DMT destroyed me tonight.

[Cognition]

Its been a couple years since i have used DMT,so i started smoking a few small doses the past week or so.The only pipe I had was a long wooden one a friend made for me so i infused some herb and set out to give it a try.

First run was great put in a pinch of herb took 2 puffs and really intense but kinda fun trip.

second run was a fail because i didnt put enough in due to some being left from the first run.

So feeling light effects i managed to load the pipe but this time i thought i'm just going to load it good but only take what I need.I remember feeling really high when i blew out the second hit and hit it again.

I remember thinking i would just close my eyes and enjoy the visuals like the first run.I could feel in the pit of my stomach that this would be much more so i closed my eyes but couldnt keep them closed long because things were going too fast.I open them once or twice and after that it didnt make a difference if they were open or not.When I looked at my surroundings the ground around me was replaced by grey-blue tiles that would turn into blocks and some would pop up or fold into themselves depending on how I moved.I tried to put the pipe on my lap and my legs turned to blocks and folded away from me after trying to set it down several times i gave up and with great effort dropped it.

The more i moved the more I would get caught up in these blocks and sink further into them until I was consumed and felt as though I fell through the ground.I believe the blocks turned into the spiral I talk about in the next paragraph.


I was instantly blasted into this self transforming spiral at great speed and was destroyed put back together many times and then i was the spiral.I was dead and alive at the same time and felt that this had happened many times before.When i became the spiral it felt like me but somehow very different,like the me writing this is not the real me. That spiral is the real me and is some kind of infinite being in the very fabric of reality.

I remember dying and being brought back over and over until he made his point that it is all one in the same.He also showed me some incredible things that are nearly impossible to describe.

One thing i noticed is as soon as i broke through was i was flooded with memories of other times i had been to nearly identical places and completely forgot, toward the end when I was coming down I had all the answers to life and the universe and was even trying to start to put them into words in my head clearly.Until it wore off and I felt the knowledge slowly trickle away.All I could think was not again I had it again and cant remember any of it.I feel fortunate just to remember what i did given the amount I smoked.

This experience really had me questioning reality and not fearing death. When i came down i could have died right there with no fear i think.Not to say that during the trip,i was really hoping to come back to life.

It was a really rough trip but worth it.

 

[entheogenic-gnosis]

This is what happens to me every time I smoke, I think it is the defining feature of DMT, it a personal apocalypse, it's death and birth and all that lays in between. Death is a key factor or in the ordeal.

I would like to share a story regarding my first DMT experience:

*note: the dose range in this report is highly inflated, there is no reason to ever dose this high*

the first time I used N,N-dimethyltryptamine I smoked 200mgs of translucent yellow crystals on top of a small amount of high-grade cannabis, I consumed it in a single inhalation. I held the hit in less than 5 seconds when the rush began, "I don't believe it!" I kept repeating in my head, "this is impossible".... my surroundings began to quiver and slither apart, faster than anything I had ever seen everything began moving away from everything else in a mash of brilliant color geometric form, and speed, before fully shattering the "reality" in my visual and mental field, it came on like a freight train, I remember thinking "oh fuck! Get this stuff out of me!" And frantically trying to exhale. It was pure terror, I thought "now you have done it! You killed yourself!" After brief mourning at the life I had just departed from I began to pay attention to the present, I remember feeling like I was at the bottom of a foggy mountain with dirt roads, the clouds felt like a domed ceiling, everything was wet, misty, cloudy and rainy, I was overcome with an intense feeling of panic and deja-vu, I felt like a lost child, everything I knew about who I was or my life or earth seemed like a distant dream, like I dissolved out of existence, I interpreted this as dying, I knew that I was dead, and I was emotionally overwhelmed while confronting the event of my death, just like sand slipping through finger cracks I tried to hold onto this all as my entire identity as a human was dissolved, I remembered my name, the earth, my family, who I was, being a human, and life, but like grabbing at smoke, it was futile, all of this slipped away and nearly faded entirely out of my memory, impossible to cling to all this, I had to let it go...I kept thinking "what the fuck was life?" ...I could not tell if I was breathing or not, I would take air in, but couldn't feel it, I began taking in panicked deep breaths, thinking that none of the oxygen was entering my system, then noticed a pain in my chest, a giant mantis like being had its claws in my chest! It proceeded to tear open my chest and stomach removing all my organs and insides, I was about to go into shock when I saw a bright green light flash over my shoulder, it nearly hit me, it then became a beautiful fractal-geometric object, morphing and color changing, at times it was metallic at other times it was a beautiful jewel, and all the while to look into it was to view endless geometric fractal patterns, moving, morphing, and changing color. The mantis then put this object in my torn up body, he began to make billions of these objects, each one unique and radiating beautiful colored light, and the mantoid filled my body with them, billions of them, becoming small as atoms to construct the new insides of my mangled corpse, then I was sealed up and propelled into an orange light where I was resurrected, my conscious-being (soul) was becoming reunited with the physical world ...then I felt as if I was being pushed head first through a thick gelatinous membrane, violent gesticulations of the membrane surrounding me were forcing me through this thing...I was being born...slowly I began to recognize my surroundings, my face still covered in tears, I looked up and saw the branches of a tree in the yard all slither in sinister fashion in from all directions to take place and solidify as the tree in the distance, the world began to slither back into place, most things moved in an elegant liquid serpentine slithering motion, or like the dancing movements of a flame, as the world constructed itself back into the familiar, so did my conscious state and memory, I was still disoriented, and fairly traumatized, I thought I had been gone for millennia, "how long was I gone I asked?"...."about 20 minutes" was the answer ....those who were there said in reality I curled up into a ball and began to cry for 20 minutes, I was wondering why my face was wet, because it felt like I had actually just been through being born, I was still covered in tears...any way the immense deep spiritual and psychological implications of this experience left me for ever transformed, reborn as a new person entirely, it was the single most meaningful thing that has ever happened to me, and changed me in many significant ways, all for the better.
-eg

I think this is what DMT is supposed to do...

