dreaminggiraffe
Rising Star
I’m just beginning my exploration with DMT, and I have no prior experience with psychedelics. I’d like to give a brief overview of my first experiences in hope that someone might be able to offer suggestions or just relate with me.
I used a vaporizing technique shown in a YouTube video by the user GordoTEK.. it’s basically a glass bottle with a large hole cut in the bottom and a small hole cut in the side. The bottom hole is covered with aluminum foil containing the spice and secured with rubber bands; the other hole is plugged with a foam ear plug which is removed to allow air flow, and you inhale through the mouth of the bottle.
1st trip (30mg): I inhaled all of the vapor no problem and held it as long as I could, and I don’t remember when I released it. I immediately closed my eyes and leaned back. I instantly began seeing geometric patterns and I had a feeling that there was a female presence. The presence intimidated me a little but wasn’t scary. At first I started to hear a high pitch ringing sound but that dissipated. The trip lasted about 5 minutes and involved me seeing lots of shapes and patterns while being somewhat guided or surrounded by a female presence that I never saw directly. The whole time I was still aware of my body and I was able to rationalize what I was seeing by the fact that I had ingested a substance. At one point I felt a very warm feeling over my chest and then later a cool feeling like air blowing on me. I came out of it gently and opened my eyes to see everything around me “breathing” with a slight geometric glow/hazy look to it. I felt a little disappointed that I didn’t break through.. or at least not in the way that I expected; however, I still enjoyed the experience and was blown away by the visuals.
2nd trip (4 days later @ 40mg): I increased the dose in hopes of achieving a break through, but I had pretty much the exact same experience as the first time. Geometric shapes, female presence.. there were only slight differences.
3rd trip (same night @ 50mg): I did it again as soon as I came down from my 2nd trip and increased my dose by another 10mg to try and have a breakthrough. This time I think I remember hearing some high pitch sounds and maybe feeling a little vibration though I don’t remember it very well, but I suppose I got nauseous.. maybe from such an intense onset. I have no memory of actually feeling nauseous but I do remember retching like I was going to throw up and my trip sitter was holding a garbage can in front of me. This retching apparently caused me to open my eyes and they remained open for the rest of my trip which was very unpleasant. I got stuck in some sort of loop. It wasn’t the exact same thing repeating over and over, but it still had a feeling and repetitiveness and being stuck. I really can’t remember too many details of what I saw although I think that I saw some patterns/shapes. My memory focuses on what I felt. I felt a warm sensation on the left side of my chest, and I looked down to see that I had thrown up on myself and I could feel the warmth of the liquid soaking into my shirt. I also saw it splattered in front of me on my shirt, and I even touched it and rubbed it between my fingers, and it felt slimy. I know, gross. I said “oh no” out loud when I realized I had thrown up all over myself, and I felt disgusted and felt like I was going to panic. I was able to remain uncomfortably calm. I kept reminding myself that it would all be over soon and I could clean up and get back to normal. My sitter was telling me things like “everything is okay” and “you’re doing perfect”. When I heard these things they sounded twisted and creepy but I didn’t focus on how it sounded; I just focused on the meaning of those words and it helped. I let out a loud sigh of relief, and then as soon as I would feel this relief then I would spiral into discomfort again and I’d hear the reassuring words and then sigh in relief and then get sucked back into discomfort all over again. It was like those positive words were mocking me and had a sinister tone because everything was in fact not okay. I felt like I had been stuck in this situation many times before and I should have known this was going to happen. At one point my sitter held my hand and if I looked at their hand it began to transform by getting thicker and growing extra fingers, so I just looked away and enjoyed the comfort of it without looking at it. I didn’t dare looking at my sitter’s face out of fear for what it might look like. This cycle felt like my reality and like it had happened before and would happen again if I ever managed to get out of it this time. It was where I was meant to end up. Every time I was sure that I was coming out of it and it was wearing off it would start back up. When I finally did actually come out of it, I looked down and the vomit that I had seen and touched so clearly was gone. I DIDN’T THROW UP. I was so shocked and confused! I kept touching and rubbing my shirt and the space next to me where my vomit had been to reassure me that it wasn’t there. This experience wasn’t terrible, but it was certainly unpleasant.
4th trip (another 4 days later @25mg): I went into this experience still hoping to achieve a breakthrough experience, and I was originally planning to do 45mg, but after my last experience that made me a little nervous and I decided to try a lower dose in hopes that maybe I’d be able to hold it in longer and get my breakthrough that way. The experience that I had was the same as my first and second trips. Female presence and patterns/shapes with a warm sensation throughout my body especially in my chest. I will admit that this time I don’t remember hardly any of it because I think I passed it off as like “been here, done this” and I was kind of over it. I wanted more, but I didn’t get it.
At this point I’m unsure of what to do next. I feel like I’m just going to continue having this same experience. My trip sitter and I alternate tripping and sitting one another. He followed the exact same technique as I did and used doses of either 25mg or 30mg each time. Each time he had very different experiences that all seemed to be breakthroughs based on his descriptions. He ended up in cyberspace and interacted with entities. Meanwhile I just continue to have the same sub breakthrough experience with patterns. It’s beautiful and fascinating, but I can’t help but feel like I’m missing out on experiencing so much more.
Should I just keep trying what I’m doing? Maybe there’s something I need to learn from this experience and that’s why I keep having it, but when I’m mostly just seeing patterns it’s hard to decipher a meaning. I do have harmalas that I could use sublingually, but I know that that extends the length of the trip and I don’t know if I’m ready for that yet. I like knowing that it will only last 5-10 minutes.
Another question is.. are sub breakthrough experiences usually the same? Is that typical?? Maybe the lead up is supposed to be the same each time and the breakthrough experiences are what changes each time for the most part.
