Confessions of a Hubristic Ego

[Pandora]

Hello,

I have come here to attempt to humbly abase myself before the Nexus in sincere and deep apology. I must apologize for my poor choices.

Here is a short list of only the recent ones:


I have been hubristic and judgemental towards antrocles when I have absolutely no right at all.

I have been hurtful and insensitive to House in Chat.

I have been patronizing and possibly alienating towards shoe in responding to what was a sincere and innocent question.

Actually, while I'm here with virtual kneeling pads on: I have been generally patronizing here recently.

I have dumped way too heavy trips into the laps of both Jorkest and psychosisdoses.

I was greedy in my spice usage and egoitistical in trying to "face my fears," and it helped to lead to my current, nearly Pavlovian problems.


Finally and worst of all: I was a bad sitter to Nemo Amicus in December when things went rough on him.



I am not looking for forgiveness, but please let me say the following:

I am aware that I am older than the great majority of members here and it has caused me to be self-indulgent and patronizing. I have no right to be this way. I'm not sure who I think I was when I was doing this because I have always hated people who thought they were somehow more knowledgeable or wise, mature or whatever, just by virtue of chronological age and nothing else.

I have always considered myself to be a bit unusual, odd, weird, bizarre, strange, etc. The truth of the matter is that this directly contributes to my under-developed social skills. But, again I apolgize, because I am aware of it, so I have no real excuse.



For all of these things and more I apologize. These are pure actions of a hubristic ego and I feel a need for confession.


Thank You,
Pandora

 

[Morphane]

Once again you provoke me to break a vow of silence in regard to this forum.

From my perspective, you are perfect Pandora. Your self-loathing is further evidence of your perfection.

 

[sunshineandsmiles]

Once again you provoke me to break a vow of silence in regard to this forum.

From my perspective, you are perfect Pandora. Your self-loathing is further evidence of your perfection.

Not so sure that self-loathing is an entirely appropriate term here. Very negative emotional connotations. I'd say that this was a very healthy self-evaluation regarding prior actions and the intention to improve and to grow.

Also...'perfection'? Whilst it is quite a flattering term...it simply isn't true. No one is perfect. What is perfect is that people have imperfections, as it allows learning and growth.

I commend you, Pandora, for your honesty. It's refreshing to see someone brave enough to admit areas in need of improvement. It shows humility and strength of character.

Much love Sunny

 

[Pokey]

We love you Pandora for all that you are.

Morphane, maybe you shouldn't break that vow of silence.... Aren't you late for your self flagellation or something?

Pokey

 

[Nemo Amicus]

I love this Woman so much!
She is smart, fun, articulate, a huge reader, and she can cook (food)!
As for her bad sitting, we were both caught unawares by a 20 mlg blast that went on for over an hour... overwhelming me...
Tha last 21 almost 22 years have been the best of my life because of this Woman!
NA

 

[ghostman]

That takes a lot of heart Pandora. I stand in awe of such inward reflection. I walk away from your post with an example and a lesson.

 

[۩]

it's all good. I know how vital it is to flow.

 

[shoe]

Pandora: I would like to understand your real reason for apologising, making a markup seems attention-seeking.
False humility is no good. earns nil points.

Unless I have misunderstood, in which case, please tell me so.

About your apology itself! I feel I speak on behalf of everyone when I say: Relax babe, everything is cool.
worry less, do more is the best option.
I like how you noticed that my question was innocent, it was indeed. Thankyou for noticing

Also, I wasn't alienated or patronised. you made me think, and gave me something to think about.

So d/w! Confidence is the key to truth!

 

[antrocles]

I feel I speak on behalf of everyone

let's not any of us go down this road ever. no good will come of it. i love you shoe and very much appreciate all of your contributions, but with the deepest love and humility i suggest you not "speak for everyone" ever again. in this particular instance, "relax babe, everything is cool" is not at all what i have in mind to say in response to this post.

nothing but love shoe. i know you're heart was in the right place....just wanted to be clear on this point.

as for your post pandora- i don't feel that it was in any way attention seeking. in the little i've gotten to know you via your writing and our PMs, i have beheld a sweet and fragile soul. i understand the weight of trying to live righteously. it is so seemingly simple and yet so impossibly hard. i stand in support of anyone who would take such a fearless inventory of their actions and then take swift and responsible action towards owning and cleaning it up. all the while having the humility to not let "looking bad" stop such healing behavior.

it is noble. it is righteous and it is the kind of self-awareness that can heal the world if enough folks come into it.

you are brave and beautiful for owning something that would, one way or another, affect the very beautiful "vibe" of this beautiful forum. this place is so special....i think it actually creates an atmosphere that makes us all WANT to be our highest selves.

this tiny, obscure little forum where the deep work is put into changing the world for the better....

thank you so very much for your raw honesty pandora. and thank you all here at the nexus for creating a space where, due to the abundance of love and support, we ALL can be so honest.

WITH THE DEEPEST LOVE AND GRATITUDE!!

 

[Saidin]

There is no such thing as Sin. It is nothing more than a self loathing imposed by you, upon you.

You may have wronged others in your own mind, if so apologize and move on. Let it go.