littlepsychonaut
Rising Star
Early last year, I began experiencing, somewhat hesitantly, a shifting in consciousness, an 'awakening' of sorts.
Flying in the face of my long-held disdain for 'spiritual types', I began to develop a hunger for deeper knowledge of myself and the universe and the ultimate connectedness of both. I became increasingly aware of my own intuition, learning to listen to it, and allowing it to guide me in certain areas of my life.
This was largely aided by my introduction to DMT, and my experiences have been so profound I felt compelled to write about them, both for my own posterity and for anyone else who might be interested in this weird esoteric stuff. But before diving head-first into the realm of the psychedelic, I thought I'd provide a bit of background about myself and the origins of my particular journey.
It all started when I decided to stop taking my cocktail of psychiatric medications. They had become more of a hindrance to me than a help. Spiritually, I was longing for change, but mentally, my brain was holding me back, thick and foggy from years of sedation, and one morning I just knew it was time to stop taking them.
Almost instantaneously , I felt an increase in energy levels, an improvement in cognitive function, and my moods became regulated. My brain was returning to capacity after being impaired for so long.
I later realized that quitting my meds was a completely intuitive decision, one that I deeply felt was right for me, not based on the input of a doctor or friend. I didn't even ask anyone's advice or permission, I just followed my gut and did it. This could be seen as wildly irresponsible, but it has turned out to be one of the wisest decisions of my adult life thus far.
I have to take a moment to explain that a successful outcome like this is a rare concept for me, as I've always had this conundrum; I'm an anarchist at heart, and I despise being told what to do, give me a direct order and I'll rebel, even if I made the order myself (i.e.- 'I'm gonna cut down on smoking, I'm not even enjoying them lately' then proceed to smoke twice as much because fuck you). But in equal measure, I loathe decision-making because I've never trusted my own judgment as far as I could throw it. It's a fatally flawed system- unable to make a decision for myself, unable to let anyone do it for me. This usually means that when faced with a choice of any kind, I end up doing NEITHER. I choose inaction, and just let life happen to me.
So, the first step was quitting the meds, releasing my mind from the shackles of its psychotropic prison.
The second step was to gain some existential insight, an expansion of the consciousness, with the help of an entheogen.
Starting this journey, I wasn't particularly well-versed or experienced in the world of hallucinogens. I got spooked by acid as a teenager. Twelve hours of tripping is too much, man- it batters your soul. My second and final experience accumulated in me setting fire to the kitchen after trying to make pancakes in a bid to restore normality (oh, irony). That was 11 years ago and I'm still not over it so I think I'll continue to abstain.
As for psilocybin, aka 'magic mushrooms', I've also tried twice. The first time was pretty awesome, a much lighter and more natural-feeling high than the chemically, migrainey sensation of LSD. The second time was nothing at all- I lucked out with a dud batch and after that I couldn't be fucked with them anymore. I hate mushrooms as a food, I find them repulsive and texturally unbearable, so the elaborate processes required in order for me to ingest them didn't seem worth it, especially with only a 50% chance of them being 'magic'.
So one day in April, I got talking to my weed dealer, about a lovely little substance called DMT. I don't know how it came up in conversation but I remember he was trying to describe the effect it had on the mind, how it's transformative and transcendental and you can experience the entire universe in a technicolour 10minute voyage- or something to that effect.
Obviously my interest piqued, and over the following weeks I googled the shit out of it, devouring trip reports and essays, e-books and guides, downloaded the seminal documentary 'DMT-the Spirit Molecule' and became an overnight expert on the works of Terrence McKenna and Rick Strassman. II watched TED talks and listened to Podcasts. Shit was getting serious. The more I learned the more eager I became to try it.
My 30th birthday was approaching and my partner and I had booked a super-secluded luxury chalet in the rainforest for the weekend. I decided that this would be the perfect occasion and setting to embark on a cosmic journey, and naively went about obtaining the sacred spice. As it happens, DMT is a fairly common molecular compound that occurs naturally within thousands of different forms of plants and animals, perhaps even within our own brains, yet it is remarkably difficult to find. After a bunch of failed attempts to score, I eventually gave up and spent my birthday depressingly DMT-less.
I later realized that there was a reason my first search came up fruitless- the timing was way off. I was still on my meds back then, and I doubt I could have had a proper breakthrough experience with all those sensory inhibitors up in my business. It wouldn't have been beneficial for my personal growth so it wasn't made available to me.
I remained fascinated by DMT and continued to casually research it, but I ceased actively searching, and then wouldn't ya know- about six weeks after detoxing, through complete chance, the opportunity for my boyfriend and I to try some just fell into our laps. I couldn't believe our luck.
