After thinking about jesters yesterday, I remembered a somewhat mysterious journey from my early days of exploration.
I was experimenting with harmalas back then and this session I used a harmala extract from Syrian rue (200mg most likely).
Raw rue felt very harsh back then and I wanted less body load. A few grams of Acacia Confusa were used as a light source.
I was living in a city at that time, and it happened in my bedroom. Very simple setting and I knew nothing about ceremonial use.
After taking a shot of harmalas, I chased it down with acacia tea and laid down. Nothing much were happening, and I started to get sleepy.
Some time later I found myself in a deep jungle. I was an Ape moving through thick vegetation. The thing is, there was no "I".
It's hard to describe, but I was this animal. I could see grass and trees, but there were no words or concepts linked to these objects.
Actually, there were no objects either, more like direct experience of the environment. There was no idea about an "I" but just knowing of what was seen.
A certain distinction between this ape body and the forest was present, but it was a knowing once again.
Movements and reactions were very instinctual, with no hesitation or thinking about what to do next.
The ape's hand made a motion to make a way through some bushes, and an idea emerged: "I am moving through the forest".
It was in no way words, but some rough concepts. Still, this feeling of "I" appeared, and the whole situation changed suddenly.
It was no longer an animal moving but an "I". Separateness and objects became apparent right away.
Feelings of wonder, self reflection and curiosity followed. It was like a light went on and another level of experience opened up.
I woke up from this dream in almost sober state with a kind of wtf expression.
The contrast between animal and human perception was so vivid, that I just laid for hours pondering what happened.
I had no doubt that we came from primates after this one. It was a kind of replay of awakening to our humanity.
This was no ego death imo, but more like the other way around — an ego life.
Strangely enough, the light of awareness was present throughout.
The only change was a shift to self awareness, and it made all the difference.
That's why I am @northape. I live in the north on this globe.
@Voidmatrix, thank you for reminding me
Our jester back-and-forth rekindled this old memory.
I was experimenting with harmalas back then and this session I used a harmala extract from Syrian rue (200mg most likely).
Raw rue felt very harsh back then and I wanted less body load. A few grams of Acacia Confusa were used as a light source.
I was living in a city at that time, and it happened in my bedroom. Very simple setting and I knew nothing about ceremonial use.
After taking a shot of harmalas, I chased it down with acacia tea and laid down. Nothing much were happening, and I started to get sleepy.
Some time later I found myself in a deep jungle. I was an Ape moving through thick vegetation. The thing is, there was no "I".
It's hard to describe, but I was this animal. I could see grass and trees, but there were no words or concepts linked to these objects.
Actually, there were no objects either, more like direct experience of the environment. There was no idea about an "I" but just knowing of what was seen.
A certain distinction between this ape body and the forest was present, but it was a knowing once again.
Movements and reactions were very instinctual, with no hesitation or thinking about what to do next.
The ape's hand made a motion to make a way through some bushes, and an idea emerged: "I am moving through the forest".
It was in no way words, but some rough concepts. Still, this feeling of "I" appeared, and the whole situation changed suddenly.
It was no longer an animal moving but an "I". Separateness and objects became apparent right away.
Feelings of wonder, self reflection and curiosity followed. It was like a light went on and another level of experience opened up.
I woke up from this dream in almost sober state with a kind of wtf expression.
The contrast between animal and human perception was so vivid, that I just laid for hours pondering what happened.
I had no doubt that we came from primates after this one. It was a kind of replay of awakening to our humanity.
This was no ego death imo, but more like the other way around — an ego life.
Strangely enough, the light of awareness was present throughout.
The only change was a shift to self awareness, and it made all the difference.
That's why I am @northape. I live in the north on this globe.
@Voidmatrix, thank you for reminding me
Our jester back-and-forth rekindled this old memory.
Last edited:
