A shower of white light.

[Cazman043]

A quick, low dose experience for me today. Preparations for a breakthrough, the fear is totally irrational, but the ego loves to rationalise it. The dose enters me. I hold it. As I blow it out I yell "YES, YES I LOVE YOU!" A suggestion I read on the nexus a couple nights ago by a Nexus member who'd yell this out to comfort himself. It worked. I felt a surge of love pulse through from my heart to my head. If I'd had smoked more it would have shot into the universe and I'd have been free.

Then the surge stopped, the white light shining on me started to fade into darkness. My ego began to come and try understand this, attach to this "no, please, I want that white light, why can't I have the white light, why am I losing it" I observe this mindset, I watch it, I smile at it, it passes, I then turn the focus on the breath, I am a still being, deep within the chaotic mind trying to understand the experience that is currently occurring, there is my inner being, who is silent, watching and observing, feeling... Experiencing. Still, whole, completely at peace, in a tranquil state of inner beauty, something nothing else lives up to. A warm glow, the sensation of infinite love. I am the divine light. My heart connects me to my mind which interprets my heart. If I focus my mind, my heart can speak, speak a language older and more majestic than words. I allow this feeling to fill my whole being. White light shines from within. I bathe in white and gold light. The mind, heart and body aligned and experiencing the bliss of awareness. I come back. I noticed as the sun went in and out of clouds, the experience would change from a dark to light mood and back.

The adaptation of the mind is still improving, there is still a mind which attempts to interpret each moment, which then suffocates the moment itself, the moment unable to provide the being I am with the peace it bestows. But as I meditate, as I learn to focus the mind, and the stillness becomes to rise from within... I begin to experience and adapt to each moment. Silently observing, watching the world go by as this vehicle (the body) receives the vibrational frequencies which emit from the same stillness my heart contains.

 

[Al-Wasi]

Beautiful report man. Just the type of experiences I like to hear about as they keep me dedicated to this path.

I've still yet to have a truly mystical experience with any psychedelic. I've had very profound experienced from time to time. And some truly difficult trips as well but I've stayed dedicated in pursuit of a spiritual experience from this.

For years I was a diehard materialist and athiest. Maturing I saw how unfulfilling the materialist viewpoint was for myself. And doing time led to my exploration of spiritual paths. Including Buddhism ,Zen, Sufism, Theosophy, The Occult, etc.. Studying and practicing these paths never led to anything but rigid sets of beliefs that weren't backed up by any direct experience of truth and so after time I abandoned them all.

After reading countless stories of people having life changing and what can be qualified as true mystical experiences I began anew on this path once again. And while I've only used DMT since my return to entheogens. I plan mushroom trips shortly as well as my first work with mescaline.

I've yet to breakthrough on DMT though I've had some intense and profound sessions that changed how I look at psychedelics capabilities as well as consciousness in general. Funny thing is I started my first two sessions with DMT with 50mg doses which were very pleasant. I then started trying lower doses around 25mg and even 15mg once. And they've all been difficult trips with a dark feeling. The fear from these lower dose sessions has me hesitant to up the dose back to where my trips were pleasant. Ive never used chanting though I've heard it suggested by McKenna as well as others. I will try this with my first changa session shortly if things get crazy.

 

[Cazman043]

I've yet to breakthrough on DMT though I've had some intense and profound sessions that changed how I look at psychedelics capabilities as well as consciousness in general. Funny thing is I started my first two sessions with DMT with 50mg doses which were very pleasant. I then started trying lower doses around 25mg and even 15mg once. And they've all been difficult trips with a dark feeling. The fear from these lower dose sessions has me hesitant to up the dose back to where my trips were pleasant. Ive never used chanting though I've heard it suggested by McKenna as well as others. I will try this with my first changa session shortly if things get crazy.

I thank you for showing interest in my report, i am very grateful for you sharing your experience with the Entheogenic substances you've used, as well as your alteration in perspectives. If you were looking for any advice from someone who fears DMT and other Entheogen's like nothing else, i can say this, you may take it or leave it, if any resonates I'm glad to help. The other night i was researching mantras too reduce the fear before trips, i've been using two which have strongly resonated for me "Nothing to prove, nothing to fear, experience the bliss that resides here" as well as "Yes, I love you." Simple but they work

I will say, i have turned to a powerful Eastern philosophical view and it has had a powerful influence on my experiences. Alan Watts is a great philosophical genius who expresses Eastern Philosophy with a sophisticated twist, might be worth listening to his philosophy, although i don't recommend doing this whilst tripping on DMT hehe. Deva Premal - Gayatri Mantra, is beautiful, i also came by this when i was looking into mantras, learning what it means, as well as the way she communicates it was amazing, the experience you just read about, i had that song playing and i was singing and humming along as i tripped with white and gold light shining from within. I will say, ultimately bro, it is the focused mind that i've learnt everything expands from. The stillness which you are, that Eastern Philosophy teaches, is in you, it is connecting to that, which will enable you to be at peace within yourself. It is the easiest thing you'll ever do, but trying to do it is hard, because of the desire to attain something thats already there. But after a year and a half of meditating i've personally begun to experience the effects of a still mind… And bro, the trips i had without a still mind were painful, read my repetitive sexual experience trips, you can tell I'm in pain, constantly asking why me, why this, why's this happening - I note that a fellow Nexian said "You ask why me, i ask why not" - this helped me profoundly on my journey as i came to understand what he meant. And when the mind isn't still, for me, i become depressed, and that was a reflection of the repetitive trips. But with persistence, practice and a lot of mistakes, i've learnt how to be still and experience this moment, that which the meditation will help teach you, and i say i, and these experiences, to try and give an example of what i personally have done. Its finding your meditation bro, what works for you, if sitting and breathing isn't your think, cool, what is? Running, Drawing, being in nature? Whatever works for you, do it, you know who you are, deep within, you're simply playing the game you don't know, which is the whole point. Much love, i hope your journey may be beautiful and prosperous, pain is gain, love is light, you are beautiful and loved!

 

[Theredplum]

I know the white light you speak of but my experience with it is a little bit different, I was
doing very long periods of meditations where I have lost all thought and was just being unattached from the body in ways like I stopped breathing because I was that deep in and all of a sudden a bright flash of light (brighter than the sun) came into my awareness for about 4 seconds so much so that I flinched and it was gone. after meditating so deeply I also got some moments of euphoria and generally loved everything so much.

 

[oversoul1919]

Wonderful report. Thanks for sharing ^_^

 

[hardboiled]

I felt every word my friend as it brought back some of my own similar experiences.
Excellent post Cazman043:thumb_up: