necromanteum
Esteemed member
MAGMA17 said:I interfere in the discussion mainly to thank you and sending you love. Thanks to your last post I was able to unlock memories of my childhood that I don't know how I had completely erased from my mind. While I was reading what had happened to you I had a very strong blow to the heart and suddenly I said: "holy fuck". In front of my eyes numerous flashbacks appeared: my brother choking me with his pillow, spitting into my mouth, drowning me in the sea , and many other humiliations. The difference with you is that I was more than 5 or 6, probably about double that. Someone will tell me, why you have to be thankful, you have unlocked memories that hurt. In fact my brain has eliminated them to protect me, and in this moment it is as if I had made his work useless, in a way (a precious work to which I owe so much and which I thank). But I am very grateful to you, even if this is a totally indirect effect of what you wrote. I can tell you what my emotions are about it: I don't feel anything. And this, perhaps because of my approach to life, which probably might not be shared in this forum. But my explanation is this: we are animals, and there are universal behaviors, wills, instincts in common for all animals, and in common with that specific breed. And in this case, in common to the sex of that specific breed. The body of the crime in this case is "male domination". What happened to both of you, me and you, was undergoing the domination instinct of one human being male towards another human being male. As we were smaller at that time, we were very palatable prey for the larger specimens that needed to raise their sense of power. We were easy prey, children, but still males, and therefore bearers of "extra points" if dominated. It is an attitude that different animal races have, and it is specific to the male sex. Lions, dogs, monkeys do it. There are more animal breeds where it happens than those where it doesn't. Wanting to climb the rankings is normal, and it's something we all animals have in common. We humans have simply invented other methods to climb this ranking. More sophisticated methods. Who can not use violence because he is smaller than the other or because his morality would kill him, uses other means. For example, since for half of my life I was humiliated in a mean way (up to 15-16 I was very effeminate in aesthetics, clean face, more feminine than masculine beauty) I developed my own way to climb this ranking of dominance: the intellectual way. And going even more specifically: art. Mind you, I love art, it's what I live for, but I'm just being honest with myself ... what is the reason that brought me closer to it? I asked myself this question and my answer was this. Maybe I'm wrong, maybe not.
So your brother didn't humiliate you because it was you, specifically you. If another sperm would have won the fateful race and a different child had been born in your family in your place, it would have been humiliated by your brother too, because your brother did not know other methods to overload others, or he had not developed a thought who tried to go beyond these instincts that cling us to the animal world (in my opinion, that of domination is an instinct that is not only part of planet earth, but that's another matter, we are here, for now). So, as the user before me said, it's not your fault and it's not your brother's fault either. This is how the world works, quite simply. There are 3 methods, summarizing: either you use the animalistic method of domination, more rude, or you use the sophisticated human method of domination, or you develop an awareness and a consciousness that take you beyond all of this, and make you detach from these instincts, eliminating from your needs that of overloading others. Your brother (in the past I hope) is part of the first category, I am part of the second category because I don't have the balls to be part of the third.if I said bullshit excuse me, I have always had my own crazy looks at what is going on around me.
I am sending you so much love, and I hope you will receive so much from the living beings you will meet on your way. I hope so from the bottom of my heart.
Thank for the response and sharing with me. In a way I'm sorry if I helped anything resurface that may have reopened an otherwise sealed wound, so to speak. If instead you're the kind of person who can and does want to deal with it, which is the impression I feel I'm getting from your words, then that makes me happy in some sense. Either way I hope the best for you in this regard.
If there is a detachment instead, as you mentioned, then that's certainly a position that's okay too. I certainly see validation in your animalist perspective. I've been a proponent of it myself at times. Particularly when I see a responses that hold humanity in such contempt and separate from nature, as if the things we do are so uniquely cruel and alien. The fact that a lot of us have the ability to empathize as a FEATURE (not the primary functioning mode, I would argue) doesn't mean that the acts in question are ALWAYS uniquely cruel, or alien to nature. Take the topic of whaling, and the responses that come up. Apparently spree killing and extinction via invasive species aren't things that have happened in the wild. I guess that would be more matter of ignorance than anything. But if you look in the wild, you can find corollaries to almost any human behavior. Perhaps the most contested of all is suicide, but barring that... I think you can pretty much find it all.
Anyway, I just wanted to thank you again for your response. It's definitely a perspective that I tend to forget when applying to myself or individuals. I tend to look use the perspective only in terms of generalizations and group dynamics. But there's probably some merit to using it much more locally, so I appreciate the ability to add another dimension to the questions I'm wrestling with. That's basically the exact thing i was asking for! :lol:
