So I feel like I already know the answer to this deep down but I just can't either articulate it for myself or frame it in the right way to understand, hoping you fine folks can help me out because NOBODY I talk to IRL gets this, and I'm concerned I'm going to ostracize myself with my increasingly unusual world view...
I've had lots of experiences with psychedelics, both mushrooms and DMT last year. Like, I went all the way guys. Definitely not as experienced as some people here, and call it what you want but i have experienced dying/being dead/ego death at least 6 times.
I've experienced TONS of personal growth in the last year as a result. I'm losing weight, I do yoga now, I've got a few philosophy books under my belt for the first time, I'm more patient and understanding, I more easily see past the bullshit and I can read people a lot better now/know how to speak to them and relate to them, my pets love me more lol (I seem to understand them better now), I garden and study soil science in my free time... so it seems all really good. BUT. The more I learn about myself, humanity, the world in general... I dunno I just want to be alone in nature. I feel like this is "one way" the world could be, and maybe it suits the species but less and less I feel that it suits the individual. As an individual, I want whats best for me. More and more its starting to feel like whats best for me is basically going full psychedelic hermit in the mountains
The last few times I've dabbled with psyches my mind goes to these huge vast open spaces in nature, think miles and miles across. Its quiet. Its peaceful. I feel the full grandeur and reverence for these sacred manifestations of the substrate of reality itself. I just want to go out there, start a garden, and not speak a word for like a week straight. But thats the thing... I dont know if I'd ever want to come back lol. A peaceful subsistence style existence living with the land sounds about as ideal as it gets. Our minds and bodies are just not made to thrive in this modern world, and I never feel better than in nature.
Its probably a lot to do with living in an apartment my whole life. almost my entire 20s were spent sleepwalking through my comfy WFH job and never doing anything real in the real world, just art/music/ecommerce/internet stuff. I hate competing with other people, I'd rather just do things a different way that removes the competition but still works.
I know, I know... I'd go out there, get a taste of the brutal reality that is nature and be back home before I even knew it. Almost definitely. But maybe not... maybe i'd just stay out there and never come back, somehow figure it out. This scares me. What if I'm literally going fucking crazy and this is the first step to becoming a full blown hermit?
NGL, I'd be tripping like half the time lol. Feeling that connection to the universe... man. nothing like it.
I dont even know if I have a question really. I cant really even articulate this to myself and I need somebody to talk to who understands where I'm coming from
Peace and love
I've had lots of experiences with psychedelics, both mushrooms and DMT last year. Like, I went all the way guys. Definitely not as experienced as some people here, and call it what you want but i have experienced dying/being dead/ego death at least 6 times.
I've experienced TONS of personal growth in the last year as a result. I'm losing weight, I do yoga now, I've got a few philosophy books under my belt for the first time, I'm more patient and understanding, I more easily see past the bullshit and I can read people a lot better now/know how to speak to them and relate to them, my pets love me more lol (I seem to understand them better now), I garden and study soil science in my free time... so it seems all really good. BUT. The more I learn about myself, humanity, the world in general... I dunno I just want to be alone in nature. I feel like this is "one way" the world could be, and maybe it suits the species but less and less I feel that it suits the individual. As an individual, I want whats best for me. More and more its starting to feel like whats best for me is basically going full psychedelic hermit in the mountains
The last few times I've dabbled with psyches my mind goes to these huge vast open spaces in nature, think miles and miles across. Its quiet. Its peaceful. I feel the full grandeur and reverence for these sacred manifestations of the substrate of reality itself. I just want to go out there, start a garden, and not speak a word for like a week straight. But thats the thing... I dont know if I'd ever want to come back lol. A peaceful subsistence style existence living with the land sounds about as ideal as it gets. Our minds and bodies are just not made to thrive in this modern world, and I never feel better than in nature.
Its probably a lot to do with living in an apartment my whole life. almost my entire 20s were spent sleepwalking through my comfy WFH job and never doing anything real in the real world, just art/music/ecommerce/internet stuff. I hate competing with other people, I'd rather just do things a different way that removes the competition but still works.
I know, I know... I'd go out there, get a taste of the brutal reality that is nature and be back home before I even knew it. Almost definitely. But maybe not... maybe i'd just stay out there and never come back, somehow figure it out. This scares me. What if I'm literally going fucking crazy and this is the first step to becoming a full blown hermit?
NGL, I'd be tripping like half the time lol. Feeling that connection to the universe... man. nothing like it.
I dont even know if I have a question really. I cant really even articulate this to myself and I need somebody to talk to who understands where I'm coming from
Peace and love
