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Breaking Open the (Large & Slightly Misshapen) Head - Chapter #3

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Bill Cipher

Bill Cipher

Rising Star
OG Pioneer
Artist
Not much for me to say here, other than this will likely be the last installment until the man's return. Enjoy the following Chapter 3, wherein our hero takes an asskicking, then returns to the world with ample amounts of (you guessed it...) love and gratitude:


i type with trembling hands and i will be short. i apologize for this but there are neither words nor am i allowed to get into any details. i will simply tell you the following:

1-28-11...1111 is my new birthday.

it took both shamans the entirety of the night and most of the morning to find me and guide me back from what was the single most complete annihilation i will ever know. it was what everything has lead up to. everything.

i passed through the most complete fear imagineable. the most absolute madness. there are no words.

there is a doorway i have come to for many lifetimes. the only thing that comes out of that place are seers, madmen or death. on this, the final ceremony, my spirit took me through that doorway...

i understand the power of a true shaman now. those two magical beings saved my life. not figuratively, not to be dramatic. they genuinely saved my life and i owe my new life to them.

i was told that to go as far into the spirit world as i did and to return, that person is to become a healer. exhausted from their efforts, i gave don rogelio a massage on his foot when he asked. it was a test... he told me later that he had a problem that had been there for a while and that it was gone the minute i finished. i cried. i cried the whole of that day and into the night.

i had panic attacks for the bulk of the day and was convinced that though i didn´t die, i was certainly damaged for life. no one should go that far. no one can contain all of that and not pay a price...

i did sleep and the dreams i had were a continuation of my experience. wisdom that helped me to integrate was given to me like a buoy to a drowning man. i awoke with a calmness and a peace i have never known. i will never be the same.

so now i sit here typing this for you all. i am sorry i cannot share what i saw or other profound events that took place but in truth you all know that words simply cannot convey the world beyond language and those other events can only be known when one works directly with the seicoya. i will only say this: be careful what you ask for. if it truly is enlightenment that you seek, know that that comes with a hefty price tag. in that eternity of true madness, i would have given everything i was to never have gone into that room. to be able to simply function in this world now fills me with the most gratitude i have ever felt....

will i ever use yage again? only with my masters. don rogelio and don tintin are true masters and i am humbled to be given their gifts and to have had my very spirit and mind saved by their indescribable power. their description of my experience: "muy bueno" (followed by the most infectious laughter imagineable)...

the final honor- i was given a crown hand-made and painted by don rogelio himself. no words can tell you what this means. it is the spiritual equivalent of a calling. i am not a shaman. i will never be. it is too late for me to reach that level of understanding. i am one who drinks yage. one who has been humbled to his very genesis. one who kneels before his masters and has complete faith that he can die and they will find his soul and bring him back.

i am grateful.

now it´s time to look into exactly what modality of healing i am going to study first...

with the deepest love, gratitude and humility


Antrocles
 
Thanks for sharing both your death and birth with us. Hefty price tag indeed - I know not what lies beyond the door, but I intuit some of the digits in that tag. I look forward to your conveying of further impressions and insights when, and if, you consolidate all this new knowledge. Have a safe trip home. If your home is still your home. :)

JBArk
 
Seers, madmen or death...

Walking this path is truly a humbling journey.

Glad you had such an experience.
 
I know you don't know me very well Antrocles, but i just wanted to say your posts and insights have all ways made an impression on me :) I was actually just wondering the other day how the journey was going for you. I'm pleased to hear it's been so rewarding.

I do hope you come back with SOME details of the experiance (not to pry, only if you wish to of coarse):lol:, since many of us are curious, im sure...

P.S.-(sorry, but i jumped the gun and read this chapter first (just stumbled accross it, i haven't been in here as much up until reasently, some personal stuff...) :oops: Many details that i was wondering were in previous chapters.)

Safe travels,
Soulshine
 
sounds like you pushed it to the limit this time . I hope your o. k. .....

where to go from here is a good question
best wishes to you bro .........
 
Wow, I've been following your story and it truly is amazing. I'm glad you could have such an amazing experience.

Hopefully someday I may get an opportunity as you did. It sounds very enlightening to say the least.
 
I was the Nexian who was down there with Antrocles. All I can say is that I am so honored, grateful, and blessed to have been a part of his experience. He had the most profound expeirence that one could have, he dove into it full force, with complete trust in the elders.

He asked me to write about and post here his final day experience when we were down there, and I will do so in the next couple days as long as he is still okay with it.

