Metashaman
Rising Star
Please take this with a grain of salt as I know that "my truths, may not be the truths" and I may have been told what I needed to let go of my insurmountable grief. This experience has many spiritual overtones.. I am not meaning to mess with anyone's faith. However, it was extremely powerful and after talking to the veterans, I feel like I was given a gift few get out of it.. and it's rare to have a straight conversation with her.
I was on a concentrated high level dose of Black Ayahuasca. Supposedly this is the most hallucinogenic version. I do not suggest this high of a dosage outside the care of a physician and Shaman. I took blackout levels and forced myself to stay awake.
I found out my child had a inoperable condition and could very well die soon. (This has since turned to happier news, as nothing new has happened in years. So it went from "now" to could be 50 years, just wait and watch).
I have been very religious all of my life. I have never had my faith fail me.
I was content letting go to God if it was my father or myself, but I was the one who had to protect my son. I contemplated suicide to make sure his daddy would be there waiting for him, but knew better as I have 3 other children. I never had that thought again, but I knew I would break if the worst happened and I didn't know.
(As I wrote this, I could feel the pain I had before and should have never tried to hide from my family, much less my wife. Keeping a smile for the day and breaking down at night.)
I searched everything to try to remove my need for faith and to have some proof of the afterlife. Near Death Experiences, astral projection. Then I happened upon DMT.
I researched it whole heartedly, I learned how to make it. Read everything I could on it. I tried to make friends on Nexus and Shroomery who could help me understand better about what the material was. I had convinced myself (through Straussman and many other esoteric Dmt-Nexus posts) that DMT could be the knowledge of the Tree of Good and Evil. Meaning this was something that could be an affront to the God I wanted to find so dearly.
Even so, I was weary of faith. I had to know.
I had agonized over this decision for almost 18 months, and I got deeper and deeper into the rabbit hole. Anything someone reported that could talk to you or show you external entities that wasn’t DMT I had to research.
I had gone so far as the heroic 5g Mushroom dose in the dark alone in the woods (and promptly freaked the hell out as I thought about McKenna and his Alien fears). All I could think of on the heroic dose was… maybe this is how the aliens get you and this is all a trap. Put yourself out in the wilderness alone and that somehow it was possible the Mushrooms allowed them to find you like a marker.
:lol:
My experience went from the forest to… sweating near my computer in the dark with all my cheap LED toys taking my fears away.
But I didn’t hear voices nor meet any one those nights.
After I had communed with the mushrooms and 2 types of cacti I still didn’t find answers. I was scared if I went over on DMT my despair would make me challenge anything I saw. I was looking for a fight, and Hyperspace isn’t the place to go for one.
I released myself and told my church and family that I had to search for God all over the world.
This started my trip to Peru.
Ceremony
I had walked off into the jungle to cry. I was finally going to get my answers. I have been in so much pain for so long. As I was able to dry my eyes
I remember being upset because they took my music away from me before the ceremony started. I had a playlist of Jason Mraz and Alan Watts. I thought to myself “how dare they take my mp3 player”. Heh I had a chip on my shoulder as I thought I knew better than the group I went to visit there.
When I went up and asked for my dosage.. I told him I "had to meet God", his eyebrows raised and he poured more into the shot glass.
The taste wasn’t horrible, but it stuck to my teeth I sat It was a concentrate and very thick, like a cake batter. I was the only one who brought a toothbrush and used it 10 times right after. A while after brushing my teeth and just thought to myself, enjoying all of the beautiful people near me. I could feel the effects coming on. But I also started feeling very, very tired. So I sat up and prepared to puke, my only experience was hoasca. The rue seemed poisonous compared to the Caapi. I heard others starting to purge in the silence and then the chimes started from all over the room.
Tired…
I was so tired.. I had to fight to stay awake.. all I could think of was “this isn’t right, I have never been tired on a hallucinogen”. Then I thought back to all the food that I had eaten over that week because it felt like if I let myself fall asleep and might die. Since there is a strict diet for heath reasons I started fearing I ate the wrong thing and I could die! I had thoughts that the shaman would just throw me in the woods (even though there was a doctor on the camp).
I called over one of the facilitators and explained I thought something was wrong. She said it was ok to sleep, but then my head went back to the dark spot and I thought.. “I have 4 kids to feed and a wife that depends on me, I can’t die.” And devised a way to stay awake. I got on my elbows and knees and as I dosed off my head would hit the floor and wake me up. The moment that ended I felt like I was on a high speed train moving faster than light across this universe.. but I was still in the room with all of the beautiful musicians and shaman at the same time.
