So I've tried to breakthrough a few times via a vape. I've seen jesters, weird geometric places with colours and even being shown doors with odd looking rubix cube people in the rooms. However its never felt like a breakthrough. I try the 3 inhales, 10 seconds is tough without coughing and I usally feel very anxious during the onset so I subconsciously hold back on the 2nd and especially 3rd hit.
I had an experience before that felt very much like a near breakthrough but not enough to be one. I'll explain that one, then I'll explain my most recent one today. This experience was a couple of months back.
I took three decent hits probably two five-second hits and then a third that was about the same maybe a second shorter. It came on quite hard but there was no wormhole no feeling of being sucked anywhere. It was more like I drifted into a sleep. Then I felt like I just woke up but I was suddenly there if that makes sense.
When I arrived I could see these jesters and clowns. I had this strong feeling that I was in some kind of courtyard almost like a graveyard vibe "you know those graveyards where there aren’t upright tombstones, but flat stones lying in the grass." It felt like that. There was something strange about the place: a wall around it, pillars, and an enclosed courtyard feeling.
The clowns were laughing at me and mocking me. One of them reminded me of that famous picture of John Wayne Gacy in his clown outfit. I could see its body, arms, and legs, and I could clearly tell it was a clown or jester. It wasn’t solid, it was made out of fractals, like part of the background itself. It didn’t have facial features, but I just knew what it was. It was surrounded by loads of other jesters, all laughing.
At first I thought, "Okay, this isn’t so bad." I had been afraid of seeing the clowns again, but it wasn’t as bad as I expected. I was more annoyed than scared. Internally, I was saying to them, "Don’t just laugh at me. You know what I’m trying to do. I’m trying to break through. I’m trying to see these entities. I’m trying to go somewhere else. If you’re going to laugh at me, fine, but at least try to help me."
While I was well into this part of the trip, I noticed something strange. One of the jesters — the main one I was focused on — started motioning toward my hand, where I was holding the pen. He was kind of dancing forward and reaching his hand out toward it, almost playfully, like he was going to take it from me. It felt like he was saying, "I’m going to take it, I’m going to take it," as if I’d better grab it or use it before he did.
Even though I was already pretty far gone, I was still just present enough to understand what he meant. I took it as him telling me to take another hit. So I took a really weak fourth hit, probably only about two seconds worth, and then I put the pen down. I thought it was strange that I was that deep into the experience but still able to physically take another hit.
After that, I started internally saying to them, "Help me. I’m trying to go further. I’m trying to break through." Then one of the jesters — I think the same main one — seemed to take my hand and start walking away with me, but he was still laughing.
When I came back, I interpreted that as him laughing and taking me by the hand as if to say, "It doesn’t matter what I do. Even if I help you, the outcome will be the same." Like he was saying, "Fine, I’ll help you, but it won’t make any difference."
After that, everything changed. It became this black space with stars, like outer space. I saw this being in side profile — just a silhouette. It looked like the side profile of Nefertiti, the Egyptian figure, with that tall headdress. There were no facial features, just a black shape with a white outline, clearly a face in profile with the hat.
It felt like she was sitting at a table in this black, starry nothingness. Above her, there was something spooning material out of the top of her head or hat, almost like spooning things out of her mind. It felt like they were trying to feed it to me, like they were trying to give me knowledge. But I wasn’t getting anything from it. I didn’t feel like I was receiving it. I just had the sense that they were trying to give me something, and I wasn’t taking any of it in.
I don’t remember exactly what happened between that and the next part, but then she was facing me directly. She had this long tube coming out of her face, like a mosquito’s proboscis. It was coming toward my face, and I felt really uncomfortable. I was thinking, "No, I don’t want this," and I was moving backwards away from it.
At that point, I remember thinking, "I want this to stop. I don’t like this. I’m uncomfortable." Then I realised, "No — you’re here now, and this lasts as long as it lasts. You just have to deal with it." So I stopped resisting.
Then the tube went into my face. I could feel something slightly, but not in my face — more in my chest. It was going into my face, but the sensation was in my body. After that, I woke up and I was back.
When I came back, my chest felt a bit strange — not major pain, just uncomfortable. One thing I noticed throughout the experience, especially with the jesters, was that I was really focused on my breathing. I could hear myself breathing in and out through my nose and mouth. I even thought to myself, "You’re really fixating on your breathing — this is almost meditative."
