Death experience trips from years ago resurfacing

[Northerner]

I had a couple of trips years back that were classic NDE type experiences. Tunnel of white going towards the light, also being in white light with a presence talking to me saying all will be fine. On both occasions I completely forgot I was human and everything about my life. Then it all came staggering back when I woke up, oh look, a body, this room, oh my name... They were mind blowing trips and I honestly thought I had dealt with them a long time ago.

Recently I've had a couple of serious health scares though and the trips keep coming back. Its like I know that that is how it ends. White light and oblivion.

I just feel the need to talk about these things. To somehow process and reconcile.

Or it could just be all in my head. But people who describe NDEs describe exactly what I saw. The similarities are amazing, I'd not really read about or watched interviews with people who had experienced this before it happened to me. But now, feeling my mortality pressing, it's something I'm having to integrate again.

Any thoughts or feelings, especially from others who have experienced this sort of thing would be appreciated.

 

[muladharma]

Hello Northerner, thanks for sharing!

While I am not completely unfamiliar with NDEs, I'm still not confident enough talking about them to contribute yet. However, I'll monitor this thread's evolution and see if a right time appears.

Here is a thread that I saw active once, about the topic. The Similarities and Differences Between NDEs and Psychedelic Experiences - Spirituality & Mysticism - Welcome to the DMT-Nexus

I wish you the best.

 

[potnoble]

Hi Northener

I have not experienced sth. like this but my mother did.
She is absolutely no spiritual person but she described it as a very compforting and peaceful
feeling. A few years back she had a bad accident and almost died.
Since that happened she lost her fear of death.
My mum had a very tough life and she never really talks about her emotions.
But she said it felt like coming home and being in peace with everything.
All the bs we deal with here just fell off.

I hope this helps a little bit and i wish you all the best.

 

[null24]

I had a similar experience to you on a pretty large dose of IV 5meo HCl. I don't think we are necessarily talking about the experience as much the aftermath, so I'll spare details, but it was a "classic nde". I felt all that I am, all that is me-everything stripped away like so much dirty laundry. At the end of "the tunnel" was a void, empty and completley black, but not dark, full of light just vast and empty. I give it fanciful names like "Shining blackness/void/dark". Except it was anything but empty, it shined with brilliant clear light. I saw it to be a huge field of potential, all things that were, is, and are to be existing in unmanifest formless potential. And stripped of all my be-ing, "I" too was set to dissolve utterly into it, until implored by some voice-not-voice-to-the-inexistent-"I" to "REMEMBER!!!" upon which I recalled living, and returned to my face-down body in a crap apt on a spinning rock in vast space.

I had a discussion with a good friend recently in which we argued our relative stance on the afterlife. We used metaphors, mine involving an individual life as a raindrop in a shower falling over the ocean, once that drop hits, it is no more, utterly dissolved molecule by molecule into the vast void of the sea. Eventually, all of that drop will again evaporate and again descend as rain, but no drop contains the constituency of the first one. Once we are gone, we are gone, not to incarnate again.

For me, this was scary at first and my self importance railed against it. Now, however I find it liberating.

I don't like actually using the term incarnation as it implies a re-incarnation, although I do think it fits, as what I returned with is the knowledge that I emerge from the create-ing and do so only to feel the creation in proxy for the create-ing (not a creator) because it cannot do so, being as it is eternal, infinite, outside space and time and formless. Life is a bestowal which emerges from the mind of creation. Kabbalist thought informs some of this, just so you know.


Something resonated in my head when I came back from that trip, a cryptic quote that nonetheless made all the sense to me: "You are born, lain upon the cold dead breast of your Mother, your Father stands far off."

Death is a good thing to practice.

I picked my name here from that. The only reason 24 is after it is because I immediately forgot the password for null's account.

I have another story, that I might relate later, in which a friend "died" in hospital after ingesting LSD in an orange microdot. Supposedly the doctors somehow determined that he had been poisoned with cyanide (in a "death pill"?!?!?). He did however have the whole tunnel deal too, but came to three entities within the light, one of whom asked him "Hey! (name)! Who do you love?" When he stuttered that he did not know, he was punched in the chest and returned to his body, the defib paddles just then being lifted off his chest. His experience was transformative, as was mine.

I hope you have wellness in body mind and spirit, and whatever difficulties you have pass soon. Even if comfortable with death, none of us know it, and I don't know how to be free of fear entirely. I am sorry to hear about your health scare, be good to you.

 

[Northerner]

Thanks for your responses guys. Reading what you've said is helping me.

I don't really feel a fear of death, I'm pretty practiced at the fine art of dying. There's been numerous occasions where I believed I was actually dead, but just the two times where I thought I was nearing the portal of great change, or the oblivion, or whatever it is. These are the times that are replaying on me recently.