That is where my despair hit its high point.
Fight
I distinctly understood there was something in my head with me, and we weren’t staying there.
I was through, but still there… If I closed my eyes I was on the other side, if I opened them I was in the dark jungle watching the dances and listening to the most beautiful music (well for as long as she would let me).
The fight began…
“Where is God”. My anxiety started rising.
-“God is not here” she said. My worst fears were coming to fruition, that somehow all of the signs were wrong.
“F*** you then, I don’t need this, I need God” I told her. “Let me off this train”.
-“Stop” she said,
“F*** you! No! I have to know, I have traveled too far and for too long”.
-“I can help you with this pain”.
“I am here for my son, there is nothing you can say to take me off that path, if God isn’t here then I really don’t need you. Help others.”
-“Hmmm”
I had won. She let up, like we were waiting at a bus stop.
Almost like it was a “how is the weather” conversation. She signaled that I had “outwilled” her.
Then she told me.. “I kept you from falling asleep for a reason, I can’t help you over there if you cross without me”.
-“So Can I pretty please help you?”
- “Come on… “
-“Pretty please?”
This is where the possession started… she could make me move or speak.
I physically started poking myself. She started making me speak!
“Get over yourself" I must have repeated a dozen times, and not of my own volition.
-“I will show you things I don’t normally show people”
I responded very firmly “If you lie to me in any way, this conversation will end”.
I saw a flash, not sure if it was her trying to convince me or if a biblical figure actually stepped in, but I saw the "old standard" picture of of this figure in my head and he said "Let it go". While I was explained his place in the plan later in the evening, I didn't have any more contact with that entity throughout the experience. I had a “really this is a sincere search, you have nothing to worry about”.
I completely let go. As I did, I could feel the acid coming up out of my stomach and I purged what seemed to be more than I had eaten in a few days.
-“you need to relax a little”.
- “I am not saying there is no God, what I am saying is that I am not God.”.
-“Can I tell you about him, and how much he loves you. You are very lucky these are things I don’t show many people understand your pain requires this knowledge to heal”. I had an understanding that the knowledge that would be gained in this profound way would break others, and I had to see it to heal and be able to let go if I had to.
I had this insurmountable yearning to see God, to know I could let go and let him take over. There has been this energy I have felt in my body as a child, I always thought it was some sort of “esp”, except I couldn’t ever manipulate anything. So it went to the back of my mind, only appearing again occasionally as I grew up.
It was like I was channeling my rage into that energy. For the first time ever it felt like it released and she finally gave up what was behind the curtain… she told me the mechanics of the universe.
At that moment all I could think of what the DMT spirit molecule, where the guy said “The being asked me what I wanted to see, and I replied what can you show me”.
Throughout the night, if I got mesmerized by the facilitators or Shamans song or dance, she would make me wave them off and made me speak, “Not yet, we still have work to do”.
Below are some of the revelations, though they are randomly placed. (Not posting any at this time). I wrote this up for a couple of friends originally so the reveals aren't well documented yet, just plain answers.
... For now I have to temper what I can speak about. As I know this could all be in my head. I was told after by the people who hung out with Terrence and the shaman that I had a "extraordinary" experience and she doesn't lie. That once I was able to talk to her one time I could return and talk to her again very easily and that getting to that "love" required an extraordinary about of pain.
Near the end of the ceremony (1 hour before the closing blessing maybe?) One of the women in our group was going through some deep pain, she was sobbing uncontrollably.. The Shaman started talking a song in english (He had stayed in Spanish every other second)I later found out was the Hopo ponopono. "I'm so sorry, please forgive me, I love you, Thank you". Then others in the group started in with him as if the collective love we felt in the room at this time allowed us to comfort her. Within 2 - 3 minutes she was back with us, resting from the trauma.. I realized what the shaman was there for.... to pull us out of our own head.
Throughout the night I had the most amazing hallucinations. I distinctly remember hearing the shaman play a maraca but his hands weren't moving. Between hearing 20+ people puking, crying and laughing in what seemed to be to any passerby a "dome of madness".
The person I had next to me, was extremely cool.. my purge bucket was kicked over and part of it his his blanket... He immediately said "no worries, I have been watching you for a while. Get back in there". Every few minutes being pulled out of the conversation as the staff had mopped up and cleaned the bedding.
One thing it seemed to do for everyone.. face the pain and release it.
