Feeling Lost

[greenbean]

Lately my experiences have just been a chaotic sensation of feeling lost. I'm not sure how well I can put this into words but I will try. My last 3 experiences I feel detached but there are no beautiful visuals, no fractals, no tunnels to another dimension. I just feel like I'm losing my mind. Like my mind is struggling to reconnect to reality. There is a sense of panic but I know it will end. I'm left feeling a bit shaken thinking I don't want to do that again and questioning why I'm doing it in the first place. But then I find myself wanting to see if there is anything more. I'm not sure if this is just a case of the dose being too low so my ego can't let go? I've never broken through, I've had some visuals but nothing really to write about. Nothing spectacular like some of the reports I've read. Never any entities or voices. Anyway, I'm not sure if this means anything. I'm trying to step back and integrate whatever I can from the experience. I waited 9 days between my last attempt. Maybe that wasn't long enough? I feel like there is more to be gained from these experiences, like a beautiful experience is on the horizon but I just can't get there. I welcome any advice on moving forward from here.

On a side note, I recently quit smoking cannabis and may be changing jobs soon. Possibly some related stress? Also I almost never dream. I have a sleep tracker (Oura ring) and my REM is nearly nonexistent. I wonder if this is why I have so much trouble with visuals?

 

[Asher7]

Sounds like your experiences are mirroring mine almost exactly.

How old is the spice you’re using? Random curiosity.

One thing I have learned is don’t mistake profound realizations as requiring some grand display or intensely charged impossible to miss explosion. Most of my ah ha! moments have been in the following days looking back and thinking over what happened. Little subtle things that I didnt notice until I connected 2-3 seemingly random dots later on.

I don’t know what you should do but I’m probably going to make a point to have much quiet time, alone. Get a hot shower, stretch out and lay down some blankets to kneel on and sit absolutely still, absolutely quiet and I’m just going to go “invisible” and let the thoughts come to me and become apparent. I think I’m overlooking something that isn’t properly stowed away.

 

[Johnsonptd]

Tell us more about environment, emotions felt prior to experience aside from job change, motives or intentions for use, people around. I get the same way sometimes, more so when I’m doing it alone. At times I ask myself why I feel a certain way, and maybe things are a little clearer to me when I sense I get a response from the body or mind.

Breath is important, paying attention to your breathing without trying to control it. Focusing attention to the heart beating, knowing that you are being breathed and kept alive without having to do anything in this moment. Thoughts and feelings aren’t facts. They are like clouds in the sky, our awareness the sky, allowing those thoughts and feelings to pass, instead of identifying with them and believing that is what I am - sad, hurt, angry, happy. I am not what I feel, I am the spacial awareness that allows it to be. I’m quoting stuff from a random meditation cd I made once, it helps me let go of stuff

 

[greenbean]

Sounds like your experiences are mirroring mine almost exactly.

How old is the spice you’re using? Random curiosity.

One thing I have learned is don’t mistake profound realizations as requiring some grand display or intensely charged impossible to miss explosion. Most of my ah ha! moments have been in the following days looking back and thinking over what happened. Little subtle things that I didnt notice until I connected 2-3 seemingly random dots later on.

I don’t know what you should do but I’m probably going to make a point to have much quiet time, alone. Get a hot shower, stretch out and lay down some blankets to kneel on and sit absolutely still, absolutely quiet and I’m just going to go “invisible” and let the thoughts come to me and become apparent. I think I’m overlooking something that isn’t properly stowed away.

The spice isn't very old. 4 weeks maybe. Do you find the effects differ depending on the source of extraction and age of spice?

 

[greenbean]

Tell us more about environment, emotions felt prior to experience aside from job change, motives or intentions for use, people around. I get the same way sometimes, more so when I’m doing it alone. At times I ask myself why I feel a certain way, and maybe things are a little clearer to me when I sense I get a response from the body or mind.

Breath is important, paying attention to your breathing without trying to control it. Focusing attention to the heart beating, knowing that you are being breathed and kept alive without having to do anything in this moment. Thoughts and feelings aren’t facts. They are like clouds in the sky, our awareness the sky, allowing those thoughts and feelings to pass, instead of identifying with them and believing that is what I am - sad, hurt, angry, happy. I am not what I feel, I am the spacial awareness that allows it to be. I’m quoting stuff from a random meditation cd I made once, it helps me let go of stuff

Lately just in my room, alone in my bed with a blanket and lights turned low. I've felt anxious/nervous the last couple times due to the nature of the trips. I feel I'm not getting much visuals and more just feelings. Unless I'm just forgetting the visuals or they are just short lived. I've only ever done this alone so I'm not sure if company would change things.

I'm not sure why I feel lost. I guess I have some fear of the unknown, what's going to happen now when I take the hit(s). I think my mind doesn't like not being in control. I'm not a very emotional person. I was a shy kid and I think I learned at a young age to not show much emotion because I didn't like to be noticed. Maybe this is part of why I'm so attached to control. I'm able to brush most things off easily. I don't let things get to me. I guess it helps not letting a bad trip keep me from trying again. If this is my hang up, how can I let go of this?

Thanks for your insight.

 

[Asher7]

I hear reports of people pulling spice out of long storage (no light, moisture or air) and it being fine so it seems age (year or two maybe?) is fine I guess. I was just asking to take notes and see if I ever notice a pattern.

I moved a lot as a kid so the way you describe yourself and how you handle situations also mirrors mine. I tend to prefer staying “invisible” and even then it takes awhile for me to speak freely. Maybe we’re on some similar wavelength in our approach and results.

Part of me is saying just dive in but the rational me knows that could be terrible.