Am I losing it? Or finding it?

[Spirit_Seeker]

During a trip, I talk to myself….sort of. It's non verbal, it all happens in my head, but I could easily (and sometimes do) speak it. It's like my ego is talking to me, and if I'm meditating I'm just quietly listening.
It's analyzing the situation. The visuals are 10% of the experience. The remaining 90% is the state of mind, the thoughts being seeded, opening up, and expanding infinitely into each other.
Recently, I have come to the understanding that whatever I am, my ego is but a fragment of it. A tool.
My ego is talking and talking, "Interesting. How could? What if? Why? OH I get it! This is this, that is that." When suddenly, everything freezes! This sound interrupts my thought pattern, and becomes my whole world, my whole existence. This sound is a perfect frequency, one that vibrates all reality. There are countless ambient overtones of all sorts that stem from this perfect frequency. There is no past or future, there is nothing else I need. I just am.
This gave me only a brief moment of utter clarity. I felt as though everything I've ever done was all for the purpose of getting to this point.
Think of an RPG video game. You spend forever developing your character, you do all the missions, you get all the quest items, you must complete this task to get this item so you can complete another task to get another item. We seek the satisfaction of being complete. "FINALLY I beat it!…..now what?"
I had a purpose, but the development of my ego made me forget. I became distracted by it, spending my life trying to satisfy and complete it. I need to get a good education so I can get a good job so I can get a nice car/house so I can have a hot girlfriend and be socially accepted, yada yada…
It wasn't until this sound came into me that I realized that all of that, EVERYTHING I've ever done and will ever do, is just an product of a sub-choice of a sub-choice of a sub-choice, and there must be SOMEWHERE an original choice. A perfect source of my being, where all I am is willpower, thought, choice.
This is the reason I'm posting. This sound is still with me. The second I quiet the world around me, this sound emerges, proving to me that I didn't produce it nor did it suddenly produce itself, it was and always will be there, inseparable from my being. And when I meditate or do DMT, this frequency and its overtones orchestrate reality.
I don't honestly know what this is. It sounds too pure to be a human voice, but comparable I guess. It resonates endlessly at a very low frequency. I try to mimic it but it's too low for my vocal cords. When I hear it normally it's out there somewhere, but with DMT I feel it trying to vibrate my body, like it's coming from me, but I'm quiet as a mouse.
Has anyone else experienced this? Any insight at all would be greatly appreciated!

 

[downwardsfromzero]

 

[Gonzukes]

I think you are both finding it and losing it. It seems that you're understanding the true nature of your ego as a result of losing it, and this can potentially bring you on to finding enlightenment, or at least a deeper understanding of yourself and what you are.

I find that often for me, when in a meditatory state, that inner voice is silenced. I don't analyze the situation I'm in, rather I just observe it and take it in for what it is. This state is always positive and happy, and I find that the only times I am depressed is when I am analyzing that which is negative.

 

[brilliantlydim]

It seems the more I learn the less I know.
The closer I get, the farther away I am.
Just when I thought I got it, I lost it.


I tried explaining something to my mother one day, I don't think she fully understood me. Over the last few years I have made huge changes in my lifestyle, one thing noticeable to others is my diet. My mother asked me one day if I feel healthier after changing my diet so dramatically for a couple of years. I told her no I don't, I feel weaker than I ever have before. She was puzzled, and I went on to try to explain I am healthier. I know it because I can see it in my body, my face, my eyes. How I feel, have more energy, more stamina, more strength. My emotions are more stable, my thought more clear, my will more defined. I am healthier.

I am more in tune with myself, more so then ever before. But now I know how weak I am. How short of my full potential I am, and was. I was so sick all of my life that I didn't know it. After experiencing a small bit of true health, vitality, and balance, I can start to understand how far I am from where I could be.

If you are truly "losing it" the thought that you were wouldn't cross you mind. Sounds to me like you are getting it. Sometimes it feels like its going the other way.

 

[nothingness]

It seems the more I learn the less I know.
The closer I get, the farther away I am.
Just when I thought I got it, I lost it.


I tried explaining something to my mother one day, I don't think she fully understood me. Over the last few years I have made huge changes in my lifestyle, one thing noticeable to others is my diet. My mother asked me one day if I feel healthier after changing my diet so dramatically for a couple of years. I told her no I don't, I feel weaker than I ever have before. She was puzzled, and I went on to try to explain I am healthier. I know it because I can see it in my body, my face, my eyes. How I feel, have more energy, more stamina, more strength. My emotions are more stable, my thought more clear, my will more defined. I am healthier.

