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Feeling like I've lived this life multiple times...

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wiglo

wiglo

Rising Star
Here's something I've felt for as long as I can remember, and my memory is quite extensive. I was wondering if any of you have felt the same or similar, or heard of anything about this concept. I've done my research, asked therapists, etc. and was only able to find some semblance in a book I read a few months ago by Jane Roberts.

I've felt as though my entire life, to a certain point, was one consecutive nostalgic moment. Growing up, I felt the eras I existed in. The 70s, the 80s and the better part of the 90s. I felt as though I was reliving the moments. Each one was cherished all over again, even the things I considered bad.

I had a very early traumatic childhood experience that was a direct result of months of abuse from a non-family member at the age of 4. Therapists postulated that I had created a wonderful life experience in order to protect my psyche from the severe trauma. But I remember feeling nostalgic about my reality even before that happened, or maybe I think I do?

It's a very difficult thing to explain, but imagine every waking moment, you feel absolutely alive, that everything, although fresh and new is absolutely familiar, to the point where I've had somewhat prophetic dreams of the silliest things. I remember having a vivid dream in 3rd grade, where a classmate had broken a pen and had gotten blue ink all over his face. Sure enough, that event happened that same morning.

Now when I had turned 18 years of age, I had a moment where almost died. I was in the hospital. I was being admitted into the emergency room and remember thinking "Ok, I guess this is it." It could have very well been, but not this time. As they were wheeling me through the ER, the lights went bright and I felt absolutely OK. I was still ill and suffering, but there was a feeling that it would pass this time.

I managed to stay conscious and my health immediately stabilized. I knew I'd make it out of there. Although it took me years to recover physically, I had no doubt I was about to leave my body, but this time, I changed it. Shortly after, the nostalgia left me. The world was new and different. I missed "knowing" what would happen next because all of a sudden, everything for the most part ceased being as familiar as reading an old book.

Yes, that analogy works best. My entire life up to 18 years of age was like reading an old, dear and familiar book, but I hadn't gotten past chapter 18 until now. After that, well.. it was brave new world for me, and still is for the most part. There are moments where I sort of know what's coming next and it's happening with greater frequency, but it's not necessarily the same as "feeling" the era I am in right now.

I post this here because I'd love to hear your thoughts on the matter. I have come to respect the opinions presented in the Nexus and I thought of no better place I could throw this out there.

If you have the time or are interested, here's a little more about me:

Intro:

Ayahuasca:

DMT:

Thanks in advance for taking the time to read :)
 
i feel certainly like that sometimes , however i credit it all to my strong almost photographic imagination
 
Thanks for the reply Jin,

I, too have an almost photographic imagination. Even more so easily after my first ever DMT intake, I have always been able to keep images in my mind with enough concentrations. In this example, let's say a relatively complex object... a 1968 Chevy Camaro SS. I can imagine it in my mind and manipulate the point of view and not lose any focus on other parts. Nothing really gets hazy. I can see in utter detail as in waking reality. I can perform fly throughs, etc. My mind has always worked this way. I've made use of this ability in my art.

Interesting correlation!
 
Wiglo, your post really resonated with me as this is something I have thought of since childhood, more so, since starting the use of psychedelics around HS age.

This is one of the ideas that visits me in almost every trip I have taken. Whether it be LSD, mushrooms, salvia, or DMT.

I do not "believe" anything from my trips as truth unless it is self-evident but I have entertained and thought out this idea more and more as time goes on.

I have had a similar idea as you that my life was leading up to a sort of breaking point with conditioned life and that I was reliving the first part of my life again and again as a sort of test for me to breakthrough to the "brave new world" as you called it.

Near the end of college I got deeply involved with Heroin and Ketamine. I ended up kicking the habits (with help from the Spice) but often I wonder if I will live this life infinite number of times and that many of my "lives" ended with me ODing, dying, or becoming a machinelike addict. I wonder if from some kind of personal volition I have made it past the "event horizon" of the usual end of my life and am now free floating in a "new" experience. Much like you said occurred with your illness at age 18.

The idea that we live this life in this body an infinite number of times until we learn something or are "enlightened" perhaps rings of truth the more I think about it and relate it to religious thinking and texts.

During ordeals in my life, addictions, bad trips, relationship problems. I often feel like there is some part of me that has already been through this trial and gives me strength to get through it.

This has brought me to thoughts about "higher-selves" being our self that has access to the experience from the infinite amount of lives we have gone through and so, knows ourself better than any one life's ego can.