Finally she didn't seem to have knowledge of things she had no contact with.
I love you folks.. I will post the reveals soon. I hope everyone has this type of experience with their individual groups.. the music was like a live concert with beautiful singers and at least 20 kinds of instruments played. It seemed like we were in the middle of a symphony of sound by people with multiple albums under their belt.. all of the volunteers were great musicians.
I had a time after where I told the group about my fears of this being somehow "unholy" and got a laugh.. was told about Sante Diame. One of the attendees put it like this.. "We don't see many people after this doubt there is something else out there". (They weren't Sante Diame, but had 0 idea there was a Christian/Aya religion. It would have put me more at ease.)
I have even attempted to convince myself it was all a hallucination.. none of it matters it seems that hole in my heart is gone now.
---------------------------------------------------------------
God is the Universe itself and it is all from Love..
The way I was told to explain it...
Think about a fairy garden. Think about how sad you would be when they were sad, and how happy you would be when they were happy....
I will post these parts as I get the details together so I can try to explain the magnitude of the images and words I heard. I have never had anything "speak through me".
When I asked her, her name she told me to think about the love you felt as your mother held you and that people gave things names and she didn't need one. But I was told she took many forms and she was just a small part of that larger force. She gave me the impression she was from the Garden of Eden...
I was told if my experiments with proving that you could bring information back from the other side were documented and worked, then it would be "breaking the rules and reality". That it would not help others and would make their job way more difficult and not have the expected results that I had initially wanted.. To call God out as I believe if he is real, we need him so people quit acting like they do...
One thing that was noted was.. people get confused over there and are tricked into thinking they are God because they are a part of him... and if this happened to tell them to stop it all and end the universe when they return because they will have that choice at some point.. It would fail and they would receive a lesson from it.
It seemed like there were some contrary to my faith things as well.
When I asked about why we die, I saw myself and my wife falling in love over and over. Wasn't sure if she was trying to show me reincarnation or if it was to explain so other generations could share in the experience I had.
I also realized that out of the 100+ women I had loved throughout my life she was the only one I remember the moment I met her. I asked her when I came home and she said the same thing.
I asked about
The very specific answer I got that I needed...
"The universe loves your son more than you ever could. You don't need to worry even if things go wrong. Spend your time loving him rather than in pain over something that will happen eventually to all of us"
Doesn't matter to me if this was all just a chemical reaction, though too many old hippies there said they had miraculous experiences while there. One guy had his hand fixed by native americans and said his xray came back clear within 5 days of breaking it in 2 places. They told him he had to play music for someone important and that he should be healed. I never did ask him who he thought they were taking about.. though it was 4 years ago for him. I'd have to see it to believe it, but it made me happy others got real healing (or thought they did).
Editing in place..
I am leaving out much of what I learned about the why's as they seem to line up very well with the life I had led up until that point.
One thing I noticed is I had little complaints about myself. I "kill it" in every day life and have for years.
I told my father I was proud to be his son and I was the most successful with our last name in 10 or so generations and it was due to him and skipping on his own life so he could help provide for my mother and I.
When I asked "who is already doing it right", because I knew someone had to have the right answers I saw quite a few people and my mom.. who I think will be a nun after my father passes. She spends her life hanging out with the elderly after work and has a really good head on her shoulders about life love and religion. Plus it would have been easy for her as a young teen to get rid of me, but she kept me. Left her family to do so. Not many girls could handle that even in 2017
Things she shouldn't show me.
What happened after my own death... said I would need to die to find out but not to worry.
Things she couldn't show me.
If my wife had an affair. Straight up "I don't know", but she convinced me that my hang ups were not hers and from what I had in my head.. it seemed like I was just being paranoid. That my wife was love and I needed to stop punishing her for things I would do that she wouldn't.
If my son would live.
If she knew the shaman "no, but I like him".
What was going on in other people's experience.
How I know this was special
A friend tried to prove me wrong and is a seasoned traveler, maybe in the top 5% in the world types.. He went in to disprove the love theory and it seems like the Joker was playing his games. He saw despair and loneliness.
Then something happened were he was sad about life due to a child as well, though not as extreme as death.. he said he was told "this is on you" and as he finished his lesson he felt that Love I had described....
The shaman and the folks I later found out hung out with McKenna pulled me aside after my group "experience report" said that they hear this kind of stuff rarely, but it is reserved for people in immense pain. The shaman told me I was blessed and would be able to return to this conversation whenever I drank again.
