aethereon
Established member
What a bizarrely paradoxical world in many respects we inhabit. It can be so beautiful but it can be so ugly and dense too.
I have a brother who has been drinking for years, and has gone through event after event of misfortune, near misses, enounters with the law, violence, hostility, most of us have seen alcoholism. I have my own addiction too i can't really beat around the bush either. I'm sure that we all do. Initially I came here maybe seeking on some advice on dealing with addiction, but maybe it's my ego that tells me I have everything I need to just live the 'straight and narrow.' Personally I would have to say my primary vice has been mary jane. I had an interesting conversation with an older woman once, about twice my age. It was funny how much of what I retold her she knew exactly what I was talking about, and vice versa. She described to me that in some parts of South America they refer to cannabis as a 'dark princess' with a very 'sticky' and possessive spirit, like she liked to 'glom' onto you and indeed - it's both physically and metaphorically a sticky plant for many.
I live in a country where it was criminalized and people would go to jail for possession but now the tables have turned and there are more pot shops than donut shops. And it's hard to go anywhere without smelling it. It's interesting to think of the whole knock-on effect of a whole chunk of the nation just sitting back and deciding to watch nonsense while eating garbage food etc. which is a typical pastime for many stoners. Any I'm not ragging on weed itself, any time you try and bring up this topic there are a thousand seeming people that want to chime in and say... but its okay! And really it is. I get it, I'm not dissing weed. I think all drugs should probaby be legal actually, may not as well have a black market. But beyond all that, for sure weed can be debilitating. It's a freaking mess to be honest. A lot of potheads know. I'm not talking about the people who have it under control and pull it out once in a blue moon on a special occasion. I'm talking about the die-hard wake and bake lifestylers, the all day every day crowd the ones in for the long haul. I've been there, and like I said i've seen it in others. Had it described to me by others. It's undeniable. But alas, I feel so much change has come recently, but i feel like there will always remain this part of me that gets kind of anxious and paranoid and ... kinda just... 'okay' with it when the weed is there but then it's like just makes life more difficult exponentially and why throw roadblocks in your way.
One thing that I've heard before is that the whole wake and bake thing is the big faux-pas. I met a lot of "functional enthusiasts" where they just said it was like, all about not getting high until after work. And fully, that would be indeed 'step one' if it had to be like that. But also, I feel like it just clogs up my brain so badly. Like I want to think and be able to... execute and the brain fog just stunts any growth. For example I've been mucking about with making/learning music and I've made some progress here and there but it's been such a long and slow and in many ways disheartening process. Just cause there is like 'something in the way' from various things like not being able to focus, being too 'burned out,' getting sidetracked with entertainment, not being able to mentally process everything; modern music software and even music theory, audio engineering etc are insanely in depth topics, arrangement. And then of course there is the whole music and weed, there definitely are "weed producers" out there, probably thousands and not just snoop dogg and cypress hill and a handful of others that revolve their entire thing around. And people are like... well snoop dogg can do it! Bob Marley! Yeah! And for sure, I am overcomplicating things, I just need to clear the slate, buckle down and make some tracks. At the end of the day it doesn't matter what they are, if they're 'good' or not. It just depends they are their own 'completed' separate works. But, that's sort of the thing, I haven't been
*humms somthing in the way, yeah by nirvana*
Add to the whole weed thing, I made things extra interesting by incorporating nicotine into the mix. I tend to vape my weed and this has a double edged sword. It's cleaner. But, you can therefore do more. Much. Much more. I think you can only rip so many bongs before you're like completely destroyed and unable. For a bit. But having the volcano, also a mighty as well as a plenty at one point. High end 'medical grade' devices. Quite good for the spice. But yeah, My brother is into hitting these things called poppers ... not amyl nitrates but the weed poppers. Actually weed poppers are taking a cut end of a cigarette into a tube and piling weed on top. You smoke the weed and the tobacco until it pulls through in a 'pop.' Resulting in massive headrush and then a weedy buzz. And the tobacco is synergystic with the weed, and people 'conserve' their weed this way. Like people roll spliffs. My bro does weed bowls with tobacco underneath but same idea. Once you get carried away with