Change of perspective

[potnoble]

Hello everybody

Life hasn´t been that great the last couple of months.
I am currently solving some traumatic experiences from childhood, which is very
challenging for me.
Pretty much at the same time i started with therapy, my mum got diagnosed with dementia.
So now i am taking care of her while battling a full blown depression.
At that point i stopped taking any kind of drugs because i always ended up in a bad place.

A few days ago i realised that i need a change in perspective or this situation will
break me. I am not saying if you are depressed just do psycedelics, but i got exactly what
i needed.

In the morning i had a cup of coffee with 20 mg full spectrum harmala freebase and a big
breakfast. A few hours later i took 500 mics of lsd sulingually and 20 mg ketamine followed
by another 20 mg at the two hour mark.
I never was a big fan of dissociative drugs and i am extremly careful with them.
However i thought maybe it can be useful this time. And it was

The lsd hit me very hard after this long break and the ketamine made me take a step back in my
mind to manage my problems without the depressive thoughts.
The further i got into the trip the better i felt. At first i had music playing (androcell creatures), but later it turned into meditation.
Now my depression is gone and i only think about how to improve my mums well being.
I am greatful for all the things i have in life and i accept the present.
It was life changing and made me realise alot about myself and what needs change.
The crazy thing is how easy it was to shift my whole thought process.
Haven´t felt that good in years.

Anyways. Take care of yourselfs everybody. Have a gud one

 

[downwardsfromzero]

Thanks for sharing. I'm glad to hear that your foray worked out well for you. I get the hunch that your intention helped with your outcome.

Has the beneficial effect remained after a couple of weeks now?

It's great that your guiding intention was to be of effective service for someone else - indeed, your mother.

Dementia care can be very challenging, especially when it is someone so close to you. I wish you all the strength you require for this time.

 

[potnoble]

Thank you so much downwardsfromzero

After 6 weeks i still feel great. This trip started a snowball effect of positivity.
I will post some more about the trip but i am in a hurry.
Everybody that is dealing with depression: I´m sending you love and don´t bash yourself
for the past. Give yourself some credit for the good things you did.
Hope everyone has a great day :thumb_up:

 

[potnoble]

A few months ago, when my dpression started, i stopped taking psycedelics.
I always ended up in a bad spot where i was thinking about all the pain i caused
for my family and friends.
I think every addict probably has to deal with that type of stuff.
For me it ruined the positive effect of psycedelics and i just got sad.
There are some things i always ran away from and if my thoughts got in that direction i just
did more drugs.
It was too painful to deal with.
Months ago my last trip was basically spent crying. The whole trip.
That´s why i took a break and started to do therapy sessions with a psychiatrist.
I was also thinking about taking medication because i couldn´t get out of that hole.
So i wanted to try one more time to deal with it myself.
I took a good dose of acid and purposely went to the painful stuff.
The ketamine made me take a step back and not get to affected by bad thoughts too much.

I have tripped many times in my life and i was dealing with mental health problems all my life,
but that trip changed alot.
I think i made it. Haven´t been sad in any way for almost two months now.

If you are experienced with psycedelics and can control yourself maybe this can help you too with depression.
Ketamine can be habit forming. So be careful.
I would also advise you to only take a little and if you got more put it away.
When you are tripping you might like it too much.

Thank you everybody on the Nexus for all the knowledge. Without that i don´t know where i would be now.
My first extraction got the ball rolling and than harmalas paved the way for me actually getting
professional help. I am a little embarassed by stuff i posted over the years, but i´m working on
becoming more coherent. :thumb_up:

Thank you so much

 

[Voidmatrix]

Thank you so much for sharing this and I am very very happy for you. This is big.

I too have dealt with severe mental health issues becoming particularly worse in my 20s and having taken a new form since my early 30s. I also didn't do psychedelics as I would've liked because of my mental health, which also already keeps me away from things that are meaningful to me. As I am able to allow and commit myself more to the psychedelic experience, the better things are getting in some ways.

And I don't think you have anything to be embarrassed about. We all do and say things that we'd likely change in retrospect, but the acknowledgment is a sign of growth.

Thank you again for sharing. I'm presently getting my ass kicked psychologically and this is encouraging.

One love

 

[downwardsfromzero]

Months ago my last trip was basically spent crying. The whole trip.

I've had a couple of (mushroom) trips where I've cried thoroughly and intensively for the first hour or so of the peak, and was most definitely depressed around that time - but I came through it each time so what you say is certainly at the extreme of the range. Seeking a therapist was clearly a wise choice.

In my case I never received any official psychological support but the interesting thing about the trips was (as I have shared before on the forum) that, once I had stopped crying, the neurosomatic cleanse had unlocked what I can only describe as super powers in the realms of both physical and sensory capabilities. Sadly, the ability to climb like a gecko has left me since then but the effects on my perception have remained as something more than a trace.

What I'm really saying is, crying is important and useful. What cultural, social and psychological frameworks exist for you in your way of understanding crying? It can be pretty taboo in a lot of 'western' cultures - especially for males, as I understand it. I was persistently bullied for crying easily even as an older child. It was simply a raw and direct experience of emotions, which only learned to control much later in life as emotional education has or had an exceedingly low priority in my part of the world.

All in all, a bit of a can of worms, the more I think about it. For example, how would people countenance the degree of environmental destruction we're seeing had they not been trained to suppress and ignore their emotions?

Well, I hope this remains useful to you and more power to your elbow.

 

[potnoble]

Just jumping in to thank you for your responses.
Still taking care of my mum and having no internet there.

I probably won´t be much on here in the next few months, but all you people helped me
alot with your knowledge.

Thank you so much and much strength to you too with your struggles.

Hava a gud one