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Experienced with psychedelics, but having trouble integrating DMT experience

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fnord79

Rising Star
Hello,

I first used psychedelics when someone gave me a heroic dose of mushrooms at Burning Man several years ago. The experience was incredible. I experienced probably what was ego death, but it wasn't abrupt, it was more like ego dissolving. I flowed out into the universe across space and time and became one with everything.

Fast forward a bit later, I started using 4-aco-dmt and lsd to work out some personal issues around trauma, depression and social anxiety. These worked out quite well for me, other than dredging up some regrets that took a while to integrate.

I have always been curious about DMT and thought maybe it would help me on my healing journey. I finally got my hands on some and about 5 weeks ago tried it (vape ROA). I did a trial hit first and it was rather abrupt like being thrown forward rapidly. Some visuals which faded quickly. I waited about an hour and did about 5 or 6 hits, I don't quite recall. Everything turned into a shimmering matrix world. It was complete bliss. I didn't hit ego death, but after it faded I laid on my bed saying "OH MY FUCKING GOD" for about a half an hour. I simply don't have the vocabulary to express what I saw and how I felt.

Problem is shortly after this I developed extreme general anxiety and what I can only describe as psychic pain. I ruminate constantly about everything, feel terrible and feel like I'm losing my mind with anxiety. I wake up at 3am wide awake. I'm losing weight and feel drained of all energy. All this started after vaping DMT.

It's been 5 weeks now and I've been hoping this "anti-glow" would have gone away by now, but it is still with me. I don't know quite what to do. Has anyone else experienced this? I'm trying to figure out what went wrong and will it go away or can it be treated. I find this a bit heartbreaking because I was in great spirits before this and my life was going pretty well.

Thank you for taking the time to read my post.
 
Although many people believe that psychedelics have antidepressant properties, i think that psychedelics CAN actually exacerbate depressive and/or anxiety dissorders.

Especially when there already is a lot going on in your life, whether good or bad, DMT could add to the weight that you're carrying. It, after all, IS a very intense experience.

It's like with physical exercise. For most people it is good and healthy. But running a marathon when you're only just released from hospital....not a good idea.

I cannot tell you what exactly is wrong with you. It does sound a lot like something in the direction of depressive or anxiety disorders. But only a psychologist or psychiatrist can officially diagnose you. It is up to you to decide whether what you have is serious enough to go see a shrink or not.

If not, then things like st johnsworth or rhodiola do help against mild depressions and anxiety (only when taken in the morning, because otherwise they will keep you awake and mess with your sleep). Being physically active outside does also help a lot, and lack of it will actually make you more depressive and anxious. And keep in touch with your family and friends.
 
Why do you feel this is psychic pain? Did any core issues come up during your DMT trip? Perhaps you received some disturbing information that is challenging you after the experience?

I have found that sometimes I would enter into a sort of cognitive dissonance after my first few DMT trips. It was like it challenged everything I thought about the world. Some of me felt like I wish I had never seen what I had seen. It felt uncomfortable. I feel it is no coincidence that shortly after I began trying DMT I started daily meditation. This helped me tremendously!

Given enough time I found ways to integrate all of my experiences and mustered up the courage to try DMT again. I found it easier and easier with a few steps back here and there. Using DMT as a tool of healing requires a strong mental foundation. It helps to create ceremony and entered into these experiences looking for information. Asking for healing and being open to exploring your pain and darkness.

Psychedelics in general can bring to the surface some deep underlying core problems that have never been healed. This issues can lay dormant and forgotten and are brought to light. If not prepared for these core issues to be confronted, then they can be overwhelming and confusing. Bringing about emotions that don't quite fit with how we usually feel. Something in the background causing perpetual discontent. It can suck.

Watch this in yourself if it is not entirely to much to bear. Give yourself permission to cry or rage safely. Punch a pillow. Express your emotions and let them out safely. Just be gentle to yourself if you do this. Healing requires a love for the self. Watching the pain from the outside is very helpful. You can watch yourself go through the motions and support yourself during this process.

You have to be the one that heals yourself. No one else can do this for you. Shrinks can help for sure and if you feel you need that kind of support, please seek it out. They can help in that they can show you how your thinking is creating your stress. Thinking creates emotions and if your thinking is ruminating, then it is a repetitive worried monkey mind that causing the problems. Watch and heal the monkey. You are much more than this pain you are experiencing now.