this it's like a sort of crack or something, you end up smoking more weed in the end. And the ciggs too, deeply with a bong. It's gross. It stinks. The tube gets tarry fast and more often than not you get gross ass resin on your lips, teeth etc. I also met a weed dealer once, he delivered me an eigth. I knew where he walked from, it was a solid 2-3 minute walk to get to the doors to meet me. When he did, all I could smell was dank poppers, still emanating from his lungs. For an explanation of this, I reccomend viewing this video which shocks me only having 39k views in 13 years. This guy literally has a website telling you how to quit smoking where all the info is free and the funny thing is it works but very few people know about it or bother to read the page. Which i feel like if done for any tobacco smokers and the information ingested is a hard likelihood of making the person consider their habit, at the very very least. I know because I did quit smoking all those years ago with his adage NTAP. Cigarettes, really. It occurred to on my own as far as i can recall me that cigarettes is really the words sicker-ettes in disguise. The day I found his website I happened to be on acid and sat and read through it. And did it, quit right then and there. It was amazing. But since, I have had some cigars a few months ago, and now this form of nicotine. I realie that nicotine is still a drug and i am just craving that sensation and like all sensations, they can come and go. We can choose whether or not to act upon our impulses but of course, it doesn't seem so simple at times. But at the core of it, i think that 'quitting' or 'reclaiming' if you choose to look it at that way (so you're not 'losing' anything in the process) consists of taking life one moment at a time and fighting the craving in each moment. Eventually the cravings become less and less and furthermore, each time we 'overcome' a craving it feels great and builds our momentum.
Today at work I had to run a large distance and exert a large amount of effort during which I felt very borderline nauseous. to which the constant intake of cannabiniods as well as nicotine through my lungs which i don't feel like are optimal 'delivery methods' for this amount of substance and once you are chasing the dragon and have tolerance and stuff, yeah it's a bit rough. Some of the coughing fits I've had, some of the couging fits my brother has (also, his persistent cough) the guy upstairs used to get high all the time and it was the same thing. Cough mania and hearing it it's like u'd think to stop but?
I feel like I could do with a nice purge in a lot of ways. Last time I did changa I nearly threw up, and it caught me off guard. Recenlty I have been avoiding the dmt realms out of ... avoidance I guess? The fear creeps in a bit. But last time, with a bit of a messy room, I said no more excuses. 80mg I believe in one haul in the bong and it was like... Oh my, I'm throwing up! But not being ready with bucket messy room etc paralyzed with shock. Wave after wave of hurl, held back. I was totally unprepared and was like well. Better prepare better next time lol. The chaotic room too. Which pot kind of lends itself to. It feels like I'm either always cleaning or sitting in a disheveled room somehow. I have a ton of stuff and hobbies and it's like theres things I wish to be doing and feel like deadlines are ticking but in the midsts theres this chaos from the dark princess, and she loves it. But I am not so sure it's so much of a love relationship after all this time. And then there's the flipside, I feel like I've had times where there has been magic. But also there is always magic if we are able to percieve it, and i feel like getting high always trades some element for another. Maybe it' not necessarily a bad thing, but a time and a place thing.
But overall I think abstinece would be mostly good, fi at whence anything could be re-evaluated but I've done so much weed I honestly stink like it, and that is another thing, weed people can emanate it for sure lol. Also the nicotine or tobacco or something can give an almost metallic like body odour, it's hard to describe and a bit ofputting. But the last thing I want to start doing is slathering on artifical body sprays which in the long run will probably make you stink even worse
Agua de florida is nice though, but I'm not sure how much I should be spraying on my pits. It kinda burns for a while lol. Also if you're like super stoner then you'll propably shower and laundry less which will make the aforementioned problems worse. Not stereotyping but i've been there man lol. And when I was living weed free(straightedge really) and going to hot yoga several times weekly for a while it was like yeah no more bad smells lol. It did feel more personable not having offensive odour and feeling bad about it but yeah there's reasons why exercise is beneficial in many ways. Also the. mental aspect too, and just like, feeling good in your own body. FOR FREE. And of course that good feeling is our "god given right" if you can believe that and it's there but we just gotta learn to tap into it. But then it will grow and grow.