I feel blessed to have been a part of such a powerfully transformative experience and to have been of service to him in even the slightest way.

I will write about my own expeirences too, but I don't have much visionary experience to share as I never had any visions, even after drinking 2-3 times as much Yage as the majority of people there...

As we know, Ayahuasca gives you what you need, not what you want...and it worked on me in a much more subtle way. But in all honesty, I believe my purpose on that trip was to be there for Antrocles and enable him to journey as deeply and profoundly as he did.

I have a friend for life, and love him with all my heart. He is one amazingly special soul.

EDIT: And I am not at all suprised that this post was my 1111 on this board. Man we generated some powerful stuff down there!
 
Saidin said:
And I am not at all suprised that this post was my 1111 on this board. Man we generated some powerful stuff down there!
Click to expand...

:shock:

actually....i'm not surprised at all either my brother.

feeling a little better today but also more in acceptance of the fact that i will forever have this 'thing' in me that i will never be able to not pay attention to. i have a lion on a chain. an eagle held by an unbreakable silver thread. if i can use the power i have to consciously contain, i can help heal myself and this world. if i try to deny it, try to ignore it and return to my 'normal' life.....i will go mad.

it's also interesting that your signature is a quote from sri aubobindo....as it was he who wrote about going to the depths of madness as part of the enlightenment process. it's challenging for me.....in that i will never find true compassion from others for what i went through and what i now contain. no one can ever understand true madness....in fact, that's part of what true madness is. it is beyond what your mind can ever conceive. once in it, there is nothing you wouldn't do to un-know it...and once you've come back, you can never forget it, nor tell yourself that it is not forever a part of you. the fear that it is always with you is beyond rational mind.

so you know that noone can ever understand or have compassion for what you embody. instead, you not only have to accept this, but realize that YOU now have that compassion for OTHERS. the knowledge that everyone, at some point during some lifetime, will go through this. and for that i am utterly wracked with compassion. i am changed now...i am one who has seen. perhaps in time with continued work with the seicoya i may one day be one who sees...and that will be the point at which my life is completely transformed. but for now, i am simply one who has seen and with that comes the struggle to reconcile minute by minute with the world i am still trying to live in.

it is a herculean task and i now stand in an apartment that i don't recognize, making preparations to return to a way of existing that makes little sense.

saidin- for lifetimes we have done this dance. like feng shui- the philosophy of stillness and motion. one must know when to be still so that the energy around one can move and know when to move so that the energy around one can be still. this trip to costa rica, you were still so that i could move. and i moved like i have never moved at any point in my entire evolution. i have you to thank for this and the tears will not stop flowing as the sheer massiveness of what you were for me sinks in.

i hope that in this lifetime i can do the same for you. i hope that what i gave to you on that most transformative of nights blossoms within you and that we both move into the spirit world one step closer to what we truly are. you are a part of me, my beautiful brother. forever.

with the deepest love and gratitude.
 
Ant, only Love

I can't say more other than Love and that you are a beautiful being!! May the light shine on you always!
 
Thank you so much for sharing! This truely is one of the most interesting stories I have ever read.

antrocles said:
it's challenging for me.....in that i will never find true compassion from others for what i went through and what i now contain. no one can ever understand true madness....in fact, that's part of what true madness is. it is beyond what your mind can ever conceive. once in it, there is nothing you wouldn't do to un-know it...and once you've come back, you can never forget it, nor tell yourself that it is not forever a part of you. the fear that it is always with you is beyond rational mind.
Click to expand...


So if you had a chance to go back in time would you do it again? Or choose not to?
 
antrocles said:
i hope that in this lifetime i can do the same for you. i hope that what i gave to you on that most transformative of nights blossoms within you and that we both move into the spirit world one step closer to what we truly are. you are a part of me, my beautiful brother. forever.

with the deepest love and gratitude.
Click to expand...

You have done more for me in this lifetime and others than I can possibly describe. What you gave me that night is already blossoming within me, a healing and awakening of the most profound nature. I helped you acheieve one of the things you came here for, and you in turn reciprocated likewise and gave me just what I needed.

I told you all that first meeting that my intention was all about the community for me and connecting on a deeper level with my other selves. I got all that I was hoping for and more.

You too will always be a part of me, through that privlidged gift you bestowed upon me that night.

Love and Gratitude right back at you my eternal brother!
 
Id love to see the crown that the shaman painted for you. If you don't want to take a picture of it I understand aswell.
 
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