Note.. names, locations, children which loved one was in pain.. all changed for safety of myself.
Where are the standard messages she gives..
Loud and clear captain.. She doesn't want society to stop. Said it's t he only way we can open God's present of the universe. That there are mysteries out there we can get to if we can stop playing man's self created games. We don't need to stop, but we do need to be responsible.
Told me to plant her in my gardens.
Showed me how money hurt us all, that my son may not have had his issues if people didn't pollute the earth and it all made God sad.. (like the fairy explanation).
Pollution led to cancer which led to unneeded pain.
I was also told the same thing as Terrence about mankind killing itself off (He will not reset the earth again, this time if it does reset it will be all Man's doing. She called it the 3rd reset).
But I didn't get the dread Terrence did as the rest of the story was.....after the reset people will remember their lessons and fix things. So there will be less pain and will let us fix this stuff (while not forever, for a long while). This is the second time reincarnation entered the conversation. That if we were going to be back, we'd rather be back after the reset.
Afterlife...
Again, PLEASE do not read into this too much, I believe what I saw because it was all too real to me in the jungles.
We lived this life and we were judged. But also we had a choice in part of it..
As we died, anything "anti-love" was removed from us and put into a void. If we held onto those feelings we would go with it. Also if we made the world a worse place to be in, though all of this was tempered with "the life we were given".
It was like a conveyer belt where we were weighed down from this life and scrubbed off.. the dirt and rage would then be thrown into a portal that looked more like a blender than a solid place.
Then as they reached the end of the conveyor belt they flew away like fairies.
I was shown most people are not evil, but rather man stood in mans way before God, because *if* you control that. You can control every aspect of man. That most people are trying to see him using incorrect assumptions built on evil men in the past.
God was never hiding.. that in fact he created the universe out of himself. That we were living inside of him, and just to see any object was seeing God. This part made me weep for 2 days.. I felt like a fool trying to call him out and make him show himself.
I now take issue with many parts of my religion and others. I realized how inconsequential Christ was and that he would have never been a part of the story at all if God didn't feel the need to tell us how to live. Also that we concentrate too much on his death and not enough on the "love one another" parts. (Christ in my visions was the 2nd reset).
I was told people use Jesus in the wrong way. To turn people away from God and that was never the intent.
Also while we are part of God, we are not "he", nor do we understand his consciousness. However, I also had a lot of conversations on how there were miracles, but they had always been auto correcting.. Where back 300 years ago any miracles would fold back into time and be forgotten about, due to the internet we couldn't have many now because the same "forgetting" system won't work.
Again it seemed like when we die, our souls are cleaned of all the pain this world brought and that pain was put into a void so we didn't carry it along with us. It seemed like that freed us to be "a fairy" again and to join every other clean soul.
Other auto corrections were Hyperspace and plants that were meant to help wipe away some of the pain we were caused by other man.
--------- Up and remembering the details of the start of it all. 4/24
"God is Love, start from there and you will understand all".
I was in the place that I would think of as hyperspace, but It was like we were in a soft loving warm radiating force it was more of a presence surrounding me and I radiated pink to warm red.
I saw a far away darkness and in the darkness I saw a keyhole of light (thought it was a bowling pin at first). Then the bottom opened like an umbrella or jellyfish.
Then I saw in the opening of the umbrella, the Universe and millions of galaxies. That we were inside of God at this moment. That Kinosis was real.
It went onto explain what happened when we tried to break reality. Take away faith and bring back too much information from the other side.
That there were self correcting systems. If we broke something too bad the universe could reset it all and start again and change what the problem was this time around. That other smaller fixes could be applied though preferable unnoticed.. Almost like the matrix, but instead of "programs" it was the angels or spirits who had to do all the repairing unless it was too big for them and he only had "so much time".
Hyperspace was by her words "A place to not take seriously, a place to waste time until you die." I asked again about it the second night, and was told I could play if I kept that phrase in mind while playing. More like a "really?.. ok then". One phrase from watts that makes me pause is "Once you have heard the message you can hang up the phone".
I was told (from someone else) that I could call on her to help me in Hyperspace anytime.
Society had to continue forward to get out into the universe and it was going to be a lot of fun for us here. That my understanding that there were autocorrecting systems.
The more God could fix without actually having to do was good. Hence Caapi made it out of the garden of Eden along with other plants that were left here specifically for divine experiences.
