Purges said:
I hope one day to have the balls to venture that far, but it still feels a long way off.
thank you beautiful brother...but as much as my ego would love to bask in the notion that the circumference of my testes exceeds all others, i have to take this opportunity to be very clear with all of my beloved nexus family...
THIS HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH BALLS.
the truth is that i felt something from the minute i got on that boat through the mangrove swamps on the way TO the seicoya. BEFORE i ever met them i knew in my heart that i had no say in what was transpiring. it was almost like i was outside of myself the entire time just watching events unfold. this was my higher self in action. in fact...
don Tintin told me during a tender moment shared after my experience the following:
"nineteen people came here to grow and learn. one came to transform." he continued, "your spirit came here for something. we saw it the minute you arrived. your spirit brought you here and was willing to risk sacrificing your mind to get what it came for."
now that sounds pretty hardcore. when he told me this i immediately asked if this was something i had any control over and he said without a blink, "no. when this time comes, one can only let go and accept".
interestingly- and i think i wrote about this in one of my reports that Uncle Knucles posted, i had a STRONG journey (the strongest at that point) two nights before this final annihilation. in it, i saw 6 versions of myself standing outside of a pyramid in the land of 'the golden ones'. i have been to this place soooo many times...hundreds...in DMT journeys but this time I WAS THERE. walking among them. more real than real and no awareness of any other life beyond that one. it is where i come from...i have no questions no matter how many eyes roll when i share this...
this pyramid i stood outside of had no door yet the portal way was the blackest black. you simply COULD NOT see in. the 6 'selves' that stood outside, i knew, where past lives in that world. there was an instant understanding that, being the 7th was HIGHLY significant. that i would be the one to go into that dark abyss of a doorway.
i also knew that i would not come out the same. i understood with deadly sobriety that tranformation was what that pyramid represented....be it awakening, madness or death.
i knew from this vision that i would enter that pyramid on the final ceremony. i had essentially TWO DAYS to make peace with my former life.
my point here is that testicular fortitude played no part in this. it is important for everyone in this sacred community to understand that with entheogens it is TRULY a matter of listening to your heart. heroics and throwing yourself off the precipice are not what we are in this for. for most, sub-breakthrough doses of DMT are PROFOUNDLY INSTRUCTIVE....and integratable. for many, a good deep aya journey is all they will ever need. i mean...read what i wrote orginally!! a master shaman from a culture that has been using ayahuasca since before our records can track told me PLAINLY that even in THAT CULTURE what i did was extreme!!! :shock:
NOBODY needs to do what i did. in truth, i would NEVER encourage anyone to. just ask Art...i am an extreme personality. everything to it's maximum. though i have reaped great rewards from this way of being, i have also incurred irreparible trauma and irreversable damage to many facets of my life. i would PRAY that those hard lessons can go towards helping any and all others AVOID making the same errors if possible.
...sorry guys....maybe it's just the "adventurous martyr" in me... i just want to be as clear as possible that this medicine will let you know if and when it's time to have a metamorphosis. until then, work with it in the capacity with which you feel you can have the most positive impact on your current life. let it be a complement to your current life. let it direct you to find ways in your current life to improve your journeys....ie: meditation. meditation HELPS with deep journey work and deep journey work inspires one to want to do things in this life that facilitate better journeys.
i guess i'm beating a dead horse a little here but i'd rather do that for the sake of being perfectly clear. i love you all and i would like to believe that what i did, i did for ALL of us. if my experience helps, sheds light, inspires, teaches, scares, motivates, touches or moves ANYONE, then it was worth it for the sake of the greater good.
that is all. soap box recycled...
WITH THE DEEPEST LOVE AND GRATITUDE!!