Anyways this is a rambly post, I felt bad because my bro got yelled at. I live with my parents and so does he. My dad feels enabler for him living here. But i know that my dads extremely hostile, guilt and anxiety inducing way of sharing thigs isn't conducive to 'solving' the problem. In some ways the alcoholism is his own creation. But he's upset that we have been the basic personification of 'basement dwellers' in his own kids for so many years. I haven't always been here, but now that I've been back for years now it is getting old indeed. And we're not complete and total basement dwellers but also my friends have gone on, had kids, bought properties, etc. meanwhile I've just been 'hanging around' and it's been a bit embarrasing in a lot of ways. I've only recently been getting into gear, it's been an ongoing process like life tends to be and I'm not judging myself by others as the measure of happiness or success either, everyone is on their own paths. But everyone sort of knows we could be doing way more. I don't even know how to express a lot of this stuff to my brother. I mean we both know but there are a lot of irritating things about his alcoholism over the years and I even started writing him a text but decided to send it in the morning. Accidentally hit send, deleted the message so he saw there was a deleted message. I dunno. Also talking through texting is difficult. But opening up directly is also challenging because of old ways of expressing, anger, trggers etc... anyways everything is fine and as it should be i can only look after things on my own end and not worry too much about my brother i guess, be the change you want to see in the world. While I think it's dumb he is drinkinng and doing his follies I'm here hitting these volcano bags like it's the alpine mist from sweden condensed into a plastic bag. When there is better stuff to be doing. But yeah. I gues I wrote this post. But who knows to what degree it's even relateable?
I feel like I've gotten high and gone off on random tangents to various people (in effect largely, a girl) and I keep sharing things but it's like at the end of the day, it ends up feeling like she doesn't care. But somehow it's also just something I've kept up doing, an ex and we've had this loing standing texting relationship which i kinda always try to break off because it doesn't serve me but also it's like. I am just also hurting myself trying to share my joy with someone who for all I know does or doesn't see that but in the end of the day i just feel like it's a lost cause. Which is bizarre because in many ways i honestly really don't even care. I do feel like I am completely beyond 'needing' someone else and being able to source that joy within myself but then there is this compulsion to want to share and bring that joy to someone else. But getting caught up on one person. But also, to heck with that, and up with sharing my stuff with the world at whole, and not taking things personally, I always felt like we weren't really 'on the same level' in a lot of ways and we tried but yeah. It's funny what loneliness will do to people and i've definitely been quite isolated for a lot of my life. I also don't take it personally I know people are busy and all but so many times people suck at replying too. I dunno if it's a self fulfilling belief or something or i'm just overthinking things, I' blow people off too
maybe it's just karma 
i also don't care i have had times of great attachment and meaning with ppl and ppl are truly busy in todays day and age i get that. But yeah. I have to understand because then there are times like I don't want to reply. But it gets tiring being the one that seems to try a lot and not get much in return, but maybe that's giving with the expecation of return.
One last thing, this is crazy long. But a whille back, couple months I was walking my parents dog. Some guy is like what camera is that, and while I'm slightly bothered some dude is now tagging along on my walk while I'm trying to photo, and talking and photo is lik doing neither justice in my mind. He did excuse himself but I was polite. Perhaps I am people pleasing and that is what got me into the whole mess but yeah, long story short. Through this guy, I was able to get a job. He just put me in touch with someone and that was it. But this went interesting very quicky. He was supposed to work, actually come to the training. But things were quite 'off' and there were some things like he called my number 15 or so times in one day. Ringing my doorbell too. Meanwhile I am like there is no way. Eventually he came into my backyard while i have set up to record a video. He was like looking over the fence and all and I couldn't really believe it. He went away and yeah, I always told him I was busy. But also I did want to make friends etc and we did seem to have 'some' commonalities. But things quickly kept getting worse, initially it was just me being busy and needing to sort my life out while still making friends. But he never came to work, never filled out his paperwork. Made every excuse in the book but still called the boss guy several times (at like, 3am) aying he wanted to work but bossman is like... okay.... maybe not though (at this point it was ridiculous he hadn't filled out his paperwork.) To make things worse there is a literal group home next to my house and he hangs out with one of these guys who is basically chained to the property or needs to have an escort to leave or something. Anyways he's not a bad guy I don't know the full deal but from what I suss out this character I am describing is getting high off this guys supply and eventually goes hostile on him out of the blue. I don't think he really did anything to deserve that text but it was quite threatening and i found out he is smoking meth and things made a lot more sense. It added up completely and yeah, needless to say I have no ill will or animosity towards this guy it's just like i am so busy and I can't be taking on the burdens of the entire world really. I wanted to ask why he didn't fill out his paperwork but i feel like it would just be a waste of time with some excuse made up on the go. I hope he gets better but yeah I heard he was around today asking about me and it's like i'm behind on the time's lads! woah nelly!