Man.. I don't know if this sort of information will help you or not. Sounds like it is very personal. This is just some personal things I have gone through. I hope you can find yourself back to baseline soon. Try and chill out, relax and do your best to have a laugh everyday. Time is very good at healing things. Give it some time and I think you will find some peace after all this. You may even come out the other side feeling better than ever before.

Namaste!
 
dragonrider said:
Although many people believe that psychedelics have antidepressant properties, i think that psychedelics CAN actually exacerbate depressive and/or anxiety dissorders.

Especially when there already is a lot going on in your life, whether good or bad, DMT could add to the weight that you're carrying. It, after all, IS a very intense experience.

It's like with physical exercise. For most people it is good and healthy. But running a marathon when you're only just released from hospital....not a good idea.

I cannot tell you what exactly is wrong with you. It does sound a lot like something in the direction of depressive or anxiety disorders. But only a psychologist or psychiatrist can officially diagnose you. It is up to you to decide whether what you have is serious enough to go see a shrink or not.

If not, then things like st johnsworth or rhodiola do help against mild depressions and anxiety (only when taken in the morning, because otherwise they will keep you awake and mess with your sleep). Being physically active outside does also help a lot, and lack of it will actually make you more depressive and anxious. And keep in touch with your family and friends.
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Yes, exercising is helping and reaching out to my family is helping, too. Thank you for your reply.
 
DmnStr8 said:
Why do you feel this is psychic pain? Did any core issues come up during your DMT trip? Perhaps you received some disturbing information that is challenging you after the experience?

I have found that sometimes I would enter into a sort of cognitive dissonance after my first few DMT trips. It was like it challenged everything I thought about the world. Some of me felt like I wish I had never seen what I had seen. It felt uncomfortable. I feel it is no coincidence that shortly after I began trying DMT I started daily meditation. This helped me tremendously!

Given enough time I found ways to integrate all of my experiences and mustered up the courage to try DMT again. I found it easier and easier with a few steps back here and there. Using DMT as a tool of healing requires a strong mental foundation. It helps to create ceremony and entered into these experiences looking for information. Asking for healing and being open to exploring your pain and darkness.

Psychedelics in general can bring to the surface some deep underlying core problems that have never been healed. This issues can lay dormant and forgotten and are brought to light. If not prepared for these core issues to be confronted, then they can be overwhelming and confusing. Bringing about emotions that don't quite fit with how we usually feel. Something in the background causing perpetual discontent. It can suck.

Watch this in yourself if it is not entirely to much to bear. Give yourself permission to cry or rage safely. Punch a pillow. Express your emotions and let them out safely. Just be gentle to yourself if you do this. Healing requires a love for the self. Watching the pain from the outside is very helpful. You can watch yourself go through the motions and support yourself during this process.

You have to be the one that heals yourself. No one else can do this for you. Shrinks can help for sure and if you feel you need that kind of support, please seek it out. They can help in that they can show you how your thinking is creating your stress. Thinking creates emotions and if your thinking is ruminating, then it is a repetitive worried monkey mind that causing the problems. Watch and heal the monkey. You are much more than this pain you are experiencing now.

Man.. I don't know if this sort of information will help you or not. Sounds like it is very personal. This is just some personal things I have gone through. I hope you can find yourself back to baseline soon. Try and chill out, relax and do your best to have a laugh everyday. Time is very good at healing things. Give it some time and I think you will find some peace after all this. You may even come out the other side feeling better than ever before.

Namaste!
Click to expand...

Thank you for your kind reply. yeah, it is like cognitive dissonance. I'm older, about 55. I'm being hit with all these regrets, like not having a family, not settling down, and all these other things that doors are closing for me that I should have done when I was younger. It's a brutal lesson, about 10-15 years too late. Doesn't help that I probably have an underlying anxiety disorder anyway. I do hope this resolves with time.
 
Hi,
you're certainly going through a difficult time. I hope that things will get better soon. Two things I'd like to say:

1) Like it has been said, I certainly cannot tell you what exactly are the reasons and how to resolve it best. I second the advice to seek professional advice, some psychologists have experiences with psychedelics. But I think you should try and find someone who appreciates the potential and doesn't only frame it as "substance abuse". I had one of these. After a very difficult experience, I sought out a therapist. When we spoke about my life, I told him that I had this intense mushroom experience which fundamentally changed me and allowed me to become a much more contempt person. I expected him to scold me for it, but he just said, yes, this happens quite often.

