AluminumFoilRobots
gufyg
- Merits
- 42
(It has taken me a long time to write out the second part of this experience, to put into words the realizations and to process what actually happened to me. This is as close as I could get....)
The fear of being absorbed in the scuttling wholeness,
the vastness, the white-light...
...is great. The holding-me-together, the fear when my boundaries are dissolved so fully... I-thou dissolution, ego-death - I hadn’t realized the breadth of you.
Fear at the beauty, of the all-pervasive oneness, fear to join the Multitudinous Deep. Fear of surrender, a terror rises at the giving up on the holding to self. Fear of becoming a part of the Great Mysterious OTHER. Or, rejoining it.
What is self, then?
A synthesis of disparate threads,
woven loosely in a self-referential manner.
Ah, go ahead, then. Be done with it!
Erase me! Erase me.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
In saying “yes” to that single instant, a “yes” was given to my involvement in the eternal unwinding and infinite “NOW”.
(So then, as I was in tears over the fractious nature of my thoughts, deafening and repetitious, the words shattering over one-another as they all came in waves, in cycles of flanged sentences...
...my tears were shown to me as the tears of the earth-mother, of all living things and of all things who have felt how I feel now; of those who have been given this perspective on the impermanence of life and the eternity of being... there was a river of tears flowing along the canals of the Milky Way, and there was an intimation of an ancient secret: sorrow is the only constant, the only break-tide to the onslaught of eternality; it is the sole response of all Spirits to their own non-permanence in the face of the Vast Unending Being-ness - and so did flow my tears...
... and then, kissed by some angel I must have been - the Woman of My Heart must have roused something in me, and I realized! Something connected, the disparate cords were suddenly linked into a blooming nexus. I suddenly saw very clearly (Alhamdulillah for such moments of clarity!) how what I was feeling was, in fact, Love. I realized that all the myriad emotions, the waves of tender impressions, the interactions, the touches, the strife and violence, the hope, the hate, the hurt... All is Love. I saw, very clearly (alhamdulillah!), that there is nothing apart from anything else, there is no I-thou, there is no time, and especially there is no such thing as WHAT - there is only this one eternal moment-
and I said “Yes”.
The fear of being absorbed in the scuttling wholeness,
the vastness, the white-light...
...is great. The holding-me-together, the fear when my boundaries are dissolved so fully... I-thou dissolution, ego-death - I hadn’t realized the breadth of you.
Fear at the beauty, of the all-pervasive oneness, fear to join the Multitudinous Deep. Fear of surrender, a terror rises at the giving up on the holding to self. Fear of becoming a part of the Great Mysterious OTHER. Or, rejoining it.
What is self, then?
A synthesis of disparate threads,
woven loosely in a self-referential manner.
Ah, go ahead, then. Be done with it!
Erase me! Erase me.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
In saying “yes” to that single instant, a “yes” was given to my involvement in the eternal unwinding and infinite “NOW”.
(So then, as I was in tears over the fractious nature of my thoughts, deafening and repetitious, the words shattering over one-another as they all came in waves, in cycles of flanged sentences...
...my tears were shown to me as the tears of the earth-mother, of all living things and of all things who have felt how I feel now; of those who have been given this perspective on the impermanence of life and the eternity of being... there was a river of tears flowing along the canals of the Milky Way, and there was an intimation of an ancient secret: sorrow is the only constant, the only break-tide to the onslaught of eternality; it is the sole response of all Spirits to their own non-permanence in the face of the Vast Unending Being-ness - and so did flow my tears...
... and then, kissed by some angel I must have been - the Woman of My Heart must have roused something in me, and I realized! Something connected, the disparate cords were suddenly linked into a blooming nexus. I suddenly saw very clearly (Alhamdulillah for such moments of clarity!) how what I was feeling was, in fact, Love. I realized that all the myriad emotions, the waves of tender impressions, the interactions, the touches, the strife and violence, the hope, the hate, the hurt... All is Love. I saw, very clearly (alhamdulillah!), that there is nothing apart from anything else, there is no I-thou, there is no time, and especially there is no such thing as WHAT - there is only this one eternal moment-
and I said “Yes”.