"Plant me" was the way to help. I thought it would want me to bring awareness (tell others), and later it explained many don't need this and it would just cause them to stop functioning, like I did. To let people come to her if they started that quest on their own.
The only downside is, I had a lot of understanding of who I was and what my "mission" was on the other side. That points to no ego death.
I was on a concentrated high level dose of Black Ayahuasca. Supposedly this is the most hallucinogenic version. I do not suggest this high of a dosage outside the care of a physician and Shaman. I took blackout levels and forced myself to stay awake.
I found out my child had a inoperable condition and could very well die soon. (This has since turned to happier news, as nothing new has happened in years. So it went from "now" to could be 50 years, just wait and watch).
I have been very religious all of my life. I have never had my faith fail me.
I was content letting go to God if it was my father or myself, but I was the one who had to protect my son. I contemplated suicide to make sure his daddy would be there waiting for him, but knew better as I have 3 other children. I never had that thought again, but I knew I would break if the worst happened and I didn't know.
(As I wrote this, I could feel the pain I had before and should have never tried to hide from my family, much less my wife. Keeping a smile for the day and breaking down at night.)
I searched everything to try to remove my need for faith and to have some proof of the afterlife. Near Death Experiences, astral projection. Then I happened upon DMT.
I researched it whole heartedly, I learned how to make it. Read everything I could on it. I tried to make friends on Nexus and Shroomery who could help me understand better about what the material was. I had convinced myself (through Straussman and many other esoteric Dmt-Nexus posts) that DMT could be the knowledge of the Tree of Good and Evil. Meaning this was something that could be an affront to the God I wanted to find so dearly.
Even so, I was weary of faith. I had to know.
I had agonized over this decision for almost 18 months, and I got deeper and deeper into the rabbit hole. Anything someone reported that could talk to you or show you external entities that wasn’t DMT I had to research.
I had gone so far as the heroic 5g Mushroom dose in the dark alone in the woods (and promptly freaked the hell out as I thought about McKenna and his Alien fears). All I could think of on the heroic dose was… maybe this is how the aliens get you and this is all a trap. Put yourself out in the wilderness alone and that somehow it was possible the Mushrooms allowed them to find you like a marker.
:lol:
My experience went from the forest to… sweating near my computer in the dark with all my cheap LED toys taking my fears away.
But I didn’t hear voices nor meet any one those nights.
After I had communed with the mushrooms and 2 types of cacti I still didn’t find answers. I was scared if I went over on DMT my despair would make me challenge anything I saw. I was looking for a fight, and Hyperspace isn’t the place to go for one.
I released myself and told my church and family that I had to search for God all over the world.
This started my trip to Peru.
Ceremony
I had walked off into the jungle to cry. I was finally going to get my answers. I have been in so much pain for so long. As I was able to dry my eyes
I remember being upset because they took my music away from me before the ceremony started. I had a playlist of Jason Mraz and Alan Watts. I thought to myself “how dare they take my mp3 player”. Heh I had a chip on my shoulder as I thought I knew better than the group I went to visit there.
When I went up and asked for my dosage.. I told him I "had to meet God", his eyebrows raised and he poured more into the shot glass.
The taste wasn’t horrible, but it stuck to my teeth I sat It was a concentrate and very thick, like a cake batter. I was the only one who brought a toothbrush and used it 10 times right after. A while after brushing my teeth and just thought to myself, enjoying all of the beautiful people near me. I could feel the effects coming on. But I also started feeling very, very tired. So I sat up and prepared to puke, my only experience was hoasca. The rue seemed poisonous compared to the Caapi. I heard others starting to purge in the silence and then the chimes started from all over the room.
Tired…
I was so tired.. I had to fight to stay awake.. all I could think of was “this isn’t right, I have never been tired on a hallucinogen”. Then I thought back to all the food that I had eaten over that week because it felt like if I let myself fall asleep and might die. Since there is a strict diet for heath reasons I started fearing I ate the wrong thing and I could die! I had thoughts that the shaman would just throw me in the woods (even though there was a doctor on the camp).
I called over one of the facilitators and explained I thought something was wrong. She said it was ok to sleep, but then my head went back to the dark spot and I thought.. “I have 4 kids to feed and a wife that depends on me, I can’t die.” And devised a way to stay awake. I got on my elbows and knees and as I dosed off my head would hit the floor and wake me up. The moment that ended I felt like I was on a high speed train moving faster than light across this universe.. but I was still in the room with all of the beautiful musicians and shaman at the same time.
That is where my despair hit its high point.
