Tosee
Rising Star
so this is how it began I decided to brew 7 grams of Powdered Syrian rue seeds and sealed them into tea bags.
I followed to brew them into a pint of water and boil them vigorously , straining the water into a cup
and adding a new pint every 30 minutes, for 3 different times.
Alongside this I Brewed 36 grams of Powdered Acacia Confusa into 1 pint of water, and Very slowly simmered
for 3 hours, 3 separate times each time using a new pint of water.
I carefully filtered both of these brews until there was no sediments. and then condensed each down to an amount
that was equal to only a few ounces for each brew.
I let them sit refrigerated until they all of the sediments had fell to the bottom and I filtered each, one last time
a couple of weeks passed by as I just lived life, yet it wasn't until 2 weeks later that the notion hit me that
I would consume these brews, Prior to this I had several experiences smoking extracted Dmt and drinking
moderate & small doses of the home brewed Ayahuasca. and I was at the point where I really wanted Tosee
some change in my life, and see further into myself and the Ayahuasca and be healed in any that I may have needed.
At I stood there holding the Syrian Rue brew in my hand I thanked god for allowing me to be there, at that moment
and I drank the brew at once. around 25 minutes later I noticed that I began to metabolize it, at least so It felt
and I went back and got this glass with Pitch black and Crimson colored liquid of the Acacia Confusa brew in it
on top of the liquid there was a thick noticeable iridescent film containing a beautiful ornate pattern in it
I stirred this glass the best I could while i just flirted with what anxiety I was feeling about what I was about to do.
In that moment I said Thank you and Drank every bit of it as this remarkable feeling of electrical current and buzzing
came from my stomach to the top of my head. the taste was very pungent and organic, i could distinctly tell that
this medicine came from the Soil , this is what it is for and I could just tell.
Over the next hour I just sat listening to music and struggling with a bit of nausea, reading and pondering my life.
after approximately 40 minutes had passed the nausea was to the point of me salivating and almost drooling.
Having to spit it seemed like once a minute or more I was expelling this saliva and mucus as a distinct feeling
of energy just raised from the bottom of my stomach and spine to the top of my head in what felt like
completing a sort of circuit.
the nausea and buzzing sensation got to the point to where I could no longer sit upright and I became unable to read.
when I glanced at the walls there was these strange metallic looking symbols that I could faintly see stretching
and bending on the surface of my walls and ceiling as the familiar tryptamine head space began to penetrate my mind & body.
When I closed my eyes I seen rolls and rolls of beautiful highly ornamental things made of what looked like precious
gems and metal interlaced with these rolling waves of color that brought them in and about.
I said Thank you and upon laying down and turning off my lights I began to very much be at peace with how I was feeling
and the nausea began to come to where it was no longer getting worse.
I started to have thoughts that were very immersive and almost detaching me from my surroundings.
I began to feel quite hot and my skin itched I began to scratch because my legs were itching and feeling numb and almost immobilized
as soon as this occurred to me, all of the happenings behind my closed eye lids Divided in halve, and then divided into quarters
and my perception also divided into 4 distinct pieces, I felt like I had 4 arms, 4 legs, 2 heads, and 2 minds
and this frightened me right away Just as much frightening as the first time I took 3 large inhalations of Dmt months earlier for the first time and thought to myself
"I'm dying how can I stop this" right away something said, "Don't resist, you cant hide, you cant stop it, It's on Purpose"
My perception continued to divide and divide, and meld which was a whole different point of attention than where my mind was prior to this.
Over and over this happens over the course of 20 or so minutes and I continued to struggle the further my mind and everything i knew came apart
and contextualized into the beginning of this chain reaction.
at first I thought I assumed some amount of control over the situation and that I could "Mentally strengthen myself to cope with this"
but each time that I fell apart and came back together was like something was partially disassembling me and putting me back together
each time it seemed like I was a different being, dying and coming back into life in a completely different location.
It was utterly terrifying, and nothing had ever confounded me like this and exuded such serious control over my attention.