Awesome that someone brought this up really excited to see what else you and others have to say.

I thought this article was really interesting pertaining to this and found it just a day ago. Synchronicity....

We Die to Remember what We Live to Forget
 
Thanks for replying No Knowing!

Wow I think you get it! The feeling that life up to a certain point is just one consecutive deja vu after another has been with me for as long as I can remember and then one day it ceased. It was as if at that moment, I decidedly changed the course of my previous reality and the probabilities of a new existence spiraled into endless possibilities.

After much reading, self discovery and even my experiences with DMT and ayahuasca, I have come up with a few thoughts and ideas of the matter.

What's Reincarnation?
Is it multiple reincarnations of the same life or reliving the life that needed more attention or both? I am not sure but let's talk about the possibilities. The concept of reincarnation in many cultures is the inhabitance of a soul in the physical realm. My reason for this occurrence is to take advantage of existing as an observer within the universe in as many variations to further the understanding of not only the infinite selves and soul, but of the existence of all.

What's enlightenment?
So why reincarnate at all? Well, I guess for the universe to exist there needs to exist an observer of said universe and vice versa. Imagine the observer is the universe itself and what better way to observe itself than to split itself into infinite conscious entities that observe and interact in multiple dimensions, all at once? If this would be the case, then enlightenment would mean that as an observer interacting in the universe, consciousness is to grow with greater understanding of existence itself, to create and experience it. And it's all for that one amazing feeling. LOVE. That universal all powerful love I have felt and know exists.

So what about all those times?
I've been given the idea by DMT and Ayahuasca that time does not exist as we perceive it. As conscious beings, we create time to experience physical reality. The best way to put it is that we create the possibilities and play them out in succession in order suit our needs for growth, perhaps at a conscious operating level that is hidden by us for us. When faced with decisions, we can make infinite choices, at which point they each play themselves out and branch out infinitely. The reality you are in right now and are conscious of is the culmination of successive decisions branching out to the point where you are right now while all the others exist simultaneously and infinitely. Mind blowing. This guys explains non-existence of time and all realities well:

www.popsci.com

"There Is No Such Thing As Time"

Astrophysicist Adam Frank's new book mixes cosmology with humanity. How does our understanding of the universe and cosmic time inform our daily lives? Especially if time is an illusion?
www.popsci.com www.popsci.com


So what does it mean for this life I've lived over and over again?
Perhaps we've transcended. Perhaps we were fond of this life, the emotions felt, the lessons learned... and relived it to the point where we ended, a nostalgic ride in physical reality. Maybe we'd revisit it a few times and then decide at some point that we'd make different decisions and start completely different realities that are just as valid as all the other infinite possibility of realities.

But these are just my ideas and open for discussion, debate and point of views. This is the best I can come up with after years of trying to figure out why I felt the way I did and why it was so difficult to no only explain, but to find someone who felt similarly. Until just now, I had not met anyone who resonates with what I've explained. Today I've met two, regardless of their explanations of "why?"

Thanks for the link and the reply!
 
No Knowing said:
During ordeals in my life, addictions, bad trips, relationship problems. I often feel like there is some part of me that has already been through this trial and gives me strength to get through it.

This has brought me to thoughts about "higher-selves" being our self that has access to the experience from the infinite amount of lives we have gone through and so, knows ourself better than any one life's ego can.

Awesome that someone brought this up really excited to see what else you and others have to say.

I thought this article was really interesting pertaining to this and found it just a day ago. Synchronicity....

We Die to Remember what We Live to Forget
Click to expand...

BTW No Knowing,

I'm very happy that you made it past your event horizon. Live you life as you see fit. Now that you've entered the new space, try and make choices that are beneficial to you as a whole. I know I've tried, not always successfully, but that's how we learn. We feel, we learn :) And what a link you sent out. Synchronicity at it's very best!

So what now for you? For me? I live!
 
I only most concur that this is an extremely common trip theme for me as well. Though it has led me to act out before, as I almost saw it as a sort of "curse". I still don't quite understand it, though I'm more at peace with this. Sometimes I like to entertain the thought that if this life is recurring that maybe it's self-willed. Like a video-game addict who HAS to replay until they get the "perfect run" of a level or something. Though this has made me wonder, if one can really change the courses each run through, or this life as this particular entity is destined to repeat exactly as is, and that the challenge is overcoming one's ego enough to be satisfied with how this life went before moving on to another form of life after this one has ended. Hope this doesn't confuse you further, these are just speculations I have made into my own experiences, though I certainly do not regard them as TRUE in any sense, just helpful in rationalizing intangible experiences.
 