I also have some opinions regarding dose, but I don't think I'm allowed to talk about them.

Any way, great report, thanks,

-eg

 

[Cognition]

That was a great read EG I can really relate to a lot of the things described in your report. the first one being the holy shit moment at the beginning.I didnt get the I think im dying thing right away it was when I tried to set the pipe down.I looked at my legs and the ground beneath me and it all turned into blocks then i tried to set the pipe down and whichever way i went the blocks would fold in on themselves and almost form a sort of block holes that i could never quite touch.Even my legs in the sitting position,they were right there but the harder i focused on trying to touch them they would form these holes that i actually started to fall into trying to touch anything solid.The whole block thing reminded me of salvia to be honest but without the very physical sensations of salvia.


I have experienced ego death many times before but it usually happened in a fairly short but slow fashion.Like you I would find myself clinging to my life and find it slipping away.This was like be launched in a rocket straight past thinking about clinging to anything and exploding into life death and everything in between.I am glad i couldnt hang on to the ego long because that trip would have been hell had i been trying to cling to it.

Nearing the end of the spiral stage things started becoming more psychedelic and during this stage the visuals very very intense and beautiful.Then a thought entered my mind while i was watching I like you realized i wasnt breathing i was holding my breath quite alot and started to remind myself to breathe.This was surprisingly difficult because the thought of breathing was slipping away and the breaths i was taking couldnt be felt.I remember having a short conversation with myself about why i would even need to breathe and after dying so many times i started to think it didnt really matter but i forced myself to try anyway.

Thanks for responding and posting that report i enjoyed reading it and reminded me that even as weird/personal and incredible DMT can be,the root message it gives is similar to all of us.

 

[○]

@Cognition: Sounds like you had a powerful life-changing experience. Good stuff

@entheogenic-gnosis: Not to detract from the OP, but never having read that report e-g, really enjoyed your addition. I agree with you about what DMT in that I think there is a divide within the experience as it's happening. Taking a big dose, quickly, there's something to be said about that..

 

[entheogenic-gnosis]

Oh, I didn't even think that my report may detract from the OP or the thread, this was not my intention, I'll be more mindful in the future. It's just that the OP's report conjured up memories of some of my most intense experiences, and in excitement I felt inclined to share. Thank you for reading my report though.

I'm convinced that the DMT flash is identical to what Tibetan Buddhists call "the Chikhai Bardo"

The Tibetan book of the dead can work as an amazing guide to working through difficult DMT experiences, which again reinforces my feelings that DMT and death are intrinsically connected.

The Chikhai Bardo is the after death state described in the Bardo Thodol (Tibetan Book of the Dead) wherein the consciousness of the dead person fully enters into the light of the dharmakaya or "truth body."

In this state, the person temporarily experiences for the first time the state of awareness without a second, that is to say, a state of pure consciousness.

This is the state of non-duality. The first experience here is the sight of the Primordial Clear Light or the "Clear Light of Reality." This is the pure mind of the Buddha, Christ, and all the perfected saints and mystics.

It is generally accepted among various spiritual traditions that the total amount of time it takes to transition between two consecutive earthly incarnations is 49 days. During this period, the first 3 to 4 days are spent in the Chikhai Bardo wherein the Awareness-body is formed.
http://www.chinabuddhismencyclopedi...imordial_(Clear_Light)_and_the_Awareness-Body

-eg

 

[DmnStr8]

The Tibetan book of the dead can work as an amazing guide to working through difficult DMT experiences, which again reinforces my feelings that DMT and death are intrinsically connected.

I whole heartedly agree with this! ^^^^^ :thumb_up:

 

[○]

Oh, I didn't even think that my report may detract from the OP or the thread, this was not my intention, I'll be more mindful in the future. It's just that the OP's report conjured up memories of some of my most intense experiences, and in excitement I felt inclined to share.

Oh, I hope you didn't think I directed anything at you (if that's what you're referring to)? Sorry if you thought that, apologies. I meant that towards my statement mainly.



Anywho, it's awesome to read reports like this, where someone does a little too much too quickly or something similar. Most times it ends in an immense respect for the experience, a direct realization of how deep it can go, and a direct obliteration of ones once held notions on things.

 

[○]

The Tibetan book of the dead can work as an amazing guide to working through difficult DMT experiences, which again reinforces my feelings that DMT and death are intrinsically connected.

I whole heartedly agree with this! ^^^^^ :thumb_up:

Agreed.

 

[Intezam]

..have a look at these green buddha alternative GVG's...

 

[Artemis]

Great report cognition! Look up on YouTube, "The Dream of Life- Alan Watts" on YouTube. Put headphones on, close your eyes, and remember that experience. Important stuff and worth it indeed.