The universe conspires with you when you're on the right track, it would seem.
Flying in the face of my long-held disdain for 'spiritual types', I began to develop a hunger for deeper knowledge of myself and the universe and the ultimate connectedness of both. I became increasingly aware of my own intuition, learning to listen to it, and allowing it to guide me in certain areas of my life.
This was largely aided by my introduction to DMT, and my experiences have been so profound I felt compelled to write about them, both for my own posterity and for anyone else who might be interested in this weird esoteric stuff. But before diving head-first into the realm of the psychedelic, I thought I'd provide a bit of background about myself and the origins of my particular journey.
It all started when I decided to stop taking my cocktail of psychiatric medications. They had become more of a hindrance to me than a help. Spiritually, I was longing for change, but mentally, my brain was holding me back, thick and foggy from years of sedation, and one morning I just knew it was time to stop taking them.
Almost instantaneously , I felt an increase in energy levels, an improvement in cognitive function, and my moods became regulated. My brain was returning to capacity after being impaired for so long.
I later realized that quitting my meds was a completely intuitive decision, one that I deeply felt was right for me, not based on the input of a doctor or friend. I didn't even ask anyone's advice or permission, I just followed my gut and did it. This could be seen as wildly irresponsible, but it has turned out to be one of the wisest decisions of my adult life thus far.
I have to take a moment to explain that a successful outcome like this is a rare concept for me, as I've always had this conundrum; I'm an anarchist at heart, and I despise being told what to do, give me a direct order and I'll rebel, even if I made the order myself (i.e.- 'I'm gonna cut down on smoking, I'm not even enjoying them lately' then proceed to smoke twice as much because fuck you). But in equal measure, I loathe decision-making because I've never trusted my own judgment as far as I could throw it. It's a fatally flawed system- unable to make a decision for myself, unable to let anyone do it for me. This usually means that when faced with a choice of any kind, I end up doing NEITHER. I choose inaction, and just let life happen to me.
So, the first step was quitting the meds, releasing my mind from the shackles of its psychotropic prison.
The second step was to gain some existential insight, an expansion of the consciousness, with the help of an entheogen.
Starting this journey, I wasn't particularly well-versed or experienced in the world of hallucinogens. I got spooked by acid as a teenager. Twelve hours of tripping is too much, man- it batters your soul. My second and final experience accumulated in me setting fire to the kitchen after trying to make pancakes in a bid to restore normality (oh, irony). That was 11 years ago and I'm still not over it so I think I'll continue to abstain.
As for psilocybin, aka 'magic mushrooms', I've also tried twice. The first time was pretty awesome, a much lighter and more natural-feeling high than the chemically, migrainey sensation of LSD. The second time was nothing at all- I lucked out with a dud batch and after that I couldn't be fucked with them anymore. I hate mushrooms as a food, I find them repulsive and texturally unbearable, so the elaborate processes required in order for me to ingest them didn't seem worth it, especially with only a 50% chance of them being 'magic'.
So one day in April, I got talking to my weed dealer, about a lovely little substance called DMT. I don't know how it came up in conversation but I remember he was trying to describe the effect it had on the mind, how it's transformative and transcendental and you can experience the entire universe in a technicolour 10minute voyage- or something to that effect.
Obviously my interest piqued, and over the following weeks I googled the shit out of it, devouring trip reports and essays, e-books and guides, downloaded the seminal documentary 'DMT-the Spirit Molecule' and became an overnight expert on the works of Terrence McKenna and Rick Strassman. II watched TED talks and listened to Podcasts. Shit was getting serious. The more I learned the more eager I became to try it.
My 30th birthday was approaching and my partner and I had booked a super-secluded luxury chalet in the rainforest for the weekend. I decided that this would be the perfect occasion and setting to embark on a cosmic journey, and naively went about obtaining the sacred spice. As it happens, DMT is a fairly common molecular compound that occurs naturally within thousands of different forms of plants and animals, perhaps even within our own brains, yet it is remarkably difficult to find. After a bunch of failed attempts to score, I eventually gave up and spent my birthday depressingly DMT-less.
I later realized that there was a reason my first search came up fruitless- the timing was way off. I was still on my meds back then, and I doubt I could have had a proper breakthrough experience with all those sensory inhibitors up in my business. It wouldn't have been beneficial for my personal growth so it wasn't made available to me.
I remained fascinated by DMT and continued to casually research it, but I ceased actively searching, and then wouldn't ya know- about six weeks after detoxing, through complete chance, the opportunity for my boyfriend and I to try some just fell into our laps. I couldn't believe our luck.
The universe conspires with you when you're on the right track, it would seem.