Fight
I distinctly understood there was something in my head with me, and we weren’t staying there.
I was through, but still there… If I closed my eyes I was on the other side, if I opened them I was in the dark jungle watching the dances and listening to the most beautiful music (well for as long as she would let me).
The fight began…
“Where is God”. My anxiety started rising.
-“God is not here” she said. My worst fears were coming to fruition, that somehow all of the signs were wrong.
“F*** you then, I don’t need this, I need God” I told her. “Let me off this train”.
-“Stop” she said,
“F*** you! No! I have to know, I have traveled too far and for too long”.
-“I can help you with this pain”.
“I am here for my son, there is nothing you can say to take me off that path, if God isn’t here then I really don’t need you. Help others.”
-“Hmmm”
I had won. She let up, like we were waiting at a bus stop.
Almost like it was a “how is the weather” conversation. She signaled that I had “outwilled” her.
Then she told me.. “I kept you from falling asleep for a reason, I can’t help you over there if you cross without me”.
-“So Can I pretty please help you?”
- “Come on… “
-“Pretty please?”
This is where the possession started… she could make me move or speak.
I physically started poking myself. She started making me speak!
“Get over yourself" I must have repeated a dozen times, and not of my own volition.
-“I will show you things I don’t normally show people”
I responded very firmly “If you lie to me in any way, this conversation will end”.
I saw a flash, not sure if it was her trying to convince me or if a biblical figure actually stepped in, but I saw the "old standard" picture of of this figure in my head and he said "Let it go". While I was explained his place in the plan later in the evening, I didn't have any more contact with that entity throughout the experience. I had a “really this is a sincere search, you have nothing to worry about”.
I completely let go. As I did, I could feel the acid coming up out of my stomach and I purged what seemed to be more than I had eaten in a few days.
-“you need to relax a little”.
- “I am not saying there is no God, what I am saying is that I am not God.”.
-“Can I tell you about him, and how much he loves you. You are very lucky these are things I don’t show many people understand your pain requires this knowledge to heal”. I had an understanding that the knowledge that would be gained in this profound way would break others, and I had to see it to heal and be able to let go if I had to.
I had this insurmountable yearning to see God, to know I could let go and let him take over. There has been this energy I have felt in my body as a child, I always thought it was some sort of “esp”, except I couldn’t ever manipulate anything. So it went to the back of my mind, only appearing again occasionally as I grew up.
It was like I was channeling my rage into that energy. For the first time ever it felt like it released and she finally gave up what was behind the curtain… she told me the mechanics of the universe.
At that moment all I could think of what the DMT spirit molecule, where the guy said “The being asked me what I wanted to see, and I replied what can you show me”.
Throughout the night, if I got mesmerized by the facilitators or Shamans song or dance, she would make me wave them off and made me speak, “Not yet, we still have work to do”.
Below are some of the revelations, though they are randomly placed. (Not posting any at this time). I wrote this up for a couple of friends originally so the reveals aren't well documented yet, just plain answers.
... For now I have to temper what I can speak about. As I know this could all be in my head. I was told after by the people who hung out with Terrence and the shaman that I had a "extraordinary" experience and she doesn't lie. That once I was able to talk to her one time I could return and talk to her again very easily and that getting to that "love" required an extraordinary about of pain.
Near the end of the ceremony (1 hour before the closing blessing maybe?) One of the women in our group was going through some deep pain, she was sobbing uncontrollably.. The Shaman started talking a song in english (He had stayed in Spanish every other second)I later found out was the Hopo ponopono. "I'm so sorry, please forgive me, I love you, Thank you". Then others in the group started in with him as if the collective love we felt in the room at this time allowed us to comfort her. Within 2 - 3 minutes she was back with us, resting from the trauma.. I realized what the shaman was there for.... to pull us out of our own head.
Throughout the night I had the most amazing hallucinations. I distinctly remember hearing the shaman play a maraca but his hands weren't moving. Between hearing 20+ people puking, crying and laughing in what seemed to be to any passerby a "dome of madness".
The person I had next to me, was extremely cool.. my purge bucket was kicked over and part of it his his blanket... He immediately said "no worries, I have been watching you for a while. Get back in there". Every few minutes being pulled out of the conversation as the staff had mopped up and cleaned the bedding.
One thing it seemed to do for everyone.. face the pain and release it.
Finally she didn't seem to have knowledge of things she had no contact with.