Wow.... Just wow I cannot believe this post and how much it coincides with my recent thoughts and experiences..
Seriously I just wish I was able to articulate these things as you guys are able but right as I begin to come up with a way to describe one thing I realize another has to described first which continues untill I accept that it's impossible for me to convey exactly what I want to say...

But my latest experience consisted of me taking a MASSIVE hit whilst already tripping on 4-aco-dpt..
I had the song breathe me by sia on repeat and everytime the song would restart she would say " hemp, I have done it again, I have been here many times before"
Lol yeah talk about a loop..

When that occurred I would be shown hundreds of my past lives in which they had all used cannabis just how i do and were basically identical lives lived by my same subjective awareness just through different physical bodies.
I was shown I've been looping through these lives never reaching the true enlightenment needed to break out of this cycle of being born into the earthly dimension.. At a different point I was not only shown my past lives but hundreds of thousands of ancestors made of light full of love and compassion for me basically without words letting me know how much they love me and sympathize for what I'm doing by going through this life with all it's dillusions to reach the higher enlightenment and return home to them even if I didn't know it..

Ok on to the next thing I wanted to mention...
I had always had feelings of nostalgia that were linked to a certain time period and I would be living and feeling it simultaneously. I don't feel like getting into this part much as like I mentioned before these things are just so difficult for me to talk about and describe.. But I've had at least four experiences where I felt like at another time lifetime I did die from an event that took place that nearly killed me, the most recent was a terrible car accident where if you saw this car you would bet anything no one came out alive..and I somehow did unharmed.

So much info and so many questions brought on by this molecule..
I'm so glad this forum exist, even though this stuff is far beyond my ability to write about you guys do a really awsome jobs and I love reading what everyone has to say😄🍄
 
vardlokkur said:
Hope this doesn't confuse you further, these are just speculations I have made into my own experiences, though I certainly do not regard them as TRUE in any sense, just helpful in rationalizing intangible experiences.
Click to expand...

vardlokkur! Thanks for the reply. The above quote is exactly why I love this forum. You share your opinions and do not pass them off as the only truth there is :)

Your assessment brings up even more questions. I would love to truly believe that I am not perpetually stuck in this life, infinitely. Don't get me wrong, I love this life, it's quite magical... but I'd like to believe there is more than this "me" I associate with. I don't like the idea that I have no control over whether or not I live this life over and over again infinitely, with small changes here and there. Forced reincarnation, if you will... is not something I'd like to believe is true! But if I decided, my greater self... that I needed to revisit this life for whatever reason I deemed, then I would prefer that. I know this sounds sophomoric, but I hope I do exist with absolute free will to experience all existence in my own terms.

Thank you so much for your reply, it resonates with me!
 
space face said:
Wow.... Just wow I cannot believe this post and how much it coincides with my recent thoughts and experiences..
Click to expand...

Space Face! I am very glad this resonates with you, how it coincides. The reason we are here is to find like-minded people who can enrich our existences while we try our best to enrich theirs.

Very interesting about your past lives being shown to you in that manner, with a common symbol. Sometimes symbols are multifaceted. If you have a moment, try to dig deeper into the meaning of what you saw, symbolically that is. I can't help but feel there's more to it because I, too have had similar experiences. It took years, but I found meaning and therefore changed my life to better suit my current existence!

Imagine the idea that time does not exist. Imagine the idea that reincarnation is indeed fact. If that's the case, your previous, present and future lives all exist NOW, at this very moment. Eras are just themes within such existences. Imagine that you and every other version of you are aware of each other, most times without realizing it and that each of your teachings and learning exponentially benefit each of your selves and the sum of all your parts. This of course is just an idea, and it was given to me through my journeys... but it resonates with me.

That sounds like an incredible and terrifying accident. You're alive. Use it to your benefit and the benefit of the world around you!

Thanks again for reading and adding your insights. It's exactly what I am looking for!
 
Would it concern you if I Googled you've lived this life before? Well I did, just now before this post actually.

