mamamatrix
mostmysterious
Last night I tried DMT for the first time. It felt terrible and I'm not sure why.
--- SET & SETTING ---
The bought DMT was sitting in my drawer for quite a while, but until yesterday I never had the courage to actually smoke it. I always said to myself, it would probably be best to first have a few high dose experiences with some other tryptamines, e.g. psilocybin mushrooms or its synthetic form. Or at least be more experienced with LSD which I sometimes find quite difficult to handle. Yesterday I threw all of those beliefs overboard and I finally convinced myself to try it.
It was a stormy evening and it wasn't over until before 11pm. I enjoyed the cool atmosphere. My bedroom window is facing an idyllic little stream with dozens of tall trees next to it. I loaded the trench of my vaporizer with 25-30mg of yellow material. I then finally lit a candle and decided to meditate in order to relax as much as possible. No music, just the sound of wind and the nearby stream.
--- EXPERIENCE ---
After a few minutes of deep breathing I picked up the loaded vaporizer, not feeling particularly nervous. I waited a few moments until the chamber was full of white smoke. The taste was not pleasant, but also not as awful as I expected. It actually tasted like my hot air gun, almost identical. I held the smoke for 4-5 seconds without coughing. The second draw was a little longer and right before I could finish a sudden numbing feeling overwhelmed me.
The next minutes I cannot recall in their entirety. Following the numbing feeling a sudden rush of negative thoughts overcame me, not remembering their content. I thought, well that must be normal, let's just close our eyes and fall back into the chair and wait until they disappear. But they didn't and I couldn't relax, I also began to sweat. I sit up again and opened my eyes, which was probably a mistake. I don't exactly recall the following minutes but that was when the terror happened.
The visuals were not particularly distorted, maybe like a strong LSD dose (>500ug). But they felt terrifyingly real and I felt as if I was trapped inside the patterns. They were all dark and green, sort of like in the paintings by HR Giger. No blinding white lights anywhere as far as I could see. Also I tried to move but was unable naturally. The surrounding air felt unnatural, I could breathe but it felt like water sometimes, it kept changing back and forth. Also, all the time I had this curious metallic taste on my lips, similar to that on LSD which I described once.
But the real terrifying moment was when I suddenly realized: This is it, now I'm trapped. This is what my life was all about, this moment. I've come to this moment and now I'm trapped here forever. I was lured into this and now they've got me (or I've got myself, I don't know). There was actually no one else in my room or outside the window, nevertheless I felt as if every single person around me knew and could see what I've done. I felt that people on the other side of the stream were watching me through the open window.
After about 2-3 minutes of continuing thought loops of terror I then slowly was able to move my body again. Because I was sweating all that time, the first thing I did was trying to pry off my woolen gloves (the open type without fingertips) who were so sticky I seriously thought for a moment they had actually merged with my hands. While the body load was continuing to wear off, still in terror, I quickly went to bed in hope of forgetting all that had happened in the last few minutes.
---
For the sake of transparency, in the afternoon (about 6 hours before taking the DMT) I vaped some cannabis. Is it possible that the cannabis moved me into these darker places, even hours after taking it? Because vaping pot quite often makes me paranoid as hell, especially when vaping it in the evening. I haven't resolved that issue with cannabis, so maybe the bad DMT trip was an amplification or response to my messed up relationship to cannabis.
Also, next time I'm touching DMT will be after I had at least one high dose mushroom trip and with my own extracted crystals. Lesson (hopefully) learned.
--- SET & SETTING ---
The bought DMT was sitting in my drawer for quite a while, but until yesterday I never had the courage to actually smoke it. I always said to myself, it would probably be best to first have a few high dose experiences with some other tryptamines, e.g. psilocybin mushrooms or its synthetic form. Or at least be more experienced with LSD which I sometimes find quite difficult to handle. Yesterday I threw all of those beliefs overboard and I finally convinced myself to try it.
It was a stormy evening and it wasn't over until before 11pm. I enjoyed the cool atmosphere. My bedroom window is facing an idyllic little stream with dozens of tall trees next to it. I loaded the trench of my vaporizer with 25-30mg of yellow material. I then finally lit a candle and decided to meditate in order to relax as much as possible. No music, just the sound of wind and the nearby stream.
--- EXPERIENCE ---
After a few minutes of deep breathing I picked up the loaded vaporizer, not feeling particularly nervous. I waited a few moments until the chamber was full of white smoke. The taste was not pleasant, but also not as awful as I expected. It actually tasted like my hot air gun, almost identical. I held the smoke for 4-5 seconds without coughing. The second draw was a little longer and right before I could finish a sudden numbing feeling overwhelmed me.
The next minutes I cannot recall in their entirety. Following the numbing feeling a sudden rush of negative thoughts overcame me, not remembering their content. I thought, well that must be normal, let's just close our eyes and fall back into the chair and wait until they disappear. But they didn't and I couldn't relax, I also began to sweat. I sit up again and opened my eyes, which was probably a mistake. I don't exactly recall the following minutes but that was when the terror happened.
The visuals were not particularly distorted, maybe like a strong LSD dose (>500ug). But they felt terrifyingly real and I felt as if I was trapped inside the patterns. They were all dark and green, sort of like in the paintings by HR Giger. No blinding white lights anywhere as far as I could see. Also I tried to move but was unable naturally. The surrounding air felt unnatural, I could breathe but it felt like water sometimes, it kept changing back and forth. Also, all the time I had this curious metallic taste on my lips, similar to that on LSD which I described once.
But the real terrifying moment was when I suddenly realized: This is it, now I'm trapped. This is what my life was all about, this moment. I've come to this moment and now I'm trapped here forever. I was lured into this and now they've got me (or I've got myself, I don't know). There was actually no one else in my room or outside the window, nevertheless I felt as if every single person around me knew and could see what I've done. I felt that people on the other side of the stream were watching me through the open window.
After about 2-3 minutes of continuing thought loops of terror I then slowly was able to move my body again. Because I was sweating all that time, the first thing I did was trying to pry off my woolen gloves (the open type without fingertips) who were so sticky I seriously thought for a moment they had actually merged with my hands. While the body load was continuing to wear off, still in terror, I quickly went to bed in hope of forgetting all that had happened in the last few minutes.
---
For the sake of transparency, in the afternoon (about 6 hours before taking the DMT) I vaped some cannabis. Is it possible that the cannabis moved me into these darker places, even hours after taking it? Because vaping pot quite often makes me paranoid as hell, especially when vaping it in the evening. I haven't resolved that issue with cannabis, so maybe the bad DMT trip was an amplification or response to my messed up relationship to cannabis.
Also, next time I'm touching DMT will be after I had at least one high dose mushroom trip and with my own extracted crystals. Lesson (hopefully) learned.