I love you folks.. I will post the reveals soon. I hope everyone has this type of experience with their individual groups.. the music was like a live concert with beautiful singers and at least 20 kinds of instruments played. It seemed like we were in the middle of a symphony of sound by people with multiple albums under their belt.. all of the volunteers were great musicians.
I had a time after where I told the group about my fears of this being somehow "unholy" and got a laugh.. was told about Sante Diame. One of the attendees put it like this.. "We don't see many people after this doubt there is something else out there". (They weren't Sante Diame, but had 0 idea there was a Christian/Aya religion. It would have put me more at ease.)
I have even attempted to convince myself it was all a hallucination.. none of it matters it seems that hole in my heart is gone now.
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God is the Universe itself and it is all from Love..
The way I was told to explain it...
Think about a fairy garden. Think about how sad you would be when they were sad, and how happy you would be when they were happy....
I will post these parts as I get the details together so I can try to explain the magnitude of the images and words I heard. I have never had anything "speak through me".
When I asked her, her name she told me to think about the love you felt as your mother held you and that people gave things names and she didn't need one. But I was told she took many forms and she was just a small part of that larger force. She gave me the impression she was from the Garden of Eden...
I was told if my experiments with proving that you could bring information back from the other side were documented and worked, then it would be "breaking the rules and reality". That it would not help others and would make their job way more difficult and not have the expected results that I had initially wanted.. To call God out as I believe if he is real, we need him so people quit acting like they do...
One thing that was noted was.. people get confused over there and are tricked into thinking they are God because they are a part of him... and if this happened to tell them to stop it all and end the universe when they return because they will have that choice at some point.. It would fail and they would receive a lesson from it.
It seemed like there were some contrary to my faith things as well.
When I asked about why we die, I saw myself and my wife falling in love over and over. Wasn't sure if she was trying to show me reincarnation or if it was to explain so other generations could share in the experience I had.
I also realized that out of the 100+ women I had loved throughout my life she was the only one I remember the moment I met her. I asked her when I came home and she said the same thing.
I asked about
The very specific answer I got that I needed...
"The universe loves your son more than you ever could. You don't need to worry even if things go wrong. Spend your time loving him rather than in pain over something that will happen eventually to all of us"
Doesn't matter to me if this was all just a chemical reaction, though too many old hippies there said they had miraculous experiences while there. One guy had his hand fixed by native americans and said his xray came back clear within 5 days of breaking it in 2 places. They told him he had to play music for someone important and that he should be healed. I never did ask him who he thought they were taking about.. though it was 4 years ago for him. I'd have to see it to believe it, but it made me happy others got real healing (or thought they did).
Editing in place..
I am leaving out much of what I learned about the why's as they seem to line up very well with the life I had led up until that point.
One thing I noticed is I had little complaints about myself. I "kill it" in every day life and have for years.
I told my father I was proud to be his son and I was the most successful with our last name in 10 or so generations and it was due to him and skipping on his own life so he could help provide for my mother and I.
When I asked "who is already doing it right", because I knew someone had to have the right answers I saw quite a few people and my mom.. who I think will be a nun after my father passes. She spends her life hanging out with the elderly after work and has a really good head on her shoulders about life love and religion. Plus it would have been easy for her as a young teen to get rid of me, but she kept me. Left her family to do so. Not many girls could handle that even in 2017
Things she shouldn't show me.
What happened after my own death... said I would need to die to find out but not to worry.
Things she couldn't show me.
If my wife had an affair. Straight up "I don't know", but she convinced me that my hang ups were not hers and from what I had in my head.. it seemed like I was just being paranoid. That my wife was love and I needed to stop punishing her for things I would do that she wouldn't.
If my son would live.
If she knew the shaman "no, but I like him".
What was going on in other people's experience.
How I know this was special
A friend tried to prove me wrong and is a seasoned traveler, maybe in the top 5% in the world types.. He went in to disprove the love theory and it seems like the Joker was playing his games. He saw despair and loneliness.
Then something happened were he was sad about life due to a child as well, though not as extreme as death.. he said he was told "this is on you" and as he finished his lesson he felt that Love I had described....
The shaman and the folks I later found out hung out with McKenna pulled me aside after my group "experience report" said that they hear this kind of stuff rarely, but it is reserved for people in immense pain. The shaman told me I was blessed and would be able to return to this conversation whenever I drank again.
Note.. names, locations, children which loved one was in pain.. all changed for safety of myself.
Where are the standard messages she gives..