I finally thought to myself I've actually done it, I've started something that's taking my life. it says "yes you have"
and this sense of deep deep realization just rings out through me taking me further and further apart
I fight it with all I have and force myself to sit up. I could not tell where my body was adjacent to the surroundings of my house
Everything was this huge series of kaleidoscopic,complex metallic jeweled tunnels that came apart and back together, that presented deaths riddle,
waiting for me. very frightened and desperate to abort this experience.
I finally make it to my bath room and when I turn the light on things ease up to the point where I cam see most of my surroundings
I try to vomit, and I have no success what so ever, Only around 2 hours in and its been the most frightening thing that's ever occurred to me
I slowly shamble to the top of my apartment and everything felt like this electric sea that which was my abode, felt like it wasn't separate from me
I fall down forward on my bed and slither up onto it and I cant really tell where my body ends and the room and bed begins but I lay down
My heart beat shakes everything in this entire place, more and more as I began to fear that I'm going to come apart again and it may be worse than before.
It beats Harder, and faster and everything begins to vibrate as I feel this turbulence and its a stronger vibration than anything I've ever felt
it feels my adrenaline is kicked in and the fear has reached a Pinnacle, This cannot go on further, I cannot take this embodiment of my worst fear
Something happens, My heart beat becomes this Steady Hum that is vibrating at the exact same frequency as this vibration of everything that moves.
Everything I see turns to this Bright White Light that is brighter than anything I have ever laid eyes on in my life.
The Vibration became an explosion and my heart stopped, my head exploded and everything became This Bright White Light.
The fear, the body, the mind All were gone and Something said "He finally did it, He left who he was, and came here to Remember!"
This rang louder and resonated with me more than Anything in life, period and what ever energy was left in me, Was Distributed into this
Infinite space of most beautiful pattern I've ever seen and It was stacked through itself for Eternity, and It was the end of time.
There was no beginning or end to it, Just it. The essence of every living thing that ever exist, and what Constituted it was showing why.
The last bit of concern and fears left me as I UN-remembered my entire life and everyone and everything that had been a part of it.
there was no longer anything for me to fear.
my last thoughts were, I killed myself, I committed suicide and I never knew that it would end like this. The Deepest most poignant feeling of fear ever.
as I looked through this Infinite area that was inexpressibly complex and beautiful,
It was said directly to me "You are Forgiven for who you were, This is eternal life, It's what you are, its where you came from and it's all that will ever be"
I could have never imagined from any amount of studying anything , reading, measurements, or stories of other peoples lives
That what I was experiencing was possible, It was the most Complex, Advanced, Natural, meaningful purpose. and it was Impossible
The further that this went on The more I was shown and the more that I was loved and welcomed.
as I began to realize that this was the origin of all existence and that its nothing less than necessary it to spend lifetimes on earth as humans.
My perspective of this infinite place, and most importantly the presence of ultimate life Drew me directly into it.
as I realized what it was, and that my whole life's purpose was to realize this. Any question I ever had as a human was answered, Directly without delay
and in that instant it was clearly said to me "Do you accept life?" I was already 100% sure that I had died and Immediately I accepted.
and I was propelled through infinite architecture , all became one
as soon as the Light dispersed I was approaching closer and closer to the earth, as I got closer I recognized Green plant life and trees
a very verdant area flourishing as life, I went through it further and further while the essence of it expressed itself to me
All of the life, the plants, animals, they recognized me and accepted me. and I Remembered every human being, Being my Kin, and why we coexist
The Motion came to a stop and there was an explosion or energy , I was under the soil and I was the Earth.
when I realized this, The most ecstatic Warm, loving feeling of care giving entered me. It was breath.
I realized I was Alive, the explosion of energy became my heartbeat. the energy was redistributed back into me, and condensed.
realizing I had been allowed to survive what I knew as death, I cried, it was the most emotional experience I've ever had as a human
knowing how I came here and why. I just laid, blindly embracing the most grateful feeling one could never imagine
eventually words came back to having context and the meaning of life had been shared with me. I said Thank You
I followed to brew them into a pint of water and boil them vigorously , straining the water into a cup
and adding a new pint every 30 minutes, for 3 different times.