I know this was long, but if you read all of it I appreciate it and look forward to getting some feedback. Thanks!
I used a vaporizing technique shown in a YouTube video by the user GordoTEK.. it’s basically a glass bottle with a large hole cut in the bottom and a small hole cut in the side. The bottom hole is covered with aluminum foil containing the spice and secured with rubber bands; the other hole is plugged with a foam ear plug which is removed to allow air flow, and you inhale through the mouth of the bottle.
1st trip (30mg): I inhaled all of the vapor no problem and held it as long as I could, and I don’t remember when I released it. I immediately closed my eyes and leaned back. I instantly began seeing geometric patterns and I had a feeling that there was a female presence. The presence intimidated me a little but wasn’t scary. At first I started to hear a high pitch ringing sound but that dissipated. The trip lasted about 5 minutes and involved me seeing lots of shapes and patterns while being somewhat guided or surrounded by a female presence that I never saw directly. The whole time I was still aware of my body and I was able to rationalize what I was seeing by the fact that I had ingested a substance. At one point I felt a very warm feeling over my chest and then later a cool feeling like air blowing on me. I came out of it gently and opened my eyes to see everything around me “breathing” with a slight geometric glow/hazy look to it. I felt a little disappointed that I didn’t break through.. or at least not in the way that I expected; however, I still enjoyed the experience and was blown away by the visuals.
2nd trip (4 days later @ 40mg): I increased the dose in hopes of achieving a break through, but I had pretty much the exact same experience as the first time. Geometric shapes, female presence.. there were only slight differences.
3rd trip (same night @ 50mg): I did it again as soon as I came down from my 2nd trip and increased my dose by another 10mg to try and have a breakthrough. This time I think I remember hearing some high pitch sounds and maybe feeling a little vibration though I don’t remember it very well, but I suppose I got nauseous.. maybe from such an intense onset. I have no memory of actually feeling nauseous but I do remember retching like I was going to throw up and my trip sitter was holding a garbage can in front of me. This retching apparently caused me to open my eyes and they remained open for the rest of my trip which was very unpleasant. I got stuck in some sort of loop. It wasn’t the exact same thing repeating over and over, but it still had a feeling and repetitiveness and being stuck. I really can’t remember too many details of what I saw although I think that I saw some patterns/shapes. My memory focuses on what I felt. I felt a warm sensation on the left side of my chest, and I looked down to see that I had thrown up on myself and I could feel the warmth of the liquid soaking into my shirt. I also saw it splattered in front of me on my shirt, and I even touched it and rubbed it between my fingers, and it felt slimy. I know, gross. I said “oh no” out loud when I realized I had thrown up all over myself, and I felt disgusted and felt like I was going to panic. I was able to remain uncomfortably calm. I kept reminding myself that it would all be over soon and I could clean up and get back to normal. My sitter was telling me things like “everything is okay” and “you’re doing perfect”. When I heard these things they sounded twisted and creepy but I didn’t focus on how it sounded; I just focused on the meaning of those words and it helped. I let out a loud sigh of relief, and then as soon as I would feel this relief then I would spiral into discomfort again and I’d hear the reassuring words and then sigh in relief and then get sucked back into discomfort all over again. It was like those positive words were mocking me and had a sinister tone because everything was in fact not okay. I felt like I had been stuck in this situation many times before and I should have known this was going to happen. At one point my sitter held my hand and if I looked at their hand it began to transform by getting thicker and growing extra fingers, so I just looked away and enjoyed the comfort of it without looking at it. I didn’t dare looking at my sitter’s face out of fear for what it might look like. This cycle felt like my reality and like it had happened before and would happen again if I ever managed to get out of it this time. It was where I was meant to end up. Every time I was sure that I was coming out of it and it was wearing off it would start back up. When I finally did actually come out of it, I looked down and the vomit that I had seen and touched so clearly was gone. I DIDN’T THROW UP. I was so shocked and confused! I kept touching and rubbing my shirt and the space next to me where my vomit had been to reassure me that it wasn’t there. This experience wasn’t terrible, but it was certainly unpleasant.
4th trip (another 4 days later @25mg): I went into this experience still hoping to achieve a breakthrough experience, and I was originally planning to do 45mg, but after my last experience that made me a little nervous and I decided to try a lower dose in hopes that maybe I’d be able to hold it in longer and get my breakthrough that way. The experience that I had was the same as my first and second trips. Female presence and patterns/shapes with a warm sensation throughout my body especially in my chest. I will admit that this time I don’t remember hardly any of it because I think I passed it off as like “been here, done this” and I was kind of over it. I wanted more, but I didn’t get it.
At this point I’m unsure of what to do next. I feel like I’m just going to continue having this same experience. My trip sitter and I alternate tripping and sitting one another. He followed the exact same technique as I did and used doses of either 25mg or 30mg each time. Each time he had very different experiences that all seemed to be breakthroughs based on his descriptions. He ended up in cyberspace and interacted with entities. Meanwhile I just continue to have the same sub breakthrough experience with patterns. It’s beautiful and fascinating, but I can’t help but feel like I’m missing out on experiencing so much more.
Should I just keep trying what I’m doing? Maybe there’s something I need to learn from this experience and that’s why I keep having it, but when I’m mostly just seeing patterns it’s hard to decipher a meaning. I do have harmalas that I could use sublingually, but I know that that extends the length of the trip and I don’t know if I’m ready for that yet. I like knowing that it will only last 5-10 minutes.
Another question is.. are sub breakthrough experiences usually the same? Is that typical?? Maybe the lead up is supposed to be the same each time and the breakthrough experiences are what changes each time for the most part.
I know this was long, but if you read all of it I appreciate it and look forward to getting some feedback. Thanks!
