OldBones
Rising Star
DMT is something I have just started to discover at 50. I have been active with it now for perhaps 5 weeks and I have been exploring it on my own. The wife is tolerant of such experimentative urges, but not interested. My friends are a group of middle age people who enjoy a cool beverage which represents their total willingness to chemically alter their minds and so I am left alone in solitary to poke at things. My background is that of somebody who has smoked pot thousands of times over a 30-year period, but having made this claim I can also advise that it has been perhaps 5 years since I last smoked green. The main reason for this break is moving from a large city to a rural area. Put simply I no longer have contacts to procure said product. Historically pot represents my complete background with mind altering substances. Years at a time I have been quite a steady cannabis user - but never dabbled with anything else. Possibly in hindsight due to ignorance about the safety and validity of all other substances.
Somewhat recently I developed an interest in LSD after being inspired from writings by Carrie Fisher detailing her times after dropping acid (initially her drug of choice), but again due to lack of local contacts this was never going to be a possibility. My interest in DMT arrived after listening to a recent Joe Rogan podcast with Mike Tyson. This was the first time I had heard of DMT which lead to some immediate online research. A week or two later I had some ACRB on order from a local vendor.
Using a newly acquired VG I have explored small doses of DMT perhaps 15 times now. Doing this on my lonesome has resulted in a very slow moderate and cautious approach. Initially only vaping enough to provide a slightly stoned and spaced-out feeling, I have worked up to a dose guaranteed to provide some very active visuals that always end in a relaxed and pleasant afterglow (with a single exception where from start to finish I had a nauseous and anxious feeling for unknown reasons).
Now a little more confident I have started recently packing a little bit more into the pipe. Two times recently on higher doses I have experienced what felt like the presence of bright white room just out of reach. So I go through the usual visuals but get a fleeting glimpse of something “next door”, but it is still out of reach.
With my supply dwindling and having never encountered any entities or been able to get into this bright room, I went for broke and really packed up the pipe. Usually I would load it with a humble amount of gooey crystal but this time I loaded it 3-5 times what I would normally have. I find the goo difficult to handle so never weigh, as a result I don’t know how much was in there. I figured I would smoke enough to do the job and stop when I had enough.
Being very aware of this new much higher dosage, a glance at my Fitbit showed my heart rate through the roof. I took some time to chill, put on some soft piano music, and once I felt as good as I was going to – I took one big long drag. I only just got the pipe down and after the briefest of moments I was in the white room. It glowed everywhere and I felt safe and welcomed and warm. For the first time I felt the hint of a presence although seen nothing. The whole experience was extremely pleasant and non- threatening. I came out feeling fantastic. Start to finish was 11 minutes.
With some time to analyze I have come to the conclusion that the white room was an old house that I used to live in. The last time I seen my Mum was in this house when I was 8 years old before she passed at the premature age of 28. Again, this entire experience was warm and desirable. So I picked myself up and went and watched some TV.
An hour later I returned to my office. I figured the pipe to be pretty much spent of good stuff so without any preparation or nervousness I picked up my pipe took a big long toke. It tasted a little harsh when I breathed it out and then things went absolute crazy. Instantly my brain felt like it was exploding. The visuals were violently rapid and disorientating. I don’t know after how long (10 seconds I guess), I felt extremely panicked and opened my eyes. Everything was vibrating at realy high speed, again the only word I can use to describe is “violent”. It was so aggressive. I started to freak, I didn’t know where I was, I could not comprehend anything, I didn’t even remember smoking. I felt like I had stopped breathing and had no heartbeat, and that I didn’t have a physical presence. I quickly came to the obvious conclusion that I was dead and it was terrifying. In the unknown moments that passed I gradually realized that I had smoked too much and had killed myself. Still everything was vibrating like crazy where I could focus on nothing.
I was grief stricken that my wife and children would have to deal with my loss, I had horrors of my wife discovering my corpse and the utter destruction my wasteful death would cause. My little 7 year old girl growing up without a father, my wife alone trying to support the household, my son left to navigate his teenage years seemingly alone after a father that killed himself using drugs. I don’t think I have never felt more devastated and ashamed.
Much of what I went through I can’t remember in detail, even now I am wondering if everything I remember was accurate or has been altered by the time spent contemplating, I just know it was sad, and terrifying, and horrific. When I noticed myself breathing I started to come out of it. Quite quickly it felt as though things returned to normal and I realized I was not dead. My pipe was on the floor, I hadn’t even put it down I guess I just passed out after the first big toke. For 15 minutes I don’t think I moved, I just sat there dumbfounded and tried to process what had happened.
I always thought I would have the mind control to let go when things got really intense, but the thing is I had no knowledge of how I arrived where I did. I just woke up while I was dying or actually being dead. I didn’t know I had smoked so I couldn’t use any reason to use logic with the situation.
I am still to fully understand what a breakthrough experience is, but I simply can’t imagine anything more intense as this and suspect I had one. For that matter I couldn’t have smoked anymore anyway effectively being instantly comatosed after the first big long drag.