Loud and clear captain.. She doesn't want society to stop. Said it's t he only way we can open God's present of the universe. That there are mysteries out there we can get to if we can stop playing man's self created games. We don't need to stop, but we do need to be responsible.
Told me to plant her in my gardens.
Showed me how money hurt us all, that my son may not have had his issues if people didn't pollute the earth and it all made God sad.. (like the fairy explanation).
Pollution led to cancer which led to unneeded pain.
I was also told the same thing as Terrence about mankind killing itself off (He will not reset the earth again, this time if it does reset it will be all Man's doing. She called it the 3rd reset).
But I didn't get the dread Terrence did as the rest of the story was.....after the reset people will remember their lessons and fix things. So there will be less pain and will let us fix this stuff (while not forever, for a long while). This is the second time reincarnation entered the conversation. That if we were going to be back, we'd rather be back after the reset.
Afterlife...
Again, PLEASE do not read into this too much, I believe what I saw because it was all too real to me in the jungles.
We lived this life and we were judged. But also we had a choice in part of it..
As we died, anything "anti-love" was removed from us and put into a void. If we held onto those feelings we would go with it. Also if we made the world a worse place to be in, though all of this was tempered with "the life we were given".
It was like a conveyer belt where we were weighed down from this life and scrubbed off.. the dirt and rage would then be thrown into a portal that looked more like a blender than a solid place.
Then as they reached the end of the conveyor belt they flew away like fairies.
I was shown most people are not evil, but rather man stood in mans way before God, because *if* you control that. You can control every aspect of man. That most people are trying to see him using incorrect assumptions built on evil men in the past.
God was never hiding.. that in fact he created the universe out of himself. That we were living inside of him, and just to see any object was seeing God. This part made me weep for 2 days.. I felt like a fool trying to call him out and make him show himself.
I now take issue with many parts of my religion and others. I realized how inconsequential Christ was and that he would have never been a part of the story at all if God didn't feel the need to tell us how to live. Also that we concentrate too much on his death and not enough on the "love one another" parts. (Christ in my visions was the 2nd reset).
I was told people use Jesus in the wrong way. To turn people away from God and that was never the intent.
Also while we are part of God, we are not "he", nor do we understand his consciousness. However, I also had a lot of conversations on how there were miracles, but they had always been auto correcting.. Where back 300 years ago any miracles would fold back into time and be forgotten about, due to the internet we couldn't have many now because the same "forgetting" system won't work.
Again it seemed like when we die, our souls are cleaned of all the pain this world brought and that pain was put into a void so we didn't carry it along with us. It seemed like that freed us to be "a fairy" again and to join every other clean soul.
Other auto corrections were Hyperspace and plants that were meant to help wipe away some of the pain we were caused by other man.
--------- Up and remembering the details of the start of it all. 4/24
"God is Love, start from there and you will understand all".
I was in the place that I would think of as hyperspace, but It was like we were in a soft loving warm radiating force it was more of a presence surrounding me and I radiated pink to warm red.
I saw a far away darkness and in the darkness I saw a keyhole of light (thought it was a bowling pin at first). Then the bottom opened like an umbrella or jellyfish.
Then I saw in the opening of the umbrella, the Universe and millions of galaxies. That we were inside of God at this moment. That Kinosis was real.
It went onto explain what happened when we tried to break reality. Take away faith and bring back too much information from the other side.
That there were self correcting systems. If we broke something too bad the universe could reset it all and start again and change what the problem was this time around. That other smaller fixes could be applied though preferable unnoticed.. Almost like the matrix, but instead of "programs" it was the angels or spirits who had to do all the repairing unless it was too big for them and he only had "so much time".
Hyperspace was by her words "A place to not take seriously, a place to waste time until you die." I asked again about it the second night, and was told I could play if I kept that phrase in mind while playing. More like a "really?.. ok then". One phrase from watts that makes me pause is "Once you have heard the message you can hang up the phone".
I was told (from someone else) that I could call on her to help me in Hyperspace anytime.
Society had to continue forward to get out into the universe and it was going to be a lot of fun for us here. That my understanding that there were autocorrecting systems.
The more God could fix without actually having to do was good. Hence Caapi made it out of the garden of Eden along with other plants that were left here specifically for divine experiences.
"Plant me" was the way to help. I thought it would want me to bring awareness (tell others), and later it explained many don't need this and it would just cause them to stop functioning, like I did. To let people come to her if they started that quest on their own.
The only downside is, I had a lot of understanding of who I was and what my "mission" was on the other side. That points to no ego death.