I have a brother who has been drinking for years, and has gone through event after event of misfortune, near misses, enounters with the law, violence, hostility, most of us have seen alcoholism. I have my own addiction too i can't really beat around the bush either. I'm sure that we all do. Initially I came here maybe seeking on some advice on dealing with addiction, but maybe it's my ego that tells me I have everything I need to just live the 'straight and narrow.' Personally I would have to say my primary vice has been mary jane. I had an interesting conversation with an older woman once, about twice my age. It was funny how much of what I retold her she knew exactly what I was talking about, and vice versa. She described to me that in some parts of South America they refer to cannabis as a 'dark princess' with a very 'sticky' and possessive spirit, like she liked to 'glom' onto you and indeed - it's both physically and metaphorically a sticky plant for many.
I live in a country where it was criminalized and people would go to jail for possession but now the tables have turned and there are more pot shops than donut shops. And it's hard to go anywhere without smelling it. It's interesting to think of the whole knock-on effect of a whole chunk of the nation just sitting back and deciding to watch nonsense while eating garbage food etc. which is a typical pastime for many stoners. Any I'm not ragging on weed itself, any time you try and bring up this topic there are a thousand seeming people that want to chime in and say... but its okay! And really it is. I get it, I'm not dissing weed. I think all drugs should probaby be legal actually, may not as well have a black market. But beyond all that, for sure weed can be debilitating. It's a freaking mess to be honest. A lot of potheads know. I'm not talking about the people who have it under control and pull it out once in a blue moon on a special occasion. I'm talking about the die-hard wake and bake lifestylers, the all day every day crowd the ones in for the long haul. I've been there, and like I said i've seen it in others. Had it described to me by others. It's undeniable. But alas, I feel so much change has come recently, but i feel like there will always remain this part of me that gets kind of anxious and paranoid and ... kinda just... 'okay' with it when the weed is there but then it's like just makes life more difficult exponentially and why throw roadblocks in your way.
One thing that I've heard before is that the whole wake and bake thing is the big faux-pas. I met a lot of "functional enthusiasts" where they just said it was like, all about not getting high until after work. And fully, that would be indeed 'step one' if it had to be like that. But also, I feel like it just clogs up my brain so badly. Like I want to think and be able to... execute and the brain fog just stunts any growth. For example I've been mucking about with making/learning music and I've made some progress here and there but it's been such a long and slow and in many ways disheartening process. Just cause there is like 'something in the way' from various things like not being able to focus, being too 'burned out,' getting sidetracked with entertainment, not being able to mentally process everything; modern music software and even music theory, audio engineering etc are insanely in depth topics, arrangement. And then of course there is the whole music and weed, there definitely are "weed producers" out there, probably thousands and not just snoop dogg and cypress hill and a handful of others that revolve their entire thing around. And people are like... well snoop dogg can do it! Bob Marley! Yeah! And for sure, I am overcomplicating things, I just need to clear the slate, buckle down and make some tracks. At the end of the day it doesn't matter what they are, if they're 'good' or not. It just depends they are their own 'completed' separate works. But, that's sort of the thing, I haven't been
*humms somthing in the way, yeah by nirvana*Add to the whole weed thing, I made things extra interesting by incorporating nicotine into the mix. I tend to vape my weed and this has a double edged sword. It's cleaner. But, you can therefore do more. Much. Much more. I think you can only rip so many bongs before you're like completely destroyed and unable. For a bit. But having the volcano, also a mighty as well as a plenty at one point. High end 'medical grade' devices. Quite good for the spice. But yeah, My brother is into hitting these things called poppers ... not amyl nitrates but the weed poppers. Actually weed poppers are taking a cut end of a cigarette into a tube and piling weed on top. You smoke the weed and the tobacco until it pulls through in a 'pop.' Resulting in massive headrush and then a weedy buzz. And the tobacco is synergystic with the weed, and people 'conserve' their weed this way. Like people roll spliffs. My bro does weed bowls with tobacco underneath but same idea. Once you get carried away with this it's like a sort of crack or something, you end up smoking more weed in the end. And the ciggs too, deeply with a bong. It's gross. It stinks. The tube gets tarry fast and more often than not you get gross ass resin on your lips, teeth etc. I also met a weed dealer once, he delivered me an eigth. I knew where he walked from, it was a solid 2-3 minute walk to get to the doors to meet me. When he did, all I could smell was dank poppers, still emanating from his lungs. For an explanation of this, I reccomend viewing this video which shocks me only having 39k views in 13 years. This guy literally has a website telling you how to quit smoking where all the info is free and the funny thing is it works but very few people know about it or bother to read the page. Which i feel like if done for any tobacco smokers and the information ingested is a hard likelihood of making the person consider their habit, at the very very least. I know because I did quit smoking all those years ago with his adage NTAP. Cigarettes, really. It occurred to on my own as far as i can recall me that cigarettes is really the words sicker-ettes in disguise. The day I found his website I happened to be on acid and sat and read through it. And did it, quit right then and there. It was amazing. But since, I have had some cigars a few months ago, and now this form of nicotine. I realie that nicotine is still a drug and i am just craving that sensation and like all sensations, they can come and go. We can choose whether or not to act upon our impulses but of course, it doesn't seem so simple at times. But at the core of it, i think that 'quitting' or 'reclaiming' if you choose to look it at that way (so you're not 'losing' anything in the process) consists of taking life one moment at a time and fighting the craving in each moment. Eventually the cravings become less and less and furthermore, each time we 'overcome' a craving it feels great and builds our momentum.