That made me wonder if I was too grounded, or not letting go properly. I feel like I broke through, but at the same time, not fully. I don’t really know what I just experienced.
One other thing: right at the very start, before I kind of blacked out, I had this strong feeling of love. Then after that, the rest of the experience was more confusing and slightly uncomfortable — not bad discomfort, just strange.
THE NEXT TRIP happened a few hours ago.
I was lying on my bed on my left side while taking my hits. As I took the second one and held my breath, I unscrewed the pen, put it back into its case, and placed it in the drawer beside my bed. While I was doing this, the trip started coming on.
There’s a large window behind me to the right of the bed, and as everything was kicking in, I noticed the light coming through it getting brighter and brighter. In my head, I thought it was strange, like the sun had suddenly come out at that exact moment.
By the time I finished putting the pen away and rolled onto my back, everything in my room had transformed. It wasn’t just bright, it was like all color had vanished, leaving everything in a sterile, glowing white. My furniture, surfaces, and even the edges of objects seemed to radiate this pure white light, as if the room itself were luminescent.
I remember thinking of 5-MeO-DMT, imagining that this must be what people experience when they take it.
It felt almost like I had rolled into another version of my room, the familiar space was still there, but layered with this alien, white brilliance. It was like stepping into “trip land,” a place parallel to my normal reality but completely different in its presence and intensity.
As I sat there, I realized I couldn’t hear anything, there was just silence. At the same time, I wasn’t sure if I was still awake. I kept wondering: Am I actually sitting here in my room, tripping and seeing all of this? Or am I lying down with my eyes closed, imagining it? I couldn’t tell where reality ended and the trip began.
It was utterly disorienting and bizarre, a strange mixture of awe and confusion.
I touched my legs, looked at my surroundings, and tried to ground myself, but the uncertainty persisted. Eventually, I lay back down, partly wanting the intensity to settle, yet fascinated by this other layer of reality I had glimpsed.
The experience felt profoundly unlike anything I had felt before.
I'm just wondering if anyone can provide thoughts, opinions, insight into these experiences and what they could mean, advice etc.
The second trip was also after 2 decent hits, no more than 5 seconds each
I had an experience before that felt very much like a near breakthrough but not enough to be one. I'll explain that one, then I'll explain my most recent one today. This experience was a couple of months back.
I took three decent hits probably two five-second hits and then a third that was about the same maybe a second shorter. It came on quite hard but there was no wormhole no feeling of being sucked anywhere. It was more like I drifted into a sleep. Then I felt like I just woke up but I was suddenly there if that makes sense.
When I arrived I could see these jesters and clowns. I had this strong feeling that I was in some kind of courtyard almost like a graveyard vibe "you know those graveyards where there aren’t upright tombstones, but flat stones lying in the grass." It felt like that. There was something strange about the place: a wall around it, pillars, and an enclosed courtyard feeling.
The clowns were laughing at me and mocking me. One of them reminded me of that famous picture of John Wayne Gacy in his clown outfit. I could see its body, arms, and legs, and I could clearly tell it was a clown or jester. It wasn’t solid, it was made out of fractals, like part of the background itself. It didn’t have facial features, but I just knew what it was. It was surrounded by loads of other jesters, all laughing.
At first I thought, "Okay, this isn’t so bad." I had been afraid of seeing the clowns again, but it wasn’t as bad as I expected. I was more annoyed than scared. Internally, I was saying to them, "Don’t just laugh at me. You know what I’m trying to do. I’m trying to break through. I’m trying to see these entities. I’m trying to go somewhere else. If you’re going to laugh at me, fine, but at least try to help me."
While I was well into this part of the trip, I noticed something strange. One of the jesters — the main one I was focused on — started motioning toward my hand, where I was holding the pen. He was kind of dancing forward and reaching his hand out toward it, almost playfully, like he was going to take it from me. It felt like he was saying, "I’m going to take it, I’m going to take it," as if I’d better grab it or use it before he did.
Even though I was already pretty far gone, I was still just present enough to understand what he meant. I took it as him telling me to take another hit. So I took a really weak fourth hit, probably only about two seconds worth, and then I put the pen down. I thought it was strange that I was that deep into the experience but still able to physically take another hit.