I feel a mourning for those who I will leave behind. My empathy is getting the better of me. I serve and I love and there's people who's lives will be emptied by my passing. I'm not even an old man yet, I'm still in my 40's. It would be tragic for those people to lose me so young, I can't imagine the pain that it will cause them. It's irreconcilable.

And yet those trips keep playing back. It was okay when I first had them. For me it's normal to relive trips until they're dealt with and everything hits baseline again. But now it's years later, and it's very weird. It's like I failed to get the message or integrate these trips properly or they have a greater meaning. Or it could just be my association with their significance and recent events has brought them up again. This sort of thing has been known to mess with peoples heads after all.

My suffering levels have been very low in recent times but this sort of pondering is increasing my suffering. So much so I have had the urge to use GABA drugs even. It's been years since I've been there, I'm shocked that I'd even consider that again.

It's good to talk about it though. Keeping it to myself makes it harder.

 

[null24]

I serve and I love

It's like I failed to get the message or integrate these trips properly...

The last quote seems to invalidate the former...:roll:

For me it's normal to relive trips until they're dealt with and everything hits baseline again. But now it's years later, and it's very weird.

Yeah it is. High strangeness. There's that one that does it sometimes...

...they have a greater meaning.

:thumb_up:

Edited for clarity

 

[Sunnyside]

...I feel a mourning for those who I will leave behind. My empathy is getting the better of me. I serve and I love and there's people who's lives will be emptied by my passing. I'm not even an old man yet, I'm still in my 40's. It would be tragic for those people to lose me so young, I can't imagine the pain that it will cause them. It's irreconcilable.

... Keeping it to myself makes it harder. ...

Hey Northerner, it pains me to hear of your difficult times.
I don't know much about your near-death(s), but I will try to offer support on what you say about your loved ones.
I know without doubt you mean what you say - you serve and you love. I suggest only doing more of the same. Give them more love, give them all your joy. You already know this, I'm just encouraging you.
Fill your close ones with all your love and joy, let it overflow.
No need to keep it to yourself. You are engineered to share it.
I know I speak in simple terms, it's easy for me because I'm a simple guy.
Lots of love to you.

 

[hug46]

If you have had a couple of health scares and are in your 40s perhaps the idea that mortality is pressing is related to , for want of a better phrase, a mid life crisis of sorts.

Just before i was 40 i had a major road traffic accident. Ruptured aorta, pancreas, spleen, loads of broken bones, induced coma and 6 weeks in intensive care. It was touch and go for a while. I can't say that i had a NDE while in the coma but i did have some freaky and sometimes very disturbing mental experiences while they kept me under and gradually brought me round.

The long and the short of it i came out of it all reasonably well considering the circumstances. But for at least a couple of years i would wake up each night after a couple of hours sleep and brood about my death and that eternity was a long long time for me to be gone. One thing that i knew after that accident was that i was grateful to be alive and didn't want to be gone. I would like to believe in afterlives, reincarnation or even some kind of eternal hive primacy of consciousness but i don't. As far as i'm concerned when you are dead, that's it. Nothing else.

I got over the obsession of eternal death for a while and then, when i hit my 40s, i started obsessing about mortality again. And that my life was probably more than half over, i had no kids, i was a heroin addict and my future looked very grey. If i was in my 30s or 20s i dont believe that i would have had these desolate feelings. It may have been the lowest point in my life that i was conscious of.

Or maybe it was because i was in my 40s and starting to be more conscious of the stupidness of my lifestyle. I don't know. But i did decide to change the way i live quite drastically over the next 10 years and basically sorted my shit out. And just started to appreciate my life, no matter how mundane it happened to be.

Anyways if your negative thoughts on your mortality are boosted by some sort of subconscious age related stuff going on, then i believe that they will not last. You'll be good mate.

 

[dragonrider]

Unless you are some buddhist monk maybe, i suppose you are never realy ready to die.

People sometimes talk about attachment as if it is a bad thing. But attachment is also very much what makes us human.

So i honestly think that trying to live without any kind of attachment or fear of death, is pretty futile.

It can be harnessed though. And if there is any potential for growth it probably lies there, in harnessing that fear.

 

[null24]

who is talking about not being attached or a lack of fear? Acceptance, however.... Is that what harnessing the fear is...?

 

[Northerner]

Thanks for all your replies guys. They did help.

The play-backs and uncertainty has lifted and I'm back to "normal" again.

I've been cruising around doing all the stuff I need to. My meat puppet is performing as expected and I don't really feel like I did when I started this thread. No doubt I'm going to have to face this stuff again, but hopefully when I'm much older.

Now I'm just back to my family and my garden, making the most of what I have while I have it.