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A Hesitant Introduction

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The Arpeggiator

Rising Star
In this introductory essay I plan to tell you a little about myself and how I came to find myself on the nexus. However, before I get into all of that, I'd like to give my sincerest thanks to the fine people of this forum for all you have contributed to it. Not only for making my first experience possible, but also providing a positive and supportive environment in which to discuss the strange and unusual.

Now a little about myself. I am a very quiet, very private person. Perhaps paranoid to some degree. I enjoy my anonymity and watch what I say, even in this forum, for fear of being discovered. I tend not to volunteer information about myself, which makes this introduction a little difficult for me. I feel if someone is interested about me or my thought and opinions they will ask. I don't have that luxury while writing an introduction.

Now to go a little deeper. Early in life, as a child, I have a vivid memory of asking myself the following question. Who would I be if I wasn't me? To which I replied, I would just be someone else, but I would still be me. This was followed by a vague distant feeling of actually being someone else. Hard to explain. I'm not sure why I'm telling you this, or the relevance to this essay, but these are the kind of thoughts that have been on my mind lately. Especially after my first dance with DMT. It has a way of making you think.

Also, from an early age I had a fascination with music, hence my username. I didn't know why but I loved it and wanted to create it. For the longest time I knew almost nothing about it but I was naturally able to understand it, if that makes sense. In other words I could do it without knowing how. I have been told repeatedly that I'm wasting my time with this endeavor, that its not a practical skill to invest so much time in. Despite this, it's still the only thing I really want to do with my time. It touches me deeply. Hearing an interesting piece of music gives me a very real physical sensation, a chill up the spine followed by a vibration in the head. I don't know if other experience this since I keep most things to myself but I imagine they do.

I don't aspire to acquire wealth and fame, that's not for me. I just want to be good enough to play what I hear in my mind, to express myself without ever having to speak a word. Maybe one day I can inspire somebody to pick up the craft, or write something that helps someone through a difficult time in their life.

Sorry for rambling about the seemingly irrelevant, sometimes I do that.

Moving onward.

About 5 or 6 years ago I had my first encounter with LSD. It was amazing, it really opened my eyes to a lot of things. I have read about people having powerful insights and life changing experiences, this is what I was after. Eventually I got just that. The first time I felt incredible, and the music... It was as if i had never heard it before, amazing. Although I was feeling great I also became aware of the condition of the world in which we live. All the destruction, the greed, and the hatred. Although, sometimes, the truth hurts, I am grateful for having been exposed to it.

A few years after my psychedelic journeys began I found myself intrigued with the metaphysical. What use to seem like mumbo-jumbo suddenly started to make sense. I decided to implement my findings and started to meditate for the first time in my life. After a while of serious and genuine attempts I started to feel physical sensations. Vibrations, clarity of mind, and a little more at peace with who I was. I thought "oh my god, its real," there was more to it than what I was taught to believe. I feel these experiences have molded me into a better version of myself. I'm more compassionate and understanding, also slow to anger and judge.

I have always loved the animals of this world and have a special connection to them. They seem to be comfortable approaching me, even the "mean" ones seem to like me. I feel the insights of psychedelics and meditation have given me a new found respect for all forms of life. I must admit, I have a fear of insects, I don't know why, they just tend to frighten me. When I encounter them, I still feel the fear shoot up my spine but I try to overcome it. Now when an insect invades my space, instead of taking their life, I muster the courage to remove them peacefully. I think they can feel there is a level of respect for them and they tend not to bother me anymore, its a strange observation.

I know this is a little lengthy and all over the place so I'll wrap it up with how I came to join the nexus.

Not long ago, and out of nowhere, a thought came to me. That thought was, "I have to experience DMT" A couple days later, by pure chance, I saw an extraction video. I thought, It can't be that easy, there's no way. A few days later I found myself lurking around on the nexus. I have heard of this place before, but never logged the kind of hours I put in over the last few months. I decided I may as well register, so I did. NO WAY, A SEARCH BAR!!! This opened up some doors. No longer did i have to spend hours digging through old threads, reading every single reply hoping there would be some relevance to the questions I had. I spent the next couple weeks refining the knowledge I had gained from this place. The time had come, I would finally attempt an extraction. To my surprise I had most definitely succeeded. For that, again I thank you.
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