I get extremely strong Deja Vu. This may not be the best experience you're looking for but I was high on DXM and when I reached what had to have been 4th plateau or maybe even sigma, I was watching netflix and I knew what was about to happen before it ever happened. I had never seen these programs I was watching. I saw my whole life flash before my eyes and was convinced this was how I died. I was caught in my own personal hell, re-living a life that was so hard to change, because it's hard to change who you are, it's just who you are. I would get to that point and in life and die. It was hours of deja vu, I started downing water and still all this deja vu, I was convinced I was going to die. I even wrote a facebook post apologizing for all the wrong I had done and hoping people would forgive me. I finally cried out for help I messaged my friend on facebook and had him call the hospital and went to the emergency room.

I guess what bothers me is I felt like I gapped this huge hurdle and now I can move on and finally live the rest of my life and perhaps move on to something else in the afterlife, (heaven? reincarnation?) I'm not sure what that is. Well, I had deja vu after the whole experience. So I don't know, maybe I've lived this same life a lot of times actually. Most of the time not making it past that night, but maybe once or a few times, I did make it past. So maybe there's another time in my life where its my own stupidity that might get me killed and I have to look out for that and try to get past it. Deja Vu is extremely unnerving. Well I hope this didn't come off too crazy. It sucks not being able to tell anyone face to face about this without fear of being shipped off.
 
Hello!
I've been feeling like this for almost a year now, i looked everywhere on the internet and found next to nothing until i got here.

I was so taken aback by how much all your experiences echoe my own that i decided to make an account to be able to reply.
I just really need to be able to talk to someone who understands, and i hope someone on this thread is still active.

I've never taken the spice, although it seriously interests me, but i have plenty of experiences with synthetics, that is how this all started actually.

I was at a party a year ago where a friend was DJ, and i mixed ecstasy with lsd, soon later i had the most intense trip of my life while dancing. Suddenly i was in the state that many call Nirvana, i felt strong, happy, powerful and unstoppable, to the point that i had to stop dancing because i saw my imminent death from a heart attack by exhaustion.

I ended up going home, but from that point on, things where a little off, i remember a slight sense of deja vu whenever i tripped on lsd, until, six months later, in a party at a countryhouse with my ex girlfriend (on lsd too) it all suddenly clicked, i was sure i was there before, i even saw scenes that led to my own death or despair and was able to work around them. There were many of them.

From that point on (last december), to today, most things i've done, said, thought and even dreamed of where extremely familiar, even when i try to "take a diferent path" i find myself where i've already been. It's exhausting. I miss the feeling of wonder in life, of not knowing this has happened to me before. I'm 25 years old and feel like i've lived 1000 years.

I paid special attention to those of you who said you reached a sort of "event horizon" on a near death experience, guess i'm still getting there, i've probably died many times from being unprepared or unwilling to know what's beyond that.

I want to be ready this time. I want to know what the rest of my life looks like and live it like a new experience.

I hope someone gets this and replies, i'm loking for a friend, a mentor, a travelling companion, someone who gets it and feels the same way. I'm really tired of feeling alone in this journey.

Much love to you all.
 
So It's weird because I was just randomly reading this thread, and while I was reading it, something clicked.

About ten years ago I was living with a co-worker, renting out a room of his. He was out of town one week and I decided to take a large dose of mushrooms.
I felt like I had crossed over into the "spirit world" and could somehow telepathically communicate with dead people. They seemed like people I knew somehow...or that maybe "they", were me. It is really hard to describe.
At that point, the air conditioning went out. A overhead some of my friends in the other room saying "man! It's hot in here! we have to get out of here!"

And upon hearing that, all I could think of/feel is "FIRE! We have to get out of here! We're all burning!"
and that sense of panic led to what was the worst, scariest trip of my life.

The next day I was extremely shaken up, THe AC didn't work during mid summer and my room mate didn't have any plans to fix the AC until he got back from vacation. I just got a really strong feeling like "Something is wrong with this place. I can't be here anymore.". I ended up moving into an apartment that same day.
Honestly that trip had me so shaken, that it was my last bigger dose of a psychedelic I took for over a decade(to present day) and I even quit all recreational drugs for a few months.

About a year later I had moved to another state and while catching up with another old co-worker, he said "hey, did you hear about that house you were living in? Yeah it burnt to the ground a few months ago. Pet's in the house all died. Even all the fish in the aquarium in your old room. Apparently that's where the hottest part of the fire was".

I remember thinking that it was crazy and I was lucky I moved...but I never made the connection that my decision to leave seemed to be strongly fueled by mushrooms and a trip I had the night before, where I felt like the house was on fire.

I never made the connection until now that it could have somehow been a warning.
 
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