Coping with death

[Errly Bird]

Hello again everyone. I will just jump right into it. I lost someone I loved. I have no religion. I have no true beliefs. I do not consider myself atheist. I have what I could closely compare to belief, in there being more than this when we go. I"m not 100% but my mind, which fights me on everything, does not on that. Not knowing what the more past this life is has me pretty unstable. I have always had depression problems, and the passing of my girlfriend has opened and left that door wide open. I think about joining her every day. Pretty much any time I'm not busy or focused on something. I spend a lot of time in a video game and browsing the internet to numb my mind. I have been looking for answers anywhere I can get them. I guess what I'm asking here today, is how do you guys cope with grief? I'm open to everything. I'm here to gather information from everyone. And am very interested in hearing your own beliefs, and how you cope. Thank you for anyone who takes the time to read this.

 

[Ufostrahlen]

I think about joining her every day.

You might want to read:

Monroe, Robert (1971). Journeys Out of the Body (1st ed.). Garden City, New York: Doubleday. p. 297. ISBN 0385008619. OCLC 207277.
Monroe, Robert (1985). Far Journeys (1st ed.). Garden City, New York: Doubleday. p. 290. ISBN 0385231822. OCLC 11755227.

And the "Letting Go: Finishing Unfinished Business" section in this book:
LaBerge, Stephen; Rheingold, Howard (1990). Exploring the World of Lucid Dreaming. ISBN 0-345-37410-X.

No need to commit suicide, you might be able to reach her in another realm without permanently leaving your current one.

Addendum:

I recently learned that a friend of mine died 2 years ago freezing in the forrest after he escaped the mental institution. I was hit hard, but when I learned, that his aunt had dreams of him, saying that he's alright, my good mood was restored.

 

[Paulo]

Hey Errly Bird,

Me and my tribe (the people I live and travel with as well as my biological family) come to believe in a sort of sudo religion based on the teachings of other religions and our own downloads/revelations from our psychedelic/ethnogenic studies.

As we see it, over speculating on whether or not there is an after life in the end is feudal and I think almost everyone I know has slightly different beliefs (read hopes) for what will happen after our human bodies die, so for the most part I try to avoid talking about it. But there is one thing I don't think I need to hope for, which is:

We are a collective consciousness that has decided to try to add to itself through physically interacting with itself. This for me is the most comforting thing, in that regardless of what we do here we are adding to the universal knowledge, which is the goal of a physical reality. So that regardless of future or past incarnations (if you choose to believe in that) we all continue to exist in the form of that universal consciousness indefinitely. This does not give the sort of loving resolution to death that Christianity gives, in that you will see your loved ones on the other side. But it does mean that in a way we have all always existed and all continue to exist.

This leads me to think that the best way to feel resolution from death is to accept that you loved a specific expression of the universe, but you continue to love her by loving everything (yourself, other people, the earth, the universe, bugs, etc.), and that doing that is literally the same, even though you may not get to experience that expression again.

While I don't believe that you can add a "less than" experience to the universal consciousness, I do tend to believe that regardless of what happens to us after death we will most likely get only one shot at being a human on earth. So while we're here the best possible option is to experience as much specific earth/human stuff as possible. Grief is one of these specific experiences, so try your best to feel those feelings as fully and completely as possible since no one will ever feel it the way you do. But then after you have done that, move to the next experience and feel that as much as possible. In this way everything that you feel will shape the way you experience the next thing, giving a more and more specific interpretation of human events thus achieving the "goal" more and more effectively all the time.

I also suffer from depression, and the best tool that I've found to pull my self out of depressive cycles are affirmation cards. Even super simple ones like "I am a human to have experiences" or something that feels personal to you, that reminds you to get up and move forward every day. I usually put them in my wallet and read them every morning, or use them as my mantra during meditation.

Sorry if I kind of went off topic to how I deal with grief since that wasn't really the question, and that some of this may seem fragmented. I'm still working on what I believe every day, so some of it can be a little choppy .

Best of luck,
-Paulo

 

[○]

Hello again everyone. I will just jump right into it. I lost someone I loved. I have no religion. I have no true beliefs. I do not consider myself atheist. I have what I could closely compare to belief, in there being more than this when we go. I"m not 100% but my mind, which fights me on everything, does not on that. Not knowing what the more past this life is has me pretty unstable. I have always had depression problems, and the passing of my girlfriend has opened and left that door wide open. I think about joining her every day. Pretty much any time I'm not busy or focused on something. I spend a lot of time in a video game and browsing the internet to numb my mind. I have been looking for answers anywhere I can get them. I guess what I'm asking here today, is how do you guys cope with grief? I'm open to everything. I'm here to gather information from everyone. And am very interested in hearing your own beliefs, and how you cope. Thank you for anyone who takes the time to read this.

