Thanks guys! I appreciate the feedback!
Jees, you pose some good questions and I'll try to be as thorough as I can. My darker experiences were usually spur of the moment type trips. I mean, I was going in just to see what was there, with no intention behind it. In order to not "chicken out" I would quickly load it up and blast off usually resulting in rapid fire "in your face" journeys. On top of that, I would resist it to an extent. I was never trying to resist, but I just did. I didn't really understand this until last night, tbh. There was always little to no preparation except for some pacing while I told myself, "Just do it, man...c'mon, just do it already..." Basically peer pressuring myself... or self-pressuring I guess...
Another factor is beer. On more than one "shadowy" occasion, I gained the confidence to smoalk spice via a beer or two (I truly hate to admit this but sometimes it was more than that...:| ). That being said I do drink beer on a pretty regular basis. I'm down to 3 times a week and no more than 3 beers on those days...in case everyone isn't getting the picture, I used to drink quite a bit and struggled for a long time and am in the middle of cutting back and twisting my head back on straight. I've been working on this for nearly 2+ years and am proud of where I have ended up...that being said, I feel like some of my scarier experiences were warning me and showing me that alcohol has no place in the DMT realm...or in the human body for that matter. It is poison after all. But I kept ignoring it and getting slapped for it. I'd get a slap and be like, "Why did you hit me!?" but the question I should have been asking is, "Why am I hitting myself...?"
I guess it all makes sense, really. Drinking was causing some depression even if I didn't want to admit it to myself openly, but I knew it was an underlying factor. So it only stands to reason that a DMT trip while under the influence of Alcohol (be it 1 drink or 7) would result in a dark/depressed/scary endeavor. This is just the main theory. But this month alone, I've had two wonderful DMT trips, both immensely positive and uplifting. Both times were 100% completely sober from any alcohol or any other substance (to be fair I only drink, smoke pot, and take psychedelics and it has been that way for the past 3 years or so)...so this trip when I was on the hypertrain was basically like, "Look over there. Do you see that? That is the dark side of this place and you chose to go there. But look how far away we can be from it. Do you see?" I did see. And it was such a damn beautiful site!
But being completely sober while trying to "get it together" to smoke spice was proving to be a challenge. I was using it as a crutch. I have vowed never to use that crutch again while in the presence of spice because it is disrespectful, IMO. I feel like I have been rewarded for this epiphany. I know it isn't much of an epiphany but it was enough to send me in the right direction. Also to be fair about strange epiphanies, and a bit comical, one time the spice told me to get rid of my shower curtain (this was a low-end sub-breakthrough...10mg I think it was, maybe more maybe less). When I came down I went to the bathroom and looked at the shower curtain and sure enough some mildew was beginning to form. So, I threw it away and got a new one and never felt better about the whole situation...:lol:
So now that I have gone off on a tangent...Some other things I did not do on the darker trips was focus my breathing as intently or focus my attention to what I was about to do fully. That mini meditative state plus the mantra made a world of a difference. That and being stone cold sober. But of course, I knew all of this all along I guess I just like to learn the hard way...:d Set and setting, set and setting, set and setting...these are not just words folks! I thought I was taking it seriously enough but I wasn't. But now I know better. Also, lately I've been experimenting with getting the full dose in one hit. Doing this enables me to lie straight down and not fumble with lighters or bongs or what-have-you. Inhale. Close eyes. Be free. All in one go. So to answer your questions, Jees, yes, I do believe that the variations in preparation made the most drastically positive impact on this experience. More so than I ever could have imagined.
Tatt, thank you for the kind words. I really enjoy writing about these things...it was kind of funny really. I wasn't 100% back to Earth but I wasn't in hyperspace either when I tried to write down the part about being shown a previous trip but all I managed to scribble was, "Alien guy b4 hit. before" on the back of a random business card :?: :lol:
But anyway, like I said above I think my darker experiences were due to improper set and setting as you guys have pointed out. I was fooling myself and being slightly reckless. So to any newcomers reading this, I wouldn't recommend going about spice in the manner that I did. Letting go truly isn't as easy as it sounds and pre-flight anxiety can really take a toll on someone. Just breath and know that you'll be fine. Also, find a mantra you can believe in. I don't know where mine came from but it safely carried me through.
I think it all boils down to me being a bit ignorant and I had to be hyperslapped a few times to really get the picture. I was creating the negative atmosphere and the DMT responded in full force.
But now that I understand a little more than I did yesterday, I realize I had been invited into to hyperspace with open and loving arms. Up until now, that hasn't really happened for me. At least not on a breakthrough level. There are all sorts of infinite aspects of hyperspace that I didn't know existed. And now I have the freedom and courage to explore it more deeply...through a sober mind. Bye bye alcohol, I don't need you anymore to navigate this space!
