mediolitro
Esteemed member
First (3) Impressions: Holy shit
I finally got the opportunity to extract in my dorm last week, total yield was 1.7% which I was very happy about, especially since it was my first time. I hadn’t really considered when I’d dose and how far I’d go. Thought I’d be a little more anxious but I was actually pretty excited, so as I went about my day I cleared my mind, set intentions, took a mental inventory and all that jazz.
Test run
I loaded 20 into my oil burner-bubbler, took two hits and laid back. First thing that struck me was the feeling. It is, as you all likely know, very hard to describe. It felt like other psychedelics, but it differed in its ‘purity’ for lack of a better word. Every other trip I had seemed like distorted versions of whatever this sensation was. Though my mind felt like I was on 2.5 grams of good mushrooms, my vision and hearing was barely altered at all. I closed my eyes to feel a female entity making passive aggressive remarks towards me, and continued for a little before she realized she wasn’t getting to me. Then another, more timid female figure appeared, and they started chatting. I was part of the conversation, but I wasn’t saying anything, nor were they expecting me to. They were only talking to each other, but they were talking to each other so I could hear what they were saying if anyone can relate to that. Of course it was far more abstract than this, but that’s the best way I can describe it. Afterwards I felt very energized, it was a beautiful day and I didn’t feel the desire to do any more, it wasn’t the time.
Sesh with friend
I finished the only final I had to worry about and felt confident about how I did, so after sunset me and my roommate put on some music and tried taking some small doses. The last dose I took brought me somewhere else, but that place was a sphere right inside my head. It was tesselated by very vivid triangular fractals with human figures in the middle. I understood the ‘familiarity’ and ‘coming home’ feelings everyone reports, was thinking "Oh shit, yeah, this place". After the initial shock subsided I had this epiphany(which sadly hasn’t quite sunk in yet) that I know the answer to all my problems, and 99% of the time that answer is doing. Doing whatever, just do. Easier said than done I know. A thought that ‘tainted’ the experience was “How am I gonna tell people about this?". I found myself not really focusing on my surroundings and instead focusing on how I’d illustrate them to others, which got me thinking about why I felt the need to do that at all, and what hole in my soul I was trying to fill by doing so. The whole time I recall this building warmth in my heart, but it differed from other psychedelics in its intensity. It was more like a raging campfire than a hot glow, and I realized that I’m just a big fire that exists to burn, and giving myself lots of clean fuel had to be my top priority (I have an eating disorder from childhood trauma, which is why that visualization was so important to me). After all that, my friend and I discussed how insane this shit is, and we couldn’t believe it had virtually no tolerance and no consequences from long-term use, other than becoming a hippie of course. I don’t wanna become a hippie.
Getting humbled
Fast forward to the next night which was a saturday. Went on a date that went quite well, was very introspective the whole day and felt like I was at a pivot point in my life. I had drank a good amount in the afternoon, and despite not wanting to do any the whole day, while sitting in the quiet living room at 11pm I felt the urge to go back. I had the feeling I hadn’t seen what I wanted to yet, and I wouldn’t put it down till I did, so I put 40 in the pipe and meditated a bit before lighting up. Keep in mind my technique is pretty bad so I probably burnt a good amount of it. I took my first hit, felt my field of vision expand as I held it in, exhaled, second hit, held, exhaled, heard the ringing, didn’t have enough confidence to handle the hot pipe at that point so I decided to set it down to enjoy the trip. It was a very powerful, loving, introspective and eye-opening experience, but I only know that based on the way I felt after, as I don’t remember anything from that trip for reasons I’ll get to in a bit. I think it lasted 20 minutes before all the visuals went away, and I spent some time contemplating everything with an optimistic outlook on life. Truly felt as though I found the next most important tool in my self improvement journey and was quite tranquil and reverent.
After maybe 10 minutes of pondering I looked at the pipe and realized it had some left, thought I might as well kill it. I was expecting a lower intensity trip since I had just blasted off, but this time I lit the bowl perfectly and saw a lot of vapor forming. It was pretty shocking when it first hit my lungs, but I really felt like if I didn't finish what I started I'd be disrespecting whatever realm I was about to enter. Inhaled for 15 seconds, held for another 15, exhaled, and holy shit. Everything shattered into fractals and I felt reality(me, consciousness, god, everything, nothing, whatever it was) point at me with an open mouth, what us zoomers refer to as a ‘soyface’. It wasn’t mocking, it was like “oh shit, he did it, he’s finally going to the place, he really thought he was gonna have a chill night lol”. ‘It’s’ mood was very jovial and supportive, but it respected me enough not to hold back, and transformed into this infinity-space with really sharp angles that fully engulfed me. I wasn’t ready for the whole thing yet, so I zoomed into a bismuth-like section of the fractal which resembled an infinitely-deep MC Escher painting. Where I was in space mirrored where I was in my mind. I was just blown away, trying to figure out anything I possibly could, but the moment I grasped one thing it was another, and that feeling of never being able to know anything felt like tumbling down stairs in a loop insanely fast. It felt like I was orbiting whatever I was trying to figure out, falling towards it but moving so fast I never got any closer. It was a little unpleasant at first, but I luckily could still comprehend that this experience was temporary, and after calming myself I started to enjoy the chaos. As I let myself accelerate the loop blended and became a uniform noise in which I was able to think. I thought about how pointless depression is, what I wanted my path to be, periods of my life that still haunt me, things I lost, things I have; I thought about a lot, but eventually I slowly drifted back to earth totally stunned.
There's so much more I can try to put into words, but this post is already quite long and there are only so many ways to say ‘what the living fuck’. I had 1.5g mushroom visuals for maybe 30 minutes after coming home. As soon as I could I shuffled to the shower and turned it on pretty hot. Looking in the mirror wasn’t stressful at all, I didn’t seem distorted compared to my environment, but I realized how emaciated I was which led me to take the lessons of the trip the day prior closer to heart. As I was in the shower I thought again about how the fuck I was gonna tell my friends where I just went, and again pondered why I wanted to do that, so I made it a point to close my eyes and clear my mind. Stayed there till my vision was back to normal, had a smoke, pondered, wrote and went to bed. Woke up the next day at 10am to run into the ocean with this funny crunchy rich kid and his friends which was a great time. Still a little in awe, definitely gonna be a while before I return.
The following is an abridged version of the integration notes I took that night. Minor cringe warning:
I’m very grateful that I got humbled in such a kind way, but I can tell it’s gonna take a lot of spiritual rigor before I can really take anything important back to Earth, and even more before I can go any deeper safely. I don’t think that experience changed my life, but I KNOW that it’s the beginning of the journey that will. The most baffling thing to me now, even more than the power of my consciousness to create whatever that was, is the power of my ignorance to forget it. I still find myself being lazy, falling into habits I’d rather shed, thinking thoughts I know are unhealthy, avoiding risks that aren’t all that risky, doing all those dumb things us flawed meat sacks love to do. If I truly remembered that infinite feeling of love towards existence I felt then I’d never tolerate all that, but boy are we good at forgetting. I have so much work to do.
Yeah so that’s it, overall I feel really great, been dealing with a lot of shit in my life recently but I can tell this ebb’s close to flowing. Feeling very grateful towards things, eating more, getting the shit I don’t want to do done. I see now that I have a lot of work to do, and I’ve never been more excited to do it. If you got this far thank you, this is my first real trip report so it means a lot. Safe travels all
Edit: Paragraphs
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It's a typo - should read "P.S."