2) I also experienced something that might be similar to your situation. I had a great experience a few years ago. the trip was very happy and, while not too focused on visions, still an intense experience.
But: after I had landed, the next day, a crippling wave of worry and anxiety hit me like a train. It was about things that were threatening me at this point, and a lot of regrets about missed opportunities and things I should have done otherwise. I'm sure that all of this had been boiling in my subconscious for a long time, but the trip brought it all out... but it surfaced only after the journey itself!
The fact that this happened rather suddenly made this very difficult. At first, the feeling was crushing. But I realized that this had been there all along, and now I had the chance to tackle it more directly than ever before. I managed to do it on my own. I had learned mindfulness meditation a while ago, which helped a lot to keep the anxiety under control. It doesn't take it away, (neither should it!) but it makes it manageable - I'm not stunned by the emotions anymore, I an work with them. This takes time - weeks, months. Your experience might be so intense that you'd need other tactics, or professional help.
Also, meditation is a lot like psychedelics in that it can also bring out things - in your situation, it would be best to find an experienced teacher. On the long run, meditation will help a lot, but on the short run, it sometimes makes things more intense. So it's better not to start with it on your own if that is possible.

You'll get this worked out, I'm sure of it! I was shell-shocked at first, but I learned so much in that struggle. I'm confident that you will, too. You know - the regret is a side effect of fully becoming conscious of this. It is a brutally painful stage to get worked through, but this is the path of really handling these issues. After it, you'll be free of it.
 
fnord79 said:
yeah, it is like cognitive dissonance. I'm older, about 55. I'm being hit with all these regrets, like not having a family, not settling down, and all these other things that doors are closing for me that I should have done when I was younger. It's a brutal lesson, about 10-15 years too late. Doesn't help that I probably have an underlying anxiety disorder anyway. I do hope this resolves with time.
Click to expand...

There are no guarantees in life and not starting a family for instance doesn't take anything away from who you are, nor does having one add something to you. You could have started a family and then suffered a bereavement for instance, got divorced, kids don't talk or respect you, or it could be average or whatever.. the point is it doesn't define who you are regardless of what happens. If it didn't happen maybe you weren't ready for it - rushing to create children when you're not stable only creates more suffering anyway.

Psychedelics or meditation can open the floodgates to all this content in our minds that we haven't worked through. It is for the best though. Better now than in some hospital room in your final hours when you no longer have the option to act anymore.

I would suggest laying off the psychedelics, no need to stir yourself up more. Work through what has been presented to you and keep yourself balanced physically (diet, sleep, exercise).
 
A year and change later I'm still suffering because of my single DMT experience.

It's like every morning, every regret I have ever had in my life comes flooding back, fresh like it happened yesterday. It's not fading or getting better as time goes on.

I've been treated by a psychiatrist and nothing really seems to help. I really don't know what to do.
 
I really feel for you having read through this post.

My interpretation of reading your experience is that you've created a psychological trauma or uncovered a subconscious one. In either which way, others wiser than I may disagree, but I'd expect this feeling of regret needs to be addressed and to be worked through to overcome the suffering you're experiencing.

What else have you tried other than seeing a psychiatrist to deal with your pain ?
 
It may take a few tries, but if you find the right psychotherapist you should be able to go through this. Maybe a gestalt therapist, Ericksonian hypnotherapist, Somatic Experiencing practitioner or EMDR-therapist may be of more help than a psychiatrist.
 
Hi,
fnord79 said:
...Fast forward a bit later, I started using 4-aco-dmt and lsd to work out some personal issues around trauma, depression and social anxiety. These worked out quite well for me, other than dredging up some regrets that took a while to integrate...
Click to expand...
This was before the dmt sessions, and here are already indications of a necessary time for integration. Have you been your own therapist trying out different things, or was there support or guidance in your trials? Chances are that you will be prompted to seek for professional help.
 
fnord79 said:
It's like every morning, every regret I have ever had in my life comes flooding back, fresh like it happened yesterday. It's not fading or getting better as time goes on.
Click to expand...

Not sure if this will help, but a bit of my perspective perhaps you've tried or it might be worth a try. There are meditation tools, bodyworks like energy healing or somatic therapies where you can release the energy through physical movements etc. Or were these regrets something you still resisting and holding on to when they're presenting to be released? Hope you get through this phase soon.
 
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