- Merits
- 42
I've been using various means of trying to deal with crippling depression caused by co-dependency over the last 12 years or so, including various SSRIs on and off (evil), and St. John's Wort. I've had far more success with the latter, despite it being less potent in its overall effect. My best spell with it was around 4 years ago, I had just come back from 6 months of travelling (escapism) in South East Asia, and couldn't deal with the pressure and responsibility of day-to-day life. I tried SJW and for a good while it eased a lot of tension, and I actually started to go out and be sociable and enjoy myself, relatively unimpeded by neuroses and depression. I even got a part-time job that helped keep me motivated and active.
SJW tends to wear off in its efficacy though, and after a few months I'd lost interest in life and my social life wasn't progressing how I had hoped. Also, the insomnia was always just terrible, even when it was working well. Cutting down the dose to reduce the insomnia just made the depression and demotivation came back stronger. Interestingly, re-upping the dose did not restore the original level of energy and anti-depressant effect. I went on and off SJW ove the next couple of years, eventually in desperation resorting to going on SSRIs for the sixth time, after not having had them for 5 years, swearing never again, but having no choice. This gave me a 2-3 day boost in mood and energy, as well as a calming effect. This quickly wore off, leaving just a zombified state and a higher level of motivation than usual, but nothing like enough to live life. I gave up on them and after some research, tried a combination of tyrosine and 5-HTP, which had only mild effects. Adding SJW to the mix barely kept me above water.
After more time I learn about ayahuasca, and its supposed magical healing properties. I dive into research, watching all the documentaries etc on YouTube, reading testomonials and forums, and decide that this is my last chance, I've tried everything, this has to work. I had to get off SJW and 5-HTP first, of course, which was painful because I had to go through much of the winter with nothing to prop me up. Dark times, but there was light at the end of the tunnel in the form of ayahuasca. That hope kept me going.
So now I've been experimenting with ayahuasca and rue with various light sources, and after many months, I can't honestly say I've been "healed" at all. In fact, I'm worse now that I relapsed on amphetamines at the weekend after 6 months of abstinence. Who knows how much of the delicate work done with ayahuasca has been destroyed by that one lapse. I've been dosing 100-150mg of full spectrum rue harmalas every day for 2-3 weeks now, after reading the amazing results some have achieved by doing this for depression. Again, I feel no improvement, although it still is early days.
So, despite almost everyone saying you shouldn't do this, I was wondering about adding SJW to the daily harmalas. Being without SJW has killed what little motivation I had - aya has not helped there at all. The argument against mixing it with any MAOI is that it acts as a mild reuptake inhibitor of serotonin, dopamine and norepinephrine, therefore introducing the risk of the dreaded serotonin syndrome. Well, maybe in people who have any serotonin in the first place. Is it not possible that the correct dosage of both harmalas and SJW could get better results than either one in isolation? At least enough to make life bearable?
SJW tends to wear off in its efficacy though, and after a few months I'd lost interest in life and my social life wasn't progressing how I had hoped. Also, the insomnia was always just terrible, even when it was working well. Cutting down the dose to reduce the insomnia just made the depression and demotivation came back stronger. Interestingly, re-upping the dose did not restore the original level of energy and anti-depressant effect. I went on and off SJW ove the next couple of years, eventually in desperation resorting to going on SSRIs for the sixth time, after not having had them for 5 years, swearing never again, but having no choice. This gave me a 2-3 day boost in mood and energy, as well as a calming effect. This quickly wore off, leaving just a zombified state and a higher level of motivation than usual, but nothing like enough to live life. I gave up on them and after some research, tried a combination of tyrosine and 5-HTP, which had only mild effects. Adding SJW to the mix barely kept me above water.
After more time I learn about ayahuasca, and its supposed magical healing properties. I dive into research, watching all the documentaries etc on YouTube, reading testomonials and forums, and decide that this is my last chance, I've tried everything, this has to work. I had to get off SJW and 5-HTP first, of course, which was painful because I had to go through much of the winter with nothing to prop me up. Dark times, but there was light at the end of the tunnel in the form of ayahuasca. That hope kept me going.
So now I've been experimenting with ayahuasca and rue with various light sources, and after many months, I can't honestly say I've been "healed" at all. In fact, I'm worse now that I relapsed on amphetamines at the weekend after 6 months of abstinence. Who knows how much of the delicate work done with ayahuasca has been destroyed by that one lapse. I've been dosing 100-150mg of full spectrum rue harmalas every day for 2-3 weeks now, after reading the amazing results some have achieved by doing this for depression. Again, I feel no improvement, although it still is early days.
So, despite almost everyone saying you shouldn't do this, I was wondering about adding SJW to the daily harmalas. Being without SJW has killed what little motivation I had - aya has not helped there at all. The argument against mixing it with any MAOI is that it acts as a mild reuptake inhibitor of serotonin, dopamine and norepinephrine, therefore introducing the risk of the dreaded serotonin syndrome. Well, maybe in people who have any serotonin in the first place. Is it not possible that the correct dosage of both harmalas and SJW could get better results than either one in isolation? At least enough to make life bearable?
