Fenrir
Rising Star
I come here because I appreciate the kind developed ideas and opinions held by many of the nexus, I've used the nexus in the past for a long time but I didn't give it the value it truly deserved until I tried dmt for the first time and learned of the beautiful world of insight it holds within.
The first time I ever was given the chance to try dmt in vaporized form I could say changed my life, Immediately upon holding the first hit in I saw a massive revolving sphere of multicolored energy form in the center of my vision then take over my entire realm of sight within a second. I was living with a few of my friends from high school who all needed a place to stay after we got kicked out upon graduating, when I took the second hit my friend started playing the song 'raise your weapon-madeon extended remix' by deadmau. That was the first time I'd heard the song and it forever will hold a special place in my heart for how it launched me out into the domed room and into the realm of entities beautiful beyond description, I can't specifically recall what they said to me but upon plateauing into the non visionary portion of the trip I finally had the courage to revoke cigarettes. I had been cutting down from a pack a day but still smoked around 2 most days or sometimes a few more.
I already had been experimenting with a variety of psychedelics I was introduced around 2 years before to a bad start with an nbome but then great times with shrooms, lsd, and a variety of rc tryptamines from a friend of mine; at the time I tried dmt however I had actually began to feel like my trips had gained a sense of redundancy and I wasn't getting what I used to find out of them anymore. While I was experiencing the visions on dmt I actually cried it was like it was beyond anything I had ever expected to find in the substance so elusive but so famous, it was like I had just experienced the deepest most intrapersonal thing I had ever felt tear right through me and I knew it was something so special it was beyond anything else I had ever tried. The next night I smoked a quarter of a cigarette with my friend all the way at the very end of the day, before deciding it really wasn't worth it and I was going to stop. One week later I tried 3 drags of a cigarette at a party and I haven't touched one in over 8 months since then.
I bought an ecig after that party but upon forming the relationship with dmt I did it made me rethink everything and it wasn't long I let that go as well. I had my first pharmahuasca journey with rue and 150mg freebase dosed orally before another 250mg vaporized in several different amounts at times in the next 4 hours that occurred. It was life changing creating a lasting feeling that everything was actually going really great I felt better than I ever had in my life it seemed, that feeling lasted a good several months but it was like things started dragging me down again and a second pharma journey with only 200mg oral fell short. I was going through a phase of smoking dmt on a rather frequent basis where it was like pure bliss but it was around the time of the few weeks after the second pharma trip things became darker.
I asked dmt what was the stem of my problems and it told me it was my use of marijuana. I don't believe marijuana is a bad thing I think it does a lot of good things for a lot of people, I'm thankful to the plant for doing for me what it did all the 3 some years I was using it daily, I do believe it has things to teach you; but at that point being high all the time as well as with the effect of the plant on your rem cycles I was constantly so tired. I worked two jobs as well at this point but it was the weed that always keeps me sitting around in my time after work not doing the things I needed to be doing, as well as tending me to overeat contributing to the imbalance in my diet. I knew after considering what dmt told me that I was just going to keep holding myself back for as long as I was a daily smoker.
I was in denial of this for quite some time and would even attempt to use dmt again on occasion but it was always a very negative vibe until one day I actually experience the clearest breakthrough experience I ever have where I looked over and a mass of entities burst through my door and the room changed to a blue representation of itself, with the entities swirling around me, I asked them what my problem really was and they said 'we told you it's the weed', the vision tapered off and but it was from then I took a several month break from dmt as I attempted to taper off my use of marijuana, I've had varying success it's been several months and after a move to a new space I stopped for a good two weeks the most I ever have in this 3 year period. But I relapsed at that point and its been a week I've been smoking again.
I've tried smoking dmt again in the two week period I was sober and it was totally wonderful at all points, it felt great it was so much clearer and a vastly more optimistic view of things, it was just a mistake that I smoked some weed when offered by my brother and then bought some the next day. A part of me wants to be clear and capable and live life to the fullest I can and that half knows it's the true path but then the other part doesn't want to deal with the bluntness of life, it craves the cushy space of satisfaction with ones current state that weed creates. I know I'll be a lot happier if I can sober up and focus on my life, I want to start college soon and I want to start making art again for the first time since I've graduated basically, I want my life to make me happy and not a plant.
I plan to stop completely in the next few days and attempt another journey this time with a more traditional recipe, I tried a recipe similar a few weeks ago but it ended up vastly below expectations and so I assume either Impotent material or lack of full mao inhibition, it was previously 80grams of orinhou yellow caapi and 75 grams of Hawaiian chacruna. This time I used 100 grams of red caapi from the same source, 20 of the orinhou from before, along with 25 grams of the Hawaiian chacruna, 7 grams of diploterys caberena, 5 grams of Silene capensis, as well as 5 high quality cacao beans. Last time I had the unsatisfactory launch I had brewed two seperate jars and this time it's all together in one brew, this is currently being stored frozen and I plan to start with half when the time is right and I am sober once again then see if I want the other half, I also have ~300mg of freebase to work with so i should be capable of getting a satisfactory experience, I hope for this to be the most transformative one yet and bring long lasting peace of mind.
The reason I come at this point to the nexus is in hopes of having other perspectives if I have any questions in the coming time before my journey, and to be able to counsel with from here on about my experiences and ideas, I hope to be a positive addition to the community in time. I apologize if this turned into a rant I feel it's longer than what was intended for I am currently with the Mary Jane still, and I have only ever been a lurker anywhere until this point, so I'm unsure of my writing style in such a format.
