I can relate to your hellish journey.  Part of me thinks that is exactly what I needed at the time. I needed to be humbled. I needed to feel the terror and know what an infinity of nothingness was. It felt like I was there for a thousand years.  I was lost in the blackness. It was lonely there. It was empty. No love. Just awareness. Perhaps this 'void' is what motivated the creator to create. It wanted to not be lonely. It wanted experiences. It wanted love.

The base of existence is nothingness. It started there.  We can choose to start from there too. Creating something new. Creating love if we choose. Creating fear if we choose. The nothingness is something too.