September 2012
300mg Syrian Rue extract
50mg dmt taken orally
Setting: quiet coastline, on a sunny day in the afternoon.
HELLO!!! In September, I got dumped by a girl that I love. I felt horrible about because she is the only woman I have ever loved, and I had feelings like I would never love anyone again. I felt like my love life was all over forever. Ayahuasca helps me deal with feelings, so I went to the beach and took ayahuasca. I was walking along the shore, looking out in to the water, and felt like I dissolved in to the abyss. I reached a state of utter loneliness and depression. I told myself, "I am alone. I have always been alone, and I will always be alone". The pain I was feeling became so great that I felt like I was dying.
The ayahuasca started having such a strong effect that I was having trouble walking, or keeping a straight face. I was crying as I was stumbling along the beach, and trying hard to appear normal, but it was impossible. I became worried that if someone on the beach, or in a beach side cabin saw me, they’d think I was insane or something. And pretty much, at the time, I was totally despondent. So, I had to get out sight. I decided to walk fast up a sand dune, and in to a secluded forested area that is totally out of sight from anyone on the beach. I go there often to be alone. Never seen anyone else there.
This was the loneliest moment of my life, and when I got to the top of the dune to the spot where I wanted to rest…… to my surprise, I did not find emptiness there, but I was suddenly within 8 feet of a naked woman who was using this secluded nature spot to masterbate. All of a sudden, just like that. One moment I am lonely as hell for a woman and the next second, I was right in front of a naked chick in a sex act.
I was shocked, but since I was high as fuck, I didn’t show much of a reaction. She covered her face, laughed and said, “oh, you caught me”. I didn’t know what to do, and I was so high I didn’t even know what to say. I just looked at her and smiled and said, “sorry”. Then I hesitated, wanting to do more, I wanted to join her, fuck her, talk to her, something. But being so high I was overwhelmed, so I turned around and walked away, to which she replied….. “awwwww”.
I found another place nearby to lie down. I was so overwhelmed by the pharma and the surprise that just happened, that I sprawled out in the sand like I got shot, and convulsed there for a while, as pharma, loneliness, and sexual hormones all raged through my body. As I was down, I was thinking, “This can’t be coincidence. I HAVE to go back to her and try again. She must want me to go back. The way she said, “awwwww”. Somehow I know that she was intrigued by being caught by me, and disappointed that I just walked away. But I can’t, I thought. I’m so high, and I already walked away.”
I decided that I must try. So, I walked back over to her area, where I found her humping a tree and fingering herself. I felt weird, which probably made her feel weird, and I said, “hi…… do you want to be alone?”. She was like, “yeah…..”. So I was like, “ok”, and I turned around and walked away, to which she again replied, “awwwww…”
I walked away and I was furious. I thought, “it’s NOT over!!! It seems like it’s over, but it’s not over. She wants me, I just didn’t make her feel comfortable”. So, I decided that I was just going to let her finish herself off, and then when she gets dressed and comes back out in to the open, I’ll talk to her then. I sat and allowed the pharma to make the beach something of divine beauty, and waited for this woman to finish masturbating so I could somehow talk to her while being blitzed on pharma. I didn’t know how I’m going to do it without seeming creepy, because I’m a random high guy in the woods, and I already approached twice and walked away, but I don’t care, this isn’t over, I thought.
So, after 15 minutes or so, she came out with her bathing suit on and sat down where I could see her. So I decided I was going to go over, I pointed at her, and walked through the dunes to meet. I sat down far away from her, so as to not be over aggressive. I said, “I wanted to ask you something…. what were you doing?” She said, “I was just playing”. So I said, “wouldn’t you rather have someone to play with?”. She said something like she’s still getting over a divorce and isn’t ready to be with someone.
I said, “I’m sorry I startled you. I would have talked to you earlier, but I’m very high, so it’s hard for me to act normal, and I didn’t want to scare you.” She was like, “it’s ok. Yeah I can tell you’re high”. We talked about nothing for a few minutes, until I asked again, “but wouldn’t you rather be with someone here instead of being alone?” She was like, “maybe”. Then, I made my move, inched closer, and said, “I’m not asking to be with you, but would you mind if I got….. just a little closer?” and as I said that, I sat right beside her so we were touching.