Thank any of you who take the time to read this!
The first time I ever was given the chance to try dmt in vaporized form I could say changed my life, Immediately upon holding the first hit in I saw a massive revolving sphere of multicolored energy form in the center of my vision then take over my entire realm of sight within a second. I was living with a few of my friends from high school who all needed a place to stay after we got kicked out upon graduating, when I took the second hit my friend started playing the song 'raise your weapon-madeon extended remix' by deadmau. That was the first time I'd heard the song and it forever will hold a special place in my heart for how it launched me out into the domed room and into the realm of entities beautiful beyond description, I can't specifically recall what they said to me but upon plateauing into the non visionary portion of the trip I finally had the courage to revoke cigarettes. I had been cutting down from a pack a day but still smoked around 2 most days or sometimes a few more.
I already had been experimenting with a variety of psychedelics I was introduced around 2 years before to a bad start with an nbome but then great times with shrooms, lsd, and a variety of rc tryptamines from a friend of mine; at the time I tried dmt however I had actually began to feel like my trips had gained a sense of redundancy and I wasn't getting what I used to find out of them anymore. While I was experiencing the visions on dmt I actually cried it was like it was beyond anything I had ever expected to find in the substance so elusive but so famous, it was like I had just experienced the deepest most intrapersonal thing I had ever felt tear right through me and I knew it was something so special it was beyond anything else I had ever tried. The next night I smoked a quarter of a cigarette with my friend all the way at the very end of the day, before deciding it really wasn't worth it and I was going to stop. One week later I tried 3 drags of a cigarette at a party and I haven't touched one in over 8 months since then.
I bought an ecig after that party but upon forming the relationship with dmt I did it made me rethink everything and it wasn't long I let that go as well. I had my first pharmahuasca journey with rue and 150mg freebase dosed orally before another 250mg vaporized in several different amounts at times in the next 4 hours that occurred. It was life changing creating a lasting feeling that everything was actually going really great I felt better than I ever had in my life it seemed, that feeling lasted a good several months but it was like things started dragging me down again and a second pharma journey with only 200mg oral fell short. I was going through a phase of smoking dmt on a rather frequent basis where it was like pure bliss but it was around the time of the few weeks after the second pharma trip things became darker.
I asked dmt what was the stem of my problems and it told me it was my use of marijuana. I don't believe marijuana is a bad thing I think it does a lot of good things for a lot of people, I'm thankful to the plant for doing for me what it did all the 3 some years I was using it daily, I do believe it has things to teach you; but at that point being high all the time as well as with the effect of the plant on your rem cycles I was constantly so tired. I worked two jobs as well at this point but it was the weed that always keeps me sitting around in my time after work not doing the things I needed to be doing, as well as tending me to overeat contributing to the imbalance in my diet. I knew after considering what dmt told me that I was just going to keep holding myself back for as long as I was a daily smoker.
I was in denial of this for quite some time and would even attempt to use dmt again on occasion but it was always a very negative vibe until one day I actually experience the clearest breakthrough experience I ever have where I looked over and a mass of entities burst through my door and the room changed to a blue representation of itself, with the entities swirling around me, I asked them what my problem really was and they said 'we told you it's the weed', the vision tapered off and but it was from then I took a several month break from dmt as I attempted to taper off my use of marijuana, I've had varying success it's been several months and after a move to a new space I stopped for a good two weeks the most I ever have in this 3 year period. But I relapsed at that point and its been a week I've been smoking again.
I've tried smoking dmt again in the two week period I was sober and it was totally wonderful at all points, it felt great it was so much clearer and a vastly more optimistic view of things, it was just a mistake that I smoked some weed when offered by my brother and then bought some the next day. A part of me wants to be clear and capable and live life to the fullest I can and that half knows it's the true path but then the other part doesn't want to deal with the bluntness of life, it craves the cushy space of satisfaction with ones current state that weed creates. I know I'll be a lot happier if I can sober up and focus on my life, I want to start college soon and I want to start making art again for the first time since I've graduated basically, I want my life to make me happy and not a plant.
I plan to stop completely in the next few days and attempt another journey this time with a more traditional recipe, I tried a recipe similar a few weeks ago but it ended up vastly below expectations and so I assume either Impotent material or lack of full mao inhibition, it was previously 80grams of orinhou yellow caapi and 75 grams of Hawaiian chacruna. This time I used 100 grams of red caapi from the same source, 20 of the orinhou from before, along with 25 grams of the Hawaiian chacruna, 7 grams of diploterys caberena, 5 grams of Silene capensis, as well as 5 high quality cacao beans. Last time I had the unsatisfactory launch I had brewed two seperate jars and this time it's all together in one brew, this is currently being stored frozen and I plan to start with half when the time is right and I am sober once again then see if I want the other half, I also have ~300mg of freebase to work with so i should be capable of getting a satisfactory experience, I hope for this to be the most transformative one yet and bring long lasting peace of mind.
The reason I come at this point to the nexus is in hopes of having other perspectives if I have any questions in the coming time before my journey, and to be able to counsel with from here on about my experiences and ideas, I hope to be a positive addition to the community in time. I apologize if this turned into a rant I feel it's longer than what was intended for I am currently with the Mary Jane still, and I have only ever been a lurker anywhere until this point, so I'm unsure of my writing style in such a format.
Thank any of you who take the time to read this!