Alongside this I Brewed 36 grams of Powdered Acacia Confusa into 1 pint of water, and Very slowly simmered
for 3 hours, 3 separate times each time using a new pint of water.
I carefully filtered both of these brews until there was no sediments. and then condensed each down to an amount
that was equal to only a few ounces for each brew.
I let them sit refrigerated until they all of the sediments had fell to the bottom and I filtered each, one last time
a couple of weeks passed by as I just lived life, yet it wasn't until 2 weeks later that the notion hit me that
I would consume these brews, Prior to this I had several experiences smoking extracted Dmt and drinking
moderate & small doses of the home brewed Ayahuasca. and I was at the point where I really wanted Tosee
some change in my life, and see further into myself and the Ayahuasca and be healed in any that I may have needed.
At I stood there holding the Syrian Rue brew in my hand I thanked god for allowing me to be there, at that moment
and I drank the brew at once. around 25 minutes later I noticed that I began to metabolize it, at least so It felt
and I went back and got this glass with Pitch black and Crimson colored liquid of the Acacia Confusa brew in it
on top of the liquid there was a thick noticeable iridescent film containing a beautiful ornate pattern in it
I stirred this glass the best I could while i just flirted with what anxiety I was feeling about what I was about to do.
In that moment I said Thank you and Drank every bit of it as this remarkable feeling of electrical current and buzzing
came from my stomach to the top of my head. the taste was very pungent and organic, i could distinctly tell that
this medicine came from the Soil , this is what it is for and I could just tell.
Over the next hour I just sat listening to music and struggling with a bit of nausea, reading and pondering my life.
after approximately 40 minutes had passed the nausea was to the point of me salivating and almost drooling.
Having to spit it seemed like once a minute or more I was expelling this saliva and mucus as a distinct feeling
of energy just raised from the bottom of my stomach and spine to the top of my head in what felt like
completing a sort of circuit.
the nausea and buzzing sensation got to the point to where I could no longer sit upright and I became unable to read.
when I glanced at the walls there was these strange metallic looking symbols that I could faintly see stretching
and bending on the surface of my walls and ceiling as the familiar tryptamine head space began to penetrate my mind & body.
When I closed my eyes I seen rolls and rolls of beautiful highly ornamental things made of what looked like precious
gems and metal interlaced with these rolling waves of color that brought them in and about.
I said Thank you and upon laying down and turning off my lights I began to very much be at peace with how I was feeling
and the nausea began to come to where it was no longer getting worse.
I started to have thoughts that were very immersive and almost detaching me from my surroundings.
I began to feel quite hot and my skin itched I began to scratch because my legs were itching and feeling numb and almost immobilized
as soon as this occurred to me, all of the happenings behind my closed eye lids Divided in halve, and then divided into quarters
and my perception also divided into 4 distinct pieces, I felt like I had 4 arms, 4 legs, 2 heads, and 2 minds
and this frightened me right away Just as much frightening as the first time I took 3 large inhalations of Dmt months earlier for the first time and thought to myself
"I'm dying how can I stop this" right away something said, "Don't resist, you cant hide, you cant stop it, It's on Purpose"
My perception continued to divide and divide, and meld which was a whole different point of attention than where my mind was prior to this.
Over and over this happens over the course of 20 or so minutes and I continued to struggle the further my mind and everything i knew came apart
and contextualized into the beginning of this chain reaction.
at first I thought I assumed some amount of control over the situation and that I could "Mentally strengthen myself to cope with this"
but each time that I fell apart and came back together was like something was partially disassembling me and putting me back together
each time it seemed like I was a different being, dying and coming back into life in a completely different location.
It was utterly terrifying, and nothing had ever confounded me like this and exuded such serious control over my attention.