Today at work I had to run a large distance and exert a large amount of effort during which I felt very borderline nauseous. to which the constant intake of cannabiniods as well as nicotine through my lungs which i don't feel like are optimal 'delivery methods' for this amount of substance and once you are chasing the dragon and have tolerance and stuff, yeah it's a bit rough. Some of the coughing fits I've had, some of the couging fits my brother has (also, his persistent cough) the guy upstairs used to get high all the time and it was the same thing. Cough mania and hearing it it's like u'd think to stop but?
I feel like I could do with a nice purge in a lot of ways. Last time I did changa I nearly threw up, and it caught me off guard. Recenlty I have been avoiding the dmt realms out of ... avoidance I guess? The fear creeps in a bit. But last time, with a bit of a messy room, I said no more excuses. 80mg I believe in one haul in the bong and it was like... Oh my, I'm throwing up! But not being ready with bucket messy room etc paralyzed with shock. Wave after wave of hurl, held back. I was totally unprepared and was like well. Better prepare better next time lol. The chaotic room too. Which pot kind of lends itself to. It feels like I'm either always cleaning or sitting in a disheveled room somehow. I have a ton of stuff and hobbies and it's like theres things I wish to be doing and feel like deadlines are ticking but in the midsts theres this chaos from the dark princess, and she loves it. But I am not so sure it's so much of a love relationship after all this time. And then there's the flipside, I feel like I've had times where there has been magic. But also there is always magic if we are able to percieve it, and i feel like getting high always trades some element for another. Maybe it' not necessarily a bad thing, but a time and a place thing.
But overall I think abstinece would be mostly good, fi at whence anything could be re-evaluated but I've done so much weed I honestly stink like it, and that is another thing, weed people can emanate it for sure lol. Also the nicotine or tobacco or something can give an almost metallic like body odour, it's hard to describe and a bit ofputting. But the last thing I want to start doing is slathering on artifical body sprays which in the long run will probably make you stink even worse
Agua de florida is nice though, but I'm not sure how much I should be spraying on my pits. It kinda burns for a while lol. Also if you're like super stoner then you'll propably shower and laundry less which will make the aforementioned problems worse. Not stereotyping but i've been there man lol. And when I was living weed free(straightedge really) and going to hot yoga several times weekly for a while it was like yeah no more bad smells lol. It did feel more personable not having offensive odour and feeling bad about it but yeah there's reasons why exercise is beneficial in many ways. Also the. mental aspect too, and just like, feeling good in your own body. FOR FREE. And of course that good feeling is our "god given right" if you can believe that and it's there but we just gotta learn to tap into it. But then it will grow and grow.Anyways this is a rambly post, I felt bad because my bro got yelled at. I live with my parents and so does he. My dad feels enabler for him living here. But i know that my dads extremely hostile, guilt and anxiety inducing way of sharing thigs isn't conducive to 'solving' the problem. In some ways the alcoholism is his own creation. But he's upset that we have been the basic personification of 'basement dwellers' in his own kids for so many years. I haven't always been here, but now that I've been back for years now it is getting old indeed. And we're not complete and total basement dwellers but also my friends have gone on, had kids, bought properties, etc. meanwhile I've just been 'hanging around' and it's been a bit embarrasing in a lot of ways. I've only recently been getting into gear, it's been an ongoing process like life tends to be and I'm not judging myself by others as the measure of happiness or success either, everyone is on their own paths. But everyone sort of knows we could be doing way more. I don't even know how to express a lot of this stuff to my brother. I mean we both know but there are a lot of irritating things about his alcoholism over the years and I even started writing him a text but decided to send it in the morning. Accidentally hit send, deleted the message so he saw there was a deleted message. I dunno. Also talking through texting is difficult. But opening up directly is also challenging because of old ways of expressing, anger, trggers etc... anyways everything is fine and as it should be i can only look after things on my own end and not worry too much about my brother i guess, be the change you want to see in the world. While I think it's dumb he is drinkinng and doing his follies I'm here hitting these volcano bags like it's the alpine mist from sweden condensed into a plastic bag. When there is better stuff to be doing. But yeah. I gues I wrote this post. But who knows to what degree it's even relateable?
