Constant Tryptamine Presence

[kajex]

Hi friends,
About a month ago, my grandmother died. On the day that she died, and actually at around the exact time that she passed away, I was hit with waves of tryptamine sensations and visions. These sensations have stayed with me until this day, coming in waves throughout each day. When closing my eyes, I often see images of hyperspace and intricate geometric patterns. At times I feel as if I am being sucked out of my body, or almost like I am giving birth to a different body or self. I fluctuate between states of great well-being and intense agony and fear. I have been abstaining from entheogen use, including cannabis, since this began.

Have others gone through periods like this? I've read about the Dark Night of the Soul, which in many documented cases sounds similar to what I am experiencing. However, my state seems directly related to my tryptamine experiences. I can think back to my past trips and vividly relive the emotions and visions I experienced. Maybe this is all about facing the reality of death?

Anyway, I'm posting this here because I know there are many wise, experienced people on the Nexus. I know none of you can give me answers on how to escape this, but advice and stories are welcome and appreciated.

Thanks!

 

[jamie]

When the person I was going to marry left me about a month ago I got really stressed out and extremely depressed and spent nights in bed laying there unable to sleep seeing tryptamine fractals and visions all over my room in the dark. it was the strongest DMT like visions I have ever experienced aside from actaully taking DMT or dreaming. It would have been interesting had I not been so depressed and stressed out. I got so sick I didnt eat much some days and probly was dehydrated and vomited a few times when I did eat..so my body was not operating properly at that time. Who knows what kind of chemistry is going on in the body durring such times of personal crisis. Actaully laying there at night seeing this stuff is ALL I do remember about the first few days after she left..I feel like I got some kind of amnesia in reguards to the rest. I felt totally crazy though and unbalanced and nearly went to get therapy. So if you feel okay and grounded in your state than thats good.

I think DMT and these other endogenous tryptamines/beta carbolines play an anxiolitic role in human biochemistry. I have noticed this a number of times while very stressed out, or sleep deprived. This time however it was more intense than usual as I was far more stressed than I had experienced prior in my life.

I dont know if you were stressed out by the death of your grandmother or not. Sorry for your loss. I lost both my grandfathers within the last two years, and one of them coincidentally died right around the time I had been smoking DMT one night. I grew up around them often and so they were a large part of my life, but I never felt I really knew either of them so was not close. The way they're deaths effected me was on a very subconscious level..hard to explain. There was a strange effect when I smoked DMT that night that he died in his sleep. It's difficult to explain. Ancestors are important..I think they are important is ways we dont understand.

 

[kajex]

Thank you so much for sharing, jamie. Your post really resonates with me, and I feel that we have had similar experiences. I definitely have not felt very grounded during all of this, and at times I am convinced that I am going crazy. However, there are also times where I feel I am being given a gift through this experience. (Chanting and exercise have also been helping a lot)

I wasn't very close to my grandmother, but I feel you on the importance of ancestors. I remember reading one of your posts where you said that you thought reincarnation had to do with shared DNA in the family. Like rebirth isn't literal, but is basically a continuation of the gene pool. Perhaps I am feeling the transfer of my grandma's spirit(DNA) or something, idk. The sensations I referred to do seem to show up when my stress and anxiety are higher, perhaps you're on to something there.

I am sorry for your loss also, and I hope you feel more balanced!

Much love

 

[Elpo]

After my best friend passed away I felt I had started acting like him, speaking like him in different situations. Just as if parts of his being had been given to me. I still feel this to this day. Sometimes when I find myself talking to someone he knew I am very aware of myself and the way that I speak or even move reminds me of him. As if he is speaking through me.

It is a very powerful feeling and one I am grateful for.

The body reacts to these moments in very strange ways, I agree with jamie that ancestors are very important. The blood that binds you to a relative can't be underestimated and I think the stronger the relationship was the stronger you will feel it.

I am very sorry for your loss and hope you will find the strength to cope with it. Even though the scars will always remains I can assure you the pain diminishes with time. I now often find myself laughing at situations I went through with my friend, remembering the good moments...

Take care kajex.

 

[kajex]

Wow that's really interesting..for a bit I was convinced that I had been possessed by my grandmothers spirit.
Thank you Elpo

Much love