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Deal with the devil

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I am on the same path and going through the same trials as you are, as well. Me and my girl are not committed to each other as much as we should be or used to be. As fractal said there has to be compromise, but when it is only coming from one side, what is their to gain or benefit or share in happiness? My girl is definitely someone who would drop everything in her life to follow me, I believe people who want to take you down with them are even very selfish for not embracing each and every person's goals and dreams to try to become anything they want in life. I believe this is possible, only the strong can stay on the path less traveled. I have suffered for a long time dealing with myself about my situation. I abuse alcohol and sometimes drugs to ease the suffering, take shortcuts, ignore, etc. I DO NOT WANT TO TAKE THIS PATH. I have been stuck in a cycle of nothingness in life, no progression, stagnancy, depression. I want to break free! I also believe this suffering will make me stronger, come to a realization, and live a life far beyond what I have told myself is a possibility. I have been seeking Buddhism, meditation, DMT, spirituality, among other things for the past year or so, but I have not committed myself, I have succumbed to everyday distractions that reality possesses. I would like for DMT to be guidance for me, to break me down, rebuild me, etc., for the better of myself and to others. As with antrocles, you got someone else on the west coast to help with your endeavors.
 
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Thank you, Sublime, Fractal, Aegle, Ant, Art, ALL!!

We spent some time apart and as we all know, distance makes the heart grow fonder. We have reunited and are whole again. I wonder what would have happened if I'd agreed to the terms of that dodgy agreement?

It turned out to be the right decision, turning him down. It always would be.

And of course I know that it was myself that I was 'dealing' with. Still, to choose pain for the sake of growth is this path we are on. As the basic Buddhist tenet interpreted in "Way of the Peaceful Warrior" says, a warrior does not seek out pain, but when it arrives, he uses it to his benefit.

I am a warrior.

I have steel will.

D.M.T. cannot even melt me now. I vaped 60mg after 1/3 dropper Caapi tinc and got the strongest visuals I've had in a while but absolutely NO ego loss! None!

I am usually BLOWN AWAY by 35mg and unable to comprehend until afterwards what I've witnessed.
But time and again last night, hard as I tried, I couldn't ~~dissapear~~


My surrender button must be broke. I've just been through an experience, nearly losing my beloved, for just at two months and it was more intense than any trip I've ever taken. Self discovery, boundaries, respect, core beliefs, love, jealousy, paranoia, spite, vengeance. The whole gang was there. I made it through, on my own. We are together and happy and in love. We are presently building our future. We have purchased a pool and a puppy for our daughter.

Life is good.

Thanks to everyone for ALL your posts. They really helped me through the most difficult experience of my life.

Rant on...

Love,
Namaste,
Espiridion
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Sublime, you know the path, just walk it. Alcohol prevents lessons from being retained. I wish you all the happiness on your journey. Kepp us or even just me posted. <smile>
 
The feeling I always get on DMT and other psychedelics is that "romantic" love, such as we think of it, is transitory. So much of what we call love is polluted with jealousy, insecurity, ego, bitterness... Not true love. Osho has interesting things to say about relationships, in many of his books, including one called "Being In Love," which I recommend to anyone. I think much of our ideals about love and relationships are simply culturally constructed hand-me-downs from more Puritanical and religious times. The problem about relationships... which isn't only exclusive to human relationships, but to all human mental and emotional activities and endeavors, is that once we establish a way of behaving, we get stuck in a static pattern, and try our utmost to uphold it, regardless of whether doing so would actually be advantageous or beneficial in a larger "spiritual" sense. Our ego wants what it wants, and it wants it now. When we can't have it, we are sad, angry, or upset. And we don't realize that we have everything we need already. It's right here all the time. As Bruce Lee once said, "His storehouse having burnt down, nothing obscures his view of the bright moon." :)

My advice is: if you truly feel you have more to share and experience with this woman, then stay, as long as you are both happy. If not, then part - amicably. Do not let your ego block the proper flow of the universe. There are always more lovers, and it is better to trust the universe to provide one for you, if that is what you are looking for, than to stay in an unsatisfying relationship.
 
Brother, I am truly happy for you that you found a path through this on your own; not everything we hear and see in hyperspace is to be taken literally; it seems you found your own metal - more power to you, my friend.
 
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Thanks 88 and A&O. The thoughts are appreciated. I believe that the universe in fact put this woman in my life and me in hers that we would both grow from our togetherness. Our overlap is beyond compare. Thanks again for the thoughts.

E
 
Espiridion said:
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Thanks 88 and A&O. The thoughts are appreciated. I believe that the universe in fact put this woman in my life and me in hers that we would both grow from our togetherness. Our overlap is beyond compare. Thanks again for the thoughts.

E
Click to expand...

E

So beautifully said, love challenges you as a person which creates such compassion and understanding. Love sometimes is the greatest of teachers...


Much Peace and Compassion
 
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