After that, I started internally saying to them, "Help me. I’m trying to go further. I’m trying to break through." Then one of the jesters — I think the same main one — seemed to take my hand and start walking away with me, but he was still laughing.
When I came back, I interpreted that as him laughing and taking me by the hand as if to say, "It doesn’t matter what I do. Even if I help you, the outcome will be the same." Like he was saying, "Fine, I’ll help you, but it won’t make any difference."
After that, everything changed. It became this black space with stars, like outer space. I saw this being in side profile — just a silhouette. It looked like the side profile of Nefertiti, the Egyptian figure, with that tall headdress. There were no facial features, just a black shape with a white outline, clearly a face in profile with the hat.
It felt like she was sitting at a table in this black, starry nothingness. Above her, there was something spooning material out of the top of her head or hat, almost like spooning things out of her mind. It felt like they were trying to feed it to me, like they were trying to give me knowledge. But I wasn’t getting anything from it. I didn’t feel like I was receiving it. I just had the sense that they were trying to give me something, and I wasn’t taking any of it in.
I don’t remember exactly what happened between that and the next part, but then she was facing me directly. She had this long tube coming out of her face, like a mosquito’s proboscis. It was coming toward my face, and I felt really uncomfortable. I was thinking, "No, I don’t want this," and I was moving backwards away from it.
At that point, I remember thinking, "I want this to stop. I don’t like this. I’m uncomfortable." Then I realised, "No — you’re here now, and this lasts as long as it lasts. You just have to deal with it." So I stopped resisting.
Then the tube went into my face. I could feel something slightly, but not in my face — more in my chest. It was going into my face, but the sensation was in my body. After that, I woke up and I was back.
When I came back, my chest felt a bit strange — not major pain, just uncomfortable. One thing I noticed throughout the experience, especially with the jesters, was that I was really focused on my breathing. I could hear myself breathing in and out through my nose and mouth. I even thought to myself, "You’re really fixating on your breathing — this is almost meditative."
That made me wonder if I was too grounded, or not letting go properly. I feel like I broke through, but at the same time, not fully. I don’t really know what I just experienced.
One other thing: right at the very start, before I kind of blacked out, I had this strong feeling of love. Then after that, the rest of the experience was more confusing and slightly uncomfortable — not bad discomfort, just strange.
THE NEXT TRIP happened a few hours ago.
I was lying on my bed on my left side while taking my hits. As I took the second one and held my breath, I unscrewed the pen, put it back into its case, and placed it in the drawer beside my bed. While I was doing this, the trip started coming on.
There’s a large window behind me to the right of the bed, and as everything was kicking in, I noticed the light coming through it getting brighter and brighter. In my head, I thought it was strange, like the sun had suddenly come out at that exact moment.
By the time I finished putting the pen away and rolled onto my back, everything in my room had transformed. It wasn’t just bright, it was like all color had vanished, leaving everything in a sterile, glowing white. My furniture, surfaces, and even the edges of objects seemed to radiate this pure white light, as if the room itself were luminescent.
I remember thinking of 5-MeO-DMT, imagining that this must be what people experience when they take it.
It felt almost like I had rolled into another version of my room, the familiar space was still there, but layered with this alien, white brilliance. It was like stepping into “trip land,” a place parallel to my normal reality but completely different in its presence and intensity.
As I sat there, I realized I couldn’t hear anything, there was just silence. At the same time, I wasn’t sure if I was still awake. I kept wondering: Am I actually sitting here in my room, tripping and seeing all of this? Or am I lying down with my eyes closed, imagining it? I couldn’t tell where reality ended and the trip began.
It was utterly disorienting and bizarre, a strange mixture of awe and confusion.
I touched my legs, looked at my surroundings, and tried to ground myself, but the uncertainty persisted. Eventually, I lay back down, partly wanting the intensity to settle, yet fascinated by this other layer of reality I had glimpsed.
The experience felt profoundly unlike anything I had felt before.
I'm just wondering if anyone can provide thoughts, opinions, insight into these experiences and what they could mean, advice etc.
The second trip was also after 2 decent hits, no more than 5 seconds each