I am more in tune with myself, more so then ever before. But now I know how weak I am. How short of my full potential I am, and was. I was so sick all of my life that I didn't know it. After experiencing a small bit of true health, vitality, and balance, I can start to understand how far I am from where I could be.

Has DMT helped you in realizing any of dat bro? How did you discover it? How are you going to change for the better now you know?

 

[BundleflowerPower]

You gotta just know that you're gonna get where you're trying to get to. Just know it

 

[zhoro]

“The only useful purpose of the present birth is to turn within and realize the Self.”
― Ramana Maharshi

Experiencing the unstruck sound is a good sign, but note who/what it is that is perceiving the sound. That is permanent.

 

[Spirit_Seeker]

Experiencing the unstruck sound is a good sign, but note who/what it is that is perceiving the sound. That is permanent.

Can you elaborate? I'm not sure I fully understand. I can't say I hear it with my ears. It is as if I'm imagining it. Although I don't have to try to imagine it. The quieter my physical environment is, the more apparent the vibration becomes.
So I meditate. I can hear the sound emerging, unable to pinpoint a spatial source. The more I focus my attention on it, the closer I get to it. I take a hit of spice, and the sound manifests and permeates into my reality. As if a 2 dimensional image suddenly took on a 3rd dimension, I am now aware of its depth and variation. I can begin to feel my whole body vibrate.

 

[zhoro]

Experiencing the unstruck sound is a good sign, but note who/what it is that is perceiving the sound. That is permanent.

Can you elaborate? I'm not sure I fully understand. I can't say I hear it with my ears. It is as if I'm imagining it. Although I don't have to try to imagine it. The quieter my physical environment is, the more apparent the vibration becomes.
So I meditate. I can hear the sound emerging, unable to pinpoint a spatial source. The more I focus my attention on it, the closer I get to it. I take a hit of spice, and the sound manifests and permeates into my reality. As if a 2 dimensional image suddenly took on a 3rd dimension, I am now aware of its depth and variation. I can begin to feel my whole body vibrate.

Yes, there is a whole system of yoga - nada yoga - that works with these sounds tracing them through subtler and subtler levels leading towards the seat of consciousness itself. This can be done with any of the senses, actually, although in some representations sound, which is associated with the element of ether (loosely understood as "space"), which precedes and "houses" the other elements (air, fire, water and earth) and their associated senses (touch/tactile, vision, taste and smell), is in some sense "primordial" to the others. If you are so inclined, you can go down the road of exploring these sciences, but you can quickly become enmeshed in mental structures of gross and subtler bodies, sheaths, worlds, frequencies, etc.

The point is this. Senses and their objects, gross or subtle, emanate from consciousness and are themselves objects of perception. The consciousness perceiving them is the one constant in all this and it is subtler than subtle. My advice is to not waste time trying to sort through the objects of perception, but to get at the perceiving entity itself.

This can be done at any moment. Right now this computer screen and the text on it are perceived by you, triggering movements of thought perceived by you, there is a body perceived by you, with sensations perceived by you, feelings perceived by you. Who is this "you" that is the constant background to all that occurs? No matter what levels of "reality" you access, there will always be this background of you that the objects of those levels appear to. These objects come and go, the perceiving you remains ever present and is thus the only reality. You cannot see it as an object, you are it. It is so simple and immediate, that to look for it is to lose it.

From that point of view, Hyperspace is no more or less special than a lump of dirt. That is freedom, that is all.

 

[n_haverbrook]

