Infectedlsd said:
Hey there. Whatsup E-G. You may say that you don't relate to my motivations but we obviously share the same feelings about most people. You're quotes prove that we share some feelings.
To be honest, my avoidance of social experience has gotten more extreme. But that's not what I came here to talk about. I'm talking about smaller situations. Like waiting with a stranger on the bus.. I just think I need some attitude change here.
The biggest problem I face is
I kinda dread going to school because I tend to fear that people will not like to be around me. And I don't blame them. It's not fun for me either when I'm feeling stressed out. Then I feel stressed out about being stressed out y'know.
But I just don't know what to do with most people. How to talk to them. What to talk to them about. I'd introduce them to psychedelics but that's hardly a conversation to have with a stranger.
I've accepted that I may very well be on a lonely road. And that's fine by me. But I really need some social lubricant to comfort social conventions where you're forced to interact with people. Cause I know Ill have to face them.
I'm kind of in awe and in jealousy for people who seem to be able to talk to each other like there's no end to it. While I'm avoiding talking to most people until I can get out of this place and live a quiet life.
Eh
I've never considered if people wanted to be around me or not, because the fact of the matter is that I would rather not be around them, I can easily talk with others and be quite social, specially with strangers, I just honestly don't like to do so,
I actually have go out of my way to keep people from talking with me, and they never leave me alone.
I always have head-phones in with loud music playing, with a notebook on my lap and a research book open at my side, I make it quite a hassle for people to get my attention, they have to actually tap me on the shoulder, interrupt me from my notebook work, and then directly present whatever it was that was so important that they had to get my attention in such a way. I constantly maintain the body language that I want to get back back to my work and don't have time to be bothered...and people still bother me! strangers even, they will go that far out of their way just for some senseless small talk, and the thing is, I'm not polite, I'm often quite grumpy. if someone insists on having a conversation I instantly go into technical organic chemistry, full of long chemical names and technical procedures, I try to make it a nightmare to listen to, this causes people to "tune-out", resulting in them losing interest and trying to exit the social interaction as fast as possible...
The problem is, when you make it obvious that you want to be alone, it triggers something in people psychologically which makes them follow you and try to get your attention, there are a good deal of people who have enough free time to follow me around and try to get my attention on a constant basis, and I'm constantly ignoring them.
Most people are impossible to relate with, while my interests involve tryptamine research, organic chemistry, entheogens, history, philosophy, etc... theirs involve sports television and cable sitcoms, sports-cars and buying the newest set of trend fashion, I could keep going on but you get the idea, it's hard to want to be around people who whole-heartedly buy into a culture that I want nothing to do with...
You figure these people would not want to be around me, and would just leave me alone, but that is not the case by any means,
I must to to great lengths to get people to leave me alone, and to mind their own business and let me go about my day in peace.
This is why I don't think our situations relate, because you seem like a shy person with reasonable social anxieties, and I'm actually quite grumpy and assertive when it comes to these things, I have no issue simply moving as far away as possible from people I don't want to be around, and if they follow me, which they always do, I have no issues being vocal about my perceived intrusion of space, and make I it quite clear that I wish to be left to my business.
If for company you cannot find a wise and prudent friend who leads a good life, then, like a king who leaves behind a conquered kingdom, or like a lone elephant in the elephant forest, you should go your way alone.
Better it is to live alone; there is no fellowship with a fool. Live alone and do no evil; be carefree like an elephant in the elephant forest.
fakebuddhaquotes.com
It's better to be alone than to be around liars, or thrives, or those who will use you or victimize you, it's better to be alone than to keep the company of sick people like child molesters or rapists, it's better to be alone than it is to be with people who will constantly bring trouble and negative situations into your life, it's better to be alone than to keep the company of fools, and on and on...
"it is no measure of good health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society" - I can't remember the name of the person from which this quote originated and I apologize.
My advice is learn to become comfortable with yourself, don't concern yourself about others or what they may or may not be thinking about you, when you are comfortable with yourself interacting with others should come naturally.
There's nothing to be worrisome or anxious about, and I think the yoga, healthy diet and healthy lifestyle are great ideas, as for the drugs, not so much, I don't know what GH is, but if you can do it without that stuff than why bother? Well, if your doctor tells you it's a good idea listen to your doctor, if you have not talked to a doctor I would before trying hormones and "GH"...I'm sure there's better ways than hormones.
Try meditation, Buddhist philosophy is great, it opens one's eyes to the sources of suffering and offers simple and effective means for absolving it...
Healthy Diet and sleep, combined with a moral and positive lifestyle, can also do wonders or you, also be sure to only keep the company of good hearted people leading positive life's who will help further you in life and influence you in a positive way. When you have amazing people like this around you, strangers and other people, and caring what they think about you in general becomes irrelevant.
-eg