I feel like I've gotten high and gone off on random tangents to various people (in effect largely, a girl) and I keep sharing things but it's like at the end of the day, it ends up feeling like she doesn't care. But somehow it's also just something I've kept up doing, an ex and we've had this loing standing texting relationship which i kinda always try to break off because it doesn't serve me but also it's like. I am just also hurting myself trying to share my joy with someone who for all I know does or doesn't see that but in the end of the day i just feel like it's a lost cause. Which is bizarre because in many ways i honestly really don't even care. I do feel like I am completely beyond 'needing' someone else and being able to source that joy within myself but then there is this compulsion to want to share and bring that joy to someone else. But getting caught up on one person. But also, to heck with that, and up with sharing my stuff with the world at whole, and not taking things personally, I always felt like we weren't really 'on the same level' in a lot of ways and we tried but yeah. It's funny what loneliness will do to people and i've definitely been quite isolated for a lot of my life. I also don't take it personally I know people are busy and all but so many times people suck at replying too. I dunno if it's a self fulfilling belief or something or i'm just overthinking things, I' blow people off too
maybe it's just karma i also don't care i have had times of great attachment and meaning with ppl and ppl are truly busy in todays day and age i get that. But yeah. I have to understand because then there are times like I don't want to reply. But it gets tiring being the one that seems to try a lot and not get much in return, but maybe that's giving with the expecation of return.One last thing, this is crazy long. But a whille back, couple months I was walking my parents dog. Some guy is like what camera is that, and while I'm slightly bothered some dude is now tagging along on my walk while I'm trying to photo, and talking and photo is lik doing neither justice in my mind. He did excuse himself but I was polite. Perhaps I am people pleasing and that is what got me into the whole mess but yeah, long story short. Through this guy, I was able to get a job. He just put me in touch with someone and that was it. But this went interesting very quicky. He was supposed to work, actually come to the training. But things were quite 'off' and there were some things like he called my number 15 or so times in one day. Ringing my doorbell too. Meanwhile I am like there is no way. Eventually he came into my backyard while i have set up to record a video. He was like looking over the fence and all and I couldn't really believe it. He went away and yeah, I always told him I was busy. But also I did want to make friends etc and we did seem to have 'some' commonalities. But things quickly kept getting worse, initially it was just me being busy and needing to sort my life out while still making friends. But he never came to work, never filled out his paperwork. Made every excuse in the book but still called the boss guy several times (at like, 3am) aying he wanted to work but bossman is like... okay.... maybe not though (at this point it was ridiculous he hadn't filled out his paperwork.) To make things worse there is a literal group home next to my house and he hangs out with one of these guys who is basically chained to the property or needs to have an escort to leave or something. Anyways he's not a bad guy I don't know the full deal but from what I suss out this character I am describing is getting high off this guys supply and eventually goes hostile on him out of the blue. I don't think he really did anything to deserve that text but it was quite threatening and i found out he is smoking meth and things made a lot more sense. It added up completely and yeah, needless to say I have no ill will or animosity towards this guy it's just like i am so busy and I can't be taking on the burdens of the entire world really. I wanted to ask why he didn't fill out his paperwork but i feel like it would just be a waste of time with some excuse made up on the go. I hope he gets better but yeah I heard he was around today asking about me and it's like i'm behind on the time's lads! woah nelly!
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