During a trip, I talk to myself….sort of. It's non verbal, it all happens in my head, but I could easily (and sometimes do) speak it. It's like my ego is talking to me, and if I'm meditating I'm just quietly listening.
It's analyzing the situation. The visuals are 10% of the experience. The remaining 90% is the state of mind, the thoughts being seeded, opening up, and expanding infinitely into each other.
Recently, I have come to the understanding that whatever I am, my ego is but a fragment of it. A tool.
My ego is talking and talking, "Interesting. How could? What if? Why? OH I get it! This is this, that is that." When suddenly, everything freezes! This sound interrupts my thought pattern, and becomes my whole world, my whole existence. This sound is a perfect frequency, one that vibrates all reality. There are countless ambient overtones of all sorts that stem from this perfect frequency. There is no past or future, there is nothing else I need. I just am.
This gave me only a brief moment of utter clarity. I felt as though everything I've ever done was all for the purpose of getting to this point.
Think of an RPG video game. You spend forever developing your character, you do all the missions, you get all the quest items, you must complete this task to get this item so you can complete another task to get another item. We seek the satisfaction of being complete. "FINALLY I beat it!…..now what?"
I had a purpose, but the development of my ego made me forget. I became distracted by it, spending my life trying to satisfy and complete it. I need to get a good education so I can get a good job so I can get a nice car/house so I can have a hot girlfriend and be socially accepted, yada yada…
It wasn't until this sound came into me that I realized that all of that, EVERYTHING I've ever done and will ever do, is just an product of a sub-choice of a sub-choice of a sub-choice, and there must be SOMEWHERE an original choice. A perfect source of my being, where all I am is willpower, thought, choice.
This is the reason I'm posting. This sound is still with me. The second I quiet the world around me, this sound emerges, proving to me that I didn't produce it nor did it suddenly produce itself, it was and always will be there, inseparable from my being. And when I meditate or do DMT, this frequency and its overtones orchestrate reality.
I don't honestly know what this is. It sounds too pure to be a human voice, but comparable I guess. It resonates endlessly at a very low frequency. I try to mimic it but it's too low for my vocal cords. When I hear it normally it's out there somewhere, but with DMT I feel it trying to vibrate my body, like it's coming from me, but I'm quiet as a mouse.
Has anyone else experienced this? Any insight at all would be greatly appreciated!

Hey, I've been experiencing a similar thing. I don't necessarily have any advice and I definitely don't have "the answer" but I know the bummed feeling you have of feeling like you've finally grasped the true nature of reality but lost it.

What is the difference between whim and will?

 

[Spirit_Seeker]

Very wise words Zhoro, since my last breakthrough experience, I have undoubtedly tapped into this source of my perception. I am about to post another thread about finding a way to use my voice to access other dimensions and my accidental calling of a guide.
I have also been applying myself to this Nada Yoga and not only is it helping me physically, but spiritually as well.

 

[Infectedstyle]

Hey, I'm apprehensive to post but your initial OP reminded me of an experience. You talk about using ur voice for an experience. Have you read True Hallucinations? It's kinda random I guess but In my experience there was a sound buzzing in the distance... while on a pretty heavy mushroom trip, I don't know why I started buzzing with my throat and heared this sound come closer until my throat and the sound interlocked and I felt seriously an alien take over me and had supervision while little me stayed in the background. Not even DMT visual-enhancement come close to that. It's like my body was magnetic and could feel only magnetism on surfaces of objects, there was just a rush through my body. I'm not sure what it was what happened.

 

[Spirit_Seeker]

Hey, I'm apprehensive to post but your initial OP reminded me of an experience. You talk about using ur voice for an experience. Have you read True Hallucinations? It's kinda random I guess but In my experience there was a sound buzzing in the distance... while on a pretty heavy mushroom trip, I don't know why I started buzzing with my throat and heared this sound come closer until my throat and the sound interlocked and I felt seriously an alien take over me and had supervision while little me stayed in the background. Not even DMT visual-enhancement come close to that. It's like my body was magnetic and could feel only magnetism on surfaces of objects, there was just a rush through my body. I'm not sure what it was what happened.

That's pretty wild!
I have only just recently acknowledged this sound and I'm learning to use it to navigate my experience. I think amongst the infinity of what we experience in consciousness and existential life, we can choose to give meaning to any concept we can imagine. Maybe this sound I hear is just a random coincidental hallucination, but it's one that I choose to give meaning. My pathway to bliss.
Until you make it significant, that experience you had doesn't have to mean anything other than a wild hallucination. But if you choose to give it meaning, maybe you can use that sound to your advantage.
For me, I found a singing style called Kargyraa. Or rather it found me. It sounds almost inhuman, a whole octave below the lowest note you can hit. The process itself is extremely meditative and addicting. I feel that the more control I have over the frequency, the more control I have over any experience, psychedelic, meditative, waking, or otherwise. If you are interested, check out Dag Kargyraa. If I can do it anyone can. Took me only a couple weeks to start being able to manipulate overtones.

 

[Felnik]

Hearing this sound and all the other subtle nuances of
the dmt experience is one of the reasons I stopped listening music during a trip years ago . That's why I have a hard time understanding why people do it with loud slamming tracks playing.