TeaDaze
truth is a pathless land
A few days ago I experienced one of the most meaningful DMT trips of my life. I feel like a story that began many months ago just unfolded and concluded.
History
For perhaps the past six months DMT had stopped providing interesting experiences. Visuals had become tame. No entities. Little deep thought. Lots of discomfort. Overall, the vibe had very much become "fuck off."
My beloved cat passed away a few weeks ago. She had been with me for a very long time since a kitten and I liked to think she had become my best friend through all of life’s challenges. I really really miss her- it cannot be understated. She had been fighting cancer for over a year and there was no way to save her from it. All I could do was keep her comfortable and slow down the progression.
Around the time when DMT was just beginning to stop working I had two interesting trips involving my cat. In both of these trips something new happened. I felt like I was being given a choice to experience something intense or something simple. Of course I wanted the intense, so it went that way and the visuals changed. I never felt like I had a choice like that. Just as things picked up, my cat touched her nose to the tips of my fingers and startled me out of the experience. She had never bothered me during my trips before. At most, occasionally, she was sitting by my side as I came out of it. At first I was upset and closed my eyes again but it was all gone. I opened them and remembered how much I loved her and gave her a hug. She was so crazy beautiful at the height of my experience too. Oh my god.
She eventually got bored and left, so I tried again. Just like last time I reached this point in the trip where I felt like I could decide to see something intense or stay with the simple. I felt like I could will-in the change. Just as things began to change my cat appeared AGAIN and startled me out of the experience. I wasn't upset this time. I just laughed and hugged and loved her as long as I could.
After all of this happened I had a sense that someday I would see more deeply and intensely into DMT but this wasn't the time for it. I knew that someday my cat would pass and I would be in need of a ton of grief processing, and somehow she or something was reminding me she that she was still there. DMT could wait.
The Experience
This past weekend I went out with a few friends to see some music. We ate acid and finished the night listening to music in front of my fireplace at home. We had a really beautiful time. In the middle of this I had given my DMT vaporizer to them to try. I was apprehensive about doing it myself since I had not had good experiences with it lately, but I decided to give it a go having completely forgot this would be my first venture since my cat’s death.
I took a rip and immediately felt like I needed to cough. I thought "oh fuck, I pulled in a lot" and then exhaled early. Just as I exhaled everything went weird and colorful. The tapestry above my fireplace popped out from the wall and an entity emerged right there. I said out loud "oh, hello there." It stayed there for a second and then began to arch out from the wall over me. Vortexes of geometry I had never seen began spiraling out of it towards and around me (this is as best as I can remember it). At some point I layed back and closed my eyes but I don't remember doing any of that. As this happened I was flooded with feelings of warmth, compassion and love. Oh my god, the love.
As this was unfolding I recalled my cat and my love for her, the pain I felt in her loss, the trips when she had touched her nose to my fingers diverting my intentions to go deeper, and the fact that DMT had not remotely taken me to such a place in a long time. It was clear this was among the most beautifully intense and unique experiences I had ever had and what was happening was a very special and well-timed gift. I felt such gratitude for it. I said "thank you, I needed this. I missed you. You’re so beautiful. Thank you." I must have said "thank you" a hundred times before the trip was over. I kept my eyes closed as long as I could until the entire experience ended. My friends were still silently sitting by me and I couldn't have imagined a more comfortable space and better time to have such a powerful and memorable thing happen.
I feel like the universe gave me a big fat hug when I needed it. DMT blows my mind and continues to astonish and surprise. I feel so much gratitude and appreciation for its existence and I will be thinking about this one for a long time.
History
For perhaps the past six months DMT had stopped providing interesting experiences. Visuals had become tame. No entities. Little deep thought. Lots of discomfort. Overall, the vibe had very much become "fuck off."
My beloved cat passed away a few weeks ago. She had been with me for a very long time since a kitten and I liked to think she had become my best friend through all of life’s challenges. I really really miss her- it cannot be understated. She had been fighting cancer for over a year and there was no way to save her from it. All I could do was keep her comfortable and slow down the progression.
Around the time when DMT was just beginning to stop working I had two interesting trips involving my cat. In both of these trips something new happened. I felt like I was being given a choice to experience something intense or something simple. Of course I wanted the intense, so it went that way and the visuals changed. I never felt like I had a choice like that. Just as things picked up, my cat touched her nose to the tips of my fingers and startled me out of the experience. She had never bothered me during my trips before. At most, occasionally, she was sitting by my side as I came out of it. At first I was upset and closed my eyes again but it was all gone. I opened them and remembered how much I loved her and gave her a hug. She was so crazy beautiful at the height of my experience too. Oh my god.
She eventually got bored and left, so I tried again. Just like last time I reached this point in the trip where I felt like I could decide to see something intense or stay with the simple. I felt like I could will-in the change. Just as things began to change my cat appeared AGAIN and startled me out of the experience. I wasn't upset this time. I just laughed and hugged and loved her as long as I could.
After all of this happened I had a sense that someday I would see more deeply and intensely into DMT but this wasn't the time for it. I knew that someday my cat would pass and I would be in need of a ton of grief processing, and somehow she or something was reminding me she that she was still there. DMT could wait.
The Experience
This past weekend I went out with a few friends to see some music. We ate acid and finished the night listening to music in front of my fireplace at home. We had a really beautiful time. In the middle of this I had given my DMT vaporizer to them to try. I was apprehensive about doing it myself since I had not had good experiences with it lately, but I decided to give it a go having completely forgot this would be my first venture since my cat’s death.
I took a rip and immediately felt like I needed to cough. I thought "oh fuck, I pulled in a lot" and then exhaled early. Just as I exhaled everything went weird and colorful. The tapestry above my fireplace popped out from the wall and an entity emerged right there. I said out loud "oh, hello there." It stayed there for a second and then began to arch out from the wall over me. Vortexes of geometry I had never seen began spiraling out of it towards and around me (this is as best as I can remember it). At some point I layed back and closed my eyes but I don't remember doing any of that. As this happened I was flooded with feelings of warmth, compassion and love. Oh my god, the love.
As this was unfolding I recalled my cat and my love for her, the pain I felt in her loss, the trips when she had touched her nose to my fingers diverting my intentions to go deeper, and the fact that DMT had not remotely taken me to such a place in a long time. It was clear this was among the most beautifully intense and unique experiences I had ever had and what was happening was a very special and well-timed gift. I felt such gratitude for it. I said "thank you, I needed this. I missed you. You’re so beautiful. Thank you." I must have said "thank you" a hundred times before the trip was over. I kept my eyes closed as long as I could until the entire experience ended. My friends were still silently sitting by me and I couldn't have imagined a more comfortable space and better time to have such a powerful and memorable thing happen.
I feel like the universe gave me a big fat hug when I needed it. DMT blows my mind and continues to astonish and surprise. I feel so much gratitude and appreciation for its existence and I will be thinking about this one for a long time.
