Don't underestimate your higher self. One thing everyone seems to get with a real ceremony is closure.

I have been looking at the psychology and the "parts of the brain affected", it helps repair some of the pathways to keep you from going into that pain daily.

I love you man, so does the universe (though that is my take).

Don't hold yourself back from peace, but also don't force yourself.  The middle way: Eat when hungry, sleep when tired.  You will know when you are ready to let that go, and I believe the plant teachers are there to help with that.

~I met a Shaman.