I asked her what she does. Something retarded. I asked, “aren’t you going to ask what I do?” she asked, and I said, “I give massages”, and I put my hands on her shoulders, and started rubbing, and then I got right behind her, so I was basically embracing her from behind. We chatted as I rubbed, and ever so gracefully, my touch became more and more exploratory, and my head came closer to hers, until I could kiss her neck.
The pharma made me very sensitive to her emotions. I could feel her, and I'm assuming she could feel me. It was like everything she felt would give me beautiful visions inside my head, and I reflected those feelings back to her, which she seemed to enjoy. I said, “did you enjoy your massage? You didn’t even have to pay for it, or give me anything”. She said, “I’ll make it up to you next time”, and then I said, “you can make it up to me right… now” and as I said that I turned her head toward mine and went in for a kiss on the lips, which she accepted and wanted more. We made out for a bit, it got more intense, the clothes started coming off, and then we're rolling in the sand and fingering each other and what not.
After a while we were done playing, she said she had to go meet her girlfriend for something. We got dressed and hugged and talked some more for a bit. Then something really unusual happened. I felt a very authentic connection with her. She got this really sincere look on her face, looked deep in to my eyes and said, “you deserve something good in your life. You’ve been waiting for something good to come in to your life and turn things around. I can tell It will happen. You deserve it.” I was shocked. It was like we could both feel the same things. When she told me this, I had the craziest sense that it was not this woman that was talking to me, but the universe itself was literally giving me this message, and it was coming through in the form of this woman. It was freaky, and awesome. I didn’t know what to say, so I just looked at her, smiled, and said, “ok, thanks”.
She left, and I laid back down in the sand to resume my psychedelic high, feeling much better than before I met her. It was very nice to feel relaxed, instead of lonely as hell and despondent. So anyway, the moral of the story is..... sometimes unexpected, cool shit happens.
300mg Syrian Rue extract
50mg dmt taken orally
Setting: quiet coastline, on a sunny day in the afternoon.
HELLO!!! In September, I got dumped by a girl that I love. I felt horrible about because she is the only woman I have ever loved, and I had feelings like I would never love anyone again. I felt like my love life was all over forever. Ayahuasca helps me deal with feelings, so I went to the beach and took ayahuasca. I was walking along the shore, looking out in to the water, and felt like I dissolved in to the abyss. I reached a state of utter loneliness and depression. I told myself, "I am alone. I have always been alone, and I will always be alone". The pain I was feeling became so great that I felt like I was dying.
The ayahuasca started having such a strong effect that I was having trouble walking, or keeping a straight face. I was crying as I was stumbling along the beach, and trying hard to appear normal, but it was impossible. I became worried that if someone on the beach, or in a beach side cabin saw me, they’d think I was insane or something. And pretty much, at the time, I was totally despondent. So, I had to get out sight. I decided to walk fast up a sand dune, and in to a secluded forested area that is totally out of sight from anyone on the beach. I go there often to be alone. Never seen anyone else there.
This was the loneliest moment of my life, and when I got to the top of the dune to the spot where I wanted to rest…… to my surprise, I did not find emptiness there, but I was suddenly within 8 feet of a naked woman who was using this secluded nature spot to masterbate. All of a sudden, just like that. One moment I am lonely as hell for a woman and the next second, I was right in front of a naked chick in a sex act.
I was shocked, but since I was high as fuck, I didn’t show much of a reaction. She covered her face, laughed and said, “oh, you caught me”. I didn’t know what to do, and I was so high I didn’t even know what to say. I just looked at her and smiled and said, “sorry”. Then I hesitated, wanting to do more, I wanted to join her, fuck her, talk to her, something. But being so high I was overwhelmed, so I turned around and walked away, to which she replied….. “awwwww”.
