it had finished, the trip would be over.
The song just didn't seem to progress.
I eventually came to. Unable to shake the negative feelings.
I sat on the couch in silence.

I went to bed and struggled to get to sleep. I finally drifted off.
My night was haunted by nightmare after nightmare.
I woke this morning feeling awful. Still unable to shake these feelings.
It's horrible

 

[Jees]

Thanks for sharing.
My previous question for emotions was mainly oriented after the trip ended, after back to alleged baseline, how it influenced your day(s) after. Because during the trip I consider emotions all a bit unstable.

Here you describe during and after, thank you.
Your 'after feelings' resemble quite the during emotions.
I can only recommend being observative about it all, and wave off positive or negative connotations to it, the brain tries to, I know. I've been in muddy layers too, and I believe it all has a function somehow even if I do not understand it. The traveler must accept these things as they come, or stay away, with dmt you are a warrior. Expect everything, expect nothing too. By being open and observative one can see without making conclusions. This way the 'story' get volatile and transformative. Pinning your attention to potential 'meaning' will feed it stronger. Sometimes we must face the dirt, the blubber, the soil, the dark, ... it can only be a stage for a while, eventually it runs out of fuel too, sooner if you don't fuel it yourself. It's a phase. As powerful as it looks, it's also as weak and thin like a wet paper slice. But sometimes this is what is presented, e.g. the boogeyman, inside we stay fearsome children a little longer than expected.

There are writings about 'the dark night of the soul' where The only light in this dark night is that which burns in the soul. I believe 'this light' can be staying 'observative' if we grow out of the mystical christian origin.

The pulling and pushing feelings are recognizable too, and not able to sleep afterwards is very well known. No sleep after cacti and dmt.

I've went in with intends like: "If you want to toss me around, if you want to boof on me, if you want to squeeze me, whatever, well go ahead I'll be you snack if you want. And know what? I don't care." Especially those last words were meant to detach my attention from it, so I don't feed it longer myself than necessary.

Even in the case of literal sentient entities meaning bullying you, if you're able to carry an observative attitude mainly, they have less angle and hold on you. People have been singing away certain energies. Why are the icaro's so important to the shamans? It's choosing which energy gets fueled, and which not. All to an extend of course, sometimes there's no choice. But clinging on to observation, no more, stays pretty long an accessible asset at disposal.

Maybe you can relate to a phrase TGO made once:

...If I were to describe what the entity looked like, I would say that he slightly resembled Zangetsu, the humanoid form of Ichigo's sword from the wonderful animated series, BLEACH except he was a much larger form. Dark tattered robes of black and white energy and unsmiling, unflinching characteristics. This entity was not malicious... I think...But it was incredibly stern, almost in a parental sort of way. Very strange and a bit unnerving...

On another note, measures to protect you can be felt like threatening if you don't understand them. In those contexts we don't know much tbh.

So what you experienced might be strictly normal phases within evolving. What you had is not dmt, it's just one slice of it, there are about an infinite other totally different slices too.

But if you suffer disturbing of sleeping pattern in the following days, leaving you tired during the day, or abnormal functioning during the day, this might be a red flag if you are compatible with the dose. Then again this could be just temporal adjusting too. It's up to you to decide. But know that you are not alone, that much of it sounds normal as a first shakes. I invite people to share other opinions if they have, this was just my 2 cents so far.

 

[Twofaced26]

Wow Jees, thanks. I really enjoyed reading that. Very reassuring. I like ur perspective. Evolving.
Yes, I will use this experience to grow.
U have such an eloquence with words. I wish I could convey my thoughts with such skill.

The experience hasn't deterred me.
I'll give it some time to sink in properly. Keep check on my sleep and mood over the coming days.
Again, thank u. Ur words mean everything