I finally thought to myself I've actually done it, I've started something that's taking my life. it says "yes you have"
and this sense of deep deep realization just rings out through me taking me further and further apart
I fight it with all I have and force myself to sit up. I could not tell where my body was adjacent to the surroundings of my house
Everything was this huge series of kaleidoscopic,complex metallic jeweled tunnels that came apart and back together, that presented deaths riddle,
waiting for me. very frightened and desperate to abort this experience.
I finally make it to my bath room and when I turn the light on things ease up to the point where I cam see most of my surroundings
I try to vomit, and I have no success what so ever, Only around 2 hours in and its been the most frightening thing that's ever occurred to me
I slowly shamble to the top of my apartment and everything felt like this electric sea that which was my abode, felt like it wasn't separate from me
I fall down forward on my bed and slither up onto it and I cant really tell where my body ends and the room and bed begins but I lay down
My heart beat shakes everything in this entire place, more and more as I began to fear that I'm going to come apart again and it may be worse than before.
It beats Harder, and faster and everything begins to vibrate as I feel this turbulence and its a stronger vibration than anything I've ever felt
it feels my adrenaline is kicked in and the fear has reached a Pinnacle, This cannot go on further, I cannot take this embodiment of my worst fear
Something happens, My heart beat becomes this Steady Hum that is vibrating at the exact same frequency as this vibration of everything that moves.
Everything I see turns to this Bright White Light that is brighter than anything I have ever laid eyes on in my life.
The Vibration became an explosion and my heart stopped, my head exploded and everything became This Bright White Light.
The fear, the body, the mind All were gone and Something said "He finally did it, He left who he was, and came here to Remember!"
This rang louder and resonated with me more than Anything in life, period and what ever energy was left in me, Was Distributed into this
Infinite space of most beautiful pattern I've ever seen and It was stacked through itself for Eternity, and It was the end of time.
There was no beginning or end to it, Just it. The essence of every living thing that ever exist, and what Constituted it was showing why.
The last bit of concern and fears left me as I UN-remembered my entire life and everyone and everything that had been a part of it.
there was no longer anything for me to fear.
my last thoughts were, I killed myself, I committed suicide and I never knew that it would end like this. The Deepest most poignant feeling of fear ever.
as I looked through this Infinite area that was inexpressibly complex and beautiful,
It was said directly to me "You are Forgiven for who you were, This is eternal life, It's what you are, its where you came from and it's all that will ever be"
I could have never imagined from any amount of studying anything , reading, measurements, or stories of other peoples lives
That what I was experiencing was possible, It was the most Complex, Advanced, Natural, meaningful purpose. and it was Impossible
The further that this went on The more I was shown and the more that I was loved and welcomed.
as I began to realize that this was the origin of all existence and that its nothing less than necessary it to spend lifetimes on earth as humans.
My perspective of this infinite place, and most importantly the presence of ultimate life Drew me directly into it.
as I realized what it was, and that my whole life's purpose was to realize this. Any question I ever had as a human was answered, Directly without delay
and in that instant it was clearly said to me "Do you accept life?" I was already 100% sure that I had died and Immediately I accepted.
and I was propelled through infinite architecture , all became one
as soon as the Light dispersed I was approaching closer and closer to the earth, as I got closer I recognized Green plant life and trees
a very verdant area flourishing as life, I went through it further and further while the essence of it expressed itself to me
All of the life, the plants, animals, they recognized me and accepted me. and I Remembered every human being, Being my Kin, and why we coexist
The Motion came to a stop and there was an explosion or energy , I was under the soil and I was the Earth.
when I realized this, The most ecstatic Warm, loving feeling of care giving entered me. It was breath.
I realized I was Alive, the explosion of energy became my heartbeat. the energy was redistributed back into me, and condensed.
realizing I had been allowed to survive what I knew as death, I cried, it was the most emotional experience I've ever had as a human
knowing how I came here and why. I just laid, blindly embracing the most grateful feeling one could never imagine
eventually words came back to having context and the meaning of life had been shared with me. I said Thank You