Firstly, im really sorry for your loss. Im not even going to pretend to understand regarding something like that, because I most certainly don't.

Secondly, get away from the electronics - internet and video games, as tough as this might be. Go out in the world and do actual physical participatory activities. Engage life on more of a level than just sitting behind a computer or a video game system; I know it's easy to do man and is almost like an effortless default; heh ..i've been there bud, trust me. Over time and with more repetition, like anything in life, you will move along and continue on your journey. Not saying you will forget about your girlfriend or anything like that; but you will find acceptance more or less through engaging life and continuing despite the circumstances, and things that used to bother you or remain stuck in your head will have took the backseat like a distant memory, ..or they may fade altogether. These very tips saved my life on two separate occasions. It works.

The phenomena of life itself is finite. Also, the biggest Truth I know to life at this scale is that it's ephemeral - it doesn't last (at least in this form); we're here only for a blink. Cherish it, as hard as it may be at times due to life ripping us from events and loved ones - although ..that is life. A very sobering reminder of how precious this all really is.

My views on Life and Death? Death is just a pale descriptor of a phenomena that we don't even really understand - in terms of what lies beyond that event horizon. I have a deep imbued feeling, something that words fail for me, that entheogens have brought forth immensely over the years - that all of this ...this life, ..it's a Mystery, and the Mystery is alive and well. I have a feeling (a knowing) that we and the whole of reality are something so impossibly special, so insanely powerful and moving, ...that when you get down to the bare bones of it all ..it defies linear, dualistic primate cognitive abilities and logic.

Take care.

 

[endlessness]

I'm sorry to hear about your lost!

Feel free to pass by the chat if you ever need to talk to someone without waiting long for answers...

Here are some thoughts, but feel free to ignore them, I really dont know anything... I'm not sure either what is the best way to cope with the lost of a loved one. I guess to think that they would have wanted you to live a healthy fulfilling life instead of falling into a negative spiral, might be a bit of an extra motivation to try to keep going.

Nobody knows what life and death is. And if we think that we go somewhere when we die, well, we can think we'll join our loved ones who passed soon enough when we die, it's inevitable. No need to rush it. And if there is nothing, well there will be nothing soon enough too, so might as well enjoy whatever is here and try to honor the people who left by carrying their good acts and their good example. And then in this way, when we die others can have good memories of us and keep carrying our good acts and example too!

And as for a more practical look at it, it might seem nearly impossible when we're going through, but time does heal things. Doesn't mean of course that we forget about the people, and it's only natural that sometimes the feelings and thoughts come back. I know when talking to my dad, for example, about his parents who died decades ago, a couple of times he had tears in his eyes, but he also had a good feeling in different ways, he wasn't anymore in the pain he once was, and he could talk about them and smile and laugh at things, and try to improve the things in himself he felt he didn't do well when they were alive.

So that's the other thing, I think when people pass, this is a reminder of how temporary eveyrthing is, of our own mortality and of those around us, so this could potentially motivate us to be better with those that are still around us, because they too might be gone at any time.

One other thing, and this again might seem kinda silly to even mention and I'm sorry if it does, but please try to keep eating well, and exercise, and reach out to loved ones for support when you need, and try to do things that you enjoy, since that will help grounding, moving you forward.

I know this is waaaay easier said than done, and truth is, anything I say feels so insignificant compared to your loss, but I just want to send you the best possible vibes through this crazy invention that is the internet, reaching across to touch your soul (whatever that is), and let you know that if at any point you want to talk about whatever, feel free to pm me, or join the chat, or talk to anyone in this forum as I'm sure we're all more than willing to talk to you and give you our support and love

 

[Doc Buxin]

...Secondly, get away from the electronics - internet and video games, as tough as this might be. Go out in the world and do actual physical participatory activities. Engage life on more of a level than just sitting behind a computer or a video game system...

I have lost quite a few dear, close, loved ones in my 50+ years existing in this realm & I can fully endorse Tatt's statement above!

You have to get physical & stay physical! It may feel wierd at first, but I almost can guarantee that it will help...

I had a wise old mentor who told me this 20 years ago when I lost a very close family member (who was also one of my best friends) & I was too distraught & depressed not to take his advice, I just did it.
It doesn't matter what activity it is, just get away from the digital screens & move your body!

My personal favorite thing to do to help myself cope was to plant flowers, trees, herbs, shrubs, etc.
For whatever myriad reasons this activity gave me some serious solace.

For others, it might be running or walking or swimming or biking or hiking or boxing or bowling or whatever. Just get off your butt & move.

I pray for your peace.

 

[Errly Bird]

Thank you all so much