I found another place nearby to lie down. I was so overwhelmed by the pharma and the surprise that just happened, that I sprawled out in the sand like I got shot, and convulsed there for a while, as pharma, loneliness, and sexual hormones all raged through my body. As I was down, I was thinking, “This can’t be coincidence. I HAVE to go back to her and try again. She must want me to go back. The way she said, “awwwww”. Somehow I know that she was intrigued by being caught by me, and disappointed that I just walked away. But I can’t, I thought. I’m so high, and I already walked away.”
I decided that I must try. So, I walked back over to her area, where I found her humping a tree and fingering herself. I felt weird, which probably made her feel weird, and I said, “hi…… do you want to be alone?”. She was like, “yeah…..”. So I was like, “ok”, and I turned around and walked away, to which she again replied, “awwwww…”
I walked away and I was furious. I thought, “it’s NOT over!!! It seems like it’s over, but it’s not over. She wants me, I just didn’t make her feel comfortable”. So, I decided that I was just going to let her finish herself off, and then when she gets dressed and comes back out in to the open, I’ll talk to her then. I sat and allowed the pharma to make the beach something of divine beauty, and waited for this woman to finish masturbating so I could somehow talk to her while being blitzed on pharma. I didn’t know how I’m going to do it without seeming creepy, because I’m a random high guy in the woods, and I already approached twice and walked away, but I don’t care, this isn’t over, I thought.
So, after 15 minutes or so, she came out with her bathing suit on and sat down where I could see her. So I decided I was going to go over, I pointed at her, and walked through the dunes to meet. I sat down far away from her, so as to not be over aggressive. I said, “I wanted to ask you something…. what were you doing?” She said, “I was just playing”. So I said, “wouldn’t you rather have someone to play with?”. She said something like she’s still getting over a divorce and isn’t ready to be with someone.
I said, “I’m sorry I startled you. I would have talked to you earlier, but I’m very high, so it’s hard for me to act normal, and I didn’t want to scare you.” She was like, “it’s ok. Yeah I can tell you’re high”. We talked about nothing for a few minutes, until I asked again, “but wouldn’t you rather be with someone here instead of being alone?” She was like, “maybe”. Then, I made my move, inched closer, and said, “I’m not asking to be with you, but would you mind if I got….. just a little closer?” and as I said that, I sat right beside her so we were touching.
I asked her what she does. Something retarded. I asked, “aren’t you going to ask what I do?” she asked, and I said, “I give massages”, and I put my hands on her shoulders, and started rubbing, and then I got right behind her, so I was basically embracing her from behind. We chatted as I rubbed, and ever so gracefully, my touch became more and more exploratory, and my head came closer to hers, until I could kiss her neck.
The pharma made me very sensitive to her emotions. I could feel her, and I'm assuming she could feel me. It was like everything she felt would give me beautiful visions inside my head, and I reflected those feelings back to her, which she seemed to enjoy. I said, “did you enjoy your massage? You didn’t even have to pay for it, or give me anything”. She said, “I’ll make it up to you next time”, and then I said, “you can make it up to me right… now” and as I said that I turned her head toward mine and went in for a kiss on the lips, which she accepted and wanted more. We made out for a bit, it got more intense, the clothes started coming off, and then we're rolling in the sand and fingering each other and what not.
After a while we were done playing, she said she had to go meet her girlfriend for something. We got dressed and hugged and talked some more for a bit. Then something really unusual happened. I felt a very authentic connection with her. She got this really sincere look on her face, looked deep in to my eyes and said, “you deserve something good in your life. You’ve been waiting for something good to come in to your life and turn things around. I can tell It will happen. You deserve it.” I was shocked. It was like we could both feel the same things. When she told me this, I had the craziest sense that it was not this woman that was talking to me, but the universe itself was literally giving me this message, and it was coming through in the form of this woman. It was freaky, and awesome. I didn’t know what to say, so I just looked at her, smiled, and said, “ok, thanks”.
She left, and I laid back down in the sand to resume my psychedelic high, feeling much better than before I met her. It was very nice to feel relaxed, instead of lonely as hell and despondent. So anyway, the moral of the story is..... sometimes unexpected, cool shit happens.
Cant blame you for trying, seems it worked out perfectly 
