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Another fun ride

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Rising Star
I'd made an enhanced herb blend, based on all the good stuff I find here at the nexus.

Pao D'arco, mullein, caapi leaf. Those herbs combined, in a 1:1 ratio with the spice, extracted of mhrb.

And I've been trying to manage the hits in my bong, enjoying total 52, 55, 57 mg of the blend.

And it's pleasant, some colors, some sounds,some faces, some middle fingers flying at me, a room-in-a-castle-kind-of-thing, a couple times the vision seems to yank violently, early in the trip, real common for me, like I'm jerking my head to the left real hard.

But I've been missing the real journey. So, let's go bigger. 60 mg didn't do it. Nor did 64. Though they did keep me from even attempting to measure a dose. So I loaded the bong, and ripped it. Barely able to see what is happening in the bowl - but clearly, it worked.

So off I go. Ripped to another world. Too many beings and faces. And I howl and I grunt. And I try to read the words and letters on the little building-block things. Which makes me howl. Which makes them tell me to howl and laugh more. So, who am I to say no, right?

For me, there is no control.

I feel like centuries ago, I am the one they say, "look at the child, he's possessed! Listen to him! He's of another world!".

I don't freaking know. There is no knowing. When I'm there, I have no fear, no shame, just love and joy and sharing with whatever the fuck is in there commanding me to feel love and joy...

I must sound like a completely inexperienced traveler, "he just can't handle it"... which may be true, maybe I can't handle it. But I'm not inexperienced. Not as well-traveled as many, but far from my first rodeo.

And as I'm being ripped, last thoughts are, 'keep a lid on it, be cool, no need to...'. But it does no good.

And as is quite common, the magnificent woman is perched on the ceiling fan. Tonight, she wasn't doing things like she often does. But we were enjoying each other's company.

So I don't know. I never will know. I will continue to try to slow it down, but I'm really giving up hope on that part. And it's not like I fight it, ever. Just feels, I don't know, lesser of me, that I behave funny, and my friends - by myself tonight, but other times - get some great entertainment value out of it.
I'm not beating myself up.

But sometimes I need to talk about it.

So, I'll go back under my rock now.

Oh, but I can't forget to say "thank you, nexus, for everything, but mostly just for being here for me".
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