So this was 3 days ago. I don’t think more than 20 minutes have elapsed that I haven’t revisited the experience in some way or another. I don’t feel traumatized although this might be the word to explain the hours that proceeded after I came back.
I do want to go again but have some obvious trepidations. I don’t know if next time this happens I will recall this experience and be able to process it differently, or if I will just be lost again in confusion without memory of how I got there.
Anyway, I wanted to share what must have been the most intense unique thing I have likely ever experienced.
Somewhat recently I developed an interest in LSD after being inspired from writings by Carrie Fisher detailing her times after dropping acid (initially her drug of choice), but again due to lack of local contacts this was never going to be a possibility. My interest in DMT arrived after listening to a recent Joe Rogan podcast with Mike Tyson. This was the first time I had heard of DMT which lead to some immediate online research. A week or two later I had some ACRB on order from a local vendor.
Using a newly acquired VG I have explored small doses of DMT perhaps 15 times now. Doing this on my lonesome has resulted in a very slow moderate and cautious approach. Initially only vaping enough to provide a slightly stoned and spaced-out feeling, I have worked up to a dose guaranteed to provide some very active visuals that always end in a relaxed and pleasant afterglow (with a single exception where from start to finish I had a nauseous and anxious feeling for unknown reasons).
Now a little more confident I have started recently packing a little bit more into the pipe. Two times recently on higher doses I have experienced what felt like the presence of bright white room just out of reach. So I go through the usual visuals but get a fleeting glimpse of something “next door”, but it is still out of reach.
With my supply dwindling and having never encountered any entities or been able to get into this bright room, I went for broke and really packed up the pipe. Usually I would load it with a humble amount of gooey crystal but this time I loaded it 3-5 times what I would normally have. I find the goo difficult to handle so never weigh, as a result I don’t know how much was in there. I figured I would smoke enough to do the job and stop when I had enough.
Being very aware of this new much higher dosage, a glance at my Fitbit showed my heart rate through the roof. I took some time to chill, put on some soft piano music, and once I felt as good as I was going to – I took one big long drag. I only just got the pipe down and after the briefest of moments I was in the white room. It glowed everywhere and I felt safe and welcomed and warm. For the first time I felt the hint of a presence although seen nothing. The whole experience was extremely pleasant and non- threatening. I came out feeling fantastic. Start to finish was 11 minutes.
With some time to analyze I have come to the conclusion that the white room was an old house that I used to live in. The last time I seen my Mum was in this house when I was 8 years old before she passed at the premature age of 28. Again, this entire experience was warm and desirable. So I picked myself up and went and watched some TV.
An hour later I returned to my office. I figured the pipe to be pretty much spent of good stuff so without any preparation or nervousness I picked up my pipe took a big long toke. It tasted a little harsh when I breathed it out and then things went absolute crazy. Instantly my brain felt like it was exploding. The visuals were violently rapid and disorientating. I don’t know after how long (10 seconds I guess), I felt extremely panicked and opened my eyes. Everything was vibrating at realy high speed, again the only word I can use to describe is “violent”. It was so aggressive. I started to freak, I didn’t know where I was, I could not comprehend anything, I didn’t even remember smoking. I felt like I had stopped breathing and had no heartbeat, and that I didn’t have a physical presence. I quickly came to the obvious conclusion that I was dead and it was terrifying. In the unknown moments that passed I gradually realized that I had smoked too much and had killed myself. Still everything was vibrating like crazy where I could focus on nothing.
I was grief stricken that my wife and children would have to deal with my loss, I had horrors of my wife discovering my corpse and the utter destruction my wasteful death would cause. My little 7 year old girl growing up without a father, my wife alone trying to support the household, my son left to navigate his teenage years seemingly alone after a father that killed himself using drugs. I don’t think I have never felt more devastated and ashamed.
Much of what I went through I can’t remember in detail, even now I am wondering if everything I remember was accurate or has been altered by the time spent contemplating, I just know it was sad, and terrifying, and horrific. When I noticed myself breathing I started to come out of it. Quite quickly it felt as though things returned to normal and I realized I was not dead. My pipe was on the floor, I hadn’t even put it down I guess I just passed out after the first big toke. For 15 minutes I don’t think I moved, I just sat there dumbfounded and tried to process what had happened.
I always thought I would have the mind control to let go when things got really intense, but the thing is I had no knowledge of how I arrived where I did. I just woke up while I was dying or actually being dead. I didn’t know I had smoked so I couldn’t use any reason to use logic with the situation.
I am still to fully understand what a breakthrough experience is, but I simply can’t imagine anything more intense as this and suspect I had one. For that matter I couldn’t have smoked anymore anyway effectively being instantly comatosed after the first big long drag.
So this was 3 days ago. I don’t think more than 20 minutes have elapsed that I haven’t revisited the experience in some way or another. I don’t feel traumatized although this might be the word to explain the hours that proceeded after I came back.
I do want to go again but have some obvious trepidations. I don’t know if next time this happens I will recall this experience and be able to process it differently, or if I will just be lost again in confusion without memory of how I got there.
Anyway, I wanted to share what must have been the most intense unique thing I have likely ever experienced.
) and feel 'back to normal', ok and glad that I experienced it.
