TGO
Music is alive and in your soul. It can move you.
Do What You Will, I'm Letting Go: A Slow Train To Everywhere
Dear Fellow Nexians,
I must be honest here, spice scares the living daylights out of me. But I wasn't about to let that get in my way this time. Up until this point, I've had mostly what I would consider "dark" experiences (except for perhaps the one earlier this month). Don't get me wrong though, they were not bad, I was just a little uncomfortable with what was happening around me. In fact, there was one time where I was abruptly interrupted in the middle of my second hit and was ripped out of myself into what only could be described as a futuristic alien room where a dark and unforeseen force told me that I was not welcome. "Do not come here anymore" it said. The strange force still proceeded to show me all sorts of strange things and then forcibly threw me back into myself. That was the first time I met an unfriendly force in hyperland.
In my "Absolution" breakthrough I met a dark entity. The difference was that this one welcomed me but in a stern and/or parental sort of way. This entity guided me through several somewhat clandestine and eerie places in hyperspace. I was shaken pretty badly by this experience but gained valuable information about myself.
So why am I talking about a couple past experiences instead of getting to what happened today? Well, because I basically relived those experiences but from a distance this time. I know that doesn't make any sense yet but it will:
I planned on taking some spice today and was constantly thinking about when and was going about my daily routine being nervously excited. More nervous than excited, truthfully. It took all day for me to muster up the courage to finally lay out a dose and actually put it in the bong. There it sat for probably 4 hours. Just sitting there with me gawking at it every now and again as my heart rate increased ever so slightly. Finally enough was enough....
I dimmed the lights and got comfortable in my bed. I was able to get into a position where I was mostly laying down and still able to hit the bong effectively. I did this so that there would be no struggle when it came time to lay back. 130mg of changa was in the stem, btw.
I lie there and closed my eyes and focused on my breathing. In through the nose, out through the mouth. Over and over I breathed trying to steady my nerves. I think part of the reason my experiences have been a bit difficult is because I have more trouble letting go than I let on...even to myself...So I began a little mantra of sorts "Do what you will, I'm letting go..." I said this countless times, over and over until I started to believe that I really was ready to fully let go. If I were to guess, it was probably somewhere around 15 minutes before I finally picked up the bong.
I lit it carefully and slowly drew as much as I could and pulled the cone. Cleared it save approximately 5-10mg. I quickly set the bong down and laid back with my eyes closed and held my breath until...well, I don't recall exhaling interestingly enough.
Behind closed eyes, I felt it coming on strong and steady. The first colors were red/purple swirls that slowly but firmly oscillated and then rapidly gained power and speed. These waves of oscillating fractals opened up to what appeared to be a tunnel. The tunnel was full of fractalized matter and it was flowing in all directions. Everything was very circular, yet moving forward, if that makes sense. This tunnel became my guide.
It was as if I was on a fractal train of some sort, moving slowly in comparison to any other experience I've had. Everything wasn't so rapid and "in your face" so to speak. As the hypertrain gained momentum, I noticed something very strange. I could literally see a past trip but from a distance. It was the experience I mentioned above about being unwelcome in hyperspace. It was as if the "hypertrain" was showing me that that was only one aspect of hyperspace and to not be discouraged by the likes of it. That was a dark and twisted side of this place I learned and it almost seemed as if the force from the previous trip was either testing me or just messing with me. Perhaps it was one of those tricksters I've read about...? Either way, it was quite an amazing feeling to know that that was an experience of the past. I could now move on. After all, I had boarded the "HyperSpace Express" ...
The hypertrain continued to travel for some time and to many different sites. It was almost like what I would imagine travelling through actual outer space might feel and look like. Viewing the past trip would be comparable to viewing the Earth from the Moon...hopefully that gives it a little perspective.
Eventually, everything started to blur and mesh together in one glob of hypermatter and I felt myself descending back to reality. Slowly and gently. Upon reentry I felt immense waves of joy and happiness. A huge smile was plastered across my face I realized and as I opened my eyes, all the art work in my bedroom was dancing about in a playful and extra dimensional sort of way. It was beautiful. Truly and utterly beautiful. (See pic below. The canvas art on the right was absolutely and especially mesmerizing when I made it back to Earth)
To date, this is the most rewarding and positive journey I've had. I could not be anymore overjoyed at this moment. I feel like that dark weight I've been carrying around has vanished. I've finally been exposed to a lighter, more positive side of the DMT realm. I think that was due to the fact that I'm working on actually being able to experience the experience by letting go of myself. I thought I knew what that meant, but now I think I truly do. It is a wonderful concept. I have nothing but the most profound respect for the power of DMT. If anything, I am a little less afraid now and for that, I am Grateful.
I know this was a bit lengthy but this is really more of a way for me to keep records of the more powerful journeys. So if you read this all the way through, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. As always, any insight is more than welcome. After all, I love hearing what you guys have to say. Well that is it for tonight, guys...
Have a truly wonderful day
Your dear friend,
-The Grateful One-